Elecare Again

Karen (OT) suggested yesterday that we get Ian back on Elecare. Have I mentioned that for the last couple of months she hasn't addressed his feeding issues At All? She's just waiting for the feeding team. It's frustrating. When I feel guilty that I've failed Ian in some way (because I haven't been able to get him to eat table food), it does help to remind myself that an OT who has professional training in this area also hasn't been able to help much over the past year. She threw in the towel a few months ago and says we'll get back to working on feeding issues after he's discharged from the hospital. She didn't work on anything for about five weeks, but the last two weeks she's been working with him on some sensory issues as well as motor planning (because he still can't come down the stairs safely without assistance). When she walked in the door yesterday and asked how things were going, I burst into tears. It's been incredibly stressful the past week beacuse he was hardly eating anything. In fact for the first time in his life, he was even showing resistance to drinking his "milk." He was going 5 hours without peeing whereas normally he pees every 1-2 hours.

Last night I bought 4 cans of Elecare on eBay. Hopefully the seller shipped them out today. I also asked the Allergist if they had a sample can of Elecare I could have for Ian. I picked one up today as well as a prescription for Vanilla Elecare Jr. for the next 6 months. Yesterday I made an appointment for this coming Wednesday with WIC to fill out the paperwork so that Elecare can be shipped directly to our house (for free!!!). We spent hundreds of dollars on Elecare this summer. What a blessing it will be to get it for free over the next 6 months. I just stocked up on almond milk yesterday, but I can use that to make pudding for him once the Elecare arrives in the mail (from eBay and then WIC). It's SUCH a relief to know that his nutritional needs will be met even if I only get 10 bites of applesauce down his throat over the course of the day. In light of the fact it's really hurting him to swallow right now, I think until his esophagus heals I'm not going to push the feeding program on him. It hasn't worked over the past 10 months. Why put him through the agony? The intensive feeding program will be starting in a few weeks. I'm very tired of doing battle four times a day over each bite; a little break sounds heavenly to me.

Ian had a really bad day today in terms of potty training. The only other day he had this many accidents in one day was the first day of potty training. The last few weeks he's been having 1-2 accidents a week. He had four accidents today. He drank a TON of almond milk today. Everytime I put him on his froggy potty, he peed. Two of his accidents were poop. They were REALLY awful to clean up because his bowels have been loose over the past week. Today was his first poop accident in a long time. Yuck. I'd take changing a poopy diaper over poopy underwear, pants, legs, socks, etc. any day of the week. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It certainly caught me off guard.

I had intended to include one other thing on the thankful list yesterday. I am grateful that the dentist put my crown back in on Monday afternoon - at no charge.

Paul's parents watched the kids this afternoon. I had an appointment with an advisee at 2:30, but she was a no show. I had a brief faculty meeting (30 minutes long) at 3:00. On the way home I stopped at the consignment shop to pick up the items they still had that hadn't sold yet. I had asked them to pull them last week. There weren't too many things left, but I was still grateful to reclaim a few things, like some receiving blankets. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have sold things (eBay, Craigslist, consignment shop, and yard sale) or given things away. Thankfully I didn't sell/give away everything. I still have some clothes in every size and other things like a highchair, pack n play, etc. When were starting this round of ivf I assumed that when we found out the gender I'd give away all the clothes for the other gender. Since we have one frozen embryo, I don't plan to give away or sell anything until we find out if that future transfer results in a pregnancy or not. The first thing I'm going to need to replace is the pregnancy body pillow. I gave that to the thrift store last year. I'm not going to replace everything. I can definitely live without a Bumbo, for example. I'm going to try to get most of what I do need through yard sales, Craigslist, and consignment shops. I'm going to try to keep my list as short as possible, although I am planning to buy one thing that I didn't have for Ian or Nadia - an exersaucer. Those are a dime a dozen at yard sales, and I've seen that quite a few kids do get a lot of use out of those things. Another thing I know I definitely need to buy are two Boppys. I still have my Steeler boppy cover, but I sold my boppy pillows. Those are necessities in my opinion! It's so exciting to be thinking about what I need for baby #3. I regret that I didn't save everything from Nadia and Ian, but it's water under the bridge at this point. I truly thought we were done having kids. I am so very glad that we weren't! PTL!

