New Year's Eve

I can't believe 2010 will be starting tomorrow. It sounds like science fiction, doesn't it? It causes me to reflect on one of my childhood goals, which was to give birth to a child in the year 2000. I thought that it would be so easy to remember my child's age if that happened. I came up with this plan after meeting someone who was born in 1900. Often children are not very good judges of ages. I was told I was an "old fogie" by one of my students when I was only 20 years old as one example. One of the nurses in the NICU (who I would guess to be in her 20's) said that one of her nephews recently guessed she was in her 60's. She didn't feel too badly though because this child guessed that his grandfather (her dad) was 60 million years old. LOL! Anyhow I was 28 years old for most of 2000, and that's certainly a reasonable age to give birth to a baby. However, I actually didn't get married until 2001. Even though I gave birth in 2008 and 2009, I don't think it will be too hard for me to remember how old my children are, at least for another twenty years or so anyhow.

I haven't given much thought yet to my goals for 2010 aside from getting back to the weight I was prior to ivf #1 and also taking at least one photo a day for the Project Life scrapbook that I should be receiving next week. I probably will wait a few weeks before I come up with any other goals for 2010 as the main goal that comes to mind right now is to get more sleep, LOL. Instead I'd like to take the time to reflect on a few of the many blessings in my life.

1. Paul - he loves me, Nadia, and Ian very much. What a blessing to be loved by one's hubby and know that he loves your kids very, very, very much.

2. Nadia - my life has been completely different since June 24, 2008. It has been SUCH a delight to be her mom the past 18 months. I love watching her learn and grow. This week she learned her first shape. If you show her a picture of an oval, she will point to it and say "oval." This morning we were greeted with a fresh layer of snow on the ground. I opened the curtain on the sliding glass door and asked her what was outside, and she said "snow" without anyone having said the word first.

3. Ian - although he came a few weeks earlier than I would have preferred, it is amazing to me that I am entering 2010 with TWO children. I remember in the summer of 2007 really starting to believe I would never give birth to or adopt any children despite all of our efforts to conceive and adopt. Normally, when he finishes nursing I put him back in the crib as soon as possible (during the night) so I can get back to bed. Last night on more than one occasion I found myself cradling him in my arms and telling him how much I loved him before I put him back to bed. Considering how much I am NOT a night owl, this shows how much I treasure this little guy!! Speaking of which, I actually might be awake this year around midnight. I usually am in bed before 10pm on New Year's Eve. Lately I've been going to bed around 7pm, but depending on when I am nursing Ian, I might actually be awake at midnight for once!

4. Paul's parents - the list of how they've helped us the past 2.5 weeks is quite lengthy. I am not sure what we would have done without them. They took wonderful care of Nadia on many occasions, brought me food when most of the cafeterias in the hospital were closed over the weekend, bought Ian many preemie and newborn clothes since the 0-3 month size clothing was way too big, picked up Ian's crib mattress, bought both kiddos tons of wonderful Christmas presents (Ian is in the swing right now), prepared Christmas dinner, washed all the dishes by hand after the Christmas dinner, etc. It is SUCH a blessing to know that my kids are very, very loved by their grandparents and that they live close enough to see them fairly often.

5. My mom - my mom drove up from MD and helped us out for 3 days while Ian and I were in the hospital. She also was a big help! I am also grateful she was able to deliver most of the presents I purchased to MD so that I didn't have to pay postage to ship too many of them.

6. Neighbors - I am very grateful that the neighbor girls watched Nadia during our two trips to the hospital (until Paul's parents got here). It was nice that she didn't have to be awakened either time.

7. Donna - it was such a blessing to be able to take a nap at her house on the 21st, a shower there on the 22nd, that they watched Nadia on the 22nd, that she took some great pictures of the four of us, etc. I am very grateful for all the ways she and her husband helped us out!

8. That Ian was discharged on the 22nd. It's hard for me to include anything related to the NICU on my list of blessings, but evidently 2 weeks is the norm for babies born at 34 weeks with RDS. I am grateful that by that standard he came home four days "early."

9. That I'll be able to work part-time the whole next year. I enjoy my job, but I love being with my kids even more!

10. That Paul recently finished his Master's degree as well as the coursework for his PhD.

Maiden Voyage

 After going 12 days without driving a car, I started back gradually as my first trip (December 24) to CVS and the grocery store was without any kids. On Monday I went to the bank, library (already finished two of the books I checked out), Post Office (mailed a package to Chicago), and grocery store with only Ian. Today was my first solo trip with both kiddos. I was wearing the sling under my coat so that I could carry Ian in that and still have the ability to hold Nadia's hand in the parking lots and also put her in the front of the shopping cart. Our first stop was the doctor's office. I turned in the form my HR department wants my OB to fill out so I can use some sick leave, and a nurse weighed Ian. He gained about 1.5 ounces over the last seven days as he weighed in at 5lb 10 3/4 ounces (with only a dry diaper on). I was afraid we'd have to come back with that small of a gain, but I guess as long as he gained some weight, she was satisfied. Whew. I will keep weighing him at home. Obviously my scale is accurate since it was fluctuating between 5lb 10 1/2 and 5lb 11 oz last night. Hopefully he'll start gaining an average of one ounce a day in the very near future.

Monday night was an awful night for me in terms of how much sleep I got. He was sometimes only sleeping for 15-20 minutes before he was wanting to nurse again. Needless to say I napped during both of Nadia's naps yesterday. Last night went much better. I went to bed at 9pm, and I woke Ian up at midnight. He nursed for almost an hour and then slept for 2 hours. He nursed for almost another hour and probably would have slept at least 2 hours, but Nadia woke up at 5:15, and that woke him up. I napped for 45 minutes during Nadia's morning nap (until Ian woke up). Including that nap, I got seven hours of sleep. WOOHOO! I feel so much better today than I did yesterday although I'd feel even better if I got as much sleep as Paul did last night. He went to bed around midnight and got up at 9:30am. He was up from 5:30-6:00; so he got about nine hours of sleep. I'm trying not to be too jealous. :-) I never got that much sleep when Nadia was this age. I am very grateful that at least some nights he's doing a lot better than she did. Now we just need him to put on some more weight!

Boy's Clothes

The last few days I've been searching on eBay for some dressy clothes for Ian. The first set I bid on was a long sleeved onesie with trains all over it and a pair of blue corduroy overalls (size newborn). I was outbid by 50 cents on it while I was napping this afternoon. I am finding there isn't anywhere near the selection (compared to buying dresses for a girl) and that the prices are higher than what I am used to paying for Nadia's clothes. In size preemie, Ian just has sleepers, and I am not tempted to buy him anything else in that size because I know he won't be in it for long. So he's just wearing sleepers 24/7 for the time being (with a newborn size onesie underneath). The next size he'll wear will be newborn, and he has some "play clothes" type outifts in that size as well as sleepers in that size and also 0-3 month. Based on my experience with Nadia, I doubt he'll move into size 0-3 months until March. I bought him some dressy outfits off the clearance racks in 3-6 and 6-9 month sizes, but he doesn't have any outfits I'd call "Sunday clothes" in newborn or 0-3 month sizes. In particular, I have been thinking about what I want him to wear for his first photo shoot at Sears (in January) or for his baby dedication at church (yet to be scheduled).

