Spanish Class!

Yesterday at ballet I noticed a sign for a language school that recently opened in the same building. I checked out the website last night and was excited to see that they offer French and Spanish classes for as young as three year olds! She offers classes for various ages at various times of day; some are geared toward homeschoolers (ex. a class for K-3rd grade at 11am on Fridays). I'm thinking of signing Nadia up for a Spanish class in the fall on Monday mornings. It's for 3-4 year olds. If at that point I think Ian can handle it, I'm going to ask her if he can also join even though he'll be 3 months shy of 3 years old. If not, Ian and I can head across the street to the playground. I haven't had Spanish since 1986 so I'm sure this woman would do a better job than me. She grew up in France and then earned her BS in Spanish and her MA in Second Language Teaching at PSU. If Nadia wants to do ballet again next year, I'll switch her to a dance studio which offers a class for 4 year olds from 9:30-10:30 on Monday mornings, and then she could do the Spanish class from 11:00-11:45 before we'd head home for lunch and naps/ quiet time. I'm excited! I know that it's best to start teaching a second language at an early age, and I think Spanish is more practical than French or German.

Please don't tell me my child is unsocialized just because she's not enrolled in a preschool. The plan at the moment is for her to be in Sunday School and Children's Church from 9-12 on Sundays, ballet and Spanish on Monday mornings, a preschool Bible class on Tuesdays from 9-11:15, and gymnastics, storytime at the library, and Cubbies on Wednesdays. In light of a baby on the way, I'm glad we'll be staying at home the other three days of the week. I'm planning on signing Ian up for gymnastics starting next January. They can be in the same class once he's three. I also am going to have him start participating in storytime in the fall. I hope wherever we move (after Paul graduates) the area has as many opportunities for kids as they do around here! If we happen to stay in this area, I would like the kids to take art classes once they're a bit older.

Scheduled the Ultrasound

When I was pregnant with Nadia I had three ultrasounds with the RE around 6, 8, and 10 weeks. With Ian my first two were only a week apart because we couldn't see a heartbeat at the first one (I wasn't quite 6 weeks). My last one was around 9 weeks, but the OB did one at my first prenatal appointment at 10 weeks. I was planning on asking this time if we could wait a bit longer for the first ultrasound in light of the fact PSU's insurance only pays for one in the first trimester. I didn't need to ask because they said the RE likes to wait until 8 weeks for the first ultrasound. I'm almost positive I'm just carrying one baby, but part of me wishes the first ultrasound was sooner to be certain. I just need to wait 3 weeks plus 2 more days. I called the OB and scheduled my first prenatal appointment for 10w2d. The nurse at the RE told me today that I'm to stay on the Prometrium 3 times a day until I'm 11 weeks. I scheduled my first OB appointment with the doctor who did the D&C to remove the rest of the placenta in January 2010. The pic here shows 5 of the 6 hpts I used this month. The differences don't show up as clearly in the photo as they do "in real life", but even in the photo you can see a very big difference from 12dpo to 18dpo!

Much Better

Nadia went to bed last night without ANY issues. Whew. She also woke up with both thumb guards still on, whereas on Saturday morning she woke up with one of them no longer on her thumb. I had bought "The Little Drummer Boy" months ago (VeggieTales), and today I let her watch it for the first time since she didn't cry last night and kept her thumb guard on. What a relief!

Ian is also definitely feeling better because as soon as I opened his bedroom door this morning he started saying "want milk." His fever is also gone. Hopefully Paul and I will be spared from also catching the bug. He did have one episode of diarrhea this afternoon, and his appetite wasn't totally back to normal. He seemed well enough to go to church this morning and for our trip to the mall this afternoon to pick up our glasses at Sears, get my passport photo at CVS as my passport expired in August, and to have dinner at Friendly's. While Nadia and I were finishing our ice cream, Paul was walking around the mall with Ian. As they walked by a machine where you can pay money to try to win a stuffed animal, a woman who had just won a little pink monster stuffed animal offered it to Ian. It cracked us up because someone at Hershey Park gave him a stuffed animal last month. Strangers like to give Ian stuffed animals!

The only downer today was that one of my crowns fell out. Joys unconfined. I never had that happen before, although it wasn't that long ago that I got my first crown. I hope it's not too difficult to put it back in. Another happy moment was using my last hpt. The test line was much darker than the control line (18dpo). I have a love/hate relationship with pregnancy symptoms. Emotionally they are very comforting. That was what had me even more scared on Wednesday - the symptoms had faded away. I kept telling myself that in the previous pregnancies they ebbed and flowed. Sure enough, they have come back in full force the past couple of days. I need to start modifying my diet to keep it at a bearable level (that means try to avoid many of the foods I love such as things that have spaghetti sauce, peanut butter, or chocolate). Physically they're annoying. Emotionally they are comforting. Acid reducers here we come. I'm just hoping to avoid gestational diabetes this time around, but if I have to go through that again, it's definitely worth it. No doubt about it.

Thumb Guards and the Third Beta

Nadia's thumb guards arrived in the mail earlier in the week, but I didn't want to put them on her when she had the stomach flu. Yesterday was the first day she wore them. She took one off during her quiet time (or nap on the days she naps), but other than that she didn't object to them yesterday. I did see them in her mouth a few times, but she wasn't sucking. Her opinion of them dramatically changed when it was time for bed. Oh. My. Goodness. It was horrible. She was convinced she couldn't sleep with them on, and I couldn't calm her down. After about 75 minutes of attempting to get her to settle down, I finally just had to close her door and let her cry herself to sleep. She cried for about 30 more minutes before she konked out on the floor. When she woke up at 2:10, we tucked her in bed. I was nervous she'd go back to having tantrums at 2:10, but thankfully she went back to sleep pretty quickly. We haven't let her "cry it out" for about 3 years so it was tough to do, but I wasn't sure what else I could do (aside from taking off the thumb guards, which I was definitely not going to do). I am hoping and praying going to bed won't be nearly so difficult tonight, but if it is, I think I'm going to skip forward to letting her cry it out as I think she'd actually end up crying for a shorter amount of time. The instructions said to have the child wear the guards for 30 days. Here's to hoping they do the trick!

Ian managed to sleep through all her carrying on last night, but he woke up at 6:30, which is definitely earlier than normal. We then discovered he had a fever, and while I was having my bloodwork done at the hospital this morning, he threw up four times. Poor guy. It seems he got what Nadia had on Tuesday. He took one nap in my arms around 11:30, and right now he's napping in Paul's arms. I did feed him some solid foods for his first meal today, but since then we've just been giving him rice drink. He actually turned down the rice drink once, and he's always begging for more milk. That proved he wasn't feeling well!! I am praying he doesn't lose much weight. The other three members of this household can afford to lose a pound or two, but that's not the case with Ian. I have a hard enough time preventing him from losing weight when he isn't sick!  We had planned to go out this evening to celebrate the BFP and pick up our new glasses (which have been ready for a week), but we're postponing those plans until tomorrow in light of Ian having the flu.

Today's Beta was done 43 hours after the one on Thursday, and my hCG more than doubled in that time span. It was 351 today! WOOHOO! Way to grow, little one! I didn't do a hpt today. I am planning on doing my last one tomorrow (18dpo). Comparing my hCG with my last two pregnancies, my hCG is higher than it was with Nadia at this stage, and it's lower than it was with Ian at this stage. I can't completely compare apples with apples because I was tested at 19dpo and 21dpo with those pregnancies, but my number today (17dpo) was very close to what it was at 19dpo with Nadia and about 1/3 of what it was at 19dpo with Ian. The bottom line is that the baby seems to be doing just fine. I can't believe it! I'm soooooooooooooo thankful!!!!

