In June 2005 I became pregnant (after inj #4/iui #2), and our baby's EDD was 2-24-06. Today marks the day that if we hadn't lost this little one, he/she would be about 2 years old. I still get reminders in the mail. Earlier in the month I got one for pull-ups that said "for your 2 year old." I wish there was a way to let the marketing companies know that we do NOT have a 2 year old. Well in Heaven we do, but we don't here on earth. I didn't sign up for those freebies this time until I was in the 2nd trimester. I learned from my previous mistake. This is the 3rd time that 2-24 has rolled around since that BFP (which came after ttc 3 years). The first time was definitely the hardest especially as quite a few babies were born right around that time (at church mostly). Last year was a little easier because I had such high hopes that we'd adopt from Ukraine during the summer or early fall. This year I still feel grief when I think of that precious life we lost, but it's much easier since there's another little one growing inside me. However, this child doesn't replace that one. I sometimes wonder what he/she would have looked like, etc. I wonder if the siblings who joined this child in Heaven in August know each other? I don't mean to sound ungrateful for this precious life whom we hopefully will meet in July, but I don't think this child's life takes away all the sadness for the seven babies we lost in 2005 & 2007. When you lose a baby through miscarriage, it's a private grief. So I just wanted to say a few words in memory of our little one that we lost on July 5, 2005 (6w4d). From the moment I knew that little one existed (at 12dpo), I loved him/her so very much. I wish I could have held him/her in my arms and shown him/her my love. I hope to meet him/her in Heaven some day. I don't often shed tears over this loss any more, but today the tears have flown once again.
On a much lighter note, I wanted to share my sister's happy news that a recording she was a part of won a 2008 Grammy Award! The recording was made in 2005 when they lived in Vancouver and she was playing in the Vancouver Symphony, but the CD wasn't released until last year. The award was for the "Best Instrumental Soloist Performance (with Orchestra)." She wasn't the soloist, but she was one of the violinists in the orchestra! So congrats to Wendy (and all the other members of the VSO)!!!
4 comments:
I know exactly how you feel and you even typed some of my own thoughts. Sept 28th and Jan 15th will forever be etched in my memory. Thank you for your post. It really is a silent sorrow we go through.....but why must it be that way?
I am sorry for your loss. Grief over your lossed children does lessen, but there is always a part of you missing.
Lynn
I can say I know how you feel because I too suffered a m/c in 2003 before Jonah was born...but somehow I don't think it's the same because you have yet to become a mother...I think that wound is a little deeper than mine :( I'm so sorry you had to go through that and so glad you are about to become a mommy now!
Ruth, I am so sorry for your loss.
Right after I lost Chloe I kept getting stuff in the mail from Similac. Stuff like "Your baby is now his 6th month" with formula coupons. I had to call Similac THREE separate times to get them to remove me from the list. Each time I called they said they'd remove me, yet I'd still get the stuff in the mail.
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