House

Well our house is being shown twice this morning and again tomorrow night. That's 5 showings in 7 days to 4 different potential buyers as the ones coming at 10:00 today were here on Tues. The ones from Friday are definitely making an offer and who knows if the ones coming through a 2nd time will as well. Our realtor told the realtor of the house we want to buy that our house should be under contract by the middle of the week. Hopefully that house will still be available by then. They're having an open house today. He said they'll accept a contract from us again once ours is under contract again. I'd appreciate prayers about this. Thanks! I'd also appreciate prayers for my dad and brother who are on a short term missions trip this week (they left a few days ago and have one week left). Seven other people from their church went with them.

Good News/ Bad News

Well the good news is #1 the realtor thinks that the people who looked at our house yesterday are going to make an offer by Tuesday. #2 is that Paul is home and he doesn't return to PSU until Tuesday morning so we get THREE days together one of which (Monday) is our 7th anniversary. #3 is that I got at least 7 hours of sleep last night so I feel much, much better today. Part of the reason I got as much sleep as I did was that Paul put her to bed after I was already asleep and she only woke up once to be fed during the night (3:45am).

The bad news is that it took about 4 hours to get her down last night. We started to put her down around 7pm as she was yawning plus she had been up for 2 hours at that point and had been fed and had a clean diaper. Well we would get her to sleep but within a few minutes of being in the crib she'd start crying. We let her cry a few times but that didn't work either. We rocked her to sleep, I nursed her to sleep, etc. It wasn't until a little after 11pm that she finally went to sleep. When she woke up at 3:45am I nursed her for an hour and usually she goes right down after that but after trying to rock her to sleep for an additional 30 minutes I gave up and brought her to bed with us at 5:15am and she then slept for over 3 hours in bed with us. I read some of another book this morning (The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems) and was determined to work really hard the next three days to work on getting her on a schedule (rather than on demand feeding or as she calls it "accidental parenting." She had this strategy she suggested including swaddling, patting the baby's back, and saying "shh, shh" near the baby's ear while the baby is in the crib. She said it might take 15-20 minutes. Well I tried it for about an hour. I had nursed her for 45 minutes (watched her jaw for signs of when she was turning me into a pacifier and then took her off) played with her for a while until she started yawning and then had started the process of putting her to sleep. After trying to get her to sleep for 90 minutes (tried many different things like rocking her, the pacifier, etc.), I then switched to trying to let her cry herself to sleep. That didn't work either. So I got her out of her crib 2 hours after we had started trying to put her to bed and I fed her again. After she nursed for about 40 minutes she fell asleep so I decided to skip the "wake" time since she had now been awake for almost 4 hours straight. Unfortunately a few minutes after she was in the crib she started crying again; I am letting her cry now. I am confident I could get her to sleep on me or with me in our bed, but I am trying to get her to sleep in her crib. Neither letting her cry it out or the techniques of the Baby Whisperer are working for us yesterday/today. I am open to suggestions. I am very frustrated and am feeling very clueless what to do to help her go to sleep in her crib. I know she's tired!!!

Her Rose

The last good night of sleep I had was Saturday night. It really caught up with me last night. The longest stretch was 2 1/2 hours and since that started at 8:15 it was only 90 minutes of sleep for me. From then on she woke up about every 90 minutes. My head hurt so badly it felt like it might explode. I had only had one nap in the last few days due to cleaning the house, doing those projects for school, etc. Unfortunately today wasn't a good day in terms of naps for her either although I did get her to sleep in the crib for 45 minutes so I did take a nap then as well. Today she cried any time I put her down. Usually she'll be happy for at least 5 minutes in the bouncer or boppy or swing. Sometimes of course I just had to let her cry or I'd never be able to go to the bathroom or fix myself a sandwich for lunch, etc. I forgot to try the sling. The sling worked well at the mall, but I keep forgetting to try using it at home.

