A small miracle

I woke up this morning feeling really, really, really tired. I skipped choir rehearsal so I could go to bed early, and I was in bed at 8:30, but while I was getting ready for bed, Beth came over and told Paul that she's too busy to babysit for us any more. This was a total shock. I had seen Beth at 3pm before I left for work, and she made no mention of anything, and she also didn't say anything to Paul when he came home at 5pm. Needless to say this was upsetting since it was so sudden. Thankfully I called Sarah agreed this morning to start babysitting for us starting today. It was hard for me to go right to sleep after Paul told me this news. Then Ian woke up at 1:30pm and didn't go back to sleep until 2:15am. As usual, it took me awhile to fall back asleep. Then he woke up again at 4:55am. I had planned to ask Paul to watch the kids for me for a couple of hours on Saturday so I could get caught up on grading, but right now my top priority is sleep. I've been grateful for the neighbor's help the past several months. I knew I was going to miss them when they moved, but their days of babysitting for us have come to an end even sooner than that. I feel badly for Alexis and Gabby (her daughters) also as they really enjoyed watching the kids, and I'm sure they appreciated the money also as middle schoolers don't have too many opportunities for earning money. I need to find a high schooler (maybe from church?) who can babysit for us one Saturday a month for a few hours so Paul and I can still go on dates now and then. I'm hoping against hope that if I go to bed by 8:30pm tonight that I will get at least 8 hours of sleep. This morning I also injured my lower back while giving the kids a bath. I am in a lot of pain. It's really painful to carry Ian right now. I'm hoping the pain goes away asap! Between the exhaustion and the pain, I feel like I am about to have a meltdown.

Even though I worked super hard to keep Ian awake from 4:55-8:30 am, he only slept for 30 minutes. I was so frustrated. He really, really wanted to go back to sleep at 11am, but I kept him up until 12pm. I almost let him sleep at 11am since keeping him up didn't seem to be working, but I am ever so glad I did keep him up. Yesterday I tried to take a nap while they were both down, but since his second nap was only 25 minutes long yesterday, that didn't enable me to take a nap. Today I figured the same would happen so I didn't lie down after putting him down. Well I should have! When I realized he was still asleep after 35 minutes, I went upstairs and laid down. I had said this morning to Paul that I really, really wanted him to take a long second nap in light of my exhaustion and back pain. I told Paul it would be a miracle. Well I should have had more faith. Miracles do still happen. I really wasn't expecting the miracle that I was wishing for. Ian actually slept for 80 minutes! WOOHOO! I am glad I at least rested in bed for half of his nap. I am definitely motivated to keep working on getting him adjusted to two naps a day. If he would sleep in later I would like his naps to be at 9am and 1pm, but as long as he keeps getting up around 5am (or earlier), I'll aim for 8am and 12pm. Paul put him to bed at 6:40 last night. I asked Paul to please not put him down any earlier than 7pm tonight. I also hope Ian goes back to sleeping through the night. Mommy is tired.

One thing that made me feel better about this sudden transition from Beth to Sarah is that Nadia vastly prefers to go to Abby's house. She was excited today (rather than in tears). That definitely made it easier for me to leave for work. Another thing I was thankful for today was that we are using a cleaning service. I am very glad we signed up for every other week. Last Thursday I looked around and was glad we weren't having the house cleaned every week. It's not necessary. I figured it wouldn't take the ladies as long today as it did 2 weeks ago, and I was right. The two of them were done in 80 minutes (compared to about 125 minutes 2 weeksago). I hope this means that if I invest about one hour a week cleaning the house, it can look as it nice as it does with two people cleaning it for an hour every other week (when I become a SAHM). Of course I've still been sweeping the kitchen floor every day and such like that. It's not like I've completely abandoned all house cleaning duties, but it's nice to not need to scrub the toilets and such. I officially put in my request for a 50% unpaid leave for the spring semester. I also let my department chair know that I am considering resigning after the summer. Even though I know my stress level would go down a lot, I admit it's hard to think of letting go of the tenure and promotion that I worked so hard to earn.

Finally!

So for the past nine days I've only been allowing Ian to have 2 naps a day. Today was the first day since the 21st that he had a long nap. For Ian my definition of long is anything exceeding 45 minutes. Ironically his naps have been shorter the past week - only 20-25 minutes. He's been sleeping about 45 minutes total over a span of about 14 hours. Yesterday he was really, really wanting a 3rd nap. I've been trying to keep him up at least 3 hours before his first nap. Yesterday and today he was falling asleep around 7am. He got up around 5:15 both days. Both mornings I gave the kids baths as part of my efforts to keep Ian awake. Yesterday he slept from 8:20-8:55, which was a small improvement. However this morning he slept from 8:05-9:30!!! Woohoo!! If I could be picky, I wish his second nap was the long one so I could also take a nap. It's been awhile since I had one. I called Beth on Monday night to see if she could watch Ian for an hour or two during Nadia's nap so I could get a nap, but she wasn't available.

