Babyitis

I definitely have a case of "baby fever" right now. I am surprised it's hitting me this early especially since Ian isn't sleeping through the night yet (aside from last Friday) considering sleep deprivation is the hardest thing I've experienced as a parent the past 2 years. I am not sure if it's because when Nadia was this age we started making plans for ivf or if it's because I am starting to be faced with decisions regarding whether to keep stuff or sell it (such as the infant carseat Ian is no longer using), but I definitely am desiring to have another baby. Seeing a newborn baby or walking by Motherhood at the mall stirs up those feelings even more, the latter I find to be ironic given I found being pregnant to be rather physically unpleasant both times. I wish we had a frozen embryo we could transfer in January. It's probably a good thing our insurance switched to Blue Shield on July 1 as the fact it would cost a lot more to do ivf right now is an additional deterrent. I also keep reminding myself that I'd have to stop nursing if we started ttc right now. I am grateful that Ian is still nursing, and I hope to be able to continue for at least 5 more months.

Most of the reasons I want to have a third child are the same reasons I've wanted to have children for the last 25+ years. A few newer reasons have been added to the list, none of which are good reasons in and of themselves. One would be that I desire to make it past 37 weeks. I really want to experience giving birth to a baby who doesn't end up in the NICU. I highly doubt I'll ever be pregnant again, but if I am, I plan to keep switching OB's until I find one who takes me seriously regarding my propensity to give birth prematurely. I will put myself on bed rest if I start having contractions before 37 weeks. I wish I could go back in time and have done things differently at the end of the last two pregnancies. I also really want to experience nursing a baby who doesn't need a nipple shield. If we have another baby, I plan to stay at home for at least six months, even if Paul isn't done with school yet so that I can have one baby totally fed through my milk and zero formula for at least six months. I'd also love to deliver one baby naturally, but I know there's zero chance of that happening as once you've had two c-sections then VBAC is completely off the table. I love babies and always dreamt of having four. I came to terms a few years ago that three would be the most we'd have, but I haven't given up all hope yet of having a third. Paul commented recently how he was disappointed when he found out that we were just having one this second time. He was surprised that he was looking forward to having twins. We shall see which will win out - my dislike of clutter OR my miniscule ray of hope that the Lord will give us a surprise pregnancy. I have a feeling it will be a combination. I'll probably hold on to some stuff, but also start giving away/selling some stuff. I bought our infant car seat 5 1/2 years ago when I thought we were adopting a newborn baby boy. I had no idea then that it would actually be used for two biological children!

If any of you have suggestions for how to cure a case of "baby fever," I am all ears! I have heard some say they got a puppy and that helped. I do expect we'll get a puppy sometime in the next few years, but I don't think that will decrease my desire for another child one iota. I've also had friends whose children were much more spread apart in age say that after their last child was born they kept dreaming of the day they'd experience being a grandparent. I know some become grandparents in their 40's (Paul's brother for example), but we will likely be in our 60's before that happens. The best idea I've had is to keep reminding myself of a benefit of only having two children - having more time and energy to devote to them. Paul often feels badly for Nadia because she doesn't get anywhere as much of our time, physical touch, and attention as she used to when she was the only child. I often feel badly for Ian because he'll never experience our undivided attention like she did for 17.5 months. He rarely gets to enjoy an entire feeding without being interrupted. I don't think he knows what that would be like. I almost always have to put him down in the middle of nursing him or feeding him a bottle so I can take Nadia to the bathroom or something like that, and that's just one small example. I know the kids would benefit through having another sibling, but I am trying to focus on the benefits of just having two kids.