Thankful Thursday

1. I'm grateful for libraries. I checked out two novels for myself on Tuesday morning at the church library (where I go for ladies Bible study). Yesterday it hit me that I could check out dvd's for the kids at the public library. Paul and I have always rented DVD's (used Netflix the last few years) for ourselves. We never buy DVD's for ourself (aside from a few exercise dvds). However, I've gotten in the habit of buying dvd's for the kids. I'm sure I'll still buy them one from time to time, but I'd like to switch to checking them out from the library. This is much cheaper! Yesterday I checked out a Winnie the Pooh dvd and one that included the reading of 3 of Kevin Henkes' books (two of which have been favorites of Nadia for many months). I also requested a book I've been wanting to read (Crazy Love) through interlibrary loan - again cheaper than buying it. I recently read One Thousand Gifts that I also got through interlibrary loan.

2. I'm thankful for wholesome movies. Yes, they do exist! One that we really enjoyed recently was Dolphin Tale. I'm looking forward to seeing Courageous whenever it becomes available through Netflix.

3. Ian woke up early four days in a row (as in sometime between 4:30 and 6:30am). Yesterday, I was thrilled when he broke that trend and slept until 7:15am. I was really tired on Tuesday night. I went to bed before 9pm, which means I was in bed for 10 hours, which was bliss since I actually slept almost that whole time.
4. For several days (starting when Ian had the flu on Saturday) we let him sleep in our arms. He'd sleep in his crib for a bit and then when we'd get him, he'd fall back asleep in my arms or Paul's arms. Well maybe that was a good plan because yesterday he woke up after being asleep for about 20 minutes and went back to sleep. He slept for an hour in his crib. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!!! We shall see if that might happen again in the near future or not.

5. The weather on Monday and Tuesday was really nice. I really enjoyed taking the kids to the playground yesterday. I can't wait until spring weather becomes the norm and we can go several times a week. I really, really want to gain as little weight as possible during this pregnancy, and regular exercise would really help me achieve that goal.

6. I'm very thankful that ladies Bible study has resumed. The study we're doing on the book of James is really outstanding.
7. I'm very, very, very thankful that I am carrying another baby. One thing that is making this experience really exciting is that Nadia is old enough to be excited. She thanks God for "our baby" in most of her prayers. She told her Cubbies leader last night that "Mommy has a baby in her belly." I can't wait until she can feel the baby kick and of course eventually hold this little one in her arms. It's going to be a lot different this time around as she'll be 4.25 years old instead of just shy of 1.5 years old. Ian of course has no clue at this point, and I have no idea how he'll react when the new little one arrives on the scene. I don't *think* it will be as hard on him as it was on Nadia since he's never had the experience of being an only child. If you went by ivf statistics alone, I should not be pregnant again. It's a miracle from God. There's no other explanation that 3 rounds of ivf (all done when I was over the age of 35) have resulted in three pregnancies plus one frozen embryo to transfer in the future.

8. I'm thankful Ian will be starting the intensive feeding program in 3-4 weeks. Today after a discussion with his OT and psychologist, we've eliminated milk again. Dr. Williams doesn't want us to try to reintroduce anything for 6-12 months. I think his esophagitis was coming back. Please pray he won't lose too much more weight between now and his admission to Hershey Medical. I haven't been able to get him to eat much food lately. He threw up at the beauty salon today while his hair was being cut. I cleaned up the mess and gave her a $3 tip (for a $2 haircut).