Last night Ian went down at 7:05 and had another feeding at 7:50. Paul put Nadia down at about 8:05 but when I was about to go to bed I heard her saying that she needed to throw up in the potty. She had been coughing, and sometimes coughing causes her to throw up. It wasn't just phlegm though. She definitely emptied the contents of her belly. She then asked for milk, but I didn't think that was a wise move. She refused water, so I gave her a popsicle instead. She went back to bed around 9pm and slept until 6:45am. Ian woke up around 11pm, and after letting him fuss awhile I fed him at 11:30. Paul said he fussed again around 3am. I slept through that. He got up for the day around 5:15. I am really hoping that the longer nap this morning wasn't a fluke but will become the norm. I also hope I won't have to keep working sooo hard to keep him awake at times of the day when he's not supposed to be sleeping. He cried and fussed a lot more than usual the last two days because I kept trying to keep him awake when he was trying to sleep (particularly after 3pm).
Did you see in the first picture that Nadia is wearing high heels while cooking? She was making breakfast for her doll.

Nadia's favorite place to hide when we play hide and seek.

Textless Tuesday

Rainy Monday

We played inside all day today because it was raining most of the day. I also let Nadia watch more tv than usual because she isn't feeling well. Yesterday Ian seemed fine, and Nadia also seemed fine except she had no appetite for lunch or dinner. I finally got her to eat a banana before she went to bed as all she had prior to that was a small bowl of cold cereal for breakfast and one cracker at lunch. She woke up crying at 10:30pm with a fever. We gave her Tylenol and let her sleep with us until 3:30am. We tried transferring her to her crib several times, but she always became rather hysterical, and we were afraid she was going to wake up Ian. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep with a two year old in my arms during those hours, but that's an important part of being a mom - being willing to give up sleep so you can hold your child when she's sick. Since Ian woke up at 4:15 this morning I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Thankfully I had gone to bed at 8:40pm. I nursed Ian until 4:30 and then Paul helped me out (as he had slept more during the night than I had) and gave Ian a bottle. I should have Paul do that more often as he was able to get Ian back down at 4:50am! Ian woke up for the morning at 5:55 so he got more sleep last night than he has been getting lately although he still didn't get 11 hours total. His naps today were 35 and 25 minutes long. I keep him up for 3 hours in between his 2 naps, and then he's up for about 6 hours in between the end of his second nap and when he goes to bed. I really hope he gets out of this 4:15-5:00 wake up routine as soon as possible and also starts taking longer naps. I really, really dislike naps that are 20-30 minutes long!

He woke up this morning with a REALLY runny nose. Between the extra drool coming from his mouth lately and now his nose becoming a faucet, he is a mess! I am praying this clears up really soon or his surgery will have to be postponed. I've already been dreading it for 9.5 months. I'd really like to get it over with! I talked with my sister today (she was an OT), and she gave me some things to try with Ian. Hopefully we can get him eating solid foods in the near future. I tried cereal again today, and he threw up as always. He is starting to scoot around on his belly some (YAY!), and today I was totally shocked to see him cruising a little along the windowsill and the music cube. Through it all, he makes me smile every day with his deep belly laughter. Yesterday evening I took the kids to the park after dinner and there were some other kids there. For whatever reason Ian thought it was downright hysterical to watch the kids go down the slide, walk on the rope, etc. The kids were loving hearing his laughter so then they were hamming it up on purpose for his entertainment. It was so sweet!! I am praying that I am able to get more sleep tonight. If I don't, I will probably be paying Beth to watch Ian for a couple of hours during Nadia's nap tomorrow so I can take a nap.

The exhaustion did help me make up my mind regarding next semester even though we haven't made a firm decision yet regarding ivf #3. I sent an email to my department chair letting him know I would be requesting a 50% workload reduction for the spring semester. There's just too much on my plate right now. I'm behind on grading, need to gear up for another freezer cooking day, etc. I'm looking forward to a lighter load next semester. I certainly won't be bored, even if I'm "only" working part-time.

Dollie & Me

Yesterday Paul's parents came up in the afternoon, and we all went to Friendly's for dinner. It was Nadia's first time having an ice cream sundae. She had a grilled cheese sandwich, fries, and milk for dinner. They also gave her a red balloon. On the way out Grandma bought her this doll (at left) at Sears. Last year I had bought three dresses for Nadia from Sears' Dollie & Me collection. Each dress for Nadia came with a dress to fit this doll. She's wearing one of the dresses in this picture. It will be fun to take pictures of Nadia and her doll wearing the same dresses. :-) Nadia came down this morning and before she ate her own breakfast she went to her kitchen and fed her dollie some peach oatmeal. It will be fun to buy more clothes and things for this doll in the months and years to come. Of course I have two dolls (Nadia and Ian) whom I love to dress as you can see from the pics of Ian wearing a suit to church today. The shirt is size 12 months. In the fifth picture (close up of Ian's face), you can see his two teeth!

Isn't he so handsome! He got up at 5am this morning. That was better than 4:15am (when he got up yesterday), but I'm still hoping for no earlier than 5:30 tomorrow morning. He only had 2 naps on Saturday and Sunday. His first nap today was at 10am in the church nursery. His second nap was at 1pm at home.