Although the main points are the same in both Babywise and Baby Whisperer, I have found at least one significant difference. Baby Whisperer does not advocate letting the baby cry it out. She advocates picking the baby up, comforting him/her, and then putting the baby back down and repeating as many times as necessary (even if it's 120 times). She also advocates using a pacifier to help until the baby is 3 months old. So I think I'm going to try this tomorrow. Letting her cry it out does not seem to work. Even if I go in and comfort her after say 15 minutes, she resumes crying once I put her down and she will cry for at least an hour total without falling asleep. Both books advocate starting very early. Babywise advocates starting once the baby is one week old, and Baby Whisperer advocates starting on day one. However both say that you can start later even if "bad habits" have already been established. Hopefully tonight will be a better night as I am really, really tired!

The photo is of the rose that was on the organ at church on June 29 in Nadia's honor. The pastor and his wife gave it to us last night along with a gift from them of a pack of Pampers and a picture frame. So I have now received the two gifts I thought were common baby gifts which I didn't receive at a baby shower - Krissy (whom I met online in 2003) gave me some receiving blankets 5 weeks ago and the Pastor and his wife gave us some diapers. We discussed Nadia's dedication, and we have scheduled it for Sept. 28 based on the schedules of our family members who are planning to attend. Nadia will be wearing the same white dress that I wore 36 years ago at my dedication. She will be the 6th girl in our family to wear it (first me then my 2 sisters then my 2 nieces). So many times I have gotten emotional when I've seen "yet another" rose on the organ. The hardest time was around Feb 2006 (when our first baby was due); there were quite a few roses on the organ back then. Of course I wasn't in church on 6-29 (we were still in the hospital for one thing!) so I am really glad I now get to see the flower that was placed in her honor. Donna had already given me the bulletin which announced her arrival. Baby dedications have also sometimes been a very emotional experience for me; so it is with GREAT joy that I think about the fact that in about 6 weeks I will be participating in one rather than watching and wondering whether I would ever be a mother. Thank you Lord for this precious little girl!!!

Frozen

One year ago today Nadia was frozen. It's really weird for me to think that the sweet little girl who is napping on me right now was at negative 320 degrees F (-196 degrees C) for a little less than 3 months. I am not a big sci fi person, but I do know that Darth Vader froze Hans Solo in the Star Wars movie, LOL. Yet this is not science fiction, my little girl really was in liquid nitrogen. This boggles my mind! Successful cryopreservation first began in 1972 (with other mammals), and the first successful human pregnancy from a FET was in 1983. This delay of implantation actually happens naturally (no freezing involved) in about 100 species of mammals such as the wallaby and is called embryonic diapause. Well although I might not really be able to wrap my mind around the concept of my daughter being frozen for about 3 months, I am glad she successfully made it through the freezing and thawing process. I remember the embryologist being so happy that they didn't see any ice crystals when they were thawing her out. Ice crystals? Again just not something I think about when I think of a little baby! I guess I just don't have a scientific mind. Science would have been about the last area I would have chosen to major in when I was in college.

