Family Ties

Sometimes you live very close to your immediate and/or extended family, and other times you live geographically far apart. Some people live within a few miles of their family and yet are not close emotionally or in some cases sadly are not even on speaking terms with each other. Paul grew up with his grandparents living very, very close to him (in other words in his house or in the house next door). When I was growing up my cousins, grandparents, aunts, and uncles lived in other states, but we got together with them usually at least once a year. Once we reached college age, the visits became less regular as instead of getting together with extended family for holidays we have only been getting together for weddings and funerals. The last time I saw most of my relatives on my dad's side of the family was when we went to New York for my father's cousin's 70th birthday party nine years ago. I had seen two relatives on my dad's side more recently - my cousin, Brooke, stopped in to see me at the hospital 4 years ago when I was pregnant with Oliver and I saw my Aunt Janet several times between 2008-2010. The last time I saw any of my relatives on my mom's side of the family was at a wedding in August 2003. When we were growing up our cousins lived in New York (Long Island) and Virginia (Roanoke and Virginia Beach). My parents each had one sister, plus my dad also has a half-sister. His half-sister never had any children. My dad's sister has three children (no grandchildren), and my mom's sister has eight children and seventeen grandchildren. Growing up we also regularly got together with one of my dad's cousins who has three children and five grandchildren.

My Aunt Janet (dad's sister) had made plans to fly to MD and visit my mom, but since she arrived on July 14, she wasn't able to see her one last time. She was able to stay until Saturday night which meant she was able to attend the family dinner at the church on Friday night and the visitation, funeral, and luncheon on Saturday at the church. My dad's cousin, Charlie, and his wife, Nadine drove from Pittsburgh and spent Friday night at their daughter, Samantha's home in Virginia, and the three of them were with us at the church on Saturday. My mom's sister, brother-in-law, and seven of her eight nieces/nephews came down on Friday night along with six of their spouses and nine of their seventeen children. Four of them flew from Indiana in the airplane that my mom's dad had flown for decades, and the rest drove to Maryland from Virginia, Ohio, and Indiana. Janet had met Nadia and Ian before, but none of the other relatives had ever met any of my children. It was great to see all of them however considering 28 relatives were there whom I hadn't seen in 6-13 years, I wasn't able to have lengthy conversations with too many of them. My cousin Katrina is the same age as me, and we naturally spent a lot of time together when our families were visiting each other, and I pretty much only had time to say "hi" to her, which was disappointing. I was sitting at the table for the luncheon with Janet, Charlie, Nadine, and Samantha so I was able to have longer conversations with them. My Aunt Janet also spent some time at my dad's house on Friday and Saturday so I definitely had more time with her than any of the other extended family. Hopefully so many years will not pass before we get together again with our relatives on both sides of the family. 

I wish I lived geographically closer to my siblings so that my kids could see their cousins more regularly, but it seems unlikely that will ever happen. I am thankful that we are emotionally close and do enjoy the times we can be together face-to-face. Yvonne and her family are staying until September 6 (my parents' anniversary). Joe might have flown back to Turkey today for ten days, although I am not sure if the attempted military coup altered his plans. Wendy and her family live in Chicago, and Maurice is moving to Texas in four weeks. My mom's emails always kept us informed as to what was going on in each other's lives. We siblings are going to need to reach out to each other by phone or Skype more often now that our mom has passed away. I have to retrain my brain to refer to the house as "Grandpa's house" after referring to it as Grandma's house for the past 8 years and my mom's house for more than 30 years before that. Old habits die hard. I also realize we no longer need to refer to Paul's mom as Grandma Kennedy any more. She can just be called "Grandma." That makes me sad. I know my mom is in a better place, and I'm grateful her suffering is over but she will be deeply missed by me and many others. I wish so badly I could just pick up the phone and call her right now. 