5 Weeks!

I still can't believe I'm carrying another sweet baby, but at certain moments I am reminded that is definitely the case. For example, last night one of my students was eating french fries at the start of our class. Every time I caught a whiff of them I thought I was going to throw up on the spot. I tried to steer clear of her until she finished them. I've been sensitive to smells in my previous pregnancies, and I never know what smells will set me off. Just 22 more days until my first ultrasound. That seems like forever, especially because if I had them when I did the last 2 pregnancies, I'd be having one next week. I'm still a bit paranoid due to the spotting last Wednesday. I keep worrying that I'm doing too much in terms of lifting Ian and such even though I wasn't under restrictrictions the last two pregnancies. I do know I need to take it easy at the end to try to avoid having another preemie. The kids and I walked to the park today. Boy am I out of shape! The weather has been unseasonably warm. We couldn't go yesterday since I left for work at 3pm; so I was really hoping it would be warm again today, and it was. I wish this weather was the norm for January 31 and February 1. This picture of Ian (below) isn't the greatest since his eyes were closed, but I still wanted to post it because it was a sweet moment as he sang the entire VeggieTale theme song at the top of his lungs while banging one hand on the drum.

Nadia has been wearing the thumb guard for 6 days, and it hasn't been much of an issue except for the fact that it causes her to cry when she tries to get dressed (ex. put on or take off her coat). She needs help as it's trickier with the thumb guards. The only other problem is that she hasn't napped in her bed since she started wearing them. She took a little nap in the car on Sunday around 5pm as we came home from Friendly's and around 3:30pm on our way to ballet on Monday. She's been yawning a lot and more prone to tears in the afternoon/evening due to not napping. I am contemplating taking the thumb guards off for her nap tomorrow, but I'm not sure which is more important - for her to have a nap or to be consistent in breaking the thumb sucking habit. Tough call.

Spanish Class!

Yesterday at ballet I noticed a sign for a language school that recently opened in the same building. I checked out the website last night and was excited to see that they offer French and Spanish classes for as young as three year olds! She offers classes for various ages at various times of day; some are geared toward homeschoolers (ex. a class for K-3rd grade at 11am on Fridays). I'm thinking of signing Nadia up for a Spanish class in the fall on Monday mornings. It's for 3-4 year olds. If at that point I think Ian can handle it, I'm going to ask her if he can also join even though he'll be 3 months shy of 3 years old. If not, Ian and I can head across the street to the playground. I haven't had Spanish since 1986 so I'm sure this woman would do a better job than me. She grew up in France and then earned her BS in Spanish and her MA in Second Language Teaching at PSU. If Nadia wants to do ballet again next year, I'll switch her to a dance studio which offers a class for 4 year olds from 9:30-10:30 on Monday mornings, and then she could do the Spanish class from 11:00-11:45 before we'd head home for lunch and naps/ quiet time. I'm excited! I know that it's best to start teaching a second language at an early age, and I think Spanish is more practical than French or German.

Please don't tell me my child is unsocialized just because she's not enrolled in a preschool. The plan at the moment is for her to be in Sunday School and Children's Church from 9-12 on Sundays, ballet and Spanish on Monday mornings, a preschool Bible class on Tuesdays from 9-11:15, and gymnastics, storytime at the library, and Cubbies on Wednesdays. In light of a baby on the way, I'm glad we'll be staying at home the other three days of the week. I'm planning on signing Ian up for gymnastics starting next January. They can be in the same class once he's three. I also am going to have him start participating in storytime in the fall. I hope wherever we move (after Paul graduates) the area has as many opportunities for kids as they do around here! If we happen to stay in this area, I would like the kids to take art classes once they're a bit older.

Scheduled the Ultrasound

When I was pregnant with Nadia I had three ultrasounds with the RE around 6, 8, and 10 weeks. With Ian my first two were only a week apart because we couldn't see a heartbeat at the first one (I wasn't quite 6 weeks). My last one was around 9 weeks, but the OB did one at my first prenatal appointment at 10 weeks. I was planning on asking this time if we could wait a bit longer for the first ultrasound in light of the fact PSU's insurance only pays for one in the first trimester. I didn't need to ask because they said the RE likes to wait until 8 weeks for the first ultrasound. I'm almost positive I'm just carrying one baby, but part of me wishes the first ultrasound was sooner to be certain. I just need to wait 3 weeks plus 2 more days. I called the OB and scheduled my first prenatal appointment for 10w2d. The nurse at the RE told me today that I'm to stay on the Prometrium 3 times a day until I'm 11 weeks. I scheduled my first OB appointment with the doctor who did the D&C to remove the rest of the placenta in January 2010. The pic here shows 5 of the 6 hpts I used this month. The differences don't show up as clearly in the photo as they do "in real life", but even in the photo you can see a very big difference from 12dpo to 18dpo!

