Blood Patch

Last night as I got ready for bed I discovered I was spotting. I hadn't had any bleeding for more than 2 weeks. There was more blood this time than the last two times, but of course it was nothing compared to the hemorrhaging at 22w. I didn't want to go to the hospital unless I was bleeding more than that so I didn't make any phone calls. I contemplated asking Paul to put a garabage bag under the sheet to try to protect our mattress from further damage. I've ordered a waterproof mattress cover. I wish I had bought one of those more than 4 years ago because both times my water broke in bed plus the blood soaked through the mattress 4 weeks ago. Since I don't usually consume caffeine, it definitely has an effect on me. The caffeine plus discovery that I was bleeding meant it was very hard to sleep last night. I was so nervous that I was going to start hemorrhaging again. I kept going through our options in my mind as to which hospital I should go to. The decision will be easier starting tomorrow (when our Blue Shield insurance goes back into effect). The first few times I got up to go to the bathroom, the pain in my head was almost unbearable. Around 12:30am I noticed it was much better so I presumed the headache was gone. Was I ever wrong! My neck is doing better today than yesterday, but the headache is debilitating. Thankfully, it goes away when I'm lying down, but of course I do need to be vertical at times to do things like eat, drink, and go to the bathroom.

I spoke with the MFM doctor on call this morning and reported the spotting as well as the spinal headache. She said I should stay horizontal, drink lots of fluid, take Tylenol, and drink caffeine. I asked how much caffeine, and she didn't have any specifics to offer. I've had two cups of hot tea thus far today. She said I could ask the anesthesiologist to give me a blood patch on Monday. I asked her how long this headache typically lasts, and she said, "two weeks." I was stunned. Here I was thinking it might have gone away in 6 hours, and it might last 2-3 weeks! Right now I can't bear the idea of having his headache for 2-3 weeks. If this were my first pregnancy, I could handle staying horizontal all day, but it just won't work with two little kids. I am planning on asking for the blood patch on Monday. One good thing about this headache is that I'm being VERY good about staying on bedrest right now.

I feel silly for not thinking of it sooner. We were chalking Ian's fussiness and difficulties sleeping to my absences. It didn't even cross my mind until yesterday that he might be teething. Yesterday I felt his bottom gums and could feel that his canines are working their way to the surface. This morning I checked the top jaw and saw that those canines have broken through the gums a little bit. The Tylenol must have helped as he slept through the night last night.

The thing that put the biggest smile on my face today was the realization that I think we've picked a name for our son! Paul is not 100% ready to commit to the name, but I am 99% sure we've agreed upon a name. Paul picked the first name (a name he suggested for the first time yesterday; it was the 5th boy name he had suggested), and the middle name was my idea (the only boy name I suggested that he contemplated as a first name). I'll reveal the name as soon as Paul is certain. This is a BIG relief off of my mind. I have been so scared he'd still be referred to as "baby boy" following his birth.

P.S. Paul took these pictures since they involved being vertical.

Caffeine, here I come!

Today I got the spinal headache that the anesthesiologist feared I would get because of where the needle went in my spine with his first attempt. I had a spinal with Ian's c-section, and I don't recall any awful headaches. He said to drink a lot, especially of drinks with caffeine and call him if that didn't do the trick. The only thing I generally consume that has any caffeine is chocolate, and I haven't been eating any foods with chocolate for a few months due to the horrible heartburn I get from chocolate while pregnant. Usually Paul just has Pepsi and Coke in the house, but thankfully he had some Mt. Dew because I can't stand colas. It has been years since I had any Mt. Dew, but I drank two big glasses to lessen the spinal headache. I looked it up online and coffee has WAY more caffeine than soda, but the only way I could force a cup of coffee down my throat was if I had a very flavored one. Did you know that decaf coffee isn't really caffeine free? I learned that this evening while researching the amount of caffeine present in chocolate, soda, coffee, tea, etc. I could force myself to drink a cup of hot tea, and that has way more caffeine than Mt. Dew (plus a lot less calories). As I was drinking the Mt. Dew I was thinking about the fact that if I was going to splurge on all these extra calories, I'd rather have another slice of the pound cake someone from church brought us tonight, but when your head feels like it's splitting, you don't care about the calories involved in relieving the headache. Now that I know which has more caffeine, I'll stick with hot tea rather than drinking any more soda.