5 Dollars and 3 Naps

Well it turns out that the problem was probably the third nap. When Ian has three naps, he wakes up too early. He only had 2 naps on Wednesday and Thursday, and on Thursday and Friday morning he got up between 5:35-5:40 both mornings. On Thursday his naps were SUPER short. I tried (per Jo's suggestion) letting him cry to see if he'd go back to sleep. I let him cry 30 minutes the first time and 15 the second. He didn't go back to sleep. Thursday I had been trying to shift him toward the 9am and 1pm nap schedule so his first nap was from 8:50-9:10, and his second was from 12:35-1:00pm. Friday I put him down a little earlier for his first nap, and this seemed to be the right move as he slept for 40 minutes (8:00-8:40). I had planned to put him down around 12pm for his second nap, but he fell asleep on the way home from the library (around 11am). I had a feeling it was going to be really hard to keep him up from 11:30am-7:00pm. Sure enough around 2pm he got super duper cranky, and so I put him down for a 3rd nap. I guess this was a mistake as he woke up at 4:14am this morning. Ugh. I stayed up until 9:15 last night because I was watching a movie with Paul (while grading papers on my laptop). Ian went down at 7:15 last night, but he got up once before 8pm so he slept less than 9 hours, and I got less than 7 hours of sleep. This means Mommy is starting her Saturday with a headache. 

I find his short naps to be so perplexing. When Nadia was taking 3-4 naps her naps were 45 minutes long. Ironically, I thought that was short! I'd be thrilled if Ian took two 45 minute naps! When she was on a two nap schedule (and she also switched at age 9 months), her two naps totaled 2-3 hours as they have since she's been on a one nap schedule. I have no idea why Ian's total about 1 hour (or less sometimes!). Letting him cry doesn't seem to help so I am not inclined to try that again. It's amazing to me that on Thursday between the hours of 5:35am and 7:05pm he was awake for all but 45 minutes. Nadia could never go that long on that little sleep. As a two year old (and 9 month olds are supposed to need more sleep than toddlers), she sleeps 12-15 hours a day with 14 being the norm. Regina, you said you don't let the twins sleep in the car. Do you just make sure you're not in the car at a time they might fall asleep? Otherwise I have no idea how to prevent it. I can't even see Ian as he's facing backward in the seat behind me. The only reason I knew he fell asleep was Nadia told me. We had a really nice time at the library yesterday morning. It's frustrating to think we might not be able to do things like that for fear Ian will fall asleep and take his second nap too early, but I guess that become my new plan of action.

This morning he was up from 4:15-5:40, and then I was able to get him back down. He slept for 35 minutes, and then Paul got him at 6:15 and actually he got him to sleep in his arms until 7:15. I didn't consider this to be a nap. Due to our yard sale shopping, I didn't put him down until 10:40am. He napped for 30 minutes and then 2 hours later took another 30 minute nap. He was awake from 1:40-7:15pm. Hopefully he will sleep until at least 5:30 tomorrow morning. Mommy is TIRED!

On Thursday we also stopped at a yard sale on our way to the park. I bought a double jogging stroller for $5! It's rather faded (not too much is red any more), but it provided us with a much smoother ride to the park yesterday afternoonin the blistering heat. I also bought some clothes, toys, a bicycle delmet for Nadia ($1), and a booster seat ($3). There were more yard sales yesterday, and today there were literally more than 150 yard sales within 2 miles of our house. Yesterday on the way to the library I stopped at one and bought a shelving unit with bins for $5. I think it's going to work out much better than getting a second toy box. Nadia has been playing with toys that I put in the bin that had been buried at the bottom of the toy box. Next year I want to tackle the annual yard sale on my own. That had been my plan, but Paul wanted us to do it as a foursome. I still was able to get some games, clothes, and shoes for the kids today, but I'm sure I could have gotten a lot more if I had gone earlier in the morning by myself. Literally thousands of people attend this community yard sale each year! Parking was very hard to come by. We had to park really far away. Some of the clothes I purchased still had tags on them. I think the toy the kids are enjoying the most that I bought was a big bag of 100 Mega Blocks for $1.

27 months old!

27 of Nadia's new skills and current favorites:

1. Saying "no thank you" when she doesn't want something as well as "stop please." Thank you is pronounced "bank you."

2. She now pronounces the word "play-doh" correctly! For some odd reason she used to call it "ta-oh." I never understand that because she's said the word "play" correctly for many months in other situations.

3. "I okay" has become "I'm okay."

4. She's memorized the words to many songs and also the text of several books. Alexis (a babysitter) told me that Nadia can read. No, she can't read, but yes she has memorized the sentences of several books.

5. She's started stating what her favorites are. In terms of VeggieTales, Madame Blueberry has been her favorite lately. It's a riot to hear Nadia sing the song "I'm so blue" (It has a lot of oooooooooo's in it).

6. She usually remembers that she is supposed to give Ian another toy if she wants what he's playing with (trading rather than just taking from him).

7. There aren't any rewards given for going to the bathroom any more. She is now averaging one accident every two weeks (always in her crib).

