Not Going Home

Today is my 17th day of being hospitalized since May 30. I honestly had no clue this might happen. I had no knowledge that sometimes women are hospitalized for weeks or months at a time due to pregnancy complications. Yesterday they brought me back to the same room I was in for 30 minutes on Friday evening. The room has a nice view (although of course not nearly as grand as the "penthouse suite" I was in the first time I was on this floor), and I learned that there is a way to turn off the night light that annoyed me during my 3rd stay on this floor. I've now spent at least one night in 10 different hospital rooms - 1 at our local hospital, 5 on the 8th floor, and 4 on the 9th floor.

They bring meals earlier on the 9th floor, which is a definite perk over the 8th floor. My breakfast was served at 8:15am (compared to 10:50am yesterday), and my lunch was served at noon (compared to 12:50pm yesterday), and they have been bringing me what I requested. YAY! The nurse on the 8th floor figured out yesterday what had been happening. They had been giving my tray to the woman in L&D room 4, which is the room I started out in this time around, but after the bleeding episode on Friday night I was moved to room 3. The nurse said the woman was surprised because she had been told she couldn't eat (because she was in labor), and she really enjoyed my breakfast. You think they'd be careful about checking to make sure the name on the tray matches the patient's name. What if that person had a food allergy or was diabetic or something? Similarly, when I was here for the fetal blood transfusion, they tried to bring me breakfast AND lunch even though I knew I wasn't allowed to eat after 4am that day. I told them I wasn't allowed to eat, even though I was starving and really wanted those trays of food! Anyhow I'm grateful that I've now had 4 meals in a row in which I received the right tray of food.

I definitely slept better last night than I had on the L&D floor as they don't come in your room during the night as often. They woke me up at 11pm for vitals and at midnight for my dose of Procardia. I was awake when they came at 6am for the next dose. The vitals are definitely more complicated when I'm on Procardia because they have to take my blood pressure a bunch of times to get it to a number that doesn't scare them. They have me try all different positions to see if the number will go up. One downside of this floor though is that it's lonelier. I got to know the nurses a lot better on the 8th floor because we had much more contact and would chat more. Maybe in part it's because today is my 5th day in a row of being hospitalized, but I'm feeling a bit stir crazy today. I'm trying to pace myself with the books Paul brought me. Yesterday I told myself to only read one book, and that's what I did. But by noon today I had already finished the book I started this morning. I'm pretty sure I will finish another book today, but I can't keep at a two book a day pace because I have only five more books to read, and if they don't discharge me, I won't get any more books until Saturday or Sunday. If I find out they're keeping me here until the baby is born, I'm asking Paul to bring me a radio as I think having some music playing would help me feel a little less lonely. With two little kids at home I am not at all used to being in a quiet room all day long.

I had an ultrasound this afternoon, and for the first time since the transfusion (13 days ago), Oliver was back in the mild anemia category. His number really jumped up a LOT over the past 4 days. Actually his number today was what it was 2 weeks ago when they said he needed a transfusion, but the number is expected to go higher throughout the pregnancy so although 50 was "moderate/severe" two weeks ago, it was only "mild" today. My next ultrasound will be on Wednesday. Seeing Oliver's cute little face on the ultrasound helped remind me of why I am here. It is incredibly hard for me to be separated from Nadia and Ian this much, and it's hard on them as well, which breaks my heart. I know in the grand scheme of life this is not a big deal, but at the moment it's difficult. The pictures in this post are from June 17th. Paul grabbed the camera and snapped a few pictures when he noticed Nadia was looking at one of my magazines while eating her breakfast. The apple doesn't fall from the tree, lol! I guess she's going to be a multitasker like her Mommy.

I wrote the above part of the post earlier today. The doctor just did her rounds and told me I'm not leaving the hospital until I deliver. I am totally overwhelmed. Please pray for me. I'm in tears. I asked her what's the longest they'll have me go, and she said 36 weeks. She said it could be sooner if I keep bleeding or if Oliver needs a transfusion past 32 weeks, then they'll just deliver him rather than doing another transfusion. She said they were already leaning towards keeping me here and that the bleeding episode on Friday sealed that decision. That means I could possibly be here for 8 1/2 MORE weeks. I am not sure how I am going to bear seeing my kids for a couple of hours a week for 2 months. I miss them so much already.

He has a name!