I also had far more cramps and contractions today, but I didn't call the doctor because frankly unless I am certain I am in labor or I am bleeding or I am not feeling the baby move as much, I am not calling because I don't want to end up back in the hospital unless absolutely necessary. Of the 12 days I've spent in the hospital thus far, I feel that only 3 of those were truly necessary - the first day at the local hospital when I was bleeding and the last two in Harrisburg for the fetal transfusion.

I posted the grades (to the Registrar anyhow) for the first summer session today. The second summer session starts next week. I can't believe the summer is now half-way over! I emailed my department chair yesterday to tell him that it's extremely unlikely I'll be teaching the first four weeks of the fall semester as originally planned. I told him that most likely I will have given birth before the fall semester starts. I wanted him to know so he can plan accordingly for covering my classes.

Last night was a rough night. Paul spent over an hour (starting at 2am) trying to put Ian back to sleep. He got him to sleep two times, but he didn't stay asleep for very long. The third time Ian woke up I suggested that he just bring Ian into our bed. I assumed Ian would fall back asleep immediately. Boy was I wrong! It took him almost two more hours to fall asleep. Thankfully, Paul was able to sleep during most of that time. I hadn't gone to bed until 11pm so I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Today it hit me that Ian might be teething. He was really cranky today. I wasn't sure if it was from lack of sleep or teething (his canines haven't come in yet), but I figured it wouldn't hurt to give him a little Tylenol as he hasn't had any in months. Hopefully he'll sleep better tonight as all four of us have been very tired today.

Paul drove me to one of our neighbor's yard sales today. Nadia came with me as they have a girl one year older than her. I brought my cell phone so I could call him when I was done shopping. He also took me to a yard sale last Saturday (also very close to our house) so I haven't totally had to give up yard sales although I'm not anticipating going to any more until the end of September. Since our neighbor was having a yard sale today, I asked Paul to put our old double jogging stroller out near the mailbox with a sign marked "Free." I figured with the extra traffic going by our house today en route to her yard sale, someone would claim it, and someone did! I only paid $5 for it (in 2010), and the tires needed pumped almost every time I used it. We had purchased another one from Craigslist a couple of months ago so I was happy to unload this one that we weren't using any more.

Yesterday we said goodbye to our neighbors. Alexis, Gabby, and I were all crying. It was tough. The girls (and their mother, Beth) really love our kids, and our kids really love them. They've been the most amazing neighbors and babysitters for more than three years. I am so grateful for them, and I hope that they have as smooth a transition as possible in their new home in Oklahoma.

12 Hours

I was in bed last night for almost 12 hours. I didn't sleep that entire time, but I did sleep the vast majority of that time. I fell asleep at 7pm and woke up at 8:30pm. I had a bit of a time getting back to sleep, but eventually I did. No one woke me up to take my temperature, check my blood pressure, or adjust the fetal monitor. YAY! Even though I slept so much last night, I had no trouble taking a little nap on the couch this afternoon with Ian. Today was my first day at home alone with the kids all day in over four weeks. I had Ian use the kiddie potty so I wouldn't have to lift him up on the toilet. I let the kids watch a little more tv than usual so that I could stay on the couch as much as possible. I also read books to them such as Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters, When Dinosaurs Came with Everything, and Gingerbread Friends (Jan Brett).