8. She can count to 13 without any mistakes and without any assistance. I knew Paul had no reason to be worried that she kept stopping at 11 the last couple of months. :-)

9. She loves to play hide and seek although she often tells us where she's hiding, lol.

10. When she sees children (such as at the playground) she always exclaims,"My kids!" No one is a stranger to Nadia!

11. Curious George is no longer her favorite show. Olivia has now claimed the top spot. Her first choice is still VeggieTales, but those are saved for in the evening if she eats a good dinner. I didn't know about Nick Jr until a couple of months ago. I wondered why I never saw shows like Blues Clues or Dora on PBS. I thought everything was on PBS, lol! Now that I've seen Blues Clues, I am really glad she hasn't picked it as her favorite, as I think it's a very boring show. I'd like to think the reason she likes Olivia (who is a pig) is because one of Olivia's brothers is named Ian, but I doubt that's the real reason she likes the show.

12. "Why not?" is one of her favorite questions to ask these days.

13. When we pray she says "Amen" at the end.

14. She's started using the word "me" instead of "you" such as "carry me." She used to say "carry you" when she wanted to be carried.

15. She's usually in her crib for at least three hours (about 12-3) these days. Some days she sleeps that whole time. Other days she plays for maybe an hour before falling asleep. I'm always glad when she's still in bed at 2:45 on the days I go to work as this means I can leave while she's in bed. I hate leaving when she's reaching for me and crying.

16. Another one of her favorite questions right now is to ask "what will be next?" such as when we're listening to a CD she wants me to tell her what the next song will be. Since we listen to the same cd's rather often, I actually can answer that question, lol!

17. When she's pretending to talk on the phone, if you ask her whom she's talking to, 99% of the time she'll say "Pop Pop" albeit she rarely talks to him for real on the phone. She talks to Daddy and her two Grandmas on the phone almost daily (for real).

18. Peach is her favorite flavor of oatmeal.

19. Lately her favorite breakfast food is cold cereal (Corn Pops, Raisin Bran, Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini-wheats, Captain Crunch, etc.).

20. If you ask her how old she is, she says "four." When she was one she used to say "three" so she did age herself one year after her 2nd birthday, lol.

21. She's now using the word "with." For example, she used to say "I want to color Mommy"

22. She's really gotten into dramatic play. I've received quite a few shots today from Dr. Nadia, for example.

23. She has learned to throw up in the toilet. I wish she didn't throw up so easily, but it certainly makes life easier that she has been trained already where to do it.

24. This probably doesn't belong on this list, but my favorite word to hear her say is "penguin." It sounds like "pwengin." So cute!

25. She says "I wove you" spontaneously a lot more these days - to Grandma on the phone, to me, etc.

26. She initiates trying to make Ian laugh a lot more. Sometimes the highlight of my day is listening to the two of them laughingin the backseat of the car while I'm driving.

27. Some of her favorite foods include chocolate pudding, ice cream, crackers, pretzels, chips, grapes, Gushers, yogurt, and cookies.

Way to go, Nadia and Ian!

Ian slept from 6:30pm to 5:35am. WOOHOO! I thank Jenn for suggesting we move his bedtime up earlier and eliminate his 3rd nap. It didn't pay off yesterday morning, but it did today! I don't plan on having him go to bed this early on a regular basis, but it worked to help him break this 4am wakeup habit. I'm hoping that if Paul puts him down at 7pm tonight that he'll sleep until 6am tomorrow. This was the schedule he had been on until for some unknown reason he started waking up between 4:15-5:00am the past two weeks. Unfortunately my body has now been programmed to wake up at 4:15. I am sure I will quickly adjust back to 6am. He slept in the pack n play in the walk in closet in our bathroom last night. I'm going to do the same for another night or two just to make sure this morning wasn't a fluke. I didn't go to choir last night so that I could go to bed earlier. It's nice to know maybe I'll be able to go next week.

I am going to try to get him on a 9am and 1pm nap schedule. That's what worked for Nadia when she was on a 2 nap schedule. Her afternoon nap moved up to 12pm when she went from two naps to one nap. She now sleeps from 12-3. If she keeps sleeping for 3 hours I'll need to put her down a little earlier once I start taking them to Sarah's on my way to work. Nadia used to take 45 minute naps when she was on a 3 nap schedule, but she took longer naps when she was on a 2 nap schedule. Nadia never went through the 30 minute nap stage that Ian has been at for 9 months. Until he gets in a good pattern I'm going to have him take his morning nap in his crib (since Nadia is awake then) and put him in the pack n play in our closet for his afternoon nap. This morning his morning nap was only 25 minutes long (8:50-9:15).

Ian is making progress with spending time on his belly. He's scooting around a little now. I'm going to keep encouraging this so that hopefully in the next month or so he'll start crawling.

Ian is also making progress with eating solid foods. I put one Cheerio in his mouth this morning and although he still didn't like it, he didn't throw up! It's the first time this happened!!! His gag reflex seems to be calming down a little bit. He's also tolerating a little bit of rice cereal being mixed in his orange veggies. This week he's eating a mixture of squash and corn. Eating solid foods is still something he has NO interest in. It takes a great effort to get him to eat a few bites, but still at least a few bites are making it down his throat each day and not all coming back up. His appointment with the feeding team was rescheduled (they called me on Tuesday) so now I have even more hope that I'll be able to cancel because he's improved so much. This gives me a few more weeks to see if I can get him eating at least baby foods. The doctor said he should be eating table food by now, but I figure the first step is to get him eating baby food!