The little boy kicking inside me has a name! His first name is Oliver, which is the third boy name Paul had suggested this pregnancy (not counting the two boy names he likes that I had rejected when I was carrying Ian). It's not a name I would have come up with, but I like it much better than the other ones. Aside from wanting to like the name, my other criteria are that it can't be too popular, and I also care about the meaning of the name. Oliver has been gaining in popularity over the past 11 years - from #305 in 2000 to #78 in 2011. However #78 is not "too" popular in my opinion. Of all the names we've selected, the one that is the most popular is Alexander, but since it's Ian's middle name, it doesn't bother me that it's a very popular name. The only "strike" against the name Oliver in my mind is that some people might try to call him "Ollie," and as much as I love to buy books at Ollie's (a discount store), I'm not keen on that nickname for our son. Part of the reason we picked Nadia and Ian were that those names don't lend themselves to a nickname. We're not totally opposed to nicknames. If this baby was a girl, she would have been called Deborah, and we were okay with the nicknames Deb or Debbie. Neither of us like "Ollie" though so hopefully that won't be an issue. At first I wasn't keen on the meaning of Oliver because the first few sites I looked at listed the meaning as olive or olive tree. However I did a little more digging and found that the Norse meaning is "affectionate" and the English meaning is "peaceful." I can see the connection between an olive tree and peace/peaceful. One other meaning of Oliver (my least favorite) is "elf army."

His middle name is Elliot. I came up with that name. Out of the six names we've picked (first and middle), two were my suggestions (Renee and Elliot) and the other four were Paul's suggestions. Elliot means "my God is the Lord," and I definitely like that meaning. Elliot is a form of Elijah. The other meanings listed for the name Elliot include "believes in God," "God on high," and "Jehovah is God." Elliot has also been gaining in popularity (from #468 in 2000 to #272 in 2011), but it's not an overly popular name (and the popularity of the middle name isn't really important to me). I think Oliver Elliot has a nice ring to it, and I think Oliver sounds nice when listed with Ian and Nadia. Agreeing on a name isn't easy for Paul and I as our tastes are very different; so I feel a huge sense of relief that our son has a name! Of the names we've picked, my favorite is definitely Nadia Renee, in part because Nadia means "hope" and Renee means "reborn," and considering the difficult journey we traveled to become parents, it was extremely appropriate.

Yesterday I wasn't surprised that they didn't bring me what I had ordered for breakfast because I figured my meal had been cancelled due to them not allowing me to eat or drink anything. However, I was surprised when my lunch tray wasn't what I had ordered. I told the hostess that I had filled out seven day's worth of menus on Thursday. They did track down my menu and bring me what I had asked for at dinner last night, which was a big relief. Yesterday I had filled out another menu for today in case they didn't find my menus. Even though I filled out two menus for today (turned in one on Thursday and another yesterday), I still wasn't given anything I asked for at breakfast.  When I mentioned it to the hostess at 9am, she took the tray back and said she'd fix it. At 10:50am I was given another breakfast tray, which had some of the things I had ordered, but the plate that contained a piece of french toast (which I ate) and a cheese omlette (which I did not eat) was totally cold. The plate was chilled as if it just came out of the refrigerator. I don't like feeling like a picky patient, but I asked the nurse to microwave the plate. This is so vexing. Hospital food isn't that great to begin with (in general - there are a few foods they serve here that are rather tasty); so it's really frustrating when I don't at least get to pick what I'm served (I've learned which things they make to avoid because they are inedible to me like the steak fries they served me yesterday). I am not sure why it's so complicated. I would think filling out the menu would do the trick. If I end up being in this hospital for several more weeks, I hope this meal situation improves. The nurse told me that they typically goof things up for patients in this ward, but that usually they do a better job for the women in the antepartum unit (9th floor). I am very grateful that there is a pantry. I might be living off of cereal three meals a day until Oliver is born!

At least they are letting me eat. It could be worse! I'm grateful that today I'll be allowed to take a shower. The only condition the doctor gave is that I must sit while I take my shower. Val (one of the nurses) was very kind in trying to get the blood off of me on Friday evening with warm towlettes, but still I'm really looking forward to the shower. I'm also going to be transferred upstairs, which means no more iv, and the fetal/contraction monitoring will go from 24 hours a day to 2 hours a day. This means it will be so much easier to go to the bathroom. Of course I'd rather deal with all these cords than go back to having to use a bedpan, but still it's complicated unplugging and plugging everything before and after I go to the bathroom. Hopefully my stay will be longer this time around. I shouldn't have trouble staying longer than I did on Friday night since I was only up there for 30 minutes that time, ha ha!

Paul and the kids were here for about 2.5 hours yesterday. It was great to see them although it was a bit tricky to keep them out of trouble in this hospital room. The nurse on duty at that time was great at tickling Nadia while she was hiding behind the privacy curtain. That nurse graduated in 2006 from the university where I've been teaching since 2004. Paul brought me more clothes, a DVD from Netflix, and 9 more library books.