I was supposed to have a doctor appointment this afternoon at 3:30. At noon they called to tell me that appointment was cancelled. I was really confused so I called the Harrisburg office (it was my OB office that called me). I said that yesterday Dr. Martinez told me I should keep my Thursday appointment and also come to Harrisburg on Monday. Yesterday at noon when they did my ultrasound it showed that the velocity in his mid-cerebral artery was already starting to rise. He was just barely out of the mild anemia category, and this was only 19 hours after the transfusion. Dr. Martinez told me yesterday that he thought the next transfusion would be in less than one week. I told him that Dr. Tressler (the one who did the transfusion) said that usually another transfusion is needed every 2-3 weeks. He said that in the beginning they need to be closer together until a greater percentage of his blood is my type of blood (he's O positive like Ian, Paul, and Nadia are but they're giving him O negative blood like I have). Well today Dr. Tressler said that he didn't want any of my ultrasounds done at the local office (because their equipment in Harrisburg is better), and he was fine with me waiting until Monday for the next ultrasound. I called the woman from church who was planning to take me to and from the doctor appointment, and I called Beth to let her know Gabby didn't need to come over as my appointment was cancelled. The only advantage I saw to having any appointment today was I thought it might give the doctor insight into having a better idea as to when the next transfusion will take place.

I know to bring a suitcase on Monday in case I am admitted like I was this Monday, but it makes it hard to know what to do with the kids. My friend, Cheri, is willing to rearrange her plans so that she could take me to and from that appointment on Monday, but if I am going to be admitted, we were thinking Paul might take me as my mom might meet us at the hospital (if we find out I am definitely being admitted) and take the kids to Maryland (Harrisburg is much closer to their house than our house is). One of my sisters (along with her husband and five kids) arrived in the US today. We haven't seen them in two years. I thought Ian and Nadia might have fun playing with their cousins for a couple of days if I am hospitalized for 48 hours again next week like I was this week. This week the kids stayed with Paul's parents for 48 hours so Paul could get some work done. We're having a hard time deciding whether I should ride with Cheri (and the kids would stay with a babysitter up here) or if Paul should take the kids and I down. Paul thinks I'll probably be admitted so probably I'll tell Cheri that Paul will take me. If I do have another transfusion next Tuesday, I hope we can do it with just local anesthesia and conscious sedation because my back is bruised from the epidural. I don't really want an epidural, spinal, or general anesthesia next week if at all possible. I'd rather be in a little more pain for a few minutes (while the needle is in my belly) than have my back be in pain for days afterward. I don't remember getting a bruise when I had the spinal with Ian's c-section, but maybe the c-section incision distracted me from any back discomfort.

The kids were supposed to have physicals on Monday morning (Ian's 2.5 year and Nadia's 4 year). I called today to cancel them because I'll be en route to Harrisburg at that time of day. They offered to reschedule, and I told the receptionist that I've been in and out of the hospital, and it was very probable that I'd have to keep rescheduling the appointment. I asked if it mattered if we waited a couple of months, and she said as long as Nadia wasn't starting Kindergarten in the fall, that would be fine. So we'll just wait until after the baby is born to reschedule their well child visits.

26 Weeks!

His survival rate is now between 80-90%! During one of the recent ultrasounds he was practicing breathing. Today I begin my 5th week of bedrest. I spent 12 of the last 28 days in the hospital. I'm hoping to spend a greater percentage of time at home during the next few weeks. He's a lot more unpredictable these days as to what position he's in when they do an ultrasound. For awhile he was always in the breech position. Lately he's been either transverse, breech, or even head down. His frequent movements meant I didn't get much sleep last night. My first two hospitalizations they'd only have me on the TOGO monitor (for contractions), but this time they've also had me on the fetal heartrate monitor. On the 9th floor you're only on the monitor for 2 hours a day (one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening). On this floor you're on the monitor 24 hours a day. I was trying so hard not to move much last night, but the nurse had to come in fifty million times to move the fetal heartrate monitor because the little guy kept moving. I can't wait until these straps come off because they are going over the bruises on my back (where they punctured me for the epidural).

The anesthesiologist came in this morning to check on me. He was concerned because the first puncture went into the spinal fluid (where a spinal is supposed to go but not where an epidural is supposed to go). That's why he had to go up another level and try again. He said a common side effect of going into the spinal fluid is "the worst headache you've ever had in your life." He said I'll know it's a side effect of the epidural if I get it when sitting up but it goes away when I lie down. He said that might come about any time in the next 2 weeks. If it does, I'm supposed to drink a lot of caffeine (something I never do), and if that doesn't help, I'm to call the hospital. I forgot to ask him how long my back is going to hurt. It's very sore. He used the word "scoliosis" yesterday when trying to put in the epidural, which alarmed me. He told me today it was nothing to be concerned about - that many people have a slight curvature to their spine, but it makes putting an epidural in more difficult. The nurse told me later this morning that he had checked on me 6-7 times already this morning. Wow. I guess he's really worried about me getting that awful headache!