Back to School

My first two classes this week went really well. I do love teaching. Teaching a class face-to-face is much more enjoyable than teaching online. However teaching online enabled me to be at home with my kids more. When I am teaching, I wish I didn't have to give it up, but then when I'm with my kids, I don't want to leave them to go to work. I think this is going to be a good semester. One added bonus is that my classes are smaller than usual, which means my grading load will be lighter. We had a college faculty meeting today and will have a department faculty meeting next Friday so I'll be on campus 3 days a week this week and next week.

My department chair did revise my schedule. He thought I'd prefer being on campus for a shorter period of time 5 days a week. I felt so relieved knowing that he was trying to keep my situation in mind when creating the first schedule. The alternate schedule is oh so much better. My classes would be from 2:00-7:30pm on Mondays and Wednesdays and 2:00-2:50 on Fridays. This means Paul could do about 5 hours of the babysitting each week, whereas he couldn't do any with the original schedule. The new schedule also would reduce my time away from home each week by 8.5 hours when you take into account driving time and such. With the first schedule the kids couldn't have done storytime at the library, ballet, or gymnastics, and I couldn't have done ladies Bible study. With the new schedule we can do ALL of those things, if I switch her to another ballet studio that has a class for 4-5 year olds from 9:30-10:30am on Mondays. The only thing I'd have to give up with the new schedule is choir on Wednesday nights. Paul could still take her to Cubbies on Wednesday nights.

They wanted me to understand I can't ask for any leave in the fall. I know the department has been stretched thin lately. It has been much worse this year because three tenure track faculty didn't return this fall, and another faculty member retired the semester before that. We already had a few vacant tenure track positions before these four left. They are doing two tenure track searches this semester. That will help some, but they need to do more searches next year to get things back on track. Each tenured/tenure track faculty member has over 100 advisees because we're so short staffed. As I sat there talking with them, I was wishing I could teach FT next fall. They really don't want me to resign. They made that very clear. They also really don't want me to work part-time. They want me back full-time. One thing that annoyed me during the meeting is that the Dean outright said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter how sick your son is, you are a faculty member and this department is drowning and this should be a higher priority." I couldn't believe she'd say that. No matter what job I might have, I would never put that as a higher priority over my children. This statement was even more shocking because her husband is a SAHD. Her 5 year old daughter has never been in child care, and her daughter is totally healthy. I see her daughter every week at gymastics (her father brings her). I'm not saying anything against those who work outside the home. It's a personal decision we each have to make. Some don't even have the option of staying home. I'm so grateful it's an option for us. I just couldn't believe the Dean said I would be wrong to put my son's needs above my department's.

I am feeling really badly that I will in fact be using leave next semester. I didn't use any paid leave with Nadia, and I only used 2.5 weeks of paid leave with Ian. So (it seems) this will be the first time that I will get to use the 8 weeks of paid leave I could have used the other times if the children hadn't been born when classes weren't in session. While I was meeting with them I was thinking maybe I could come back after the 8 weeks were up, but then I reminded myself how badly I want nursing to go better this next time, and it's much harder to nurse when I go back to work at 8 weeks (spoken from experience as I went back to work when Nadia and Ian were 8 weeks old). I just want to go on unpaid leave for the last 2 weeks of the semester (or more if the baby comes early). This type of leave is automatic. They can't say "no." I feel badly, but I'm almost 40 years old. I couldn't postpone trying for #3. In the fall I'll put in my letter of resignation that will be effective in early January.

The only downside of the new schedule is that instead of assigning me other classes (which are currently listed as TBD beacuse they don't know who will be teaching them), he rearranged the times of the same courses they had assigned me in the first schedule. I say this is a downside because I had asked if he could assign me to teach courses I have taught before (all the sections of three different courses I've taught before are currently listed as TBD for the fall). Instead he assigned me two classes I've never taught before - "Teaching Reading: Grades 1-4" and "Young Child's Play as an Educative Process." I've never taken much less taught a play course before. I don't have any degrees in early childhood. Unfortunately no one who is in our department right now has such a degree. So I have become the ECE person by default, even though my teaching experience was in middle school. In the near future I'll need to start working on selecting textbooks for those classes. It will take a lot more work to write the syllabi, course outlines, etc. for two brand new courses, but in a case of "pick your battles" it was far more important to me that I have a MWF or T/Th schedule than to worry about what classes I'll be teaching. The professor who teaches most of the sections of the reading course has volunteered to share her materials with me so that one won't take nearly as much work as the play course will.

They admitted part of the reason it was such a difficult situation this semester was because the President waited until the last minute to make a decision. They acknowledged that wasn't my fault, but it gave them very little time to hire someone to teach two of my classes. Since giving them lots of advance notice doesn't seem to do any good, I'm going to wait a few months to tell them I'm pregnant, considering I'm not expecting them to be happy about that news. The downside of that is I'd love to tell my students, especially my Tuesday night class. I haven't popped out very early the last two pregnancies. Hopefully the same will hold true this time so that I can wait until at least May to tell them I won't actually be able to teach the whole fall semester. I do plan on starting out full-time and teaching until I have the baby (5.5 weeks if the baby waited until his/her EDD). I am of course extremely grateful for this little life growing within me. I can't wait to hold him or her in my arms. What a miracle! In 2007 I began to question if I'd ever be a mom - through adoption or pregnancy, and now I have two children in my arms and one in my womb. Amazing! We might be moving in the next year depending on where Paul gets a job, so it might have been impossible for me to keep teaching there even if I didn't desire to be a SAHM. One advantage of me being a SAHM is that the kids won't watch as much tv. I am quite certain they watch more than I wish they would when babysitters are watching them.

It has been a very emotional week. It started with me thinking I was staring at a BFN but then that turned to a BFP but then on Wednesday night I was pretty certain I was having a miscarriage. What a relief it was to find out on Thursday that the baby is doing fine. I'm expecting more good news from tomorrow's bloodwork. I was also very nervous about my meeeting on Thursday night, and that went well in the sense that now I have a MWF schedule for the fall semester. Now if I could only find my sapphire bracelet... But if one thing had to go wrong, I'd definitely pick that to be the one!  All these pics of artwork Nadia has done lately at ladies Bible study, Cubbies, or Sunday School.

Tripled!

My repeat Beta was good! My number tripled in the past 54 hours, and they would have been happy if it had doubled! WOOHOO! It went from 54.5 on Tuesday morning to 167.7 this afternoon. I haven't had any bleeding or spotting since 8pm last night. Every time I go to the bathroom I'm so nervous, but so far so good. PTL! They want me to have one more Beta on Saturday morning. Grow baby, grow!!!

Now in a few minutes I'm off to my meeting with my department chair and Dean. I hope their news is as good as the nurse's news was.

More Hopeful

Well I haven't had any spotting or bleeding for the past 12 hours, and I took a hpt this morning and it was much darker than yesterday (the test line and control line were equally dark today for the first time this pregnancy). That didn't happen until 16dpo with my last pregnancy, and I'm 15dpo today. I am feeling more hopeful. I know there's no guarantee, but I think the little one is still hanging on right now. I've decided to stick with my original plan and get the bloodwork done on the way to work (around 3pm). Thanks for your prayers. They mean so much! I'm really praying I don't get bad news while I'm at work as I don't exactly want to start bawling in my office. I'm going to try to take it as easy as possible (lift Ian as little as possible).

Spotting

Today I'm officially 4 weeks pregnant (14dpo). Normally there has been some difference of opinion when switching from the RE to the OB for my EDD, but I don't think that will happen this time because the egg retrieval was on day 15 so it was what most folks consider a "normal" length cycle. It always cracked me up when they wanted to change my EDD based on an ultrasound or what was the first day of my cycle. There is NO doubt when fertilization occured. It happened in a laboratory for Pete's sake. You'd think they'd just go with the date of egg retrieval as the "ovulation" day. I did a hpt this morning. The test line was a little darker than it was on Monday. I didn't test yesterday, and I'm not going to test tomorrow in light of having the repeat Beta tomorrow. I looked back at my hCG numbers with Nadia, and it was around 400 at 19dpo which if you do the math backward (it's supposed to double every 48 hours), it would have been about 50 at 13dpo, which is what I was yesterday. My numbers were three times higher with Ian (and I had my hCG checked on the same days with him - 19dpo and 21dpo). I still think that probably more than one embryo implanted that time but that Ian was the only one who kept growing - as we only saw one sac at the first ultrasound. I really will be shocked if I am carrying twins this time. I really think we have one little bean. I have one hpt left, and I am planning to use that on Friday. I decided today to splurge and buy two more tests. Most people don't use 7 hpts for one pregnancy, but most people don't stare at MANY bfns for 5.5 years before their first sticky bfp.

