One month

Over the last three days we passed two milestones. August 11 was our 15th anniversary, and August 12 marked one month since my mom passed away. It doesn't seem possible that it has been a month already. I still have moments when something happens and my first thought is that I need to call my mom and tell her about it, and then I remember that I can't do so. This has made me want to use the phone less than usual to call other people simply because I cannot call my mom. It was a strange anniversary for us because we haven't seen Paul since August 7.

Originally I had planned to return home on Friday night (from Ohio) and then come to Maryland on Sunday afternoon, but on Friday morning the plans changed to us driving from Ohio straight to Maryland. I did this for three reasons #1 to have more time to help Yvonne go through my mom's stuff and hopefully ensure that we could get it done in one trip, #2 I would save myself 2.5 hours of driving time, and #3 the weather didn't look very good for the activities we had planned to do in PA on Saturday.

Two of the three events I had scheduled for Saturday are annual events so I also knew it wasn't a big deal to miss them this year. One of those we had done last year. The third event (Star Wars concert) was a one time only thing, and because of the weather they ended up moving it to an inside venue (which I didn't know when I changed our travel plans). That would have been nice (included a laser show), but considering I am still sick (day 12 so hopefully the end is in sight), I think it was the right decision. Paul, Nadia, and Oliver all voted for us to go straight to Grandpa's house (we are all still having a hard time remembering not to call it Grandma's house). Ian felt very strongly that we should spend a day at home with Daddy first, but he was outnumbered by the votes of the other four members of the family. It was a long trip "home" on Friday night. The drive out to Ohio was much smoother for me because during that trip I had 4 kids between the ages of 8-13, and it was also shorter (6 hours including a 45 minute stop for lunch). On they way to Maryland on Friday night the trip took almost 8 hours (including a one hour stop for dinner and another 15 minute bathroom break), and we didn't get in until 10:30 pm, which is past my usual bedtime. Also, I had three kids ages 3, 4, and 5 who were much fussier. There was FAR more crying, screaming, and fighting that went on with those three (Oliver being the worst behaved of the bunch). At that moment I started dreading our vacation to Cape Cod next month, but hopefully between now and then I'll feel better about a long car ride.

Yesterday and today Yvonne, Jenna, and I sorted through many clothes - mostly short and long sleeved tops and skirts. Most of my mom's clothes fit me although she was several inches shorter than me. Some of the skirts are a size bigger than I usually wear, but since I usually wear a top on the outside of the waistband it is not obvious that they are loose on me. A few of the items were on my shopping list but I had never made it to the store to actually buy them - including bathing suit, swim suit cover up, winter gloves, and a winter coat. Some articles of clothing Yvonne and I just couldn't bring ourselves to put on because they had negative connotations (from the months of fighting cancer) or were just too strongly associated with my mom. We knew we couldn't emotionally handle wearing them. And some were just not our style (sorry mom but none of us are fans of polyester pants), but we three each found many things that we liked and actually we wore some yesterday and today. It really came in handy for me today because when I packed I assumed I would be at home on Saturday and Sunday and hadn't brought Sunday clothes for myself or the kids, but I was able to wear an outfit of mom's today. It has been decades since I added so many clothes to my wardrobe in just one year. I have bought hardly any new clothes for myself over the past 8 years aside from maternity clothes so I am thankful for so many new things to wear, but of course it is all bittersweet as I would SO SO SO SO much rather have my mom still around than have these "new to me" clothes.

I am not much of a seamstress so I am thankful that things were fitting me fairly well. Yvonne and Jenna will need to make some alterations to many of the skirts they chose as they were far too loose on them. Usually I don't enjoy trying on clothes but since in this case only a few things were too small for me and almost everything was either my size or a little loose, it was a much better experience than trying clothes on usually is for me. I was disappointed though that one dress of my mom's didn't fit me as I had thought she looked so pretty in it that I was hoping it fit me. It might have fit me last  year when I was running. I definitely have gained weight in the past 9 months, unfortunately. If my mom's figure was like Yvonne or Wendy's then nothing would have fit me. I have for thirty years felt like the ugly duckling when compared to my two sisters, but for once my bigger size wasn't a problem. I hadn't expected so many of her clothes to fit me since I was about 6 inches taller than her when she passed (she had shrunk a few inches). The only surprise was that it seems our mom had gotten rid of almost all her dresses at some point in the last few years.