Much Better

Nadia went to bed last night without ANY issues. Whew. She also woke up with both thumb guards still on, whereas on Saturday morning she woke up with one of them no longer on her thumb. I had bought "The Little Drummer Boy" months ago (VeggieTales), and today I let her watch it for the first time since she didn't cry last night and kept her thumb guard on. What a relief!

Ian is also definitely feeling better because as soon as I opened his bedroom door this morning he started saying "want milk." His fever is also gone. Hopefully Paul and I will be spared from also catching the bug. He did have one episode of diarrhea this afternoon, and his appetite wasn't totally back to normal. He seemed well enough to go to church this morning and for our trip to the mall this afternoon to pick up our glasses at Sears, get my passport photo at CVS as my passport expired in August, and to have dinner at Friendly's. While Nadia and I were finishing our ice cream, Paul was walking around the mall with Ian. As they walked by a machine where you can pay money to try to win a stuffed animal, a woman who had just won a little pink monster stuffed animal offered it to Ian. It cracked us up because someone at Hershey Park gave him a stuffed animal last month. Strangers like to give Ian stuffed animals!

The only downer today was that one of my crowns fell out. Joys unconfined. I never had that happen before, although it wasn't that long ago that I got my first crown. I hope it's not too difficult to put it back in. Another happy moment was using my last hpt. The test line was much darker than the control line (18dpo). I have a love/hate relationship with pregnancy symptoms. Emotionally they are very comforting. That was what had me even more scared on Wednesday - the symptoms had faded away. I kept telling myself that in the previous pregnancies they ebbed and flowed. Sure enough, they have come back in full force the past couple of days. I need to start modifying my diet to keep it at a bearable level (that means try to avoid many of the foods I love such as things that have spaghetti sauce, peanut butter, or chocolate). Physically they're annoying. Emotionally they are comforting. Acid reducers here we come. I'm just hoping to avoid gestational diabetes this time around, but if I have to go through that again, it's definitely worth it. No doubt about it.

Thumb Guards and the Third Beta

Nadia's thumb guards arrived in the mail earlier in the week, but I didn't want to put them on her when she had the stomach flu. Yesterday was the first day she wore them. She took one off during her quiet time (or nap on the days she naps), but other than that she didn't object to them yesterday. I did see them in her mouth a few times, but she wasn't sucking. Her opinion of them dramatically changed when it was time for bed. Oh. My. Goodness. It was horrible. She was convinced she couldn't sleep with them on, and I couldn't calm her down. After about 75 minutes of attempting to get her to settle down, I finally just had to close her door and let her cry herself to sleep. She cried for about 30 more minutes before she konked out on the floor. When she woke up at 2:10, we tucked her in bed. I was nervous she'd go back to having tantrums at 2:10, but thankfully she went back to sleep pretty quickly. We haven't let her "cry it out" for about 3 years so it was tough to do, but I wasn't sure what else I could do (aside from taking off the thumb guards, which I was definitely not going to do). I am hoping and praying going to bed won't be nearly so difficult tonight, but if it is, I think I'm going to skip forward to letting her cry it out as I think she'd actually end up crying for a shorter amount of time. The instructions said to have the child wear the guards for 30 days. Here's to hoping they do the trick!

Ian managed to sleep through all her carrying on last night, but he woke up at 6:30, which is definitely earlier than normal. We then discovered he had a fever, and while I was having my bloodwork done at the hospital this morning, he threw up four times. Poor guy. It seems he got what Nadia had on Tuesday. He took one nap in my arms around 11:30, and right now he's napping in Paul's arms. I did feed him some solid foods for his first meal today, but since then we've just been giving him rice drink. He actually turned down the rice drink once, and he's always begging for more milk. That proved he wasn't feeling well!! I am praying he doesn't lose much weight. The other three members of this household can afford to lose a pound or two, but that's not the case with Ian. I have a hard enough time preventing him from losing weight when he isn't sick!  We had planned to go out this evening to celebrate the BFP and pick up our new glasses (which have been ready for a week), but we're postponing those plans until tomorrow in light of Ian having the flu.