So if Nadia has science questions, she can go to her daddy for help. I have to brag on Paul. He just called a little bit ago to tell me that he passed FOUR of his SIX entrance exams. That's the best case scenario! It wouldn't have changed anything if he had passed five or six (yet it would be different if he had passed less than four). Going into the exams he was hoping to pass 3 (physical chemistry, organic, and math). He figured if he had time to study he might have been able to pass a fourth (inorganic). Well he DID pass all four of those even though he didn't spend even one tiny minute studying for the inorganic one!!! He studied a tiny bit at the last minute for the math exam, but he said it was super easy (for him) and he could have passed it without any studying. He had studied the most for the organic and phys chem exams. It turns out he studied the "wrong" stuff for the phys chem exam so really it's as if he took the test w/o studying because the stuff that was on there was not what he had studied. So the only test which the studying helped him pass was organic. I thought he was at a huge disadvantage as PSU had sent out the test information in early May and encouraged the students to study all summer. He didn't start studying until July 30 and honestly he didn't really get too much time to study this past week in between photos at Sears, a dentist appt, graduation party, etc. Well I am really proud of him!
Last night Nadia went down easily (no crying) at 8:30pm. It figures that she'd go down early when Paul was here but she wouldn't go down until 10:45 pm (Mon) or 11:35pm (Tues) when I was home alone (as usually Paul takes over during those hours so I can get some sleep). She slept until 12:45am so that seems to be the norm that her first stretch is usually about 4 1/2 hours. Normally if I nurse her for one hour the first time she wakes up then she goes down easily and then the other feedings are usually about 30 minutes long the rest of the night and usually she falls asleep while nursing and I put her down without any crying. Well last night I nursed her for an hour and she cried after I put her down so I tried nursing her a little more and then Paul tried rocking her to sleep. We had also changed her diaper, burped her, etc. We did all of this for TWO hours (mostly me but Paul did spell me for about 30 minutes in there). I didn't know what else to do. She was still wide awake. So I let her cry herself to sleep. Thankfully she "only" cried for 25 minutes and then she slept for 2 hours (3:15-5:15). I kept waking up thinking I was hearing her crying, but I'd check on her and she was sound asleep. This happens to me now during the day so it's not just a situation of I'm dreaming that I'm hearing her cry. Even during the day I think she's crying and then I get really close to the baby monitor and realize the only sound coming from her room is the ticking of her clock. I tried to get her to take her nap this morning in her crib but after letting her cry off and on for a little over an hour I couldn't take it any more. This babywise thing just does not seem to be working for us. It just seems cruel to let a 6 week old baby cry that long!!! She fell asleep immediately in my arms where she still is now. I guess the babysitters are just going to have to hold her. I'm not sure how much she'll sleep in the pack n play I plan on putting in my office. I am paying them $8/hr so I guess it's reasonable to expect them to hold her during her nap. She will take a pacifier for a little bit, but it falls out of her mouth so unless you stand there and put it back in every time it falls out, it doesn't work as a comforting device for her. The sling does work (she will sleep in it) as long as I am standing or walking. So I could get housework done while carrying her.

This morning she was a bit congested. I needed to use the bulb syringe on her nose for the first time which of course she didn't like. I think maybe I saw her first social smile today. It's so hard to be sure, but I had just smiled at her and immediately she smiled right back so I think it was purposeful but who knows for sure. She started having acne just a few days after birth (while in the hospital) but it got a LOT worse the last few weeks. Paul was actually concerned, but I kept reassuring him it was totally normal and it would go away. Well Monday was the first day I noticed an improvement and it has continued to improve each day. I think it will be totally gone by the end of the week. Paul noticed a big change when he came home last night. Actually he said she looked different in other ways as well. Babies change so quickly when they're so little. It's not as noticeable to me since I see her all the time, but it's noticeable to those who go a few days or weeks without seeing her.
Sorry this post is getting so long, but I wanted to add that one thing I've learned from reading these books is the importance of not switching sides in the middle of one feeding. In the Baby Whisperer book she said it can take as long as 18 minutes into a feeding before the hind milk starts which is the high calorie milk. I knew there were 3 stages of milk and that the 3rd was the fattiest, but Nadia was SO hard to keep awake while feeding her (probably the jaundice is what made her so lethargic) that I would usually switch sides after 15 minutes when I was nursing her in the NICU. If I could go back in time I would have stayed on one side the whole 30 minutes. Maybe this would have helped her start gaining weight sooner. Oh well at least now I know to stay on one side an entire feeding or at least for 30 minutes anyhow. I think the times that she nurses one hour it probably is okay to switch sides half-way through the feeding, but most of the feedings I have been trying to just keep her on one side. I want to make sure she gets the high calorie milk! The lactation nurse referred to the third stage as the "milkshake" stage, LOL.

A former GA of mine (Dan) met Nadia this afternoon. I think the pastor and his wife are coming over this evening to discuss Nadia's baby dedication which we are hoping will happen on Sept 28.

Babywise

I had 3 friends mention that they followed the practices described in On Becoming Babywise. So I decided to take Allison up on her offer to borrow the book. I read it a few days ago. She also loaned me Secrets of the Baby Whisperer which I am about half-way through. The main message in both books is the same. They both recommend a pattern of feeding, wake time, and then sleep time, and "props" such as rocking the baby to sleep or nursing a baby to sleep are not to be used. Both also advocate becoming very attuned to reading a baby's cues (types of cries, body language) to determine when a baby is getting tired, needs a diaper change, is hungry, etc. Although both recommend that this cycle should be repeated every 2 1/2 to 3 hours (from start of feeding to start of feeding), they both advocate adjusting the time frames as needed based on baby's cues or other factors such as company coming over or whatever.