I also want to give kudos to Nadia. I needed to go to the grocery store this morning, and I didn't want to carry Ian or use the double stroller. I told her that she would be able to walk around the store if she kept one hand on the cart. I told her if she was a good girl that she would get a cookie or a lollipop when we got home. It worked! She was as good as gold. Ian sat in the front of the shopping cart and Nadia held on to the cart as we walked around the store. I was really proud of her! The only time she was tempted to run off was while we were waiting for some meat. I just picked her up and held her until the butcher had the meat ready. It's nice to know that we can shop at stores that don't have a cart that accomodates more than one child. My little girl is growing up!!

Library Time

Last week I looked up the websites for the three closest public libraries to see when their children's programming occured. The one we belong to has its preschool storytime on Friday's at 11:00. That's doable although normally we're eating lunch at 11:00. Since I don't teach on Fridays, we can push lunch and nap time back a bit on Fridays and go to the park in the afternoon. I'm going to take the kids next Friday to give it another whirl although Nadia might still be too young as really the program is geared for ages 3-5. Another library has its program on Wednesdays at 1pm. That definitely will not work due to her nap time, and I am teaching on Wednesday nights this semester. The third one (farthest) is the biggest and had the most options. They even have a program for birth to age one! This morning we tried out their toddler program which is at 9:30 on Tuesday mornings. One of the preschool programs is at 10am on Tuesdays. Both of these time slots are good since Ian's morning nap is really early (due to getting up prior to 5am).

The toddler time was a chaotic time. The woman teaching the session was outstanding in terms of all the books, poems, songs, etc that she had prepared for the lesson on the theme of apples. She included some simple math, review of three colors, hand motions, etc. Believe it or not, the quietest part of the 30 minutes was when the kids were all playing various musical instruments! There is such a big difference between a 12 month and 35 month old child. Although the  program was geared towards 2 year olds, they had toys in the middle of the room and the kids (particularly the one year olds) were playing the whole time. I am not planning to make a regular habit of going to this, but if we'll be in that town for another reason on a Tuesday morning (such as a doctor appt), we'll probably stop in again. I did sign up for a special program this Friday for toddlers and preschoolers on apples at 10am. I'm thinking this year we might just do the program at 11am on Fridays at our library, but next fall I do want to start going regularly (especially if I'm not teaching next fall) to this library's preschool hour ar 10am on Tuesdays. That teacher also seemed outstanding although the lesson seemed geared more towards 5 year olds than 3 year olds as the portion I observed she was working on having the children determine whether a word had one or two syllables.

Ian's morning nap was very long this morning (90 minutes just like it was on Saturday). That was perfect timing as I was already planning to try Jenn's suggestion (comment from yesterday's post) and eliminate the third nap and put him to bed earlier tonight. I'm hoping that two naps plus an earlier bedtime will help him sleep later tomorrow. It's worth a try that's for sure! Today was day #13 of him getting up prior to 5am. I'd really like to break this habit asap!

Elusive

Three things have been eluding me lately. First, Ian's pearly whites. I have seen them many times, but I've had a hard time getting a picture of them. I remember the same thing happened with Nadia. Second, sleep has been very elusive for me. It's been nonexistant after 5am the past 12 days. Ian used to get up between 5:45-6:00am. That was early enough in my opinion. Now he's getting up between 4:45-5:00am (4:53 this morning for example).We've been putting him to bed later, but that's not helping. Letting him cry for up to an hour doesn't help; it only wakes Nadia up too early. We've been giving him Motrin before bed in case it's the teething that's causing the problem. I am open to any suggestions as I am very weary of getting up so early every morning! He's still usually only taking three 30-40 minute naps a day. His morning nap was 90 minutes long on Saturday (which meant I was able to take a much needed nap); he only had two naps that day, but most days he's still having three naps a day since he's sleeping so little at night (less than 10 hours) and his average nap is still only 30 minutes long.

The third thing which has seemed elusive has been my bloodwork results from last Wednesday morning. I left a message with the Gyn on Friday, but they didn't call me back. I called the lab back today, and they said the results had been faxed on Friday. I called the Gyn back, and they said they only received my E2 results. I called the lab again, and they told me both results (finally!) over the phone and said they'd fax the FSH to my Gyn. The results were good! My E2 was 21. It was 31.4 when I had my last ovarian reserve test (March 2009). It's usually between 25-75, and a low number is a good one at this stage in the cycle. My FSH was 5.2 in 2004, 6.5 eighteen months ago, and 7.3 last week. Anything under 9 is considered good. I obviously don't have as many eggs now as I did when I was 31 (when it was 5.2), but it means that even at the age of 38.5, I should still be easy to stimulate if we were to do ivf again. I was expecting this type of result, and since I'm not sure we'll be doing ivf again I'm not exactly jumping up and down for joy over the results. I am glad the suspense is over.