We have also been selecting some items for Susie and Wendy and will do that even more once we start going through jewelry. Jenna and Yvonne have inherited many of my mom's shoes. I think a few might fit Wendy or Susie, but sadly none of the shoes fit me well. I did wear a pair of her size 8 sandals to church this morning, but I am not planning to keep them. There were some super cute ones that were just 1/2 size off but it was enough that although I could get my foot in the shoe, it would not have been comfortable for me to wear them for very long. I usually wear either a 8 1/2 or 9. My mom usually wore 7 1/2 but sometimes bought an 8. I do need to buy myself a pair of black flats in the near future. My pair was causing my feet to get wet if the pavement was wet. I had been wearing them to church for more than 10 years. I can't remember the last time I bought myself a new pair of flats. It is time to do so as I do wear them to church on Sundays, even though I don't wear them to work any more as I did for 20 years of my life.

When I walked into my dad's Sunday School class this morning I felt a wave of sadness come over me as I walked to the row where my mom always sat, but then we got into the lesson and everything was fine emotionally. However when I walked into the sanctuary for the worship service, I totally was deluged with grief as all I could think of was my mom's funeral being held in that room on July 16. The last time I had been in the sanctuary was July 17. I was not expecting to have this reaction. I had thought I would break down while we were sorting clothes, shoes, and purses, but I never cried during those activities. I was sobbing and just couldn't picture myself being able to keep from crying during the service. So Yvonne and I rode to my dad's house and she returned back to the church. I stayed home and cleaned up the breakfast dishes, cleaned the table, swept the floor, set the table for 15 (I didn't know at the time that the three menfolk were going out to eat for lunch), and cooked lunch. I am learning that you just never know what might trigger a wave of grief. I would give anything to hug my mom just one more time and talk to her just one more time, but I am glad she is not suffering any more. I didn't want her battle with cancer to be long and drawn out. I know I will see her again some day, but there is definitely a void in our lives right now as we adjust to the new normal of life without mom.

Cedar Point!

On Wednesday morning we attempted to be out the door by 9:30 (didn't quite happen) to go to Cedar Point. Maurice had arrived at our villa on Tuesday night after I was in bed. It was a very hot day. They have a water park, but you have to pay extra to do that part, and considering we have a water park at our resort AND the fact that it cost us $40 per person (using a Groupon) to get into the park, we just paid for the dry part. It's a large park at a beautiful location right by Lake Erie that has 18 roller coasters (if you count the kiddie ones). It was a REALLY hot day, but the upside of that was that in general the lines were very reasonable although the big kids did have to wait more than an hour for one of the roller coasters. They had kiddie rides in three separate areas, and although they weren't as generous as Knoebels and Del Grosso's with the height requirements, they were FAR more generous than Six Flags. Even Micah (under 36 inches) was able to ride quite a few rides.

Nadia was able to ride 11 of the roller coasters. Oliver could ride two of them, and Ian could ride three of them. I would say the park is the least suited for kids Ian's height - those who are less than 48 inches yet are too big to enjoy the little kiddie rides. Joel was at an ideal height for the kiddie rides as being at 42 inches meant you did not need an adult to ride with you on most of the rides. I was with the five youngest and it was a challenge at times because we usually had 2 adults and it was problematic when multiple little ones needed an adult to ride with them. They definitely enjoyed the splash pad since the weather was so hot. Some of us left around 5:00 pm because of a thunderstorm. Some stayed a little longer than that, and others (including Nadia!) didn't get back until after midnight.