30 Minutes

Yesterday at 1:35pm I finally asked the nurse if I could have a snack as lunch hadn't been served yet. She said the Labor and Delivery unit is the very last in the entire hospital to receive meals because usually only a couple of women in the unit are allowed to eat. At this hospital they move women up to the postpartum unit on the 9th floor after they've delivered. The hospital where I had Nadia and Ian didn't have a separate postpartum unit. The nurse graciously brought me a 4 oz yogurt and a bag of Sunchips. At 2pm lunch was finally delivered to this unit. I was glad I ate the snack because the salad was tasty but not enough to fill me up. Sheila showed me a picture of the cake on her phone and promised to bring me a piece, but I didn't see any other food until 6:15pm when I was transferred upstairs to the antepartum unit. There was a plate with two slices of pizza as well as a slice of cake. After I ate my dinner, I got up to go to the bathroom and as soon as I was standing up I realized I was bleeding all over the place. It wasn't quite as bad as it was on May 30, but it was the second worst. Even my TED stockings were bloody. I sat back in the bed and frantically tried to call for help. It was a scary moment for me because I could feel the blood gushing out of me. At 6:45pm they were wheeling me in my bed to the elevator so I could go back to the Labor and Delivery unit. My stay in the antepartum unit yesterday was only 30 minutes long. Those 30 minutes were in a different room than I had been in before, and when they brought me downstairs they were cleaning the room I had been in the past 36 hours so they put me in a different room. I am making the full tour!

Dr. Tressler arrived at 7:30pm and said that I wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink in case they had to do an emergency c-section during the night. He said he wouldn't deliver at 27w unless he was forced to. They started the iv, drew some bloodwork, and started me on Procardia because I was having some contractions. The Procardia really wiped me out (light headed, nauseous, headache, etc.) and my blood pressure was REALLY low all night (the top number was in the 70's/80's and the bottom number was in the 40's/50's). They had given me an acid reducer at 6:30pm (I knew the pizza would give me heartburn albeit I had skipped eating the chocolate cake), but I still had heartburn throughout the night so the nurse called the doctor at 1:30am and he told her I could have some Maalox (tasted gross but it worked) and he also cut my Procardia dosage in half since I had such a bad reaction to the first pill. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep because they were constantly fiddling with the fetal monitor, taking my temperature, etc. I also needed to use the bedpan rather frequently since they were pumping me with fluids by iv. They didn't want me to sit up so I learned how to pee in the horizontal position. I was wishing they had just given me a catheter. For some reason the doctor preferred the bedpan (the nurse had suggested a catheter when he first came to see me at 7:30). Originally, he had told them I'd be allowed to get up to go to the bathroom at 1:30am, but when she gave him the report of my bleeding, he said I still wasn't allowed to eat, drink, or leave the bed.

At 8:30am I asked the nurse if she would call him and ask if I could eat or drink something. I was hoping for a regular diet, but a popsicle and jello would have been better than nothing as my stomach had been growling for hours. They hadn't planned to contact him so I wouldn't have been able to eat or drink anything until he came in to do his rounds. It's 11:30, and he hasn't been in yet. I don't like to be a pest, but I also don't like fasting! She came back in my room a few minutes later with a breakfast tray. It wasn't what I had requested when I filled out the menus on Thursday, but it was FOOD! I was still hungry so I asked for more cereal, and they brought me more. I felt so much better. I'm hoping when he does his rounds that I get permission to go to the bathroom as I'm not keen on the bedpan, but I'll take a bedpan over fasting any day of the week!

Paul is bringing the kids today. I can't wait to see them although I'm already dreading sayiing goodbye. I didn't call them on the phone because every time I went to call them, I would start crying. I did talk to Paul a lot, but I haven't talked to the kids. It's going to be tricky with this strict bedrest and my three tethers (iv, fetal monitor, contraction monitor), but we'll find a way to make it work. Paul is bringing me some clothes. I only brought 2 pairs of shorts to Paul's parents on Wednesday night and I sabotaged one of them on Thursday morning and the other on Friday evening. I don't have any non-bloody bottoms at the moment.

Yesterday I asked Dr. Tressler what their philosophy is regarding repeating the steroid shots. I know they're only effective for 2 weeks, and I had them 3 weeks ago. I know some clinics repeat them and others do not. He said they used to repeat them weekly, but that now they do them at 24w and 28w. They were planning on repeating mine next week. One of the nurses mentioned yesterday I was going to have my diabetes test this morning. I told her I already passed the 3 hour test with the OB. She said they might want to repeat it. Ugh. I hope if they repeat it, it's just the 1 hour variety. Obviously there was no mention of that test today in light of my hemmorhaging incident last night. I figure the best case scenario at this point is that I'll be discharged on Thursday. I'm praying to that end although last night's scare helped me understand a bit more why they are leaning towards not discharging me until he's born.

The doctor just came by, and he said they're keeping me on the Procardia and iv fluids for today. If all goes well with the bleeding and contractions, I'll be moved back to the antepartum unit tomorrow. I have permission to walk to the bathroom. Progress.

Shots and a Shower

For the last 5 weeks I've been allowed to take a brief shower every other day. There have been times I have gone longer than that between showers because of bleeding or the spinal headache. Today was the second time in six days I had a shower. I was about to get one yesterday morning, but then I discovered I was bleeding, and they wouldn't let me take one here at the hospital yesterday. This morning I was given permission to take a brief shower. I feel so much better when I feel clean and also have my own clothes on. I am not a fan of hospital gowns that expose your backside!