My nurse this morning was telling me that I was the talk of the unit all day yesterday. She said there was a huge line of nurses wanting to be in the OR for my procedure as they'd never seen a fetal transfusion before. She said many of the ones who originally had signed up actually weren't able to be present because their shifts ended at 3pm (and I didn't make it into the OR until about 4:30pm). She was one of the ones who had hoped to attend but wasn't able to since it was delayed because she had an online class through Liberty that was starting at 5pm. I told her that more than likely she'll get a chance to attend another one in the future because I'll probably have 2-3 more transfusions before they deliver him. Hopefully next time I can go through it without crying so much. During the procedure I asked a nurse to hold my hand. I have to say that helped me very much. There's something about holding someone's hand in the OR, even if that person is a stranger.

I have to have an ultrasound, and if everything looks fine, I am going HOME! The three best things about being home are #1 being with my hubby and kids, #2 SLEEP (I am completely, utterly exhausted), and #3 eating what I want, when I want. My stomach has been growling sooo much the last few days.

Transfusion a Success

Yesterday was a very rough day for me. My stomach was growling for 12 hours for one thing. It didn't help that the nurse kept forgetting I wasn't allowed to eat. She tried to bring me both breakfast and lunch. I turned the meals down even though I was very hungry and thirsty. Around noon they took me down for an ultrasound. The doctor needed to know the baby's weight in order to know how much blood to give him. They estimated that he weighs 1lb 14oz, which is right on target for this stage of the pregnancy. Around 2pm they had me change into a gown, and at 2:15 they wheeled me downstairs. I had been doing fine emotionally until about 1:30pm. I had asked for menus to fill out since lunch on Monday, but I hadn't received any.  I kept asking at each meal. I enjoyed yesterday's lunch, but yesterday's dinner was another story. I ended up having cereal as I certainly wasn't going to bed hungry since I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after 4am. Anyhow when the nurse told me that it was too late to fill out a menu for dinner, the tears started flowing. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back to so speak. I had been asking for a menu for more than 24 hours. I wasn't really crying about dinner but rather the fact that I was hungry, tired (I got very little sleep last night due to this really bright light that you can't turn off in the room), missing my kids, nervous about the upcoming procedure, and wishing Paul was there with me.

For the next several hours the tears flowed on and off at the drop of a hat. If someone asked me how I was doing, the tears started to flow. If they asked if my husband was coming, the tears started to flow. I wasn't expecting to feel so overwhelmed. I think it's in part because you assume when you're pregnant you won't be entering an operating room until it's time to give birth. Unfortunately I was wearing contacts. The next time he needs a transfusion, I'll wear glasses just in case. The fact that I'll likely have to go through this every 2-3 weeks was part of the reason I was feeling so overwhelmed. When I spoke with the anesthesiologist, I mentioned the platlet dysfuction. He wanted a test done before he would agree to do the epidural. Around 3:15pm they drew the blood. They had to draw from both my left hand and left wrist in order to fill the two vials. At this point I had already been sitting in the wheelchair in a L&D room for an hour. After they drew the blood, I waited there another hour before they took me to the OR around 4:15pm. I was wishing for my book or laptop, but they were in my room on the 9th floor.