Today's Beta was done 43 hours after the one on Thursday, and my hCG more than doubled in that time span. It was 351 today! WOOHOO! Way to grow, little one! I didn't do a hpt today. I am planning on doing my last one tomorrow (18dpo). Comparing my hCG with my last two pregnancies, my hCG is higher than it was with Nadia at this stage, and it's lower than it was with Ian at this stage. I can't completely compare apples with apples because I was tested at 19dpo and 21dpo with those pregnancies, but my number today (17dpo) was very close to what it was at 19dpo with Nadia and about 1/3 of what it was at 19dpo with Ian. The bottom line is that the baby seems to be doing just fine. I can't believe it! I'm soooooooooooooo thankful!!!!

Back to School

My first two classes this week went really well. I do love teaching. Teaching a class face-to-face is much more enjoyable than teaching online. However teaching online enabled me to be at home with my kids more. When I am teaching, I wish I didn't have to give it up, but then when I'm with my kids, I don't want to leave them to go to work. I think this is going to be a good semester. One added bonus is that my classes are smaller than usual, which means my grading load will be lighter. We had a college faculty meeting today and will have a department faculty meeting next Friday so I'll be on campus 3 days a week this week and next week.

My department chair did revise my schedule. He thought I'd prefer being on campus for a shorter period of time 5 days a week. I felt so relieved knowing that he was trying to keep my situation in mind when creating the first schedule. The alternate schedule is oh so much better. My classes would be from 2:00-7:30pm on Mondays and Wednesdays and 2:00-2:50 on Fridays. This means Paul could do about 5 hours of the babysitting each week, whereas he couldn't do any with the original schedule. The new schedule also would reduce my time away from home each week by 8.5 hours when you take into account driving time and such. With the first schedule the kids couldn't have done storytime at the library, ballet, or gymnastics, and I couldn't have done ladies Bible study. With the new schedule we can do ALL of those things, if I switch her to another ballet studio that has a class for 4-5 year olds from 9:30-10:30am on Mondays. The only thing I'd have to give up with the new schedule is choir on Wednesday nights. Paul could still take her to Cubbies on Wednesday nights.

They wanted me to understand I can't ask for any leave in the fall. I know the department has been stretched thin lately. It has been much worse this year because three tenure track faculty didn't return this fall, and another faculty member retired the semester before that. We already had a few vacant tenure track positions before these four left. They are doing two tenure track searches this semester. That will help some, but they need to do more searches next year to get things back on track. Each tenured/tenure track faculty member has over 100 advisees because we're so short staffed. As I sat there talking with them, I was wishing I could teach FT next fall. They really don't want me to resign. They made that very clear. They also really don't want me to work part-time. They want me back full-time. One thing that annoyed me during the meeting is that the Dean outright said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter how sick your son is, you are a faculty member and this department is drowning and this should be a higher priority." I couldn't believe she'd say that. No matter what job I might have, I would never put that as a higher priority over my children. This statement was even more shocking because her husband is a SAHD. Her 5 year old daughter has never been in child care, and her daughter is totally healthy. I see her daughter every week at gymastics (her father brings her). I'm not saying anything against those who work outside the home. It's a personal decision we each have to make. Some don't even have the option of staying home. I'm so grateful it's an option for us. I just couldn't believe the Dean said I would be wrong to put my son's needs above my department's.

I am feeling really badly that I will in fact be using leave next semester. I didn't use any paid leave with Nadia, and I only used 2.5 weeks of paid leave with Ian. So (it seems) this will be the first time that I will get to use the 8 weeks of paid leave I could have used the other times if the children hadn't been born when classes weren't in session. While I was meeting with them I was thinking maybe I could come back after the 8 weeks were up, but then I reminded myself how badly I want nursing to go better this next time, and it's much harder to nurse when I go back to work at 8 weeks (spoken from experience as I went back to work when Nadia and Ian were 8 weeks old). I just want to go on unpaid leave for the last 2 weeks of the semester (or more if the baby comes early). This type of leave is automatic. They can't say "no." I feel badly, but I'm almost 40 years old. I couldn't postpone trying for #3. In the fall I'll put in my letter of resignation that will be effective in early January.