Other activities this week included making use of the pool table in our villa, watching the Olympics on tv, and playing board games like chess, Clue, and Quirkle. My one request for the trip had been to play a game of Boggle, but we didn't ever have a chance to do that. Maurice and a few others went birding on Friday morning.

African Safari!

Thursday morning we spent a couple of hours at the water park at our resort before eating lunch in our villa. After lunch 19 of us (everyone except Drayton and Maurice) drove 20 minutes to the African Safari Wildlife Park. We drove three vehicles through the safari. Some animals came right up to our vehicle. Ian got SO excited about feeding fawns. Some animals would stick their head right in our open windows. Some would lick massive amounts of disgusting slobber over our window if we rolled them up (especially the buffalo and bison). We were given many 5 pound bags of carrots and large cups of pellets of grain to feed the animals. Some animals were still behind a fence as we drove by and fed them (such as the zebras and giraffes). One animal tried to take a bite of our already partially broken rear view mirrors.

After the drive-thru safari we watched four pigs race each other. Nadia and Joshua were given free ice cream cones for holding flags during the race. Then we walked through and saw some other animals before the kids each got their free camel ride (Micah was too small and Grace declined but the other 12 grandchildren each had a camel ride). Four kids opted to leave early, but the other ten stayed for the show at the end which gave them opportunities to pet snakes and a tortoise. Andrew got a free ice cream cone for helping with the hand sanitizer during the show.

Prior to our trip to the water park I painted Julianna and Grace's fingernails and toenails. Susie then painted Uncle Maurice's nails bright pink! One of the cousins painted Nadia's nails. I had painted Susie and Jenna's nails when they were preschoolers so it was time for me to do the same with the youngest nieces. I painted Jenna's last month in Maryland. She remembered how I had done it when she was younger. Memories are being made!

Comparing 3 four-year-olds

1. Ian was the least outgoing of the three kids, although he was a lot more social at the age of four than he was the first three years of his life. Nadia was the friendliest of the three. Ian still cried at times when I dropped him off at his class at church. This never happened with Nadia or Oliver.

2. Nadia definitely had a favorite color (pink at that point) whereas neither of her brothers did at this age.

3. Ian and Nadia were far more into into wearing costumes than Oliver ever has been.

4. All three of them typically slept 11 hours at night (8 pm to 7 am) at this age. Nadia had given up her nap. Ian was still taking a 45-60 minute nap. Oliver had given up his nap, but last month he got back into the habit of taking a nap (although he rarely took it in his bed). Ian was the only one who slept with his sheet and comforter completely pulled over his head (and therefore sweated the most in bed of the three).

5. Nadia and Oliver were both playing board games. Ian hadn't started yet. Ian spent more time running than his siblings did at this age.

6. Nadia and Ian could identify all the letters of the alphabet (upper and lower case) and identify at least one sound each letter makes. Ian was also reading short vowel words (plus a few sight words like "the"). I worked with Nadia to help her learn her letters. I didn't work with Ian on them. I have started working with Oliver to learn his letters. He knows 18 of the uppercase letters.

7. They all loved to be read to, tickled, and hugged!  Ian was the most prone to giving me compliments.

8. Nadia was far more schedule oriented than Ian or Oliver.

9. They all drank skim milk most of the time. Oliver is much more willing to drink water than his siblings were.

10.  Ian and Nadia could both do a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle independently before they turned four. Thus far Oliver hasn't done more than 60 pieces on his own.

11. Nadia often spoke of herself in the third person. The boys have never done that.

12. Nadia wasn't crazy about vegetables (needed raisins with them), but she would feed herself just about everything else and finish in a very reasonable time frame. Ian was a much pickier and much slower eater. Oliver loves vegetables. Aside from a few fruits, he will happily eat just about everything. He prefers to be fed although he certainly is capable of feeding himself.

13. Nadia was very attached to her Poland pillow. Ian and Oliver didn't really have "loveys," but they do each have a small blanket they usually sleep with.