Nadia did sleep twice during the day yesterday somewhere other than in my arms (an hour in the bouncer in the morning and an hour in the crib in the afternoon). Since Paul hasn't been home since Sunday night, I have really needed her to be able to sleep somewhere other than on me. Monday I didn't even get a shower since she was in my arms ALL day long. I raced around like a crazy person during her time in the bouncer yesterday morning - got a shower, threw in a load of laundry, etc. This was even more the case in the afternoon as the realtor called about 1pm to tell me the house was being shown at 6:45pm. I still hadn't finished cleaning up from the party. So I cleaned like a mad woman during her time in the crib in the afternoon. I don't think I've ever accomplished so much cleaning in such a brief time before, LOL.

I decided to go to an ice cream place about 3 minutes from our home during the time our house was being shown (since she doesn't like being in a car seat - the shorter the drive the better!). It was my first time taking her out for frozen yogurt! Of course I was the only one who had any, LOL. My friend, Cheri, met us there which was really nice. Nadia was very alert and very well behaved while we were there.

I nursed her when we got home and put her to bed at 9:15. Surprisingly she woke up at 10pm. That is very unusual for her to have such a short stretch. I checked her diaper; it was only a little wet but I changed it anyhow. I nursed her a little more in case she was hungry. Then I put her down at 10:35 and she screamed, screamed, and screamed some more. Actually she would cry for say 10 minutes and then be quiet for 5 minutes and then start crying again. This went on for FIFTY minutes. I couldn't take it any more. I was determined to let her cry it out, but that was just TOO long. I laid her on my chest while I was lying in bed and she was asleep in a few minutes and I put her down a few minutes later and she slept for 4 1/2 hours. So she was tired, but she just wouldn't go to sleep on her own. This morning we had a very similar experience with her first nap except this time it was right around the 50 minute mark that she fell asleep on her own. Progress. The next nap was in my arms as I was on the phone when she fell asleep, but the one after that she slept in the crib without any crying. Right now she has been crying off and on for 40 minutes. Sigh. Training her to go to sleep on her own is not easy! The blessing of her taking a nap in her crib this afternoon was that I got to take a nap in my own bed which I really needed as I hadn't gotten any naps on Monday or Tuesday since I had been working on a project for work (which I submitted Tuesday morning!) and then cleaning the house for the showing. I now feel much more confident about my abilities to be a working mom. :-)

Paul is coming home tonight. YAHOOO! His entrance exams are over. He'll commute back and forth to PSU tomorrow and Friday. I can't wait to see him!!!! He usually puts out the garbage, and since I was up so late last night I got up later this morning. I didn't come downstairs until about 8:20 (after nursing Nadia) and then remembered it was the morning to put the garbage out. I put it out immediately, but it turns out they had already come by. Oops! Paul's mom and Brandi came up today. I went to the bank and grocery store while they were here, and they gave Nadia a bath while I was out. Paul's mom took the 3 garbage bags in her trunk to the plant (Paul's dad owns). I almost put it out last night as I feared this might happen, but Paul is always fearful of animals getting into the garbage. Although I am feeling better about going back to work (Nadia will be going with me MWF morning and Paul will watch her Tues pm), I must admit I really wish I wasn't teaching in the morning, especially not at 8am. I plan to leave the house at 7am and nurse her in my office prior to my first class. She is going to HAVE to start going to bed earlier or I will be a zombie as the only way I get at least 7 hours of sleep (8-9 was my norm before I had her) is if I sleep in longer than I usually do. If I am getting up at 6am I will likely only be getting 5 hours of sleep. Not enough! Well she's now been crying for 52 minutes so it's time to rescue the gal. I can't listen to her scream any more. For those of you who followed Babywise, did your babies scream THIS long??? I changed her diaper and fed her before putting her down. She was yawning so I knew she was tired.

Six Weeks Old!