Yesterday's bloodwork revealed that the only antibodies I have are still K and Fya. I don't have any anti-D antibodies, which is a relief since 5 weeks ago the Rhogam shot was given one day later than recommended. Last night they gave me another Rhogam shot (my 7th one since 2005) and a P17 shot (my 9th one since May). They said that the bloodwork showed that our blood hadn't mixed (baby's and mine). I am not sure why that is significant.

Around 4pm when Dr. Taboada was doing her rounds yesterday, I received permission to eat something more than clear liquids. One nurse questioned that decision (because I hadn't totally stopped bleeding), but the doctor said she wasn't going to starve me, and they could deliver the baby that night if necessary even if I had eaten. I ate "lunch" at 4:30pm and dinner at 5:45pm. I also made sure to fill our menus for the next week, and they must have been turned in "on time" because I received what I had requested for breakfast this morning. I am learning not to take things like a shower or being able to eat for granted. I wish I was having dinner at our house tonight, as someone from church is bringing stuffed shells, salad, and garlic bread. YUM! Sheila (the hostess) told me that she'll bring me food from the 9th floor's luncheon and dinner today even if I am not transferred up there before those meals are served. She said we're having steak salad and cake for lunch and pizza (from a restaurant) for dinner.

I put in a request for a bunch of books at the library as I only have 2 more books left to read. Tomorrow morning Paul is going to the library and then to Paul's parents' house to get the kids en route to visiting me here in Harrisburg. It will be great to give and receive hugs and kisses. I miss them so much! Paul is also bringing me more clothes. I held my office hours online via Wimba last night. One student came on to chat with me about some questions he had about the course. I'm grateful I'm able to continue teaching my online courses from the hospital bed thanks to a laptop and wifi access at the hospital.

Hopsital Admission #6

Yesterday morning we watched our town's 4th of July parade. We brought the wheelchair in case we weren't able to get a close parking spot, but we were able to park at CVS, which meant I was able to sit in a lawn chair rather than a wheelchair. I still struggle with feeling self-conscious sitting in a wheelchair. The parade lasted about an hour. As was the case last year, the highlight for Nadia is all the candy she was able to pick up and put in her bag. She also liked the float featuring Jonah in the whale. There was a man in a costume sitting inside the whale, but by the time I turned on the camera I could only get a profile shot of the whale. Ian didn't pick up any candy, although he did enjoy a couple of lollipops. He enjoyed watching all the vehicles that went by - sports cars, trucks, motor cycles, tractors, etc. He especially loved the fire engines. Nadia was the one with the shorter attention span. Ian was very content to the end. Next year I want to take them to see fireworks for the first time. I love fireworks, and I haven't seen any for a few years as Paul isn't much into them and then I thought when Nadia was really little that the noise might scare her. If I wasn't on bedrest, I would take them tonight. Next summer I'll leave the little one at home with Paul and take Nadia and Ian to see fireworks for the first time. I hope they enjoy them as much as I do!

Paul drove the kids and I down to his parents' house yesterday afternoon. We arrived at their house around 5pm. Paul went back home, but the kids and I had dinner with his parents plus Shawn, Millie, and Al. After dinner everyone except for Pop Pop and I went swimming. Ian has gotten really brave and even will jump into the pool. He's come a LONG way as last year he was very scared to be in a pool that had more than 6 inches of water. The kids and I spent the night at their house so that Paul's dad could take me to a MFM appointment at 9am this morning. I had thw worst time getting Ian to sleep. Actually he would go to sleep easily, but every time I tried to extricate my hand from his hand, he would wake up. Finally I brought him into the bed where Nadia and I were supposed to sleep. Both children curled up so that they were partially on me and partially beside me. I knew there was no way I could sleep like that so once I felt they were both soundly asleep, I left them in that bed together and tried to sleep on the blow-up mattress intended for Ian.

I had a hard time sleeping on that mattress, and then Ian woke up sometime after 1am. So I ended up back in bed with Ian and Nadia. Nadia'sleep was interrupted a little, but she definitely slept far more than Ian or I did. It took Ian forever to fall back asleep. I waited as long as I could to get up to go to the bathroom as I knew it would wake Ian up, and when I went (6:30am) I discovered I was bleeding again. It was far more than the spotting I'd had off and on the past 4+ weeks, but it was also far less than the bleeding episode on May 30. It was enough though that I knew I needed to go to the hospital.

I called the MFM service, and they immediately patched me through to Dr. Martinez (usually I have to wait for them to call me back). I told him that he had said if I was bleeding I should go to the nearest hospital, but that I was at my in-laws house so it was 45 minutes to Geisinger or 60 minutes to Harrisburg. He said in that case I should come to L&D at Harrisburg. I changed into some non bloody clothes, poured a bowl of cereal to eat in the car, and we were off. I am ever so glad I ate that cereal, but I wish I had eaten even more as I didn't have anything else to eat or drink until around 12:30pm, when they let me have water, a popsicle, and jello. They are planning on letting me have dinner if I stay stable between now and then in terms of bleeding and contractions.