New Shoes and Two Crackers

I ordered one pair of brown shoes for Nadia from Payless (for $7.99). I was wishing last Sunday for that color of shoes for her when I got her dressed, and I thought the same thing today. She already has black patent shoes, but brown would have been the better choice today. She had a brown pair last year that were very well used. The black patent pair she wore today are size 6.5 that's the perfect size for her although mostly she's wearing size 7 these days as most stores don't carry half-sizes for toddlers.

Yesterday we attended an Open House a friend of ours was having. Since he's a doctor (orthopaedic surgeon), there were quite a few other doctors at this party. I mentioned to one pediatrician (who is also the mom of a 4 year old and a 2 year old) about Ian's feeding troubles, and she pointed out two speech therapists at the party. They gave me some excellent tips. They were very familiar with the feeding team that Ian is supposed to meet in 2 weeks. They thought it didn't sound like a swallowing problem, which is really good because that would indicate a neurological problem. They said it sounded like a physical problem - weak tongue, strong gag reflex, etc. After the initial diagnosis, they guessed he would be seen by an OT. They gave me several suggestions of things to try with Ian. Letting him play with spoons didn't seem to help at all. He's happy to hold a spoon himself but not happy to see one coming toward his mouth with food on it. However, one of their suggestions worked beautifully!!! They suggested letting him have a saltine cracker. I didn't think it would work since it took awhile to get Ian to put a biter biscuit in his mouth, and he has gagged on a single Cheerio, Gerber puff, etc. Well they were right - Ian ate the majority of two saltine crackers tonight! I was soooooo excited!! Progress!!!

9 Month Appointment

Ian had his 9 month doctor appointment this morning. It had been scheduled for Tuesday, but I pushed it back so it would be within 30 days of his surgery so the doctor could also complete that clearance at the same time. He didn't cry when they pricked his finger for the hemoglobin test (10.9, which is normal), even when the nurse had to take off the band-aid and squeeze out more blood because she accidently dropped the first slide. He cried during the exam by the doctor, and he cried when the nurse gave him his flu shot. He was asleep in my arms when his leg was stabbed for the shot. What a rude awakening that was! He weighed 19lb 12oz (35th percentile), has a head circumference of 46cm (69th percentile), and is 27 inches long (11th percentile). The nurse called him a little peanut, but he's grown a lot! At his 6 month check-up he was at the 25th percentile for weight, 50th for head circumference, and 3rd for height. He's a growing boy! I asked the doctor about Ian's difficulties with eating solid foods. He gave Ian a referral to a feeding clinic. His appointment has been set up for October 1st. I'm going to be really aggressive over the next 2 weeks in trying to get him eating solid foods other than orange veggies in the hopes I can cancel that appointment, but if he's still gagging on baby cereal and such, I'll take him to that appointment.

On the way to the doctor's we made three stops. I've been getting a lot of practice taking the kids in and out of their carseats and using the new double stroller.  I had promised Nadia if she was good that we'd have lunch at McD's. I have to say she was good as gold. She sat nicely in the double stroller at the doctor's office. Ian would rather have come straight home, but Nadia definitely enjoyed her happy meal complete with a tiny little ice cream cone.

Ian woke up at 5:02am this morning. I should be grateful for an extra 15 minutes. I got him right away because I wanted Nadia to get more sleep, and she did sleep until almost 7am. Her naps the last few days had been longer than usual (3 hours) because she'd been waking up so early due to Ian. In contrast, she really fought me on taking a nap today (which never happens), but finally at 2:20pm she fell asleep. I'm glad I persevered. :-)

Guilt and Greed

As I mentioned before, it seems quite easy to put yourself on a guilt trip as a mom. Since I've been doing a better job with getting Nadia to eat veggies and watch less televsion, the two areas I've been wrestling with emotionally are regarding saying "no" at work and the fact I want to try for a third child. Before I was a mom, I always gave 100% to my job. As I was cleaning Paul's office last month, I got rid of a lot of paperwork related to our attempts to adopt from Ukraine and the US (it was hard to throw away those apostilled documents knowing how much I paid for each gold seal in Harrisburg, lol). As I read through one of our three homestudies, I noticed how Peggy (a former secretary of mine who was one of our references) said something like whatever I put my mind to I give 200% until the goal is accomplished. As a professor, we are required to put in 5 office hours a week. Prior to having kids, I put in far, far more than 5 office hours a week. Now I always only put in the minimum. It goes against my nature to do the minimum. Similarly, I used to serve on what seemed like 5 million committees. This year I am serving on four committees within our deparment, and I'm chairing three of those. I was supposed to serve on another committee, but I quickly discovered that they were meeting at least once a week and always at 8:00 or 8:30am. I asked my department chair this week to find a replacement for me (since he assigned me to that committee - I didn't volunteer for that one whereas I volunteered for the others). I felt badly backing out of that commitment, but I've never served on any committee at the university that met that frequently (or early in the day). I have been trying to remind myself that #1 my kids come first and #2 I'm doing my fair share by serving on the other four committees. There are others in our department (one who is a full professor) who have done far less than I have done the past two years while I've been working part-time. Not that I ever want to follow his example. This came up again today as there was a workshop I really wanted to attend on teaching online courses, but to attend would have meant extending the hours I'd be away from home today. I decided to pass. It's something I definitely would have attended prior to becoming a mom. Anyhow, I imagine it's easy for moms who work outside the home to feel guilty in both regards - feeling guilty that you're not giving as much to your job as you used to AND at the same time feeling badly for missing out on moments with your kids because you're at work. Nadia has been crying when I leave lately. It breaks my heart. She is clinging to me begging for "one more hug" and "one more kiss" but at some point (after many hugs and kisses) I have to tear myself away from her. It's so hard to walk away when she's sobbing and begging me to stay. Thankfully she was still asleep when I left yesterday and today. She has taken longer naps the last few days due to Ian waking her up so early.