There are several other auctions on eBay that I am currently watching. They're all "buy it now" so the prices are set, but I am trying to decide which to purchase. The one I like the best but is the most expensive is pictured below. I could definitely see myself using that one for his baby dedication. I think it's super duper snazzy (size 0-3 months). My hesitation is the price - $23.09 including s/h. It's brand new, but I haven't paid anywhere near that much for any outfit for Nadia at a store or on eBay. I really do like the outfit though. Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for being such a penny pincher. It's not like we can't afford to spend $23 on an outfit, especially if it's for a once in a lifetime event - his baby dedication. Nadia's was free since she wore the same outfit I wore in 1972. I have a feeling I'll end up caving and splurging on this, and I don't think I'll regret it as I think my little guy will look awfully handsome in it!

The scale hasn't been so kind to Ian the last two days. It's showing no gain or loss. Sigh. I hope the doctor is satisfied with whatever gain he demonstrates on their scale tomorrow morning, even if it's just 2 ounces in 1 week. I plan to nurse him and give him a bottle as close to the time of the appointment as possible. I really don't want to have to go back until Ian is 2 months old.

Wallpaper Border!

This morning I put Ian in the swing and put Nadia in the jacuzzi tub while I took my shower. That seemed to work. Nadia's play food had been in the tub the last few months, but this morning I brought it down so she can use it with her new kitchen, and I put some of her new Christmas toys in the tub instead. I never thought I'd use a tub as a playpen, LOL! Although Paul isn't going to PSU today, he needs to get back to doing schoolwork today. So I need to figure out how to take care of an 18 month old and 2 week old by myself. It will be easier once my incision is totally healed. I don't think I'm going to attempt to take both of them out with me to the library though. I think I'll take Ian and see if Paul wouldn't mind watching Nadia for a little bit while I run a couple of quick errands. I really want something to read during all the middle of the night feedings. I also should probably go to the Post Office to mail the Christmas gifts to Chicago. My mom will probably come up next week as she hasn't held Ian yet; she can take the gifts for my other sister's family with her (the ones who are currently in Maryland). My mom is the only one from my family who has seen Ian, and no one from my family has held him yet. I am glad we only live about one hour from Paul's family. When I was growing up, we never lived near any of our extended family (grandparents, etc.). I am glad that Ian and Nadia get to see at least some of their extended family more often.


Last night during the first few hours that I was in bed Ian was waking up every hour, which meant I was getting at most 45 minutes of sleep in between feedings. Thankfully the time span stretched out during the last few feedings so I was able to get a little more sleep. He has been nursing really well lately though, which is a relief to me in light of how poorly he nursed on Saturday. I weighed him last night and the scale was fluctuating between 5lb 11oz and 5lb 11.5 oz; so that means he gained an ounce from Saturday morning through Sunday night. YAY! Hopefully he'll gain another ounce today.

This morning while Paul and Nadia took their morning naps, I started putting up the wallpaper border in between taking care of Ian. The project normally wouldn't take long, but it's more challenging while simultaneously caring for a 2 week old baby. Today I've also done 2 loads of laundry and made some tuna noodle casserole. I am amazed at how well I am functioning given how little sleep I've gotten the past 15 days. I knew to only attempt the wallpaper border while Nadia was napping. I plan to try to nap during Nadia's afternoon nap if Ian cooperates; so I doubt I will finish the border today. His room is really shaping up! I will post pictures later this week once Paul finishes hanging the wall decorations. I ordered a denim crib skirt yesterday on eBay as his crib looks rather bare without a bumper or skirt. I also ordered a table, 2 chairs, and a bookcase (in the shape of a dollhouse) for Nadia's room from Walmart. One area of her room (where the dormer window is) is totally empty right now since the glider and nightstand that were there are now in Ian's room. I think she'll like having a table and chairs that are her size.

Two Weeks Old!

Yesterday, Ian turned 2 weeks old. Can you believe it? It didn't seem like he could be that old. I think it felt that way because he'd only been home for four days. Carter's preemie clothes fit him perfectly. Newborn clothes are big on him, and 0-3 month clothes are just WAY too big to consider putting on him. As seems to be the norm with baby clothing, what is considered "preemie" size varies greatly as the preemie outfit my friend, Donna, gave him is big on him, which just means he won't outgrow it as quickly as he will the other preemie sleepers. There certainly is a BIG jump in size from preemie to newborn.

From his doctor appointment on Wednesday to Saturday morning, he gained at least 1 1/2 ounces. He weighed in at 5lb 10oz on Friday (one ounce more than he was on Wed), and yesterday the scale kept bouncing between 5lb 10.5oz and 5lb 11oz (because he was crying and not lying still on the scale). He isn't quite up to the 1 ounce a day goal, but it seems he's gaining at least 1/2 ounce a day. I am hoping for good news when I weigh him later today. I also am hoping to see that I lost more weight when I weigh myself later today.

He has dark brown hair like his sister did when she was born although he has a little more than she did. We shall see if his hair stays brown or not. His eyes are also blue like his Daddy's and sister's. The Pediatrician said he thinks that Ian's eyes will stay blue. Time will tell! He also has the same type of ear lobes as his Dad and sister (whereas mine are the attached kind). Unlike his dad and sister, he has long fingers (like his Mommy). Donna noticed them and commented that they'd be good for playing the piano. :-) He also has very long toes.

Changing his diaper is definitely more of a challenge. Part of this is just because he's a boy (since boys tend to pee on the person changing their diaper more than girls). Part of this is because he kicks his legs like crazy when you're changing his diaper. Hopefully eventually it will be as easy to change his as it was/is to change Nadia's. He's generally a pretty content baby. The main time when he cries each day is when he's getting his diaper and/or clothes changed. He already is a thumb sucker (much earlier than Nadia), and like his sister he doesn't show a preference for one thumb over the other one. He keeps his other fingers parallel with his mouth while he sucks his thumb (rather than curling them over his nose). Ian also likes the pacifier more than Nadia did.

Thursday night was the best night for me in terms of sleeping over the past 2 weeks. Friday night his sleeping habits resembled Nadia's in that he'd nurse for a long time and then only be asleep for a very short time before he'd want to nurse again. Last night was somewhere in between the two nights. He'd let me sleep about 1 hour on average in between feedings. I was just glad he nursed well though as he didn't nurse well yesterday. I did all the feedings last night whereas the previous four nights I had Paul do one or two of them. I didn't want him to have any bottle last night since he hadn't nursed well during the day. At times it was like he totally forgot how to nurse. I haven't done much with weaning him off the nipple shield yet. I think I'll wait a few more days before tackling that. He had a few long periods of being awake yesterday whereas he doesn't do that at all at night; I am glad he doesn't have his days/nights confused like some babies do. I am looking forward to going to the library tomorrow so that I can read some while nursing him. I remember it made the hours I spent in the glider more enjoyable when I read a book while nursing Nadia.

One adjustment Ian's parents are having is to using the correct pronouns. The funny thing is that Paul corrected me a few times in the first few days of Ian's life when I used a feminine pronoun to refer to Ian. I haven't made that mistake in over a week, but Paul continues to use female pronouns to refer to his son. Thankfully, Ian is oblivious to our mistakes. We're accustomed to only having a daughter!