The epidural didn't go in easily. Their first attempt didn't go in the right place so they had to puncture me a second time. By the time they were done, I felt like throwing up. To add insult to injury, the epidural didn't numb my belly even though they gave me the maximum dosage. The anesthesiologist was about to switch to general anesthesia, but the perinatologist said to use sedation and local anesthesia instead. The needle for the local anesthesia hurt as did the needle that went in through my belly (not my belly button) to his umbilical cord. They had to to in twice. The cordocentecis and transfusion went very smoothly and took a lot less time than trying to give me an epidural. I had never had an epidural before, and I hope to never have one again. I couldn't feel any effect from it. They thought I'd have trouble walking, but I had no trouble walking to the bathroom. His blood count was down 30% so they gave him one ounce of blood. That doesn't sound like a lot of blood, but it was a significant amount for someone who weighs less than 2 lbs. They did an ultrasound before and after the procedure (in the OR). The difference was dramatic in his heart rate (dropped a lot) as well as the velocity in his mid cerebral artery. Within just a few minutes the velocity went from 51 (bad) to 32 (good). The "before" velocity was slightly higher than it was on Monday. I left the OR around 5:35pm and was taken to a room in L&D as they provide more frequent monitoring there than on the 9th floor.

They started me on clear liquids (apple juice and jello) and then over the next hour gradually let me eat more and more food. I wasn't keen on the main entree, but I ate a roll, vanilla pudding, peaches, and a small blueberry yogurt. I called Paul to let him know the baby are I were fine, but I still wasn't up to talking about the procedure (without melting into tears). The best news is that they didn't need to do an emergency c-section. I had been doing research on NICUs and found that Geisinger's and Harrisburg's are both Level 3B. The closest 3C NICU (which means they have equipment that a 3B doesn't have and are able to do a wider range of procedures) is at Hershey Medical. I also learned that the very top rated NICU in the USA is located here in PA - CHOP (Philadelphia). Others have labeled it a "level 4" NICU even though technically 3C is the highest rating. We probably won't be able to avoid the NICU altogether, but I'm hoping to hold out at least four more weeks. I thank those of you who were praying for me during this procedure. I'm relieved that he's still kicking inside me. In light of how unpleasant the whole experience was, I'm praying he'll go at least 3 weeks before he needs another transfusion.

Back in the Hospital

Nadia opened a few presents last Thursday (one from us, one from her Great Gram, and three from my parents), but she opened the majority of her presents yesterday morning. I was beginning to wonder if there would be time to open them before she left for church because she slept in later than usual yesterday. Her two favorite presents (that she opened yesterday anyhow) were the Zoe stuffed animal and the book of fairy tales. Ian definitely liked Hungry Hungry Hippos the best. He played with it for more than three hours yesterday! I violated my "bedrest" orders a little bit yesterday to make her pancakes for breakfast. I hadn't cooked anything in 25 days, and I really wanted to do something to make her day extra special. Gabby, Alexis, and Beth came over and wished her a happy birthday and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. They gave her a Princess vanity for her bedroom last week. Paul took the kids to the "Family Fun Festival" at church in the afternoon. She loved throwing a water balloon at Daddy! I think she had a great birthday!

This morning the ultrasound showed the anemia was back in the severe category (although still not quite as bad as it was on Thursday). We came prepared. I brought a suitcase just in case, and we also packed a bag for the kids so they could spend tonight at Paul's parents' house (so Paul can get some schoolwork done today and tomorrow). I won't be allowed to eat after 4am. If I wake up, I might have a midnight snack as I'm going to be VERY hungry by the time 2:15pm rolls around. I'll have an epidural for the procedure (that will be my first epidural even though I asked for one when I was in labor with Nadia), but the procedure can trigger labor. I'm not allowed to eat in case they end up doing an emergency c-section. Please pray that doesn't happen! I would ask Paul to be here if the hospital wasn't so far away. If all goes well, I'll be discharged Wednesday afternoon. This time I was admitted directly to the 8th floor (antepartum unit). The last two times I started on the 8th floor (Labor and Delivery) and then was moved up a floor the next day. The room I'm in this time isn't as nice as the first room, but it's much nicer than the second room.

I told the doctor we were committed to sticking with this hospital for my prenatal care, but I asked if I could deliver at Geisinger if the baby didn't come at a scheduled time. He said it's impossible for my water to break because of the complete placenta previa. I didn't know that! He said if I start bleeding again, I should definitely go to Geisinger. He also said that the farthest into the pregnancy they'll do a transfusion is about 32w. If the baby needs a transfusion after that, they'll just deliver him instead.