The second area has been regarding my desire to try for a third child. Although for many years I hoped I'd have 4 children, I honestly thought while I was pregnant with Ian that I wouldn't ever consider doing ivf again. I thought that unless God gave us a surprise au natural bfp, our family was complete. It surprised me how within a few months of his birth I was already contemplating doing ivf a third time. What also surprised me was how greedy I felt. I guess it's because at many ivf clinics the success rate is around 50%, and so you start thinking that if you get a +++ it means someone else has to have a negative. Of course this is ridiculous logic. I mean really if we want to add up all the months we tried or even just all the months with medical intervention, we were successful FAR less than 50% of the time (although 2 of 3 embryo transfers did result in a pregnancy). If someone isn't doing ivf, I am sure they don't feel greedy for wanting a third baby. It's not like there's this limited supply of pregnancies available in the world, and I'm taking more than my fair share, but that's what it feels like. In reality, no one else is going to be using my eggs so it's not like I'm taking a pregnancy from someone else if we do ivf again. It may sound ridiculous, but it's really been bothering me. I keep thinking it's not right to do ivf for a third child. Thankfully there really is no such rule. It's not even a case of overburdening the health care system since our insurance doesn't pay for egg retrievals or embryo transfers or IUI's, etc. We're paying for it ourselves. I think in part it's because so many were shocked that we did ivf again after Nadia. So many said but it was so hard for you the first time, why would you do it again? The answer is once the baby is in your arms, it's all totally worth it. Do I wish I could get pregnant without spending thousands of dollars and taking hundreds of shots? Of course! But I'd much rather do all the stuff than not end up with a baby. I view the money spent on ivf as the best way I've ever spent our money. I wish I could say the same about the thousands we spent on adoption. Anyhow, if we do decide to do ivf again, I hope I can convince myself that it's not greedy to desire a third child. I doubt most people who can conceive the old fashioned way wrestle with this issue. Who knows, maybe it's just me and even others who pursue ivf don't wrestle with it. I'll just keep reminding myself that if God chooses to bless us with another baby through ivf, it doesn't mean I'm taking away someone else's baby. I do think though I will try very hard not to show up at the RE clinic with my two kids in tow. If I have to bring them I think I'll need to wear a sign saying "these kids were conceived through ivf" or some women might wonder what I'm doing at a fertility clinic as it will seem like I'm a fertile Myrtle if I end up having 3 babies over a span of 3.25 years. It would be rather ironic if anyone thought that considering it took 6 years to have Nadia! Or maybe our family is already complete. We shall see!

A Rough Start

The following ingredients mixed together created a rough morning for me:

1. I went to bed at 9:30pm (later than usual).

2. Paul went to bed at the same time as me. When we were first married, I was wishing that we'd go to bed at the same time. A romantic notion I guess. Well I quickly learned that it really wasn't a bad thing for me to go to bed before him (which is what happens 99% of the time) because I go to sleep much faster when I'm the only one in the bed. So this means last night it took me longer than usual to fall asleep although thankfully it didn't take a ridiculously long time.

3. Paul got up at 1:55am and had lights on, took a shower (in the master bathroom), etc until he left the house at 2:45am. I knew he was going to be getting up early to do work, but I thought he'd be working in his office (at home) until at least 5am. I didn't realize he was going to be shaving and showering at 2am. The next time he does this, I am going to ask him to set up one of the twin beds stored in the basement, and I'll sleep down there because due to my insomnia I didn't fall back asleep until 4:15am. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night - not enough!

4. Ian woke up at 4:45am. This is the eighth day in a row that he's woken up between 4:15-4:45am. He used to get up between 5:45-6:00am. We aren't putting him to bed earlier. He's just getting less sleep. I tried giving him milk and trying to get him back down for a few days. That didn't work. The last two mornings I let him cry - yesterday for 45 minutes and today for an hour. That didn't work either. He's screaming (and doesn't go back to sleep) which keeps me up and wakes Nadia up too early. She's been very tired the last two mornings - practically falling asleep on the swing at the park at 10:30am for example. If Ian doesn't wake her up, she usually gets up sometime between 6-7am. I have no idea what to do to get him to sleep in later. It's very frustrating. We are giving him Tylenol before bed since he's teething. Maybe we'll try Motrin instead tonight since that lasts longer. His other front tooth broke through so he now has two teeth.

5. Nadia didn't eat anything for dinner last night. She wouldn't even try one bite for Paul. She's never had tuna noodle casserole before, but she decided she didn't like it without tasting it. So I had to follow through and get her to eat a little tuna noodle and a few green beans for breakfast this morning, which wasn't fun (and involved her throwing up a little). She has a very quick gag reflex.