In terms of my recovery, I am definitely more active/ mobile at this point in the recovery than I was with Nadia. Of course I do still have some pain with the incision, especially if I'm walking around too much. One thing that's different this time is that the area that is tender is MUCH bigger than it was last time - a lot of my belly is really sore, not just the incision area. Yesterday was a happy day in that it was the first day I could wear my own socks plus my own shoes. YAY! The swelling isn't 100% gone yet, but it's getting very close to being totally gone. I am so glad to have ankles again! :-) I am also handling the sleep deprivation better this time. It's funny because Paul is really dragging and is taking more naps than I am even though he's gotten FAR more sleep than I have the past 2 weeks. Usually I require more sleep than he does, but for whatever reason we've switched roles the past 2 weeks. I am not sure if it's adrenalin or what, but I am managing to function on very, very little sleep. This isn't to say I don't feel lousy at times due to lack of sleep, but despite how icky I feel at times, I am able to keep going. I do plan to take at least one nap today though since we'll be home all day today. I contemplated going to church this morning since I missed the last two Sundays (while I was in the hospital), but I think it's a bit too soon to take Ian out in public. Nadia didn't get to wear all of her Christmas dresses that I got her since we missed so many church services this month. Hopefully size 2T will still fit her next December.

Paul's grandmother has been making stockings for each family member for 40+ years. She made Nadia's last year and Ian's this year.

Merry Christmas!!

The original plan for celebrating Christmas this year had been that my family would come up (all 14 of them) on the 23rd or 24th to celebrate at our house, and then we'd celebrate with Paul's family on the 25th at his parents' house. Since Ian came prior to Christmas, my family switched to celebrating at my parents' house. It was really hard for me to know my whole family was together, and we weren't able to be with them, especially because it could be years before we're all together again. Also, they represent 2/3 of my Christmas shopping, and for me a big part of the joy of buying gifts for others is watching them open their presents. So I was also bummed to miss out on that. My mother had taken down most of our gifts last week, and when they come up to meet Ian they'll take the rest back.

The plans changed even more because of the weather forecast. My parents and brother were going to come up today, and Paul's family was going to come up yesterday. Due to a forecast of freezing rain for Christmas Day, it seemed better for Paul's family to come up today and my parents to come up Sunday or Monday. Yesterday Paul, Nadia, and I had exchanged gifts around 6:30am before we knew that the plans were changing. I got a ruby ring, Nadia got a dollhouse, and Paul got a NY Giants beach towel, picture frame, piggy bank (for Ian), and three NY Giants hats (one for him, a toddler sized one for Nadia, and an infant sized one for Ian). I was wishing I had the ingredients to make cookies or brownies or something. It didn't really seem like Christmas yesterday. I made pancakes for Nadia & I for lunch and baked swiss chicken & pierogies for Paul & I for dinner. It was the first cooking I had done in 2 weeks. Gradually I am getting back to resuming all my usual household duties.

Today DID feel like Christmas. After I fed Ian and Paul put Nadia down for her morning nap, I went to Walmart for a few items for myself and Ian. I was nervous that it would be really crowded, but it wasn't too bad (of course I wasn't anywhere near the Christmas section of the store). I got Ian some preemie size diapers and clothes and a sleep positioner. Unfortunately he's not keen on the positioner so that will be going back to Walmart. I've been letting him sleep in the Boppy in his crib, but I know that's not intended for sleeping. I bought him 2 articles of clothing that were newborn size (since they didn't have them in preemie size) - a Christmas sleeper ($3.50) and a Christmas onesie ($1.50). That was one advantage of celebrating Christmas a day late - I got them on sale!

When I got home, Paul's parents and our nephew, Shawn, were here. Paul, Shawn, and Pop Pop were working on assembling Nadia's new kitchen. She loves it! She can't reach the things on the top half of it, so it will be something that will continually seem "new" as she grows taller. Millie, Al, and Paul's grandmother came a couple of hours later. Paul's mom had prepared a delicious meal and brought it with her. We had ham (my favorite meat). YUM! After dinner we had our gift exchange. Nadia & Ian made out like bandits! Ian received a cradle swing and some preemie and newborn size clothing. In addition to the kitchen, Nadia got a beanbag chair (looks like a baseball) and many toys and stuffed animals. It was so much fun to watch her face light up. I wish I had captured some of those moments on camera. I am hoping Uncle Al did and that he can share a few photos with me. For example, she squealed and had a look of sheer delight on her face when she opened up a package that contained a guinea pig (stuffed animal). It was priceless. Last year she was too young to enjoy opening presents, but she definitely had a blast this year! After eating dessert and playing with Shawn's Wii, Paul and his dad assembled Ian's swing. Everyone had cleaned up the kitchen. Dinner may have been served at my house, but I didn't do a lick of work in preparing, serving, or cleaning up afterward. It was so kind of everyone!! Even though I didn't help with the meal, I was utterly exhausted by the end of the day because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and didn't get any naps.

Yesterday I was feeling rather "blue" over the fact that we missed out on my family's Christmas celebration and that I missed out on the special services at church - our cantata on the 20th, the Christmas Eve service, etc. I am sure that the hormonal shifts going on in my body contributed to my emotional state yesterday. I kept trying to remind myself #1 of what the real meaning of Christmas is (it isn't getting together with family, watching people open their presents, or eating certain foods) and #2 that this was a very special Christmas because it's our first as a family of four! I remember how hard Christmas was for so many years when we were childless. I am so grateful that God has blessed us with two beautiful children. What more could I ask for?

The four photos above were taken today with Ian wearing his new Christmas sleeper (it says "Santa's Favorite" on it). The first two are with his only Great Grandparent (Paul's dad's mom), the next is with Grandma Kennedy, and the last shows me with my favorite Christmas present!

On Christmas Day, Nadia was playing peekaboo by coming in and out of Ian's closet while I was nursing Ian and Paul was doing some work in Ian's room.

Ian sleeping on the boppy on my lap on Christmas Day.

Nadia wearing her new Giant's hat, just like Daddy's!

I had hoped to get a family of four photo in front of our tree, but Nadia wanted to play with her kitchen and burst into tears when we tried to take the photo. So instead we have a photo showing Paul & I with our favorite Christmas present.

Ian's biggest present. Hopefully he'll enjoy it,
and hopefully Nadia will leave him alone when he's in it.




Nadia showing Great Gram her new teapot. She is wearing TWO hats in this photo - her Christmas hat from last year as well as Aunt Millie's hat.
She left both of them on for quite a while, LOL! :-)


Nadia definitely has learned how to unwrap presents!


Nadia doing three of her favorite things - eating a pretzel, sitting on her Daddy's basketball, and playing with Shawn. She loves playing with other children.

Progress!

Thankfully, the swelling in my legs and feet has been going down. Tuesday I was able to wear my sandals (after Paul loosened them a notch) as long as I didn't put on any socks. Wednesday I was able to wear my sneakers after I loosened the shoelaces as long as I didn't put on any socks. Today I was able to wear those loosened sneakers with socks. YAY! I weighed myself a couple of days ago and saw progress there as well. According to our scale at home I have now lost 10 pounds total. I had gained 27 pounds this pregnancy so I still have a long way to go, but that was encouraging considering when I got my staples out on Friday I had only lost 2 pounds. Next week at Nadia's weight check I plan to also weigh myself at the doctor's office.