The above paragraph was written before I had some spotting. First I just had a tiny bit of pink spotting. I called the RE, and the nurse said that it was probably from the Prometrium. That made me feel much better until I discovered some red blood an hour later. I called the nurse back, and she said it could mean I'm miscarrying, but it's not automatically bad news. It could be from implantation, or she said it's possible that both embryos tried to implant and only one is hanging on and the bleeding is from the second one. She said there's nothing they can do at this point. I questioned if maybe the Prometrium isn't as effective as the PIO shots, but she said that's not the case. I had planned to have my repeat Beta at 3pm tomorrow on my way to work, but she's suggesting it might be better to do it first thing in the morning since I had mine done around 8:45am on Tuesday. It means taking the kids with me (which wouldn't be the case at 3pm), and it adds an hour of driving time. I'm going to stay home from choir this evening. Please pray for this little one to hang on tight. I'm feeling really scared right now.

First Beta

I have been rather stressed out over the past week. I found it rather ironic when I opened up the Sunday School teacher's manual on Saturday night and discovered the lesson I was to teach on Sunday was on the topic of worry (from the Sermon on the Mount). What a timely reminder of the futility of worrying. The four things I was most stressed about were my fall 2012 schedule, the health insurance decision, wondering if I was pregnant (especially since it would cost $3K extra to do transfers rather than transferring 3 at once as we wanted), and hoping to find my missing bracelet (my 10th anniversary present). I even went through the garbage in search of the bracelet. Well of those three things, the one that by far matters the most to me is knowing the fate of the little ones transferred to my womb. What a relief yesterday to see that second glorious line. I keep going back and looking at them again and smiling. I didn't do a hpt today in light of the Beta. I plan on taking another one tomorrow so that I can be encouraged by a darker line.

My hCG today was 54.5, which is fine considering I'm only 13 days past egg retrieval. I think that sounds like only one bean has implanted, which is fine considering my tendency toward preterm labor and also the fact that we have two sweet little ones at home and another frozen blastocyst to transfer in the future. According to Betabase, my number is just a tiny bit lower than the median for 13dpo for a singleton. YAY! I should add that the numbers on the twin chart show that it's not impossible I'm carrying twins, but I really think there is just one little one growing at this point. Hang on tight little one! Mommy wants to meet you in September! My EDD is October 3, but I figure I'm unlikely to make it that far although I hope to make it as close to my EDD as possible. Please pray that my number will be doubled by Thursday! I can't compare my hCG levels from my last two pregnancies because I didn't have a Beta done this early either time beacuse I was in Chicago when I found out I was pregnant with Nadia and was in Antigua when I found out I was pregnant with Ian. I did have a Beta at 12dpo with my first (ectopic) pregnancy, and mine was much lower than it was today.

As far as my Fall 2012 schedule, I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon with the Dean and Department Chair to discuss that. Please pray that they will modify my schedule so that I will be teaching either on MWF or T/Th rather than 5 days a week as everyone else in my department will be doing. We have many courses that haven't been assigned yet so no one's schedule needs to be changed to modify mine (because we are in the process of conducting two tenure track searches and will still need adjuncts next year). I do plan on teaching FT next fall until I give birth.

We've looked all over the house and haven't found the  bracelet yet. We're hoping it fell off outside when we were playing in the snow. Hopefully we'll find it when the snow melts. I know in the grand scheme of life it's totally unimportant, but I did love that bracelet, and it was sentimental since it was my 10th anniversary gift.

As for the health insurance decision, yesterday I decided to go back on PSU's health insurance until the end of June. We'll be back on Blue Shield on July 1. This saves us almost $3K. Yesterday we received the authorization from Medicaid that they will pay for Ian to be in the feeding program for 4 weeks. It costs over $400 a day, but actually I think that's pretty reasonable as the local hospital's feeding team charged about the same amount for a 45 minute appointment. The big question mark regarding our choice will be my prenatal care. Paul and Nadia are generally very healthy (although Nadia had the stomach flu today). The RE typically did several ultrasounds, but I'm going to ask that we wait a bit longer and not have as many as probably we'll be paying for some of them as I believe the insurance will only pay for one per trimester, although they say they'll pay for more that are "medically necessary" so I guess I need to find out if the RE can justify these as medically necessary. Hopefully we made the right decision. It was a tough call.

Today is my first day back teaching on campus since December 2010. I had to call Paul at work and ask him to come home 2.5 hours earlier than he was planning to come home because I didn't think it would be nice to expose our neighbors to Nadia's stomach bug. Hopefully the rest of our family doesn't come down with it. I already feel nauseous from the morning sickness. It didn't help to be cleaning up vomit for a few hours. I had the kids in the bathtub when Paul came home because Nadia's hair had been sabotaged. One vomiting child can create a LOT of laundry. She went through three outfits, two sets of sheets, blanket, comforter, pillow, all over my car, etc. I had started a load of laundry just from the stuff she threw up on before I left, and it didn't all fit in one load! Hopefully she didn't pass the germs to anyone at church this morning. She didn't start throwing up until we were on our way home from Bible study. I had no idea until that point that she wasn't feeling well. The kids' lesson was on Samson today, and the ladies studied James 1:1. Yep, Beth Moore was able to talk for about one hour about one verse, lol! It was exciting to be able to share our happy news there as I'm not posting anything on Facebook yet, and I'm not telling anyone at work yet.

5 More Months

Nadia will turn 4 years old in 5 months. Wow. Here are some recent changes with our sweet princess:

1. She's switched from primarily drinking skim milk to apple juice. Now if I could switch her from apple juice to water, that would be awesome! It started when she had a cold, and she rarely asks for milk (to drink) these days.

2. She used to sleep with LOTS of animals in her bed. For the past several weeks, she's only slept with Sweetpea. Larry used to be her favorite, and then he was her second favorite for the past year. He's fallen so far down the totem pole that she actually put Larry in Ian's crib! She also has been sleeping with these small plastic Disney princess figurines.

3. She's very excited that we're having another baby. When I told her yesterday morning, the first thing she said was, "God said yes!" We had been talking about how God might say "yes," "no, " or "wait." We shall see if God has answered her specific prayer that this baby is a girl.

4. She now wants me to leave Paul's office light on so that her room isn't totally dark when she goes to bed. I turn Paul's light off at 9pm if she hasn't fallen asleep yet (she goes to bed at 8pm every night except for Wednesdays due to Cubbies).

5. She is almost always role playing that she is Sweetpea's Mommy. She calls her "daughter" Karen.

6. She's made so much progress with learning some letters over the past month! She now knows EIGHT letters, and she's learning them very rapidly. I predict she'll know all of the uppercase letters within the next month. The letters she knows right now are A, B, C, N, O, I, W, and X. Way to go, Nadia!

7. She's back in the groove as far as feeding  herself. I'm glad she's out of the phase of wanting me to feed her because it's enough for me to feed myself and Ian while we're eating. I've also weaned her off of vegetables. She's doing a lot better with eating the hot food I serve for dinner. Because I've been working on self-feeding and eliminating raisins, I haven't been pushing the veggies lately. Veggies need to be a higher priority in the next month.

8. I read Charlotte's Web to her over the past month. Sometimes I'd wonder if she was listening (since she colors or plays with Play-Doh while I'm reading to her), but then when I ask her questions she is able to describe what I had just been reading.