14.  Ian and Oliver both weighed 35 pounds, which put them at the 42nd percentile for weight. Ian was 39 inches tall, which put him at the 22nd percentile for height. Nadia's 4 year appointment was delayed 4 months because of my bed rest and Oliver's NICU stay. At that appointment she weighed 40 pounds and was 40 inches tall. Oliver hasn't had his four year check-up yet so I am not exactly sure of his height, but I am guessing he is about 41 inches.

15. All three children were pretty close to 100% independent with getting dressed, undressed, and going to the bathroom when they turned four. I still sometimes helped a little with wiping after they went #2. Oliver is VERY proud of the fact that he now pees standing up. Ian hadn't attempted that at this age. Ian had to be encouraged to be independent with dressing and undressing whereas Nadia and Oliver expressed their desire to "do it myself."

16. All three had been in Cubbies. Nadia and Oliver finished the first year of Cubbies before they turned four. Since Ian has a December birthday he was closer to 4 1/2 when he finished. Ian and Nadia had a MUCH easier time with memorizing than Oliver. Ian had even started memorizing the books of the Bible from listening to Nadia work on them.

17. All three had taken some gymnastics. Nadia had taken the most and therefore had progressed farther with her skills. Oliver did a better job of following instructions in that group setting than Ian did. All three had also taken preschool swimming lessons. Oliver also took one week of Level 1 lessons, but he will need to take that level again next year. Nadia had also taken ballet lessons.

18. Ian could write the letter "I." Oliver hasn't learned to write any letters yet.

19. Nadia was sucking her thumb, and Ian played with his belly button. Oliver didn't have a soothing habit.

20. All three kids always included Mommy, Daddy, and Uncle Maurice in every prayer.

21. Nadia was by far the most compliant. Ian was pretty compliant but often didn't seem to hear instructions that were given. Once you had his attention though he would usually obey. Oliver is definitely the most strong willed which has translated to the most defiant and also the one who fusses and whines the most. Ian was a follower. Nadia and Oliver are leaders.

Sandusky, Ohio

On Monday morning it took us two hours to load up the three vehicles, and then we drove to Ohio. This is the farthest west Oliver has ever been. It was the first time that Nadia and Ian had been in the state of Ohio. I hadn't been in Ohio for 13 years. The drive took us 6 hours including a 45 minute stop for lunch at McDonald's. I had it easy in that my passengers were Jenna, Joshua, Andrew, and Nadia. We listened to the book Half Magic on cd (performed by a full cast not just one narrator), and they also watched some dvd's. My main goal was to stay awake because I was very tired and still didn't feel well (and no one one was sitting beside me in the front seat to help keep me awake). We arrived at the resort at 3:30, which was 30 minutes before check-in. The kids decorated cookies (free activity they have every day) and then we checked into our villa, had dinner in our villa (we brought some food with us), and then went to the water parks. The Benners (coming from Chicago) arrived while we were in the water park. Oliver and I went to bed at 8:30 pm. Nadia and Ian stayed later at the water park so they didn't go to bed until 9:30. Nadia joined me at 9:30 and then a few hours later Julianna came from upstairs and joined me in our bed. The rest of the night I was sandwiched in by the two girls (and didn't get much sleep due to being kicked and cuddled).

Tuesday morning we headed to the water park (except for Joe who wasn't feeling well from the DPT shot he had on Sunday night at his ER visit). Seven of the kids did the zip line once before swimming. I'll include a video below showing Nadia doing one of the four sections of the zip line course. They did the whole thing. We came back to our 5 bedroom villa for lunch and then most of them went back to the water park. I took a blessed two hour nap. I can't remember the last time I took a nap. We had a two hour dinner at Steak and Shake (won't go there again!) and then came back to the villa. Some enjoyed the jacuzzi in our villa, some were enjoying the pool table in our villa, some played board games we brought, and many were watching the Olympics on tv. Maurice arrived after I went to bed that night. I made sure mine were all in bed by 8:30 because we are headed to Cedar Point tomorrow! I am praying I have the stamina for a day at an amusement park. Coming on this trip definitely was something I did for my kids not for myself.