On Thursday the boys and I drove down to Maryland after seeing Nadia's first performance of Little Mermaid, Jr. She had a very small part - much smaller than last year. In hindsight I wish I had not signed her up. Last year the younger children were able to sing most of the songs and have speaking parts in Annie. That was not true this year. Plus the practices were held farther away than last year. Plus my mom passed away during "tech week" which ended up being the reason I wasn't there for her last 36 hours of life (of course I had no way of knowing when exactly she would pass away when I left) and also was the reason I didn't rush back to Maryland on Tuesday after Wendy called me with the news. I was able to help from a distance with the funeral website, write the life summary included on half of the bulletin for her service, and create five slideshows that were used during the visitation, funeral, and luncheon, but my heart was in Maryland that whole time. If I had to say right now I would say I absolutely want to look for opportunities in the future for Nadia to be involved in theatre productions, but at the moment I am not inclined to sign her up for that program next summer although it was an excellent (Christian!) theatre program, and next year she will be old enough to try out for parts and sing in far more songs. One upside to her not participating in that next year would be she could do the Good News Camp in Northumberland that Ian did last week. She really wants to do that.

Because she had another show on Friday night, she didn't go down with the boys and I on Thursday night. She and Paul went home and she spent the day at Grandma's house while Paul was at work. Paul and his parents went to see her show on Friday night. The four of them drove down (in two cars) on Saturday morning. Nadia and Paul arrived around 8:30 at the church so we could do a mic check for her duet with Ian. My mom did not want any eulogies during the service. We honored that request although the Pastor did share some of his reflections on her life during the message, and then we did give a time for others to do so during the luncheon in the multi-purpose room. During the service Yvonne and Jenna played a duet for four hands on the piano (Morning has broken), Nadia and Ian sang a duet ('Tis so sweet), the choir sang one of my all time favorites "The Majesty and Glory of your name" (with the orchestra), Adam and Wendy played a cello/violin duet (Old Rugged Cross), Wendy played a classical violin solo, and I played a flute solo (His eye is on the sparrow). The congregation sang "Great is thy faithfulness" (mom's most favorite hymn) and "Blessed Assurance." A pianist an the orchestra provided accompaniment for both hymns. I was invited to play the piano or flute for either of those, but I opted just to sing (and cry) instead. I am posting below the video of their duet. You can skip the first 30 seconds as Paul started recording before they started singing.

Paul and Nadia had to leave around 12:30 (after eating) to get Nadia to Camp on time. As it was she was the last one to arrive. We will be picking her up on Saturday morning. Hopefully she is having a fabulous time! Paul's parents were able to stay until the end of the luncheon (about 2:00). Drayton's parents (Wendy's husband) also came to the church on Saturday. As we were creating presentation boards with photos of my mom on Saturday night it hit me that planning a funeral is in several ways similar to planning a wedding only you have FAR more time to plan a wedding. The people at Grace Baptist went above and beyond the call of duty. They provided the meal for the extended family on Friday night as well as the meal for the luncheon (for hundreds of people to eat) on Saturday. The pastor did a great job with the message. We came home with food on Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday morning so the refrigerator, freezer, counter tops, and pantries are overflowing with food. We certainly felt very loved! I took apart the very large flower arrangements and placed the flowers in multiple vases to spread around dad's house.  I came home to six sympathy cards that had been mailed to me - one from a relative on Paul's mom's side of the family, four from families in the church we attended from 2008-2014, and one from a co-worker when I was a principal (1996-2003).

Sunday was Wendy's 40th birthday. I can't remember the last time prior to this year that I was with my sisters on their birthdays, but we were in the hospital together on January 21 (Yvonne's birthday) this year and together in my dad's house on Wendy's birthday yesterday. I had already mailed her gift to Chicago not knowing I would see her in person before then. Yvonne and I went through the scrap books and found pictures from her birth and her first seven birthdays (dad's idea) and he presented them to her on Sunday after lunch. Drayton and Yvonne started cooking around 6:30 to make a wonderful hot breakfast for all 20+ of us (pancakes, sausage, potatoes, and eggs). Drayton and Joe also made a wonderful lunch for us after church (grilled chicken, asparagus, Waldorf salad, potatoes, and rolls). Wendy wore one of my mom's dresses to church. She looked so beautiful in it. Eventually I want to pick some of her clothing out for myself. It will be a way to remember her in the months and years to come. My dad also presented Wendy with a bracelet and necklace of my mom's as her 40th birthday present, which was very special, I too eventually want to pick out some jewelry for myself and also some to give Nadia when she is older. I still think of my Grandma Lillian whenever I wear the ring that she passed on to me. I remember crying at my Grandma Lillian's funeral, but my mom's funeral was by far the hardest one I have ever attended in my life. I miss you so much, mom.