I had an ultrasound at 11am, and he's still not anemic. I know this is good news, but part of me was thinking I'd rather have the next transfusion during this hospitalization as I'm picturing that I'll be discharged from this bleeding episode (they are saying I'll likely be here about a week) and then not be home very long before I have to be readmitted for another transfusion. I just need to take it one day at a time. I was also told that I will soon be reaching the limit of how many bleeding episodes they'll let me have before I won't be allowed to be discharged until he's born. I'm hoping I never reach that limit as the thought of staying in the hospital for up to 8 weeks straight is very overwhelming. Today is my 6th hospital admission in 36 days. The briefest one was on Monday for the blood patch (only 5 hours). On Monday I was only in a bed in an assessment room (what they called triage at the hospital where I had Nadia and Ian). I've spent at least one night in a total of eight private rooms thus far - one at our local hospital, three on the 9th floor here in Harrisburg, and four on the 8th floor. I'm currently sporting my 7th iv tube in 36 days. I'm hoping to be transferred upstairs tomorrow morning (to my 9th room unless they assign me one of the three I've already been in) as lunch and dinner on Fridays on the 9th floor are NOT hospital food. Right now even hospital food sounds delicious given how hungry I am. I am very grateful I ate a bowl of cereal in the car while Paul's dad was driving me down, but if I had to do it over again, I would have eaten a lot more. My suitcase wasn't packed for a week so Paul will probably need to come down this weekend if they indeed are planning to keep me for a full week. One thing that wasn't packed this time was my nightgown. They have me in a hospital gown right now, but if I am moved upstairs I'll be allowed to wear my clothes.

Perspective

There have been moments when I've really struggled emotionally during the past five weeks. Although it might sound luxurious to be on bedrest and have a break from cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc., that's not really the case (maybe one or two days of bedrest would be nice but not much more than that). When I'm feeling down, I try to picture in my mind holding this little boy in my arms. I know once he's home with us, this will all become a distant memory. Even though it would mean eight more weeks of bedrest, I am praying he isn't born until I hit 35w. I know it's not very likely, but I still would love it if he could avoid the NICU, but of course a stay in the NICU is immensely better than what would have happened if they had delivered him at 22w! My perspective on the NICU definitely changed on May 30!

Yesterday I felt like I was on cloud nine because the spinal headache was gone. Not being able to drive, push the kids on the swings, cook, etc. didn't bother me as much because I was so grateful to be able to sit and stand without being in excruciating pain. I had found two ways to alleviate the pain. If I closed my mouth and held my breath, the pain would go away while standing. I guess the pressure was equalized or something. That only helps for very brief periods of time (I couldn't hold my breath for an entire shower so I opted not to take one). The second was to drink coffee. The coffee helped me to at least prop my head up a little bit without pain. Monday morning Paul stopped at Sunoco and got me a large French vanilla cappucino on our way to meeting Cheri. It was delicious. For me to consider a coffee to be delicious, it can't taste like coffee at all. The wheelchair ride into the hospital that morning would have been excruciating if I hadn't had so much caffeine. If I ever get another spinal headache, I will be requesting a blood patch as soon as possible. Experiencing that headache was a good reminder to me that things could be a lot worse.

Similarly, one of the cleaning ladies at the hospital was telling me that she was hospitalized for 2 months prior to giving birth to her third child. She had placenta accreta and was bleeding throughout much of the pregnancy. The placenta had grown into her bladder. When they delivered her daughter at 33w, they had to do a hysterectomy at the same time, which wasn't something she was expecting to happen in her late twenties. I'll take complete placenta previa over placenta accreta any day of the week, especially considering we still have a frozen embryo. So the next time I'm feeling frustrated with the bedrest, hospitalizations, many trips to Harrisburg, etc., I'll remind myself that things could definitely be worse. It's all a matter of perspective.

Monday night I came home and went straight to bed (at 8pm). Even though my spinal headache was gone, I didn't even take the time to brush my teeth or change into my pjs. I was totally exhausted. The caffeine had helped some with the pain, but it had interfered with my ability to sleep at night.I had been struggling to stay awake past 8pm, but last night that wasn't the case since I had gotten more sleep on Monday night than I had been getting lately.

Last night we skyped with Alexis and Gabby. The kids loved it! I'm grateful that there are ways to stay in touch even though they've moved to Oklahoma. This photo was taken on Monday at Paul's parents' house of Shawn, Nadia, and QJ. Shawn is 16 years old, and QJ will be turning 3 years old in two months.