9. Over the past month she has included Uncle Maurice in every single prayer she has prayed.

10. She's really been into puzzles and games. She can play Zingo without help as well as Candyland. She looks at the card and knows where to move her piece (even when she gets a double red or something like that).  Way to go, Nadia! She also enjoys playing Spill the Beans, Cootie, Chutes and Ladders, and Break the Ice.

11. She has a long way to go with learning to share with Ian, but she was a great cheerleader for him over the past month regarding potty training.

12. She's gotten over her obsession with wanting to wear a costume All The Time.

13. In the last couple of weeks she started to make progress with not sucking her thumb as much. She asked me to buy her something to help her stop.

14. Her favorite flavor of ice cream is now cookies and cream. She says her favorite desserts are raisin cookies and cake (or cupcakes) with chocolate frosting. It's really just the frosting she wants, ha ha. She's been enjoying eating some of Paul's white chocolate fudge.

15. Some of her favorite books lately have included: Peter's Chair, The Best Pet of All, her new VeggieTale books that we gave her for Christmas, Little Critter's Bedtime Storybook, Cinderella, and of course Bible stories. Before her nap and bedtime I read her a Bible story, and over the last month we've been reading through one Bible story book page by page (whereas before we used to jump around a lot). The first two books listed here are also two of Ian's current favorites. It's so exciting that now there are more and more books that they BOTH really enjoy! It's so special to have them both on my lap while I read a book.

16. I asked her recently whether she likes ballet or gymanstics better. She told me that she likes gymnastics better than ballet but that Cubbies is her favorite (and I hadn't even mentioned Cubbies). She can memorize Bible verses really easily for Sunday School and Cubbies.

17. Her fine motor skills have dramatically improved in the past month as I've been teaching her how to write letters of the alphabet and draw some shapes. She loves doing "schoolwork." She asks all the time if we can do some schoolwork.

18. Her puzzle skills have continued to progress. She can do 24 piece jigsaw puzzles all by herself.

19. Her favorite DVD's to watch lately have been her Gigi ones (by Sheila Walsh). Her favorite tv shows right now are "Max & Ruby" and "Miss Spider's Sunnypatch Friends."

Thank you, Lord!!!!!!!!

Nadia got to make the announcement on the phone to her two grandmas that Mommy is going to have a baby!! She told Paul's mom that first she's going to get a sister and then another brother. Well we shall see, but since we have a frozen blastocyst we will be doing another transfer in the future. Paul said this morning that we might be having four kids. Wow!

The day didn't start out in a happy way because I made the mistake of not turning on all the lights in the bathroom when I tested at 1:50am. I only turned on one light, and I only saw one line. I checked it again a few hours later (again with only one light because I didn't want to wake Paul up), and it still looked like BFN. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. Well around 9:30am I decided to pull the thing out of the trash can to look at it one more time. This time all the lights were on in the bathroom, and I saw that there were TWO lines. I couldn't believe it. I've never had a false positive (even hours later), but I know how people talk about an "evaporation line" (which has never happened to me). So I got out another hpt and tested again to see if the second line would show up within the appropriate time frame. It did! It was also darker! WOOHOO! I wasn't expecting to go through two in one day. OOPS! I called the RE first this morning to ask about when was the soonest we could do the FET. They hadn't called me back about that before I called back to say cancel the first message. I am pregnant! I asked if I could do the first Beta tomorrow instead of Friday, and they said yes. So I won't do a hpt tomorrow in light of the Beta and to make up for using two today. Thank you, Lord! We're going to have a baby!!! Nadia is really excited!!! The moral of the story is this - when you are reading a hpt, make sure you have turned on all the lights in the bathroom!!! I'm so glad that there will be another ultrasound and not just the one I've been staring at so much from our transfer. The next big question will be whether I'm carrying one or two babies. We shall see! Looks like we'll be trading in a car later this year. PTL!

A couple of weeks ago Paul pointed out that every year one of our teams has won a Superbowl we've had a baby that year. In the past 10.5 years of marriage our teams have won 3 Superbowls. The Giants won in 2008 (Nadia was born that year), the Steelers won in 2009 (Ian was born that year), and now the Giants will be playing in the Superbowl in two weeks and it looks like we'll be having another baby this year! I hope that means the Giants are going to win in 2012 as the Steelers lost the Superbowl in 2011, which was not fun at all (for me). The Steelers won another Superbowl in our marriage (2006), which was when our first child was due. I know it's all just coincidence, but it was rather amazing. Paul was the one who noticed the pattern. I had to look it up online because I couldn't recall the exact years of the Superbowl victories.

P.S. The first picture shows today's two hpts. The second line in the first one shows up better in real life than in the photograph, but you can see the second one (taken about 7 hours later) is much darker. I'll scan the ultrasound pic sometime becuase it will look better that way (this is just a pic of a pic). However in the very center the small white almost oval shape - those are the blastocysts!

Almost passed out

Yesterday I gave very serious consideration to breaking out a hpt this morning (11dpo) because the symptoms have been getting stronger, and I think since my Prometrium dosage hasn't increased, I wouldn't think that alone could cause the upsurge in symptoms. What started as the typical progesterone induced tenderness has gotten so strong that when Ian is sitting in my lap, I feel like I must nurse him right now. It's an extremely strong sensation, and it keeps catching me off guard since he was weaned about 11 months ago. I didn't test this morning because Paul talked me into waiting until Monday morning as planned.

At church this morning I had a new symptom pop up out of the blue. After Sunday School the choir meets in a rehearsal room to go over the anthem a couple of times before going out to the choir loft in the sanctuary. We were singing an arrangement of "Jesus Loves Me" in honor of today being Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I was singing away when all of a sudden the room started spinning, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I fell back into a chair and a woman, who is a nurse, was standing beside me pointed out to others around me that my face had lost all color.

They quickly got me horizontal, opened windows to cool me off, etc. There are a couple of nurses and a physician assistant in the choir so I was very well attended. Eventually I was able to sit up and then stand up without feeling like I was going to faint. Someone also brought me some grape juice to help my blood sugar level. Needless to say I just sat in a pew during the service rather than going up to the choir loft. I felt much better by the end of the service, and I felt even better after we had lunch. Nadia had her first fluffernutter sandwich, and I thoroughly enjoyed a piece of pecan pie at the church luncheon. I hadn't had any pecan pie in quite awhile, and it's one of my most favorite foods. Anyhow, although I didn't enjoy almost fainting this morning, I'm now pretty certain I'm pregnant. Singing and pregnancy haven't gone well for me in the past. At our church we stand and sing for quite a long time as we sing both hymns and praise and worship songs. When I was pregnant with Ian I had to sit in church when almost everyone was standing to avoid passing out.

I've tried really hard to keep my hopes in check. I don't want to come crashing down emotionally. Two things that are helping with that are #1 the fact that I have two beautiful children. That bfn in August 2007 was so incredibly hard (after my first ivf transfer) because my arms were still empty. If that's what happens this time, it will be totally different. Secondly, we have one frozen blastocyst. All our eggs (blastocysts) aren't in one basket (uterus). All that to say, yesterday and today I've been pretty certain that I'm pregnant. If it's negative tomorrow, I won't totally give up hope yet as it *could* still be too early. We shall see. Hopefully I'll be seeing two lines tomorrow. Part of me just can't believe that might happen. It took 5.5 years to have our first sticky pregnancy. It seemed so easy (in comparison) with Ian, and if I am pregnant again right now, this time was even easier due to the new ivf protocol. Since they say at this clinic that the odds of getting pregnant are about 25% per ivf cycle, it seems crazy to think we could be 3 of 4 with ivf transfers resulting in a pregnancy, especially now when I'm almost 40 years old. Of course "easy" still involved thousands of dollars, shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork, etc. It's not easy compared to the way most folks get pregnant, but compared to what we went through for Nadia, it's been easy (if I really am pregnant right now). If I am pregnant, I will view this as our fourth miracle baby. I still view our first baby as a miracle, even though we never held that little one in our arms. We had been trying for 3 years when I finally saw 2 lines. I still have the hps from that pregnancy which took place in 2005. That felt like a miracle. Here's to praying there's another little miracle growing within me. Nothing is impossible with God!