Our Four Year Old!

July 8, 2008

*Is our social butterfly. Everything is more fun for her (swimming in the pool, playing on the playground, etc.) if there are other kids there (of any age). She also carries on lengthy conversations with adults whenever she has the chance. No one is a stranger.

*Is obsessed with the color pink. Just call her Pinkalicious.
*Is also obsessed with everything that has anything to do with any princess.

*Loves to dress up in costumes. She'll wear a bee costume for an hour and then switch to a princess costume. Sometimes I even let her leave the house (ex. go to CVS) wearing a princess costume. She makes very good use of all her princess dresses, crowns, and shoes.

December 25, 2008

*Hasn't completely given up the habit of sucking her thumb, but she sucks it far less than she did a year ago.
*Rarely naps in her bed these days (whereas a year ago she was taking a 2-3 hour nap every day). She's in bed from 8pm to 7am most days. It varies how long it takes her to fall asleep at night.
*Loves to watch dvd's or tv - VeggieTales, Gigi, and Disney princess movies. Her favorite show to watch (via Netflix) these days is "Angelina Ballerina."

*Loves to play games. She's very competitive and everything is a race to Nadia. If she's the first one down the stairs she shouts, "I win!" and the same goes if she's the first one to finish eating, etc.

July 6, 2009

*Can identify the letters of the alphabet (upper and lower case) as well as say at least one sound that letter makes.

*Loves to have books read to her. Some of her current favorites include Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters, Pancakes, Pancakes and Walter the Baker (both by Eric Carle), Winnie the Pooh stories by A. A. Milne, Berenstain Bears' books, and any Little Critter book (by Mercer Mayer).

*Loves to build with blocks, play with stuffed animals or her princess figurines, swing, swim, do puzzles, and play with play food.

*Usually picks either "Zaccheus" or "Joshua fit the battle of Jericho" to sing at bedtime. "Rock a bye baby" is another of her favorite songs to sing.

*Always includes Mommy, Daddy, and Uncle Maurice in her prayers.

December 24, 2009

*Is very schedule oriented in terms of what we're doing that day as well as upcoming days.

*Loves to be tickled, hugged, and kissed.

*Is getting more and more independent with getting dressed although sometimes she comes up with rather crazy outfits. I should have taken a picture the day she came down wearing a striped turtleneck on top and a short sleeve polka dotted shirt as her bottoms (like it was a skirt). I should add the temps were supposed to reach into the 90's that day. Her favorite things to wear have Disney princesses on them - the more princesses the better!
*Misses Cubbies. Of all the things she does outside the house (gymanstics, ballet, storytime at the library, Sunday School, Cubbies, musical, and Children's Church), AWANA is definitely her favorite. I've been thrilled that she wants to attend church on Sundays even when I can't take her due to being on bedrest.

June 24, 2010

*Is acting excited again about the fact we're expecting a baby boy. She still would have preferred a sister, but it's nice to see her telling strangers that she's going to have another baby brother. She can't wait to feel him kicking.

*Loves to drink milk. If it was up to her, she'd drink nothing but milk every day. Her favorite foods include pizza, spaghetti, crackers, pretzels, chips, yogurt, hot pockets, grilled cheese sandwiches, cold cereal, oatmeal, cheese burgers, french fries, applesauce, bananas, and just about any dessert.

December 24, 2010

At ballet - June 24, 2011

December 28, 2011

June 24, 2012

Many Changes



It's been cracking me up all the things Nadia says will be different when she's four years old. For example, she told me she won't suck her thumb any more, she'll eat lots of vegetables, and she won't want to watch "Angelina Ballerina" on Netflix any more. I'd love it if her opinion toward veggies changed tomorrow and she completely gave up sucking her thumb, but I'm not really expecting this magical transformation to occur while she sleeps tonight. Today is her last day as a three-year-old!

I am feeling a million times better emotionally today than I did yesterday. I needed a little time to adjust to the idea that our trips to Harrisburg are nowhere near over. I contemplated calling Geisinger again on Monday because on their MFM website they specifically say that they do fetal transfusions for anemia. I am wondering if the woman gave me misinformation yesterday. She didn't know the answer. She had me on hold while she was checking to find out if they did them or not.

