Only one

Only one embryo left of the seven that came into being 2 weeks ago. We found out on Aug 7 that we had lost three of the four which weren't transferred, and we found out yesterday that we also lost the three which were transferred. I did my first hpt yesterday at 5am at 10dp3dt and only saw one line as usual. I knew there was no hope left as the RE had told me in 2005 that for my pgcgy to have hope of success my HCG needed to be at least about 100 at 14dpo, and it was less than 30 that day. I also know these hpts are very sensitive as I got a bfp with this brand at 12dpo that summer when my hcg was less than 12. So I knew this attempt was doomed when I got a bfn yesterday. I didn't post about it yesterday as #1 I wasn't emotionally ready to type the words yet and #2 I was afraid some might think (or say) "it might be too early" when I knew it wasn't too early. So I tested again this morning at 4:30am at 11dp3dt and still only one line. I am not pg.

I left a message with the RE nurse this morning asking three questions. #1 Do I really have to have a blood test to confirm what I already know to be true? #2 If I do really have to do the blood test do I truly have to wait til Friday? These PIO injections really hurt and it was much harder to have one last night when I knew I wasn't pg. As of yesterday I have had 59 injections since July 6. I am hoping last night was my last for awhile. #3 I asked her what protocol they use for frozen embyro transfers (FET). I am not ready to jump into that immediately, but I know there are different protocols and wasn't sure which they used. I am praying they use the one that involves the least amount of injections.

So obviously yesterday was a hard day. I have worked very hard this summer and haven't had even one week off of work so that we could afford IVF, and we spent every penny I earned the last 3 months on IVF. So I am behind in what I "should" have accomplished this summer thus far as far as my work goes, we didn't get to take our vacation to Mexico that we had planned, and I tortured my body (still don't feel normal physically) for seemingly nothing. And although I knew our chances were less than 40%, our hopes were still dashed yesterday. It just reinforced this feeling I've had for a few years that I will never give birth to a baby.

I know we have one frozen embryo. The likelihood that the one embryo will result in a full term pregnancy is extremely slim. First of all we aren't even guaranteed the embryo will survive the thawing process and be able to be transferred. Then if the embryo is transferred the "chances" of me seeing 2 lines on a pgcy test are very small in light of the fact that #1 we are only transferring one embryo and #2 that I didn't get pregnant from the fresh cycle. I know that it's not impossible, and of course I hope this seventh embryo results in pregnancy. My feeling is that if we become parents in the next year, it will be through adoption not pregnancy.

Thank you for all the support and prayers and encouragement that you gave me the last couple of months as we went through this IVF process. It meant a lot to me.