P.S. As you can see from today's pics, the kids were out in the snow again this afternoon!

More Snow!

First Winter Snow

Our biggest snowstorm thus far actually happened in October (the weekend before Halloween). Since that time we've had flurries a few times, but that's been about it as far as snow. We got a little snow last night. It was enough that the snowplow woke me up at 1am, but it really wasn't that much. The kids thought it was a blast even though it was a very dry snow (unlike in October where it was easy to make a large snowman). Let me tell you that if it were up to me, I'd stay inside and admire how pretty the snow looks from inside my warm house, but I love my kids more than I love being warm so I bundled them up and we headed out to enjoy the snow.

I had really hoped we'd conquer the crying, batting the spoon, turning away his head, etc. behaviors at mealtimes before he went to Hershey so that they could work on other things like chewing. I had more hope of that being true a month ago than I do now. Yogurt is a blessing and a curse. He loves it. He eats it well except he often spits out the little pieces of fruit in the yogurt. If it were up to him he'd drink rice drink, eat yogurt, and lick pretzels. That would be his entire diet if he was in charge. Now he fights me much more over anything that's not yogurt. It's so very frustrating. I tried handing him a prefilled spoon (with yogurt on it), and he tried to put his mouth toward the spoon, but he didn't want to hold the spoon. I tried it a few times. Not yet. That's exciting, Regina, that it's helping with Bailey. Karen thought it was worth a try to add graham cracker crumbs. We have tried other things for adding texture to his meals. He fights it, but he has made progress over the last year with texture, albeit small progress.

I am finding myself very prone to tears right now. First, because of the whole situation at work. Second, from wondering if I'm pregnant or not. I keep thinking if I am not pregnant, I really wish the doctor had allowed us to transfer 3. The previous doctors were fine with that, for those who were 37 or older. If they had been able to freeze 2, I wouldn't feel badly about having only transferred 2, but I have to admit when I found out that they had only frozen one, I wished the doctor hadn't refused our request to transfer 3. There's no guarantee that any of the three would result in a pregnancy, but it's $3K cheaper to do one transfer than to do two separate transfers (not including meds). I keep reminding myself that God is in control in both situations. I'm sure the extra hormones coarsing through my body aren't exactly helping. Thanks for the link, Sheila. I got a bfn at 11dpo with Nadia. I didn't retest until 14dpo so maybe I would have gotten a bfp at 12 or 13dpo. With Ian I took my first test at 12dpo = BFP. For my ectopic I also got my bfp at 12dpo, so I'm not tempted to break out the hpts until Monday (12dpo or 7dp5dt).

And the doorbell rang...

Most days the doorbell doesn't get used. It was used quite a few times today! The cleaning ladies showed up, and I wasn't expecting them. I had called the company's office in mid December and said I'd take the next several weeks off since I was on a break at school. It had been a month since they had come. I had left a message asking what date they would be coming next, and they never called back. I felt badly that they showed up for nothing, but there was no way they could clean the house without me having prepared ahead of time. Too many toys and books lying on the floor and such. We saved some money by going 6 weeks without the cleaning service as they'll be returning in two weeks.

Beth (our neighbor) also showed up. I had called her in the morning to ask if she could also babysit next Friday as yesterday the Dean sent notice of a faculty meeting being held on the 27th. Classes resume next week, and Beth will be babysitting the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2:50-5:30 (until Paul comes home). Gabby or Alexis will watch the kids from 3:30-5:30 on those days (after they come home from school). When I called her this morning she said she was in the middle of making stuffed shells. I commented that is one of Paul's favorite dishes, and I should make some this week as well. I certainly wasn't trying to hint in any way, but she brought over a small dish of shells to share with us. How sweet! We had stored her swimming pool in our garage for a week (while she was drying it out and cleaning it) several months ago, and she said this was her way of thanking us for that.

The mailman and UPS delivery man also rang the doorbell today. We had a lot of packages delivered in November and December because I did a lot of my Christmas and birthday shopping online. Not much has been delivered over the past month. Today we received three packages. One contained a 11x14 print I ordered from Shutterfly when they sent me a $20 off anything coupon code recently. Another contained Inchimals. I think they're really neat. Nadia was using them to measure things (like Sweetpea), and Ian enjoyed comparing them (bigger/smaller) and putting them in order from smallest to longest. The third box was from a lot I purchased on eBay. It had an assortment of things -some I had on my list of things I definitely wanted to buy and a few I wasn't planning to buy but sounded like they could be used. It included things like cuisinaire rods (which are based on centimeters), the teacher's manual for the pre-kindergarten level of Handwriting without Tears, some ABC flashcards from My Father's World curriculum, the Kindergarten teacher's manual for My Father's World, and some other supplies from Handwriting without Tears (such as sentence strips, a small slate, etc.). Fun, fun, fun!

I finished reading Charlotte's Web to Nadia today. In honor of that we watched part of a movie based on the book. We'll finish it tomorrow. Nadia of course wasn't very happy that Charlotte died at the end. She kept asking, "Why did she have to die?."

I have been having two pregnancy symptoms the past couple of days. I keep reminding myself that I'm taking Progesterone 3 times a day, and that is probably what is causing these symptoms. It's so hard not to read into things during the dreaded "two week wait" (which is actually a 12 day wait for me since I always break out the hpts by 12pdo). Just four more days....

Last night I checked online to see if the fall semester schedules had been posted yet. I was stunned to see what my schedule is supposed to be. I had asked for any two evening or online courses and ten student teachers. I thought that seemed very reasonable, but I figured the worst case scenario would be that I'd have a schedule similar to what I had from 2004-2008 which was to teach 2-3 classes either MWF or T/TH morning (or afternoon) and 1-2 evening classes. It never crossed my mind that I'd be scheduled to teach 2 classes on T/Th mornings (starting at 8am) and 2 classes on MWF (one in the morning and one in the afternoon). I looked up all the other schedules for the other faculty in my department for next semester, and I'm the only one who has a 5 day schedule. What?!?!?! I emailed my department chair and Dean today asking that I be given a schedule similar to my colleagues for next semester - either M/W/F or T/Th. There are only two professors in my department who have more seniority than I do, but that's really a moot point since I was the only one given such an awful schedule. If I didn't have children and lived really close to campus, I really wouldn't care, but I do have two young children and also don't want to spend 6.5 hours commuting to and from work each week. I'm hoping they will give me a more reasonable schedule. I didn't even ask for any particular courses. The two courses I was assigned will be new ones for me. I didn't even bring that up. It really hurt when I viewed my schedule because I considered my department chair to be a friend. It felt like a slap in the face that he would give me (and only me) such a schedule, especially when I have always tried to help him whenever he's asked such as when he asked me to write an accreditation report in June or when he's asked me to chair a committee. If I am pregnant right now, I won't be teaching the whole semester in the fall, but I do plan to start out teaching FT at the beginning of the semester in August as my due date would be October 4. My chair said the reason they gave me this schedule was because they want me to mentor a new ECE tenure track faculty member that we're attempting to hire right now. I'm happy to be a mentor to another new faculty member as I have done in the past, but being a mentor has never before meant you needed to teach 5 days a week. I hope I am feeling better about this situation next week when I'm on campus because right now I just feel very hurt.

Chocolate Hair and a Pink Tutu

On Monday Paul paid for Nadia's ballet costume for their recital, which will be on June 2. It cost (gulp) $45. For a woman who only shops at clearance racks, consignment shops, and yard sales, that seemed like a fortune. I can tell you with assurance I have never even spent $20 on an outfit for Nadia the past 3.5 years, and frankly it's been many years since I spent $45 on an outfit for myself. I hope she finds some other times to wear it as $45 for something she might only wear one hour seems like a lot. At least the costume is cute. We had to pay before we saw what we were paying for, which was a bit unnerving for me.