My mom questioned my assumption that they'd want to see that Ian had gained about 14 ounces. I had it in my mind that with Nadia I was told she should gain about 2 ounces a day. Thankfully my memory was wrong. Actually it's about 6 ounces a week. So that makes the target 5lb 15 oz. for next Wednesday. I didn't weigh Ian today. I wanted a one day break from that anxiety. I will weigh him tomorrow though.

The house is also gradually getting back in order. Tuesday night I started doing laundry and also gave Nadia a much needed bath. Yesterday Paul did a load of dishes and finished the 3 loads of laundry that I had started. Tuesday I went through all the mail. Paul did some grocery shopping on Tuesday night, and this morning I drove the car for the first time in 13 days. I went to CVS and the grocery store. It proved to be a bit much for me. I wish they had checked my hemoglobin levels again when they took out my stitches. I think I might still be very anemic. Paul was alone with both kids for the first time while I went shopping. Ian slept the whole time in the sling Paul was wearing. Today I finished wrapping a few presents that had arrived while I was in the hospital.

We have made a LOT of progress with Ian's room. Paul finished painting it today. He wanted to do a second coat, but honestly I think it looks fine. We hung the curtains and arranged the furniture. Tomorrow I plan to switch the contents of the dressers and night stands as we switched the ones in Nadia's room and Ian's room so that the dresser with the changing pad would be in Ian's room. The one area of Nadia's room is now empty (where the glider and a night stand used to be), but I plan to put a small table and chairs there. Next we need to hang the wall decorations in Ian's room and also put up the wallpaper border. It's starting to really come together! He'll be sleeping in his room for the first time tonight.

Ian slept better last night than he did on Tuesday night. We shall see how tonight goes. Paul did one of the feedings during the night (gave him a bottle of my pumped milk). That is one perk of Ian using a bottle. I hadn't wanted to introduce the bottle this early, but it did enable me to get more sleep last night. He has stayed in someone's arms all day today - either being held or in the sling or in the boppy on my lap. At some point we need to start having him take some naps in the pack-n-play or crib, and I also need to start weaning him off of the nipple shield. I sure hope that goes more smoothly than it did with Nadia.

1 1/2 Years Old!

Nadia turned 18 months old today! I can't believe that as of tomorrow she'll be closer to 2 years old than 1 year old. Wow. What a delight it is to be her Mommy!! It's fun to see what new words she'll say each day. Three of her newest words include "oatmeal," "polar bear," and "coat." Her attitude towards her brother continues to improve. She hasn't said his name yet; she refers to Ian as "baby." In the last month she also learned how to throw a temper tantrum (using all four limbs to show her displeasure). She's still not totally thrilled about sharing Mommy with Ian, but she seems to have gotten over my 11 day absence. Having new toys to play with has helped!

Here Nadia is enjoying her Christmas presents from Grandma and Grandpa Harton.

Our girl LOVES her stuffed animals. Donna gave her this panda bear on Tuesday.

She likes to sit with "bear bear" while watching Veggie Tales.

Done Grading!

From Sunday through Tuesday I literally carried the final exams from two courses with me 24 hours a day. For some odd reason though, I got very little grading done. I thought I'd get some done last night, but as soon as Paul finished assembling the crib, I went to bed. After nursing Ian at 5am, I started grading. I was trying to meet the noon deadline, but that was actually a 10:30 deadline as Ian had an 11am doctor appt. I was able to finish one more class (I had done 5 of 7 in the hospital), but when I realized that I was never going to be able to finish the other class, I emailed the Registrar. The usual penalty for missing the deadline (which has never happened to me) is that you have to fill out a form for every single student in the class, and your department chair and Dean also have to sign every form. My first thought was to guesstimate the grades for the students and then I'd only need to fill out change of grade forms for the ones I didn't correctly estimate rather than every single student in the class. The Registrar wrote me back and said I could email the grades in the afternoon given my circumstances. I finished grading at 3:30pm. It was a WONDERFUL feeling! It turns out that had I gone with my "guesstimating" plan, I would only have needed to fill out one change of grade form. Tomorrow will a much less stressful day now that this deadline is behind me, and it also means I will be able to take more naps. I did take one short nap today, but I would have liked much more than that.

Ian had his first Pediatrician appointment this morning. The doctor didn't feel the need to check his bilirubin level because just from a visual exam he could tell that Ian only has a very mild case of jaundice. Ian weighed 5lb 9oz. Technically he showed a gain of 5 grams, but this time he was weighed with a dry diaper, and I know from being in the NICU that this dry diaper weighs 13 grams. So in reality I believe he lost 8 grams. Nadia dropped down to 5lb 8oz, and she started out one ounce heavier than Ian did. So he's 2 ounces ahead of her. Today the scale I ordered on Saturday was delivered to our house. I plan to start weighing him at home beginning tomorrow. His next weight check is scheduled for next Wednesday. I am sure they'd like to see a gain of around 14 ounces between now and then. If that weight check goes well, then his next appointment will be his 2 month check-up in February. We got a letter recently from our health insurance that beginning in January, well baby visits won't involve a copay. Our copay is only $10, but still I think it's nice that starting in January we won't have to pay anything for those visits that involve immunizations and such.

Today I also received a package in the mail from a former GA of mine. She now teaches Chinese in Massachusetts. She became a Mommy a few months ago. She sent some 6 month size onesies and a swaddleme blanket. I was soooo excited to receive the swaddle blanket as it was the same exact style of one that Nadia liked best, but hers had pastel color butterflies on it. This one that Dan sent me has blue and green polka dots, which is much better for a boy! Another item which came in the mail today was Ian's birth certificate. I need to make copies and start sending in the paperwork to add him to our health insurance and such.

Ian's first night at home (last night) was a rough one. He cried far more than he did in the NICU. I finally put a boppy inside the crib, and he slept much better snuggled in that. I think we're going to try to buy him a SIDS approved sleep positioner tomorrow. In the NICU they let them sleep on their bellies, give them a little pillow for their heads, and have things around them so they're snuggled in tight. Nadia had the same rough adjustment when we took her home. The Pediatrician said that the NICU babies also get used to the lights and noise; being in a quiet, dark room is also an adjustment for them he said. Since Ian didn't want to take any naps in the pack-n-play, he spent many hours in the sling. He's quite happy in there, and this allows my hands to be free.

The Pediatrician also made a comment regarding my milk supply. He said that he's always amazed that moms can produce any milk whatsoever when their babies are in the NICU due to the high stress involved with that experience. It was nice to hear someone acknowledge how stressful my last 11 days were. I made the comparison to Paul as we left that I felt like we were leaving the combat zone. Whew... Overall the nurses were really great; two of the nurses remembered me as they had been Nadia's nurses also. I recognized Tina immediately, and I eventually remembered Mandy. I discovered that another nurse is the mother of a student I had; he's enjoying his first year of teaching 6th grade in Maryland. It's still just a very, very stressful experience to go through. Yesterday the Level 2 charge nurse pulled me aside to tell me how impressed they were with how dedicated I was to caring for Ian, and she also told me that she heard one of her nurses hadn't treated me well. I was amazed that she found out about it because the only person I had told was Paul, and Paul had only called the nurse on the phone (at 3am). This means that another nurse had to have "spilled the beans" on her co-worker. It was nice to receive an apology and know that the situation was being dealt with.