The only downside of the new schedule is that instead of assigning me other classes (which are currently listed as TBD beacuse they don't know who will be teaching them), he rearranged the times of the same courses they had assigned me in the first schedule. I say this is a downside because I had asked if he could assign me to teach courses I have taught before (all the sections of three different courses I've taught before are currently listed as TBD for the fall). Instead he assigned me two classes I've never taught before - "Teaching Reading: Grades 1-4" and "Young Child's Play as an Educative Process." I've never taken much less taught a play course before. I don't have any degrees in early childhood. Unfortunately no one who is in our department right now has such a degree. So I have become the ECE person by default, even though my teaching experience was in middle school. In the near future I'll need to start working on selecting textbooks for those classes. It will take a lot more work to write the syllabi, course outlines, etc. for two brand new courses, but in a case of "pick your battles" it was far more important to me that I have a MWF or T/Th schedule than to worry about what classes I'll be teaching. The professor who teaches most of the sections of the reading course has volunteered to share her materials with me so that one won't take nearly as much work as the play course will.

They admitted part of the reason it was such a difficult situation this semester was because the President waited until the last minute to make a decision. They acknowledged that wasn't my fault, but it gave them very little time to hire someone to teach two of my classes. Since giving them lots of advance notice doesn't seem to do any good, I'm going to wait a few months to tell them I'm pregnant, considering I'm not expecting them to be happy about that news. The downside of that is I'd love to tell my students, especially my Tuesday night class. I haven't popped out very early the last two pregnancies. Hopefully the same will hold true this time so that I can wait until at least May to tell them I won't actually be able to teach the whole fall semester. I do plan on starting out full-time and teaching until I have the baby (5.5 weeks if the baby waited until his/her EDD). I am of course extremely grateful for this little life growing within me. I can't wait to hold him or her in my arms. What a miracle! In 2007 I began to question if I'd ever be a mom - through adoption or pregnancy, and now I have two children in my arms and one in my womb. Amazing! We might be moving in the next year depending on where Paul gets a job, so it might have been impossible for me to keep teaching there even if I didn't desire to be a SAHM. One advantage of me being a SAHM is that the kids won't watch as much tv. I am quite certain they watch more than I wish they would when babysitters are watching them.

It has been a very emotional week. It started with me thinking I was staring at a BFN but then that turned to a BFP but then on Wednesday night I was pretty certain I was having a miscarriage. What a relief it was to find out on Thursday that the baby is doing fine. I'm expecting more good news from tomorrow's bloodwork. I was also very nervous about my meeeting on Thursday night, and that went well in the sense that now I have a MWF schedule for the fall semester. Now if I could only find my sapphire bracelet... But if one thing had to go wrong, I'd definitely pick that to be the one!  All these pics of artwork Nadia has done lately at ladies Bible study, Cubbies, or Sunday School.

Tripled!

My repeat Beta was good! My number tripled in the past 54 hours, and they would have been happy if it had doubled! WOOHOO! It went from 54.5 on Tuesday morning to 167.7 this afternoon. I haven't had any bleeding or spotting since 8pm last night. Every time I go to the bathroom I'm so nervous, but so far so good. PTL! They want me to have one more Beta on Saturday morning. Grow baby, grow!!!

Now in a few minutes I'm off to my meeting with my department chair and Dean. I hope their news is as good as the nurse's news was.

More Hopeful

Well I haven't had any spotting or bleeding for the past 12 hours, and I took a hpt this morning and it was much darker than yesterday (the test line and control line were equally dark today for the first time this pregnancy). That didn't happen until 16dpo with my last pregnancy, and I'm 15dpo today. I am feeling more hopeful. I know there's no guarantee, but I think the little one is still hanging on right now. I've decided to stick with my original plan and get the bloodwork done on the way to work (around 3pm). Thanks for your prayers. They mean so much! I'm really praying I don't get bad news while I'm at work as I don't exactly want to start bawling in my office. I'm going to try to take it as easy as possible (lift Ian as little as possible).