At lunch today somehow we got on the topic of chocolate, and Nadia said, "I like chocolate. Your hair is chocolate." Since Paul and I both had blonde hair when we were young and have brown hair now, Nadia and Ian will most likely have "chocolate" hair some day too. Of course I won't mind if their hair stays blonde!

Today I have found myself staring at the ultrasound picture many times. I guess it seems surreal to me that I'm PUPO (women who have had IVF use that term and it stands for "pregnant until proven otherwise"). Actually I guess it depends on what the definition of pregnant is. If it means an embryo is inside you, yep I'm pregnant. If pregnancy doesn't start until implantation, well then we don't know yet. Anyhow I have to saw it seems surreal this time around. I think I kept my hopes down lower this time than the previous cycles. Maybe it's because I've always viewed the age 40 as the line of demarkation in terms of fertility, but of course women DO conceive (even naturally) after age 40, and I'm still 39 for 3 more months. I was given an ultrasound pic of my first transfer (8/4/07). I found it rather ironic since I didn't have any ++ pregnancy tests that time around whereas in 2005 I had quite a few ++ pregnancy tests but no ultrasounds pics because that pregnancy was ectopic. I remember being disappointed when they didn't give me any ultrasound pics with Nadia's transfer (11-1-07), but then I had lots of ultrasounds during that pregnancy. I can't remember if they gave me a pic from Ian's transfer or not. Hopefully there will be more ultrasounds next month because I'll get a ++ next week. I'm 7 days past ovulation today. Just 5 more days until I start testing. At one point today Nadia prayed to God and asked if "pretty please give Mommy another baby." At dinner when she prayed, she said "I really want another baby." Awww.. I've told her the doctors are trying to help us have another baby, but God might answer yes, no, or wait. She's having trouble grasping the idea that a pregnancy last for quite a few months. She keeps thinking the baby would come home ASAP. What has helped her grasp it a little is that I've been telling her if we have a baby, the baby won't come home until after her birthday (which is in June).

We're still trying to decide which insurance. If we pick PSU's, I might not have as many ultrasounds at the RE as I have with the previous pregnancies. I did call Hershey today, and they said Medicaid will pay for Ian's feeding program, which is good to know as they told me PSU's insurance will not (even though Ian's feeding doctor is a professor at PSU!). I also called the OB clinic I would use if I am pregnant again, but they didn't call me back. The union is also doing some research as they think that HR miscalculated how many months I'd have to pay the part-time rate. We're also trying to factor in the fact that we might do a FET in a couple of months. I believe Blue Shield would pay about $750 more towards the FET than PSU's insurance would. Such a hard decision!

I bought 3 hpts at Walmart today. It was a good deal as I got First Response Early Response (my favorite brand since I got my first positive with that brand in 2005 when my hCG was less than 20). I got 3 tests for a total of $6.98. I have one left over from a time several months ago when I wondered if maybe I was pregnant. So I have four tests on hand for next week. We shall see if I end up buying more or not. After seeing so many negative tests from 2002-2007, it does my heart so much good to see two lines on a test, which is why I probably go through more hpts in the early stage of pregnancy than most women do. Since ivf itself costs thousands of dollars, I don't let myself feel guilty about spending less than $20 on hpts. :-) The crazier thing is I can't seem to part with most of those tests even though I took pictures of them and have two kids running around as proof that I was indeed pregnant.

Thankful Tuesday

1. We were able to transfer 2 gorgeous blastocysts yesterday. PTL! I also enjoyed getting a great view of them. Normally we just see them on the ultrasound, and all we're really seeing then is the fluid they're in. It is cool to watch them move through the uterus. However, this time they had a camera set up so that we could see the actual blastocysts on a tv screen while I was in the hospital bed right before the transfer. That was really neat. Obviously they was a lot of magnification involved as embryos are tiny at this stage. The nurses and RE and utlrasound tech were all raving about how perfect the blastocysts were - that they rarely see ones THAT good (according to textbook definitions of what is the "ideal" blastocyst).

2. One blastocyst was able to be frozen. I was disappointed to hear that the fourth blastocyst stopped developing as we've never had a blastocyst on day 5 that wasn't frozen or transferred before, but Theresa said the one that was frozen was good quality - not as perfect as the two we transferred, but still very good. That description doesn't bother me because Nadia wasn't graded as "excellent" when she was frozen. Part of me wishes that Dr. Z had allowed us to transfer three yesterday as freezing embryos (no matter how many you freeze) costs $750, but maybe this transfer won't result in a sticky bfp, and maybe that FET will in a couple of months. It's nice to know all the eggs (or embryos in this case) aren't in one basket so to speak. I am grateful we had one make it to the freeze, as that didn't happen last time (and wouldn't have happened even if we had only transferred two as they said the morula we transferred that time wasn't good enough to freeze). We have 3 chances at a baby. Two are in my uterus, and one is frozen. PTL!

3. Paul found out today that his latest article submission was accepted for publication in the journal Surface and Interface Analysis. Way to go, Paul!
4. Paul was able to work from home yesterday and today (well yesterday he didn't get to work nearly as much as normal) to help me lift Ian a few times throughout the day.
5. It's so reassuring to hear, Regina, that bedrest isn't necessary for a BFP from ivf. The other REs said to have "pelvic rest," which they described as no lifting or doing things like vacuuming. This time this RE said bedrest for 24 hours, and he specified that as only getting up to go to the bathroom. I definitely wasn't on bedrest. The nurse told me to go home and watch movies. That would have been nice, but it wasn't feasible. I'm glad to know that one can have a sticky BFP even without doing bedrest.
6. In early September I attempted to put in our timeshare exchange request. Evidently, I didn't do it correctly because they had no record of me putting in a request. A week ago I did put in the request successfully, but I admit I was a bit concerned that it was a bit late. Well today we got our confirmation for a week in May that falls in between the spring semester and first summer session! WOOHOO! I traded our efficiency in the Poconos for a 3 bedroom unit in Grand Cayman. What a great trade! Paul's parents will be going with us. Paul is looking forward to going underwater in a real submarine for the first time, and I'm looking forward to snorkeling with stingrays for the first time! None of us have been to this particular island before. Now that Ian can sleep through the night, I'm sure we'll have fun!
7. Ladies Bible study resumed today! I probably won't be able to finish the session because of Ian's stay at Hershey Medical, but I'm grateful for as many weeks that I am able to attend. We're doing a study by Beth Moore on the book of James. She's challenging us to memorize the book of James over the next 5 months. I'm going to try to accomplish that goal.
8. I have time to read before school starts. I checked out two books by Karen Kingsbury today from the church library where I go for ladies Bible study. I'm hoping to find a way to still have time to read a little each week even once the semester starts up again next week.

9. I appreciate the things in life which bring us smiles and laughter. One that has been cracking me up lately is my bottle of Prometrium. The directions say to take it vaginally, but the pharmacist wasn't thinking about those instructions when he/she put two stickers on the bottle. One says "Swallow whole. Do not crush or chew." and the other says "Take with food or milk." LOL! Those directions only apply if you're taking it orally, ha ha!

Four Blastocysts!

Our first cycle we had 7 embryos on day 1 and transferred 3 embryos on day 3 so we don't know how many of those would have made it to blastocyst since we transferred them before they could reach that stage. We have 4 left on day 3 that time, and only 1 of those made it to blastocyst. Nadia was frozen on day 6. In 2009 we had 12 embryos on day 1, and on day 5 we had 2 blastocysts, 2 morulas, and 3 embryos. We transferred 2 blastocysts and 1 morula. None of the other 4 made it to blastocyst by day 6 so we didn't have any frozen embryos that cycle. This time we had 8 embryos on day 1, and today (day 5) we had (drumroll please!) 4 blastocysts and 4 morulas!