Thankful Tuesday

1. Yesterday I entered the third trimester, and tomorrow I'll be 27 weeks! I took reaching the 3rd trimester before giving birth for granted with my last two pregnancies, but I certainly am not taking it for granted this time! As of today I've completed 5 weeks of bed rest.

2. We have a name picked out! This is not an easy task for Paul and I, as our taste in names has very little overlap, but we have now agreed upon a total of four first and middle name combinations. The third one we agreed upon (Deborah Marie) might never be used. Of all the name combinations we have come up with, Nadia Renee is my favorite since Nadia means "hope" and Renee means "reborn."

3. Our little one's anemia wasn't any worse yesterday! Measuring the velocity of the blood flow in the mid-cerebral artery is going to get trickier and trickier as time goes by because the measurement has to be done when he's not doing his practice breathing. Many of the measurements had to be discarded yesterday because he was breathing at the time. My next appointment is scheduled for 9am on Thursday. As of today it's been 7 days since the first transfusion, which means the doctor was wrong last week when he predicted I wouldn't even go one week between transfusions. PTL!

4. Paul grilled some burgers for me on Sunday evening. This may not seem like a big deal, but I had been craving a burger for weeks. I have had very little control over what I've eaten the past 5 weeks since most of the time I've been eating hospital food or what someone from our church has ever so graciously provided. It was nice to have that craving satisfied!

5. I weighed myself this morning, and I have only gained one pound over the past 10 days! I've gained a total of 14 pounds thus far. I tried to gain less than 30 pounds during my last two pregnancies, but I didn't succeed either time. This time I really think I'll be able to keep my weight gain under 25 lbs. YAY!

6. I took a shower this morning! It felt so heavenly. My hair felt ever so gross yesterday, but I couldn't endure the pain of standing up. I had a blood patch around 3pm yesterday, and within 30 minutes I had relief from the spinal headache! I was discharged from the labor and delivery ward at 4pm. I've had 6 iv ports over the past 5 weeks. I wonder how long I can go before the next one? I'm planning on asking for only local anesthesia plus conscious sedation for the future fetal blood transfusions. I am undecided regarding the c-section. I had preferred the spinal I had with Ian over the general anesthesia I had with Nadia, but after this experience I'm not sure I ever want another lumbar puncture. The only downside to feeling a zillion times better today is that I feel like conquering the world today. I realized I was standing up too much when my belly started cramping up. It's so hard to stay on bed rest when I see that the kitchen floor needs to be swept, there are dirty dishes in the sink, etc. Paul has been incredible, but I just wish I could help out more. I try to remind myself that the best way I can help is to do whatever it takes to keep this little guy in me for as many more weeks as possible.

7. Ian slept through the night last night, even without Melatonin or Motrin. He fell asleep in the car at 7:45pm on the way home from Grandma and Pop Pop's house. Paul put a diaper on him and tucked him in bed at 8pm, and he slept until 6:35am.

8. Yesterday morning Paul drove me to a Dunkin' Donuts about 30 minutes from our house where we met my friend, Cheri. She then drove me to Harrisburg and then picked me up 5 hours later and drove me to Paul's parents' house. The ride down was torturous. I came very close to fainting or throwing up on multiple occasions. The ride back was a little uncomfortable due to my back, but it was a million times better than the trip down.

9. Paul's parents came and took the kids from our house to their house on Sunday evening. They watched them until 7pm (when Paul arrived from PSU to take us home). The kids had fun swimming in Grandma's pool and enjoyed spending some time with Shawn (cousin) as well as QJ (our great nephew who is 3 months older than Ian). Paul will be taking the kids and I back to their house tomorrow night, as Paul's dad is going to take me to the hospital on Thursday morning. We greatly appreciate all the help they've given us the past five weeks!!!

10. We're back on Blue Shield insurance. What a relief to not need to worry about needing to pay any medical bills from yesterday through at least the next six months. I'm still praying the other insurance will come through and pay for the MFM visits and hospitalizations that took place in May and June.

Tomorrow

All day long I have been reminding myself that I should feel much better tomorrow (after the blood patch). I keep thinking of the lyrics from Annie - "tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow, you're only a day away." I honestly have no idea how some people tolerate this pain for 2-3 weeks. If migraine headaches are anywhere near this painful, I have a whole new empathy for those who suffer from migraines. The pressure is just downright excruciating when I am sitting or standing. Last night I went to bed before 8pm, and it's a good thing I did because Paul brought Ian into our bed at 10:45pm because he couldn't get him back to sleep. It took Ian forever to fall back asleep. He kept tossing and turning and kicking me. Paul went downstairs and slept on the couch. Every time I moved away from Ian during the night, he moved closer to me. He just has to be in contact with me in some fashion while he's sleeping. I usually sleep on the right side of the bed, but by the end I was on the very edge of the left side of the bed and Ian was sleeping diagonally across the middle of the bed with an arm reaching out to my arm. This cannot become a habit. I greatly prefer sharing my bed with Paul. In addition to waking me up when he kicked me, having his warm little body pressed up against mine made me so very hot. I always like to have a sheet or bedspread on me when I'm sleeping - no matter how warm it is outside, but last night I kept them all off because of Ian.