My family had their Christmas celebration together today. It would have been great to be with them, but obviously we aren't traveling right now. Since they were opening their presents today, we also opened the gifts that were from my parents today. Nadia had fun unwrapping presents for the first time (she still didn't really get the hang of it at her birthday). She got some play food (ice cream and pizza), a bowling set, and some pretend pots and pans and kitchen appliances. Her other grandparents are getting her a play kitchen, so my parents got her various accessories for that. Nadia had a much better day today. She thought Ian was playing peekaboo when he was in the sling. She still had a few moments of jealousy, but overall today went much better than yesterday in her adjustment to my return and also to having a brother.

Home Sweet Home

The nurse told me Monday night that the doctor said that Ian would be weighed Tuesday morning (later than the usual 2am weigh-in), and if he showed any gain, we could go home that day. His nurse said she'd weigh him prior to his 5am feeding. This nurse was really nice. She offered to go get me from the lounge if I overslept any scheduled feeding (every 2 hours); I never overslept any feedings during the 6 days I was nursing him in the NICU. On Sunday night I wore my coat to try to stay warm while sleeping. On Monday I found a supply of pillows and blankets in the PICU lounge. I claimed one of each and kept them in the NICU lounge. I definitely got more sleep on Monday night; I would estimate on Sunday night that I got a total of 3 hours of sleep.

My heart was pounding like crazy when he was placed on the scale at 5am. Amazingly, I didn't cry when the number showed he had lost 35 grams. The nurse said we could weigh him once more at 7am. I nursed him and asked if we could also give him a bottle of my milk. The nurse agreed. It was about 6am by the time we finished feeding him; we asked him not to pee or poop over the next hour. I returned at 7am, and the nurse told me that they weighed him on two different scales as the first one still showed a (smaller) loss. The second scale showed a 5 gram gain (2525), and that's what she recorded in the computer. Not surprisingly, Ian didn't want to nurse at 7am, LOL. I was so happy to know that we were going HOME!

I went and had breakfast and then came back at 8am to nurse Ian. After I nursed him, they started his 2 hour car seat test that tests for apnea (see photo at left). He still wasn't very hungry at 8am so near the end of the pneumogram he started screaming bloody murder because he was HUNGRY. While he was having the test done, the doctors did their rounds; it was then I received the official word that we were being discharged with the understanding that I would offer Ian a bottle of my milk after nursing him and see the Pediatrician on Wednesday for a weight and bilirubin check. Not suprisingly, his bilirubin count had gone up slightly since the Wallaby blanket had been discontinued 24 hours earlier.

I had made plans to get a shower at Donna's house and play with Nadia during the car seat test. Donna picked me up and took me to her house (less than 5 minutes away), and Paul arrived at her house with Nadia a few minutes later. Nadia was rather distant with me at first. I hadn't seen her since Thursday. It reminded me of how our cats treated us when we were growing up and would return from a family vacation. It felt so wonderful to get a shower and change clothes as I had worn the same pants for an absurd amount of days in a row and the same top for 2 1/2 days. Donna had helped me out on Monday as well by picking me up so I could take a hour nap in one of their bedrooms. After playing with Nadia a little bit, Paul & I headed back to the NICU so that I could feed Ian. He was definitely hungry this time!! When I changed his diaper, the stump of his cord fell off. The nurse saved it in case I wanted to keep it, but I promptly threw it away.

After signing all the discharge paperwork, Paul and I ate lunch in the cafeteria before heading back to Donna's house. Donna was the one who took the photos at the top and bottom of the post. As we left the hospital, it felt like a very, very heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

After visiting with Donna, her husband, and one of their granddaughters (who is about 2 weeks older than Nadia) for an hour, we drove home as a family of four. My stress level increased when we entered the house. I was expecting to see toys strewn here and there, but I wasn't expecting to see dirty dishes in one half of the sink, painting equipment in the other half of the sink, and the dining room and kitchen tables were completely buried in mail and other things. The laundry hadn't been done, grocery shopping hadn't been done, etc. Paul took Nadia up for her nap, and he also took a nap while I nursed Ian and then tried to start unburying the kitchen table. I don't deal well with clutter. Because Ian's room wasn't ready, we had Ian sleep in Nadia's room last night and Paul put Ian's crib in our bathroom for Nadia. Paul wanted to put a second coat of paint on Ian's walls, but he didn't have enough paint. I said let's just leave it alone for now; it can be tackled again at a less stressful time.

Nadia was REALLY jealous of Ian. She had quite a few temper tantrums when Mommy couldn't hold her due to nursing Ian. She's been through a lot considering she was separated from Mommy for 11 days and then we bring home this intruder that we tell her is her brother. Hopefully she'll have a more positive attitude toward him in the near future. It was a very wonderful feeling to know we had TWO children in the back seat of the car as we drove home. I am so, so glad we are home from the hospital. PTL!!!!!!!! I am so, so thankful to the nurse who helped make it possible to demonstrate that Ian had gained 5 grams. If it weren't for her, I think we wouldn't have been discharged until Wednesday.

Into the Bassinet!

The doctor who was in charge of Ian Tues-Friday is back on duty today. He's more aggressive than the doctor who was in charge of Ian on Saturday and Sunday. He has decided that Ian will come off the Wallaby blanket and out of the isolette this morning. YAY! Of course he cancelled tomorrow's Pediatrician appt. He said he wants to get him out by Wed at the latest so he can have a Ped appt on Thursday as obviously it would be impossible for Ian to be seen by a Pediatrician on Friday (Christmas Day). He said Tuesday is still a possibility for discharge. So I am going to at least stick it out today. I am going to ask if Ian can be weighed again later today and use that in my decision making process as to whether to spend the night again or not. Also, I need to see how I am doing - if I have the energy/adrenalin to stick it out until tomorrow or possibly Wednesday (day 12).

Paul is going to take Nadia to Sarah's at noon and pick her up at 5pm so that he can get some things done like working on Ian's room. I have been nursing Ian every 2 hours, and I plan to do that the rest of the day. I am not pumping quite as often now in light of nursing more often as I was in a lot of pain as my body is making a little too much milk right now considering Ian's small rate of consumption. If I stay here, I'm going to have quite a supply of milk to take home with me (they've been freezing it). I also was told that Ian would see the urologist at 6 months old, and then they'd decide whether or not he needs surgery. I thought he was supposed to be seen sooner than that and have the surgery at that point if it's deemed necessary, but that's not correct. The only other test they said that Ian needs to pass is the car seat test, and since his NG tube is gone, he can have that at any point. Please pray that Ian gains weight today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He lost weight

This weigh-in didn't go well. He lost 50 grams (about one ounce) so he now weighs 5lb 9oz. I squeezed in one extra feeding between 4-11pm, but during that time he wasn't given any supplements. When they found out I was spending the night, they took out his NG tube. He had a supplement by bottle at 8am, 11am, and 2pm. I asked if he could have a bottle after I nursed him at 11pm, but the nurse said that this evening they are wanting him to only nurse. She told me she didn't think that nursing Ian more often than every 3 hours was a good idea unless Ian woke up on his own sooner than that. She asked for my cell phone number and said she'd call me if Ian woke up before 2am. I showed up 2 1/2 hours later (1:30am), and she gave me a hard time for being early. After I found out he lost weight, I again said I was fine with them giving him a bottle of my milk after I nursed him. He hates the NG tube so I would rather them give him a bottle. She said she'd ask, but that she thought they'd probably want to stick with the plan to only nurse him tonight. I called Paul and told him I want to go home tomorrow. I'll be reunited with my boy when they're ready to discharge him...whenever that may be. This doctor says two weeks is the norm, in which case he'd be discharged the day after Christmas.