This RE is very conservative. He refused to transfer 3 blastocysts even though I'll be turning 40 in April, and even though our previous transfers of 3 resulted in no pregnancy the first time and one baby (Ian) the second. The two blastocysts we transferred were described as gorgeous by the embryologist, and she is on the strict side with grading embryos. She said one of the other blastocysts was ready to be frozen today. She thinks she'll be able to freeze another one tomorrow, but she can't guarantee it. Nadia didn't reach the freezable state until day 6; so we might have another late bloomer. Actually she said she's still culturing all 5 of them (all that weren't transferred or frozen today) in case any of them make it to the freezable state by tomorrow. I'm planning to call on Wednesday to hear how many were frozen. I'm hoping to see two lines on the hpt next week, but if we don't, I know we'll have another chance at pregnancy through a FET. I was thrilled with the news that we had four blastocysts as that never happened before. Thanks for your prayers. Please keep praying for these two that are now in my uterus!

I thoroughly enjoyed my hour long massage this morning. It felt like a $35 well spent. Between that and the Valium they gave me, I was very relaxed. We were at the clinic for about 2 hours total. Paul's parents and Shawn watched the kids while we were gone. They also brought up Ian's train table that they gave him for Christmas. Paul took Nadia to ballet and picked up some pizza for dinner as the RE told me to be on bed rest for 24 hours. He said to only get up to go to the bathroom. I haven't been able to be that strict with the rest, but I have tried to avoid lifting the kids. I didn't have a book to bring with me to the hospital, so I clipped coupons instead, haha. My Beta is scheduled for 1/27, but if I get a BFP on 1/23, I'll ask if I can have the Beta on 1/24 because I'll already be in that town that day for ladies Bible study and it would save me a trip. In the past they've let me have the Beta early after I've gotten a +++ at home. Praying for two lines next week!!!

What a champ!

I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I have to tell you I continue to be amazed by how easy it has been to potty train Ian. Last week he only had 2 accidents (both #2 and one was because I was in the shower at the time he needed to go). Today is day number 12 of potty training, and his big accomplishment was that he told the nursery worker he needed to go, and he went on the toilet in the nursery without crying! I had him go right before we left, but he must not have totally emptied his bladder because a few minutes later (on the way home) he started saying "pee pee." I urged him to hold it and kept encouraging him that we'd be home soon. Well my little potty training champ held it until he was on his froggy potty at home. Awesome!!! I have been bringing a change of underwear and a pair of pants with me whenever I've left the house with him, but the only time they were needed is when I didn't have him aim properly in the toilet last Sunday. If he keeps this up, I'll probably stop bringing the clothes with me.

Ian wore a suit jacket for the first time in his life today. All of his previous suits came with a vest not a suit jacket. I remember eyeing this jacket on a clearance rack last year. The original price was almost $79 as it's made by Calvin Klein. I had to wait a long time for it to drop under $10, which was the most I was willing to pay for it especially as it didn't come with a shirt or tie or pants or anything else. It actually cracks me up how well it's made. What two year old needs lined pockets on the inside of the jacket? I thought he looked rather spiffy, and I'm hoping next fall (and maybe winter) he can get a little more use out of it. I had to wait awhile for him to wear it because he didn't have any black pants until recently. Maybe his outfit inspired him to play the part of a sportscaster today. He was sitting on Paul's lap while I was getting lunch ready. Paul was watching the NFL pregame show. Ian suddnely started saying various cheers such as "Defense!", "Go Steelers", "Go Giants", and "Get a stop." The "get a stop" one really cracked Paul up because Ian kept saying it over and over.

Last night in the bathtub Ian picked up the foam letter "P" and said to me "P is for Pop Pop." Wow. All I can say is wow. He's obsessed with letters. When I'm feeding him yogurt he points out the letters he sees on the yogurt container. He's eating about 2 yogurts a day as I'm often feeding him 1/2 a yogurt at each meal and then alternate the bites with something else (banana, sweet potatoes, applesauce, etc.). If I try to only feed him something other than yogurt, it's a disaster of epic proportions. It's actually become harder to feed him other foods now that he's having yogurt again, but it is wonderful to have him asking for something other than milk (he says "yogurt, please"). Speaking of reading, I read two books last week! I wasn't keen on the one I read by Sparks, but I absolutely loved Heaven is for Real. I highly recommend it, and it's not a long book so it probably won't take you long to read it. It's about a 3 year old boy's near death experience.

I picked up some low dose aspirin today. The first cycle I ever took it was the IUI cycle that resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. I forgot to take it with my first IVF transfer. I took it with my last two transfers until a heartbeat was seen each time. It could be 100% coincidence, but since it can't do any harm, I'm taking one a day starting today. Many studies have shown it to be very helpful, and it can't do any harm. Many REs do advise their patients to take it. I have no idea why they ALL don't make that recommendation since it can't hurt, and some studies have shown it to be rather helpful. This fertility clinic has never recommended it. Tomorrow I'll be having my 4th transfer, and all four transfers will have been done by a different RE. Dr. Award did the first, he was the RE I saw the most over the past 8.5 years. Dr. M did the second. He was only at the clinic for 6 months. He was rather unconventional. He didn't even put on any special garb - just walked in wearing his street clothes (a suit) and did the transfer while the nurses, Paul, and myself (ie everyone else in the room) was wearing gowns, things on our heads, etc. However he was transferring Nadia so he did the transfer correctly. Dr. O did the last one (although Dr. A monitored me for most of that cycle). Both Dr. O and Dr. A retired a couple of years ago. Dr. A had been there over 20 years. Dr. Z will be doing my fourth transfer tomorrow. Please pray for wisdom in how many to transfer and that one blastocyst will nestle in until September. My EDD would be October 3, but I highly doubt I'd still be pregnant in October given my penchant to preterm labor.

Everyday Ian watches the monitor while Nadia is taking her nap. He always says, "Nadia sleeping."

4 Letters and the Tiger

I am very happy to report that Nadia now can identify the letters "C," "N," "O," and "B." Yahoo! It took a lot longer for her to learn to identify a few letters than I ever dreamed it would, but I am guessing it will be a lot easier now that we've got the ball rolling.

Ian's big accomplishment yesterday was that he started telling me when he needed to go to the bathroom. Woohoo! It took Nadia much longer than one week to master that skill. He didn't have any accidents the past three days! What a big boy! This morning I was very surprised that his diaper was only wet as 99.9% of the time it's also a poopy diaper. I thought this meant we could work on teaching him to poop on the potty. I forgot that bit of information though when he asked to go to the bathroom around 8:30am. I was surprised when he didn't pee as every other time when he's told me he needs to go, he's actually gone. I then took my shower, and he pooped in his pants while I was showering. As soon as I got out of the shower he said "potty." I called for Paul, and Paul took him down and discovered he had pooped in his underwear. He did pee on the potty at that point though. I felt badly as he obviously had tried to poop earlier, and then if he said something while I was in the shower, I didn't hear it. However he had two big accomplishments today with potty training. First, when we were at the mall today, he peed on an adult sized toilet without crying. Woohoo! Although he had stopped crying at home, he still cried in a public restroom the last time he went (Thursday). Second, he told me this afternoon (at home) that he needed to pee, and when I put him on the potty he actually pooped. YAHOOO! He earned his stuffed animal tiger that had been sitting on the top of the refrigerator for a couple of weeks. This was the first time he pooped on a potty. I have to say potty training Ian has been a breeze. I actually never dreamed it could be this easy! The only thing left to accomplish is staying dry through the night. I don't think that's going to happen until he's eating a more normal diet. His diet is so fluid based that he would have to pee several times in the night, and since he's in a crib, I'd have to get up and take him to the bathroom. I'd much rather let him wear a diaper so I can sleep through the night.