Nadia is six weeks old today! Wow! I love her soooooooooo much!!! I am sooooo thankful for my little sweetheart. I can't wait until she smiles at me on purpose. That will melt my heart I am sure!! I am going to take 2 photos of her today (at least, lol). One will be with the Steeler snuggle ball blanket that I posed her with 4 weeks ago. The second will be with a teddy bear I've owned for a very long time. I made good progress yesterday on my work project. So I guess I can be a working mommy - when daddy is out of town no less! Two more days of just us girls. Paul is taking 4 exams today (6.5 hours) - 3 chemistry (physical, biochemistry, analytical) and 1 math. I'm praying he'll do well even though he didn't get much time to study.

My how she's grown! The bouncer photos were from today and 7/2, and the Steeler photos were from today and 7/10.

Working Mommy

Well today I need to get some school work done - something that's due by 3pm tomorrow. I had started this project in May and hoped to finish it before Nadia's birth, but that didn't happen since she came earlier than expected. I have been telling myself the last couple of weeks that I needed to get started on it, but I just couldn't seem to make myself get back to work on it. Of course technically I am on maternity leave for 15 more days as we're allowed 8 weeks after a c/s. I haven't been attending the mtgs our dept has held the last few weeks. Of course it's always somewhat of a transition every fall from summer mode to back to school (except for the years like last summer when I taught all summer). I have done some schoolwork the past 6 weeks as I have kept current with my work email, finished the grading for the course which ended 6-25, and have been grading for an independent study which ends this Friday.

I have to say I am overwhelmed at the thought of returning to school 3 weeks from today. I haven't even fully resumed my duties here at home yet (ex. haven't cooked a single meal), and I am to begin teaching FT in just 3 weeks? Thankfully I only have to be on campus 17 hours a week, but even that feels overwhelming at the moment. I am also concerned about trying to pack/move while school is in session, but who knows when that will happen. Paul might be making the long commute for many months. Yesterday I said to Paul that maybe when our house sells we should move near PSU and I'll take a 4 year leave of absence from my job. We could rent and live off the equity from our home. Maybe between that and his stipend we'd have enough? We'd be dirt poor at the end with no money or equity, but maybe for our sanity that's the best option. The last 6 weeks has been super stressful. Paul wrote 95 pages since Nadia was born. I think why it's been really hard for me is Paul is usually the laid back one of the two of us. If someone is stressed, it's me, but he has been very stressed lately about writing his thesis, the defense, and his entrance exams at PSU. Well hopefully once his exams are over (Wed pm) and he finishes the revisions to his thesis(???), he will feel more relaxed.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the transfer of 3 of Nadia's siblings. As of 7-4-07 all 6 of her brothers and sisters were still alive. I'm not exactly sure when we lost the triplets in my womb or the other 3 in the lab. I feel sadness over losing these 6 little ones, but I also feel great joy over Nadia!!!!

To respond to some comments from previous posts. 1. I 100% agree that the 2 best photos were of Paul kissing Nadia and me leaning over her. 2. Yes, I had gotten a haircut that day and put on makeup for the 4th time in 6 weeks, but nope I haven't had a professional manicure in over a year or painted them myself in a few months. :-) 3. We own a vibrating bouncer and so far she doesn't last more than 5 minutes in it. 4. Thanks for all the kind words about the photos. I can't wait to pick them up on Friday! 5. I tried the Zout; it works better than what I had been using but not as good as the Spray & Wash stain stick did for me. Thanks for all the comments. I greatly appreciate them!

Last night Nadia slept from 9:15pm-1:45am and then she woke up every hour after that. I didn't sleep as well without Paul here. I've gotten more used to him not being in our bedroom, but whenever he's not at home, I find I am more aware of every little sound and don't sleep very well even though I didn't have that problem when I lived by myself for 5 years. The last 7 years I sleep better when my hubby is home. :-)

Weekend photos

We had a busy but special weekend. Millie did a great job catering Paul's party. We have lots of food left over so maybe I can delay my return back to cooking by one more week. :-)

My brother's Wii was a big hit with adults and kids alike. Nadia was also very popular. She's pictured with my dad and with her cousin, Holly, both of whom she met for the first time this weekend. The one photo below shows 4 generations.