When I woke up I discovered a new symptom of my spinal headache had appeared - ringing in my ears. Lovely. Yesterday if I was lying on the couch, the pain would go away completely. Today that wasn't the case. The pain would lessen but not completely go away, and I had to take the pillow away and put my head directly on the sofa cushion for the pain to be tolerable (similarly I usually sleep with two pillows under my head, but last night I had to go down to one pillow to be able to sleep). Then I discovered more spotting when I went to the bathroom. I decided to call the MFM doctor on call. There are three in the practice and the one who inspires the least confidence in me was the one on call this weekend. She had no reaction about the spotting (quite the opposite reaction of the other two doctors in the practice). She didn't ask me any questions regarding the quantity of blood or anything. She only asked if I could still feel the baby moving. As to the spinal headache, she said I could come to the hospital today if I wanted to see the anesthesiologist, but that she didn't think I should be concerned with the change in symptoms. In light of the distance involved, I decided to wait one more day.

Paul made a trip to Walmart, and he offered to get me a coffee while he was out. The only coffee I've ever enjoyed was a cinnamon roll capuccino that I bought a few times at a gas station after a friend bought one for me once and I discovered I enjoyed it. I haven't had any coffee since I was pregnant with Nadia, and I haven't had more than 5 cups of coffee in my entire life. I looked on Dunkin' Donuts' website to figure out what coffee I might like. I didn't see any flavor options for their capuccinos, so I decided to try a carmel swirl latte. I did mention to Paul that I'd prefer it to be made with Splenda and skim milk (rather than sugar or whole milk), but I didn't know I needed to specify that I wanted it hot. When I think of coffee, I think of a hot drink. When the lady asked Paul hot or iced, he picked iced. I can't say for certain I would have liked this latte hot, since I've never had a latte before, but I can tell you I didn't like it cold. However, I drank it because coffee has far more caffeine than tea or soda. I kept telling myself to view it as medicine. I was very grateful that I drank that coffee because it definitely helped. I felt so miserable this morning that I couldn't even read or anything. I even was able to prop myself up a tiny bit without pain after I had that coffee. Trust me it was very hard to eat my cereal this morning while in a totally horizontal position. Even chewing my bagel for lunch was very painful before the coffee.

Paul's parents came up this afternoon and left our house around 5pm with the kids. Paul is taking me to a town about 30 minutes away from our home where we'll meet my friend, Cheri. She's driving me to Harrisburg tomorrow so that Paul can go to PSU as his advisor is back from her conference. He only went to PSU once last week, but he's planning to go in four days this week (not on July 4th). Tomorrow morning he's going to stop at a Turkey Hill and buy me a cappucino in the hopes it will make the trip more bearable. We'll bring a suitcase in case I am admitted for another fetal transfusion.

Blood Patch

Last night as I got ready for bed I discovered I was spotting. I hadn't had any bleeding for more than 2 weeks. There was more blood this time than the last two times, but of course it was nothing compared to the hemorrhaging at 22w. I didn't want to go to the hospital unless I was bleeding more than that so I didn't make any phone calls. I contemplated asking Paul to put a garabage bag under the sheet to try to protect our mattress from further damage. I've ordered a waterproof mattress cover. I wish I had bought one of those more than 4 years ago because both times my water broke in bed plus the blood soaked through the mattress 4 weeks ago. Since I don't usually consume caffeine, it definitely has an effect on me. The caffeine plus discovery that I was bleeding meant it was very hard to sleep last night. I was so nervous that I was going to start hemorrhaging again. I kept going through our options in my mind as to which hospital I should go to. The decision will be easier starting tomorrow (when our Blue Shield insurance goes back into effect). The first few times I got up to go to the bathroom, the pain in my head was almost unbearable. Around 12:30am I noticed it was much better so I presumed the headache was gone. Was I ever wrong! My neck is doing better today than yesterday, but the headache is debilitating. Thankfully, it goes away when I'm lying down, but of course I do need to be vertical at times to do things like eat, drink, and go to the bathroom.

I spoke with the MFM doctor on call this morning and reported the spotting as well as the spinal headache. She said I should stay horizontal, drink lots of fluid, take Tylenol, and drink caffeine. I asked how much caffeine, and she didn't have any specifics to offer. I've had two cups of hot tea thus far today. She said I could ask the anesthesiologist to give me a blood patch on Monday. I asked her how long this headache typically lasts, and she said, "two weeks." I was stunned. Here I was thinking it might have gone away in 6 hours, and it might last 2-3 weeks! Right now I can't bear the idea of having his headache for 2-3 weeks. If this were my first pregnancy, I could handle staying horizontal all day, but it just won't work with two little kids. I am planning on asking for the blood patch on Monday. One good thing about this headache is that I'm being VERY good about staying on bedrest right now.