HR finally got back to me yesterday regarding our health insurance options. I had emailed my questions the week before Christmas. Option #1 is to drop Blue Shield insurance (yesterday would be our last day) and go on PSU's insurance for this semester. We'd go back on Blue Shield on July 1. We'd have double coverage for July and the first week of August. Option #2 is to stay on Blue Shield. I'd be paying $735 a month for 6.5 months and $192 a month for the other months. Option #2 would cost a total of $2,881 more than option #1 over a 9 month period. If Ian didn't have Medicaid, there wouldn't be any decision to make because PSU's insurance doesn't cover the intensive feeding program. Also, I don't want to go back to driving 5-6 hours per doctor appointment for Ian, but that's not going to happen because Medicaid will work with the local hospital. Paul and Nadia almost never go to the doctor, and their doctors work with PSU's insurance. One disadvantage for going on PSU's insurance would be IF Paul, Nadia, or I needed any medications, we'd pay a little more than we would through Blue Shield (although the difference wouldn't be as great as it was last year when we didn't know we were supposed to have things filled on campus). The other is that if I do find out that I'm pregnant in 9 days, PSU's insurance will only pay for two ultrasounds (one in the first trimester and one in the second). We have until January 23 to accept or decline PSU's insurance. I am not sure what the deadline is with my university. I'm actually leaning toward option #1 because I figure even if we need to pay for a couple of ultrasounds, that won't cost anywhere near $2,881. We'd be on Blue Shield before the baby was born (presuming there is another baby). Any recommendations? If Ian didn't have Medicaid, I wouldn't even consider option #1. If this ivf doesn't result in a pregnancy, then option #1 is definitely the way to go as Paul, Nadia, and I hardly ever go to the doctor when I'm not ttc or pregnant. The day we have to make the decision is the same day I'll be 12dpo, which is when I usually find out if I am pregnant or not (by hpt).

Transfer on Monday!

The nurse called me a few minutes ago to say that all eight embryos still look great, and usually they can start to tell a difference in quality by this point. I remember last time when they called me 2 days past retrieval they said 10 still looked great and 2 looked "iffy" at that point (compared to them saying all 12 looked great on the first day). So they feel very comfortable with a 5 day transfer on Monday, but if something weird should happen and a bunch of them stop growing before then, they will call us ASAP and reschedule the transfer for Saturday or Sunday. I feel better knowing that they check the embryos every day and will change plans if necessary. She asked me if we were planning to transfer two. I said we did 3 embryos in our first transfer, 1 frozen blastocyst in our second (because that's all we had left), and 2 blastocysts and 1 morula in our third transfer. We are open to transferring 3 or 4 depending on what Dr. Z thinks is best considering my age plus the quality of the embryos at that point. She said the decision wouldn't be made until we get there on Monday. Please keep praying for our embryos and for our decision on Monday as to how many to transfer. Thanks! Oh and one other prayer request would be for me to never miss a dosage of Prometrium. I am to insert one three times a day, and I'm so nervous I'll forget a dosage! These are far better than PIO shots. I have put the ring I usually wear on my right hand on my left hand, and so far that's working. When I think why don't I have a ring on my right hand, I remember take the Prometrium!
I have scheduled a massage for myself (5 minutes from our house) for 10:00am on Monday. We'll need to be on the road by 11:15 as I'm to arrive at noon for my Valium, etc. I should be VERY relaxed between the massage and the Valium, ha ha! This will be my 4th embryo transfer in the past 4.5 years, and it's my 4th massage in the past 10.5 years as the only times I've had a massage since we've been married has been right before an embryo transfer. Maybe I'll need to come up with another reason to treat myself to a massage now and then in the future. :-) Paul's parents will be coming up on Monday to watch the kids. Paul will be going with me to the transfer. He's at PSU today, but he'll be staying home on Monday due to my transfer and the fact I'm supposed to be on bedrest for 24 hours after the transfer. I did a longer span of bedrest after the last two transfers, but that's not really going to be possible this time around. I'll be at ladies Bible study on Tuesday so that will be relaxing as the kids will be in the nursery.

Have I mentioned recently how much I love being a mom? Well I do. It's the BEST! Today as I was listening on the monitor Ian was singing in his crib before he fell asleep. He sang "Be our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast, "Baa Baa Black Sheep," etc. How sweet it was to be serenaded by him as I listened to the monitor. This morning we resumed reading Charlotte's Web for the first time in a couple of weeks. I love reading to the kids while they play with Play-Doh or color. Ian was taking little plastic animals and making tracks (footprints) in the Play-Doh. We also played some hide and seek, one of the kids absolute favorite things to do. They both laugh a lot with that game! Such simple things bring the three of us SO much pleasure. Thank you, Lord! I forgot to mention in yesterday's post about Ian that his attention span for listening to books has dramatically increased in the last couple of weeks. I can now read all the words to several books (such as Curious George) in a row to him. WOOHOO!

25 Months Old

Ian's major accomplishment over the past month was certainly being daytime potty trained. He's learned how to keep his underwear dry (even during his nap) and pee on the potty every 1-2 hours without crying. Whenever I put him on the potty, he pees within one minute. Woohoo! Of course he still has many things to learn - how to poop on the potty, to tell me when he needs to go so I don't have to watch the clock, and how to stay dry during the night. However it was really easy to accomplish this first stage of potty training. We definitely had to use a LOT more carpet cleaner when potty training Nadia.

His vocabulary also continues to expand at a rapid pace. If I pause while reading one of his favorite books, he can usually tell me what the next word is. Some of his current favorites include Polar Bear, Polar Bear What do you hear?, any Spot book, Llama Llama Misses Mama, nursery rhyme books, and books that can be sung (such as Down by the Bay, Lady with the Alligator Purse, etc.). If he's having any sort of trouble with a toy, he either says "It's stuck" or "It's broken" (even if neither word accurately describes the situation). He sings All The Time and is now singing the majority of the words to many songs including a few Christmas carols such as "Joy to the World." Another phrase that is said many times a day is "call Grandma." That boy is obsessed with talking to his grandmas on my cell phone! He's also just started to say his own prayer at dinner time. It's so sweet!

He still often cries when we put him down for a nap or at night. I can't wait until he outgrows this. Karen (OT) is amazed that he's still crying for about 10 minutes on average before he takes his nap. His nap is on average 30 minutes long. At this point I have pretty much given up hope that his nap will ever be longer than that. The good news is that he sleeps almost 12 hours at night. Most days he goes to bed between 7:45-8:00pm and gets up around 7:30am.

He gained 1/2 pound over the past week (weighs 26 lbs), which means he currently weighs one pound less than what he weighed at his 24 month doctor appointment and 2.5 pounds less than what he weighed on Dec 12 at his allergy appointment. He's made a lot of progress over the past month in terms of not crying as much when I feed him. This is largely dependent on what I am feeding him. I don't have to hold his head any more when I feed him.

He's still very obsessed with shapes. All day long no matter where we are he is constantly pointing out shapes that he sees. He will say what the shape of the object is rather than the name of the object (ex. Nadia's change purse that is in the shape of a rectangle - he calls it a rectangle). He also is very obsessed with letters. His favorite letter is "B." If he doesn't know the letter, he calls it "B." He's also very interested in matching up words with letters for example he'll say "P is for Pop Pop" and such like that. He also enjoys (rote) counting.

Daddy has definitely moved up the totem pole with Ian. He now cries when Paul leaves just like he's done for most of his life with me. He gets very excited when Daddy comes home! He also is doing really well at playing independently in the church nursery. He used to be the one to start crying, and now I am told that he's usually the only one not crying when one of the other kids starts the crying chain effect.

He almost always has several items in his hands (vehicles, small plastic animals, or stuffed animals). My mom noticed this over Christmas. If Ian is walking around, he's sure to be carrying on average 3-5 toys in his hands. He's also still in the very destructive phase. He loves to dump bins of toys, bins of books, clear off bookshelves, empty the toybox, etc. I need to teach this boy how to clean up after himself!! Nadia never went through that phase (thankfully!).