With this weight loss, I don't see how Ian could possibly come home tomorrow. The day Nadia was discharged she had lost 55 grams, but I doubt something like that will happen this time around. He wasn't switched to the bassinet because of the weight loss. Once he's in the bassinet he has to stay in that a minimum of 24 hours before he can be discharged. I figure I might as well go home where I can at least do some good for one of my two children. I can keep pumping as I am producing lots of milk. Lately I've been getting 2 ounces in 10-15 minutes while pumping, and they consider a full feed for Ian to be 1.69 ounces (that's how much they'd give him by bottle every three hours if I wasn't nursing him). I am not sure how long I will keep pumping if he then doesn't want to nurse once he comes home, but I would at least keep doing it for the next few weeks. Nursing is far more satisfying emotionally than pumping so I know I'd never pump for a year even though that's how long I wanted to nurse him. It would be ideal if his bottles were filled with my milk for at least 6 months, but I don't even know if I can do it that long. We shall see. Tomorrow will be day 10 at the hospital for me. With Nadia I had the total meltdown on day 8, and that ended up being the day she was discharged. I think that's about my limit. I've made it farther this time, especially when you consider that I was never alone during those 8 days with Nadia. I really wanted to stay here with him until he was discharged, but I've lost my will to fight. He'll be discharged more quickly if I stop nursing him and just stay at home with Nadia.

Aside from taking his exam on Thursday, Paul hasn't gotten any schoolwork done in the past 10 days. He should resume heading back to PSU every day. I can take care of Nadia, finish grading papers, paint Ian's room, etc. I'll certainly miss the little guy, but it's not like I really have that much contact with him especially now that we've been ousted from the demo room. I just can't sit by his bedside that many hours a day as the alarms and crying of the other babies are very hard to deal with.

Paul called the nurse after I told him what happened. He wants me to stick with the every two hour schedule. We shall see what she says when I go down at 4am. In light of talking with him on the phone before and after he called her, I didn't have time for getting sleep in between feedings.

Total Meltdown

Around 10am this morning as I was waiting for the doctors to do their rounds, Ian's nurse came and told me that someone else was moving into the demo room I had been staying in. There are only 2 demo rooms in the NICU. She said I needed to move out by 2pm and suggested I call over to the RMH to see if they had a room available for me. I immediately knew that going to the RMH was not an option for me. Considering the travel time between the two places as well as how swollen my feet and calves are, I would get almost no sleep if I stayed there and came over to nurse Ian throughout the night. They were then suggesting that I stay at the hospital until Ian's 11pm feeding and then go home and return in time for his 8am feeding. This would mean I would miss his 2am and 5am feedings. They thought I could use the sleep and also could then spend time with Nadia. This plan was also completely unappealing to me as Nadia would be asleep almost the whole time I'd be at home, and I really don't want to miss two of Ian's eight feedings. Establishing his ability to nurse is what is most important to me right now. I wasn't keen about giving him the bottle today, but they can't do the 2 hour carseat test with an NG tube, and I figured that I would discontinue the use of these ASAP.

The only two plans that seemed like options I'd consider were #1 to take Ian home today - AMA (against medical advice) or #2 to continue to stay in the hospital and just sleep in the lounge in between feedings. I was strongly leaning towards option 1 because of the fact that Ian doesn't seem to be receiving any medical care aside from being weighed at 2am and having blood drawn at 5am. I figured I could take him to the Pediatrician tomorrow morning to be weighed and have bloodwork done. Other than that I was providing all of his care - changing his diapers, feeding him, etc. I don't believe the NICU schedule is conducive to nursing. It's set up for bottle fed (formula) babies. If Ian were at home, I wouldn't let more than 2 hours pass between the start of one feeding to the next, and if he wanted to be nursed more often than that, I would do so. Here I am restricted to feeding him once every 3 hours. I am producing plenty of milk. When I pump for 10-15 minutes after feeding him, I am getting 60ml of milk, and they consider 50ml to be a full feeding. I am producing more than that AFTER having nursed him for at least 10 minutes. The problem is that many times after nursing vigorously for 10 minutes, he falls sound asleep. This is to be expected for a preemie. Nursing for 10 minutes is a lot of work for the little guy! Babies usually only are able to nurse once they hit 34 or 35 weeks. Preemies born earlier than that can't even attempt to nurse until they hit this stage. The bottom line for me was that I thought taking Ian home today would be better for him (more chances to nurse him), better for me (much less stress and more sleep), and better for Nadia (who misses her Mommy very much and of course my missing her terribly is part of my stress). I called Caryn to cancel our lunch plans and then called Paul to ask him if he would support my decision to bring Ian home AMA and also if he could come to the hospital as soon as possible. He said that he agreed with bringing Ian home so we worked on finding someone to watch Nadia.

Our social worker called me on the phone and thus began the efforts of the staff and medical professionals to convince me to go home this evening. I started packing up and cleaning the room, and I did a lot of crying. Between the hours of 10am and 4pm I was crying more often than not. Paul's dad came up to watch Nadia, and after Paul got a shower he drove to the hospital. Thankfully the doctors were very late in getting to our room so Paul got there before they did. I listened as they gave their report until the head doctor said that they expected Ian to be discharged in 48-72 hours. I immediately walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and started sobbing. I would have tried to hold it together had I been alone, but I decided to leave it up to Paul. After they all left, Paul and I talked for a bit and then I nursed Ian one more time since our departure was imminent. We took my stuff out the room to a lobby and talked about our options. Paul was no longer interested in taking Ian home today.

The reason the doctor gave was that there hadn't been enough time for Ian to prove he could maintain his body temperature albeit the only time Ian had trouble with his body temps was when they had his isolette too hot and he developed a fever from being over cooked. Basically he thinks that babies who come into the NICU at this stage should stay at least 2 weeks so in this doctor's opinion if Ian is discharged on day 11 (Tuesday) that would be "ahead of schedule." Obviously there are differences of opinion between the doctors as the doctor who was in charge of Ian Tuesday through Friday thought that Monday was a very reasonable time for Ian to be discharged. He scheduled Ian's first Pediatrician appointment for Tuesday morning, and that appointment will take place the day after he's discharged. I had assumed that since we had been put in the demo room on Thursday that this weekend was a viable possibility for discharge, and I had been prepared to be here until Monday until they told me I'd have to leave the demo room today.