I feel silly for not thinking of it sooner. We were chalking Ian's fussiness and difficulties sleeping to my absences. It didn't even cross my mind until yesterday that he might be teething. Yesterday I felt his bottom gums and could feel that his canines are working their way to the surface. This morning I checked the top jaw and saw that those canines have broken through the gums a little bit. The Tylenol must have helped as he slept through the night last night.

The thing that put the biggest smile on my face today was the realization that I think we've picked a name for our son! Paul is not 100% ready to commit to the name, but I am 99% sure we've agreed upon a name. Paul picked the first name (a name he suggested for the first time yesterday; it was the 5th boy name he had suggested), and the middle name was my idea (the only boy name I suggested that he contemplated as a first name). I'll reveal the name as soon as Paul is certain. This is a BIG relief off of my mind. I have been so scared he'd still be referred to as "baby boy" following his birth.

P.S. Paul took these pictures since they involved being vertical.

Caffeine, here I come!

Today I got the spinal headache that the anesthesiologist feared I would get because of where the needle went in my spine with his first attempt. I had a spinal with Ian's c-section, and I don't recall any awful headaches. He said to drink a lot, especially of drinks with caffeine and call him if that didn't do the trick. The only thing I generally consume that has any caffeine is chocolate, and I haven't been eating any foods with chocolate for a few months due to the horrible heartburn I get from chocolate while pregnant. Usually Paul just has Pepsi and Coke in the house, but thankfully he had some Mt. Dew because I can't stand colas. It has been years since I had any Mt. Dew, but I drank two big glasses to lessen the spinal headache. I looked it up online and coffee has WAY more caffeine than soda, but the only way I could force a cup of coffee down my throat was if I had a very flavored one. Did you know that decaf coffee isn't really caffeine free? I learned that this evening while researching the amount of caffeine present in chocolate, soda, coffee, tea, etc. I could force myself to drink a cup of hot tea, and that has way more caffeine than Mt. Dew (plus a lot less calories). As I was drinking the Mt. Dew I was thinking about the fact that if I was going to splurge on all these extra calories, I'd rather have another slice of the pound cake someone from church brought us tonight, but when your head feels like it's splitting, you don't care about the calories involved in relieving the headache. Now that I know which has more caffeine, I'll stick with hot tea rather than drinking any more soda.

I also had far more cramps and contractions today, but I didn't call the doctor because frankly unless I am certain I am in labor or I am bleeding or I am not feeling the baby move as much, I am not calling because I don't want to end up back in the hospital unless absolutely necessary. Of the 12 days I've spent in the hospital thus far, I feel that only 3 of those were truly necessary - the first day at the local hospital when I was bleeding and the last two in Harrisburg for the fetal transfusion.

I posted the grades (to the Registrar anyhow) for the first summer session today. The second summer session starts next week. I can't believe the summer is now half-way over! I emailed my department chair yesterday to tell him that it's extremely unlikely I'll be teaching the first four weeks of the fall semester as originally planned. I told him that most likely I will have given birth before the fall semester starts. I wanted him to know so he can plan accordingly for covering my classes.

Last night was a rough night. Paul spent over an hour (starting at 2am) trying to put Ian back to sleep. He got him to sleep two times, but he didn't stay asleep for very long. The third time Ian woke up I suggested that he just bring Ian into our bed. I assumed Ian would fall back asleep immediately. Boy was I wrong! It took him almost two more hours to fall asleep. Thankfully, Paul was able to sleep during most of that time. I hadn't gone to bed until 11pm so I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Today it hit me that Ian might be teething. He was really cranky today. I wasn't sure if it was from lack of sleep or teething (his canines haven't come in yet), but I figured it wouldn't hurt to give him a little Tylenol as he hasn't had any in months. Hopefully he'll sleep better tonight as all four of us have been very tired today.

Paul drove me to one of our neighbor's yard sales today. Nadia came with me as they have a girl one year older than her. I brought my cell phone so I could call him when I was done shopping. He also took me to a yard sale last Saturday (also very close to our house) so I haven't totally had to give up yard sales although I'm not anticipating going to any more until the end of September. Since our neighbor was having a yard sale today, I asked Paul to put our old double jogging stroller out near the mailbox with a sign marked "Free." I figured with the extra traffic going by our house today en route to her yard sale, someone would claim it, and someone did! I only paid $5 for it (in 2010), and the tires needed pumped almost every time I used it. We had purchased another one from Craigslist a couple of months ago so I was happy to unload this one that we weren't using any more.

Yesterday we said goodbye to our neighbors. Alexis, Gabby, and I were all crying. It was tough. The girls (and their mother, Beth) really love our kids, and our kids really love them. They've been the most amazing neighbors and babysitters for more than three years. I am so grateful for them, and I hope that they have as smooth a transition as possible in their new home in Oklahoma.