6. I remembered at 7:30 that the cleaning ladies were coming for the first time today at 7:45. I ran upstairs to get dressed and tried to clean up some clutter everywhere (I had just given the kids baths in the bathtub for example and the cereal was still out on the kitchen counter, etc.).

Thankfully the day has gotten better. I took my shower while Ian napped and Nadia watched tv in our bedroom while they cleaned the downstairs. Then I enjoyed playing with and reading to my children while the two women cleaned the house for a little over 2 hours. They did a great job. I am very happy my mom suggested this idea. It's worth the money to have one thing taken off my to do list. I only wish it could stay so sparkly and clean, lol! They'll be back in 2 weeks. It would have taken me far more than four hours to accomplish all they did since I usually get only 30 minutes a day between the hours of 5am and 8pm when the kids are both asleep.

I called the GYN office yesterday afternoon, and they said they hadn't received the results yet. I called the office this morning where I had the blood drawn, and they said it would take a few days. The hospital I usually go to has it done in a couple of hours. If I do an ivf cycle I definitely won't have any blood drawn at this lab. It's super close to my home, but it won't work when you need results in a timely fashion. I'm hoping they'll have the results by tomorrow afternoon. Patience is a virtue, right?

First Tooth!

Yesterday morning I discovered the reason Ian didn't sleep well Sunday night, he got his first tooth! It's the bottom left side front tooth. The weird thing is that one little point of the canine tooth on that side also broke through. Nadia's canines didn't come in until she had a lot of other teeth. Last night Paul gave himTylenol before putting him to bed, and he did sleep better than the previous night, but he still got less than 10 hours of sleep (7:05pm to 4:45am). I got him back down at 5:20, but he only slept 20 minutes before he woke up again. I don't like starting my day at 4:45am! During the day he seemed his normal self. He's an easier going baby than Nadia was at this age. She was definitely fussier when teething. The pants Ian is wearing (at left) are Penn State pants which were a hand-me-down from our great nephew, QJ, who recently turned one.

We've been walking to the park every day in the morning on days that I teach on campus and in the afternoon on days that I don't. Ian does great in the stroller. That's another way he differs from Nadia. She wouldn't have sat happily in the stroller for that length of time at this age. Nadia and I talk and sing on our way to and from the park. I'm going to have to find another way to squeeze in exercise to my schedule once the weather gets too cold for us to enjoy a daily jaunt to the park. I'm hoping to keep going for another couple of months. I think the weight loss is probably brought about me first PPAF because in 2009 I still hadn't gotten it even after more thsn 2 months had passed since the last time I nursed Nadia. I'm getting the bloodwork done tomorrow morning at a lab only about one mile from our house (pretty close to the park). I haven't taken an exam in almost 9 years, but it feels very similar although unlike tests taken in school, I can't study for this one. This results of this test are completely out of my control. I'm hoping for good results and that Blue Shield will pay for the bloodwork. From the pictures below can you tell that both kids enjoy playing with my sunglasses? :-)

Weekend in Review

Saturday morning we headed to the mall so that I could take the kids to the park in the afternoon, when it would be a bit warmer outside. When we arrived at the mall, we found out it was closed due to a power outage. Signs on the doors said it would open at 11am. We went and did some shopping at Target and came back to Sears at 11am. We used the new double stroller at Target and Sears. It's so much easier to transport that stroller, and it's much kinder on my back not to be carrying Ian.

Saturday afternoon I took the kids to the park (see the photo below of them holding hands in the other double stroller). Two things I should have mentioned Saturday on my list of "Nadiaisms" were that whenever we get to the park if there are children there Nadia announces "My kids!" It cracks me up. She is definitely a social butterfly. The other thing I should have listed is how she always says "Sing with me" whenever we're listening to one of her CD's in the car. She expects us to sing loud enough for her to hear in the backseat! Something she said today which amazed me was that she pointed to Ian's Steeler jacket (when I was putting her jacket on before heading to church this morning since it was raining) and said "Grandpa's jacket." I was shocked. That jacket is way too small for Grandpa, but it is indeed a Steeler jacket like Grandpa wears. She's a very observant little girl!! As you can see from this photo at right (taken on Saturday evening), she loves to color in the bathtub!

Nadia was rather distressed on the way to church when she realized she had forgotten her Bible. She wanted me to go back home and get it for her, but I wasn't willing to do so. We'll just have to remember it next week. I was pleased that she wanted to bring it so badly. She now says "amen" when we pray at meal times. Paul's parents spent a few hours with us on Sunday. Nadia always loves to see them! It was fitting since yesterday was Grandparent's Day. :-)

Ian decided to celebrate turning 9 months old by not sleeping much last night. He slept about 9.5 hours total between 7:15pm and 6:00am (6 hours was his longest stretch). I got less than 7 hours of sleep even though I went to bed at 8:45pm, which isn't exactly the ideal way to start out one's week especially since I teach tonight. I also was greeted with AF this morning. I guess that means I don't need to start the bcp's quite yet. I'm going to call and get an appointment for bloodwork to be done tomorrow or Wednesday.