Before this becomes an epic long post, let me say that Paul and I both agreed that the best option was for me to spend the next two nights in the hospital. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste and some snacks with me. I am a homeless bag lady for two days. Thankfully I had showered and blowdried my hair this morning as I won't be getting another shower until Tuesday evening. Hopefully I can get some sleep in the lobby this evening as last night wasn't a good night (they did Ian's hearing test at 3am for example). I finally stopped crying and got back into the mode of thinking I CAN do this. The end is in sight. I can do anything for just 2 more days. I do hope that I never spend another 11 days in the hospital apart from my husband and one of my children. I am trying to think about Nadia as little as possible. It's so hard when Paul tells me new words she's said and such. I feel like I've missed so much, and I feel like a horrible mother who has abandoned her 17 month old daughter. I'm being forced to choose between my children, and given Ian needs me for his physical sustenance - he wins out over her. Okay I can't write about this any more as I've started crying again.

Please, please, please pray that Ian will continue to gain weight. I can only imagine the meltdown I will have if his stay is extended beyond Tuesday. If his next 2am weigh-in goes well, he will be moved to a bassinet this evening. One good thing that came about from my sobbing was that the doctor is allowing me to nurse Ian as often as I want to do so. They said if I was going to spend the night at home that they'd feed him my milk through the NG tube (they put it back in while we were trying to decide what to do). We are going to limit the bottle feedings as much as possible as the doctor agrees that this might interfere with future nursing success. After we made our decision we came back up and I nursed Paul once before we went to dinner at Friendly's. After we got back, I nursed Ian again. Then I took a break and was able to watch the last 30 minutes of the Steelers game in a lounge. It was the first time I had watched any tv in over a week. After giving Ian a bath, I nursed him again. After finishing this post I am going to try to take a little nap as I haven't had any naps today. I also didn't get much grading done. I definitely need to do more grading of exams tomorrow. Please pray for my emotional and physical stamina. The hospital is such a stressful place to be, especially when you've been by yourself for 4 days. I had only seen Paul once in the past 5 days. One reason I like the demo room is you only hear your child's alarm and crying. Now when I'm with him I'm hearing nonstop alarms and crying of many other babies. It really exhausts and stresses me out.

Paul is an outstanding dad, but he has a hard time being the sole caregiver for an extended period of time. He hasn't been able to accomplish anything else while taking care of Nadia such as taking a shower, going to the grocery store, or accomplishing things on the to do list I gave him. Ian's room still isn't painted. I suggested he take Nadia to Sarah's house tomorrow. I am sure Nadia had fun with PopPop; today was Paul's dad's birthday. Hopefully spending time with Nadia was a fun way to spend his birthday. Paul was concerned if his dad knew how to change Nadia's diaper. Usually both of his parents come up together, but Paul's mom is sick so she stayed home.

He Gained Weight!!!

Every time I finish nursing Ian, the nurse asks me what size supplement I think Ian should be given (25ml or 50ml). Each day I only asked for the full supplement (50ml) to be given once. These supplements have been of my milk that I have pumped. Sometimes the decision was easy because either he nursed very little or he did an awesome job. Many times though it was a tough call. I was torn between wanting to wean him off the supplements and wanting to make sure he gained weight. This was one of those instances where "praying without ceasing" becomes a reality. Thankfully our prayers were answered as Ian gained about one ounce. Yesterday he weighed a little less than 5lb 10oz and today he's just a little shy of 5lb 11oz. So he's been about 5lb 10oz for 3 days as he went up a little one day, down a little the next, and then up again today. Because he gained some weight, the heat was turned off in his isolette at 2am. Today was his first day to wear a onesie (see pic below). The onesie is newborn size and the sleeper is preemie size. The other sleepers he wore over the last few days were newborn size. There is "growing room" in the newborn size ones, which are meant for 5-9 pounds. The preemie size ones fit a little better, but the newborn ones will do just fine. This "Babysaurus" preemie sleeper was one that Paul purchased at Walmart for Nadia. It's currently the only article of clothing that I have in preemie size for Ian.

I chose to have Ian wear it today because Paul is coming to visit me! From Tuesday through Saturday the only day I saw Paul was Thursday. Friday and Saturday I had visitors for only 20 minutes each day. I have felt a bit like I am in solitary confinement. Paul's parents visited with Ian & I briefly on Friday en route to watch Nadia while Paul started painting Ian's room. A colleague of mine from work, Caryn, came by yesterday to bring me my final exams. She also delivered a card that all of the students in my graduate Language Arts methods course had signed. That's the second baby card I've received, and I'll be treasuring both of them (all the faculty in my department signed the other one).

She also brought a gift that a nursing professor had given me - a husky stuffed animal (which is the mascot at our university). It's really soft. Paul said that earlier in the week the neighbors had brought over a Christmas outfit and a large stuffed teddy bear for Ian. Naturally Nadia thought it was for her. I plan at some point in the not so distant future to put that bear away. I want Ian to have a few things that are new to him as most things will be hand-me-downs or toys that are for both of them to share. So I am considering these two stuffed animals to be Ian's. He can share with her of course! Caryn offered to bring me a meal last night, but I had already eaten a hot pocket before she arrived. I did take her up on her offer to bring me lunch today. So I will be having two visitors today as Caryn is bringing me lunch and then later Paul is bringing me dinner and we'll watch a couple of hours of the Steelers football game together. I have yet to turn on the tv that is in this room. Hopefully we can figure out how to use it, and maybe just maybe the Steelers will win a game.

The first picture is very appropriate for today because Ian pulled that NG tube out of his nose during the night. He was not very happy when the nurse had to put a new one in (goes to his stomach). Then he pulled it out again at 8am, but this time the nurse asked the doctor if she could leave it out since we knew they planned to take it out later today. He said yes as long as I would give him a bottle after nursing him. So Ian had his first bottle feeding today. I didn't want him to have any bottles for awhile given what happened with Nadia preferring the bottle over nursing, but I didn't want to have the poor guy deal with another NG tube. He did very well with the bottle.

Last night I graded the easy set of exams. I say easy because the questions were all multiple choice or true and false. I have posted 4 of 7 grade sheets to the Registrar. Of the 3 I have left to do, 2 will be very time consuming and 1 will barely take any time whatsoever. The reason the other 2 will take a lot of time is because most of the questions on those exams were essay questions. Grades aren't due until noon on Wednesday, so I am confident I can finish on time.

Ian's bloodwork at 5am revealed that his bilirubin count continues to go down little by little. I am hoping he'll be taken off of the Wallaby blanket today as diaper changes and such are really challenging when he's wearing this thing around his midsection. I am soooooooooo looking forward to going home tomorrow. I can feed my baby more often (here he has to wait 3 hours in between feedings), sleep in my own bed, not hear alarms going off all the time, hold my baby as much as I want to, and of course spend time with Paul and my sweet little Nadia. Oh how I have missed my girl. I hope many years pass before I have to spend 10 days apart from her again. It's been really hard on me and also on her.