I was worried last night would be a bad night as Nadia slept a lot yesterday afternoon and early evening, but we put her down at 10:15pm and she slept until 4:45am. Woohoo! I had a hard time sleeping the last part of that as I was in pain, but still I was VERY thankful! That was by far the longest she ever slept before. The previous night had been pretty good also although the longest stretch was 3 hours and 45 minutes that night. It amazes me how tired I still am even though I'm getting at least 7 hours of sleep lately and some days (like today) I still take a nap. How long will this last? When will I no longer feel so tired? I know for Lucia it was a VERY long time, but she had two babies. I wonder what it was like for others of you who only had one baby. I also wonder when you started to feel normal emotionally. I still find myself crying rather easily these days. Well all in all it was a very nice weekend although the turkey and deer did not cooperate and my parents and brother didn't get to see them. Paul starts at PSU tomorrow so he is heading out tonight to stay at a friend's house who lives in State College. So Nadia and I will be home alone for about 72 hours. I must admit my admiration for single parents has risen tremendously. Wow. It is tough to care for a newborn by yourself 24 hours a day in my opinion. Unfortunately Nadia also doesn't like the swing so that's part of the problem. I have no where to put her for a few minutes while I go to the bathroom or something that doesn't lead to her screaming. Hopefully in time we'll find something that works for our little sweetheart.

Sears photos!

I hope you enjoy the photos! I also have to say that Nadia took a two hour nap IN HER CRIB this morning!!! What a blessing!!! I weeded some flower beds, did some cleaning, took a shower, blowdried my hair, etc. Woohoooo! I love holding the gal, but there are other things I need to accomplish in a day besides care for my sweet little girl.

I hope Saturday is a special day for Paul. Including us there will be about 25 people here for his party - 3 from my family, 9 from his family, 2 friends from PSU, his current advisor's family, and some chemistry grad students.

Life Began

Nadia's life began one year ago! Most people can't be totally sure of the exact date of conception, but when life begins in a petri dish that's a different story! :-) August 1, 2007 was the date of my egg retrieval. I had at least 30 follicles that were deemed by ultrasound to be "mature." However a few of these proved to be empty, and a couple were too dangerous to reach. Twenty-six eggs were retrieved, and they tried to fertilize eighteen of those by ICSI. Seven fertilized, and Nadia was one of those seven! The egg retrieval was excruciating. I remember wondering last year how it compared to labor. Well I can answer that now. I would say the intensity of the pain was the greatest during the ER. I couldn't believe it when the nurse pointed the needle out to me on the ultrasound screen. I could feel it! I didn't need to see it! However labor was harder altogether since it lasted far longer. I threw up and passed out every time I tried to get vertical for 6 hours after the ER. Thankfully they let me be wheeled to the car in a wheelchair or I would have been admitted to the hospital. However the recovery from that was much quicker than from L & D. The contractions didn't bother me TOO much the first six hours. They weren't pleasant, but the main reason they were bothersome is I was tired and wanted to sleep! The hardest part of labor for me was from when I reached 8cm until they let me start pushing (which was about 8 hours) and then again at the end when they told me to stop pushing (while preparing for the c/s). The nurse made a comment while I was pushing about how this began with pleasure but getting her out is painful. Paul told the nurse that Nadia was from a FET and then the nurse acknowledged the beginning was also painful in my case. I have to say though our sweet little girl was worth it all!!!! I am sooooooooo thankful God allowed this little miracle's life to begin 1 year ago!!!!!!!!!!

Nadia gets to see Grandma Harton again and meet Grandpa Harton & Uncle Maurice for the first time this evening. Yahooooo! My brother really wants to see the deer and turkey that we often see in our yard. I hope the wild animals cooperate so that he can see them tonight or tomorrow morning! We saw ahen & more than 10 baby turkeys yesterday on more than one occasion so hopefully they'll show up again while he's looking. :-)

Nadia had her first GOOD night of sleep in a few days. WOOHOO! She slept about 9 hours over a 12 hour period, and I slept about 8 hours without needing any help from Daddy. She finally had another 4 hour stretch of sleep. I can't wait until it becomes the norm for her to have at least one 4 hour stretch every night (or maybe even longer!). Of course we probably won't put her down at 7:30pm tonight in light of the company coming about that time! :-)