Ordered a Scale

I should have bought a scale to use with Nadia. I was hoping this time to give birth to a bigger baby, and that certainly would have been true if Ian hadn't come so early. In light of the stress over his weight, I decided today to buy a high quality scale. I ordered one that converts from a baby to toddler scale (up to 65 pounds). It's supposed to arrive at our house by Wednesday, which should be perfect timing assuming Ian is discharged on Monday and will see the Pediatrician on Tuesday. In this instance I didn't go the "cheap" route, but I think it's a worthwhile investment given I'm planning on nursing a preemie.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to hear the doctors as they did their rounds today. They didn't open the door to our room because I was pumping. GRRR! I wish they had asked. I would have stopped and resumed pumping later. One resident opened the door and gave me a summary after they were done. So far I'm two for seven in successful attempts to hear the doctors as they do their rounds. Ironically I was two feet away from them this time. His treatment plan remains the same. He's in the isolette on the lowest temperature possible (26 degrees Celsius). His body temps were fine. If he hadn't lost 10 grams (1/3 of an ounce) then he would be in a bassinet right now. He's also still using the Wallaby blanket because his bilirubin only went down a smidge. His bilirubin is just about identical to what Nadia's was the day she was discharged. I was wrong about Nadia's weight. Her lowest weight at the Pediatrician was 5lbs 8 oz. Her weight at discharge from the NICU was 5lb 12 oz (loss of 6 ounces). So actually Ian has lost 1 more ounce than she did. I thought it was impressive that he only lost 10 grams considering they cut his supplemental feeds in half. I thought it was great considering it was his first full day of nursing. I remember once they got upset when Nadia lost 5 grams (a paperclip or raisin weighs about one gram), so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that they weren't pleased that he lost 10 grams. His weight this morning exceeded what he weighed on Thursday morning but was lower than what he weighed yesterday morning.

They are hoping that tomorrow morning he will come out of the isolette, go off the Wallaby blanket, and stop the supplemental feeding through the tube. Then presuming he does well on Sunday in terms of weight, temps, and bilirubin, he would be discharged on Monday. Please, please, please pray that this happens. Nadia is having a rough time (wandering around the house saying Mommy while she's crying), and I can't handle being separated from her much longer either. I am producing enough milk as now what I get from pumping is more than what they are using for the supplemental feeds. I just need Ian to last longer when nursing. He does a great job latching on and such, but he just doesn't want to nurse long enough.

I have gotten some schoolwork done today. It's amazing what a little more sleep does for a person! I have written and submitted two conference proposals for a conference being held in Baltimore in November (2010). The due date was January 31. I also have gotten caught up on grading for an independent study. After the exams are delivered to me later this afternoon, I'll have a whole lot more grading to keep me busy the next couple of days.

NICU Day #8

On their way home last night, Paul's parents made a second trip to the grocery store for me. Paul's dad brought up Ian's carseat, another pair of pants for me, and the food they had just purchased. The reason for the second trip to the store was that I found out that of the three places in the hospital that serve food during the week, only one is open on Saturday or Sunday. It's the one that is REALLY far away from where we are. I am not up to walking that far, and I have a hard time pushing myself in a wheelchair that far also. So they got me some Hot Pockets and two sandwiches from the deli. I don't plan to leave the NICU today or tomorrow. I also don't expect to have any visitors today in light of the snow we're forecasted to receive. Paul might come down tomorrow for a visit as over the past 5 days I've only seen him once (Thursday). He's going to see if the girls (neighbors) would watch Nadia while he came down to see me. We don't feel like a family of four. I feel like a family of two - just Ian and me, and I only have contact with him about 4 hours a day. I try not to think about Nadia as doing so just brings on the tears.

Sheila - your comment on the last post was VERY, VERY encouraging to me. I hope my experience is the same as yours!!! How long does it take for stretch marks to go away? I did get some this time. :-(

Ian wasn't wearing the outfit shown in these photos (from Paul's mom) very long. Aren't the feet so cute? (last picture) They have him change clothes prior to his 2am weigh-in. He lost a few grams but basically has held steady at 5lb 10oz for 3 days. Once he had a full feeding (50ml), but all the other supplemental feedings were 25-30ml. He had just a very tiny bit of formula yesterday. Most of his supplemental feedings were 100% my milk. I pump after nursing him, and I get 20-35ml each time. These photos were taken after his 2am feeding. He was a lot more alert between 2am-8am than he has been lately. This also meant he cried more than he did yesterday. When I went to change his diaper at 5am it was only wet. I didn't wipe him, but just the act of removing the wet diaper caused him to start pooping everywhere. What a mess! His bilirubin was just down a tiny bit this morning, but that blood was drawn right before that big bowel movement. The hurse said that probably his bilirubin is down even lower now. He's just wearing a hospital outfit now as I only have one other sleeper with me - a preemie size one that Paul got for Nadia. I can't use that one because the Wallaby blanket wouldn't fit inside it. When I was at JcP buying him the two newborn size outfits, I almost got him something that said Baby's First Christmas. I really wish I had done so!! I was hoping his first Christmas wouldn't be until 2010, but it will be special to be a family of four this Christmas.

I should take a photo of the back of Ian's head so you can see how long his hair is. Nadia will be 18 months old this week, and she hasn't had her first haircut yet. I am positive Ian will have his first haircut (at least to trim the back) at a MUCH younger age than Nadia will be when she has her first haircut! I'm not going to have my boy's hair go past the collar of his shirts, LOL! Nadia was born at 36 weeks without any eyelashes. Ian has some short, very light eyelashes even though he came at 34 weeks. Hers were light at first so I am expecting his to change in not only length but color. Time will tell regarding the color of his eyes and hair. He also doesn't have much in the way of eyebrows yet, but I know in time that will change.

Last night I finally found a position that was comfortable enough for me to get some good sleep (albeit the longest I can sleep in a row is 2 hours). Or maybe it was just a case of my body finally crashing as I've gotten very little sleep over the past week.

My whole family was planning to come up to our house for our gift exchange and turkey dinner this Wednesday (morning of Christmas Eve). My sisters and I were going to be going to our in-laws on Christmas Day (for two of us that means in Pennsylvania and for the other, Virginia). Normally we all gather at my parents (Maryland), but I didn't want to travel that far at 36w. Little did I know that Ian would come at 34w! My mom took the gifts I had wrapped back with her as now the celebration will be in MD, but we'll be unable to come. I was excited at the prospect of all 18 of us being together (9 kids age 7 and under and 9 adults), but usually there are several kiddos that are sick, and I don't feel it is wise to expose Ian to germs at this early stage of his life. I am grateful we were all together in August, but I feel sad to miss out on this gathering as it might be years until we are all together again. My parents and brother are going to come up at some point to visit us next week. We will still plan to get together with Paul's family on Christmas Day, but that trip only involves a 1 hour drive, and we've never gotten sick after spending time with his family (whereas Nadia has yet to get rid of the cold that she caught when we were in MD in October).

This morning I should have been at my church participating in our choir's dress rehearsal. Tomorrow morning they are presenting the cantata. It's a really nice one, and I am a bit bummed that I'm missing it. The funny thing is that last year it snowed the day they had their Christmas cantata. I joined the choir in January 2009. I also had a really pretty Christmas dress for Nadia to wear to church tomorrow, but she won't be going to church after all. Well she still might fit 2T dresses next winter so maybe she can wear it next year. I do love dressing my girl up, and Christmas dresses are especially beautiful in my opinion!