Today I did a search online of the doctor in Harrisburg, and I found many articles talking about him doing these transfusions. I learned that it's the most common prenatal surgery they do at that clinic (the second most common is a bladder shunt). He's been doing them at that hospital for 15 years. I then did the same search with the names of the three MFM doctors at Geisinger, and nothing came up about any of them performing this procedure. My thinking is that even if per chance they actually do the procedure, the doctor in Harrisburg has far more experience with it. Since this is such an invasive procedure, it's worth the extra drive.

Transfusion Postponed

I felt a bit like a bag lady today while I sat at the hospital with my plastic bag from Walmart that contained a water jug, a few pairs of underwear, razor, toothbrush, and deodorant. This morning while I was getting dressed one of my contacts fell out. I've never put a contact in before without using saline. I have definitely learned my lesson. I am going to keep a few things in a bag at all times, and I'll put a few other things in the bag (ex. the charger for my phone and my laptop) when I am leaving for any MFM appointment. Better safe than sorry. Paul's aunt dropped me off at 8am, and I was done with my appointment by 8:35, which was much faster than usual. I then spent 3 hours in the lobby of the hospital until Paul's parents arrived with the kids to take us home. Paul's mom had to squeeze in the back seat of their Corolla in between the two carseats. That couldn't have been very comfortable! We got home at 1pm.

The good news is that his anemia was a little better so the doctor decided not to do the transfusion today. I found out the reason they didn't do the transfusion yesterday was that only one of the three MFM doctors in this clinic does fetal blood transfusions, and he was at a sattelite location yesterday. He was fully expecting to do the transfusion today. He said it's very serious though as fetal anemia can quickly progress to heart failure. He told me to call asap if I sense a decrease in the baby's movements. The doctor I've seen the most at this clinic has a more laid back manner. This guy scared me. I need to go back Monday morning for another check. He says a transfusion WILL be necessary; it's a matter of "when" not "if." Once he starts having transfusions, they will take place every 2-3 weeks until he is born. He saw the record transfer form in my file, and he said that he would not do a transfusion unless he was going to be caring for this baby through delivery. I explained that we live 1.75 hours away but can't go to the closer hospital until July 1 due to our insurance. He said I either need to pay cash for a transfusion at Geisinger next week OR commit to driving to Harrisburg for the duration of the pregnancy. I didn't like either option. If they charge $850 for a 5 minute ultrasound, I am certain a transfusion costs thousands of dollars. It turned out to be a moot point because I called Geisinger this afternoon and found out they don't do fetal blood transfusions (even though it says they do on their website). I will have to continue my prenatal care in Harrisburg (which is a 3.5 hour drive round trip from our house). I am going to ask if I can deliver at GMC if it's an unplanned delivery. If the answer is "no," I'm going to ask if our son can be transferred to GMC's NICU at some point. It would be difficult if he was in the NICU in Harrisburg for 2-3 months given how far away that is from our house.

I felt completely overwhelmed at the end of my appointment today. I was fully expecting the cordocentesis. I expected I'd feel a sense of relief after finding out it wasn't necessary today, but I actually left the appointment feeling worse than when I arrived (emotionally). The last two pregnancies I said many times that emotionally it was a high but physically it was very uncomfortable (heartburn, difficulty sleeping at night, etc.). The physical side effects haven't bothered me as much this time around, but emotionally it has been quite the opposite. I know that once he's home and in my arms I won't care what happened during the pregnancy. I know he's worth it. I'm just totally drained emotionally. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel selfish for feeling so distraught over things like missing Nadia's birthday cake yesterday and having to make so many trips to Harrisburg. I remind myself of the six years of infertility we went through before conceiving Nadia, and this is easy in comparison to that. I keep telling myself this isn't going to last forever. It's highly unlikely it will last even 10 more weeks. I wish I could drive, as it makes the situation so much more complicated, but I can't. Monday we had planned to take Nadia and Ian to Walmart for their 4 year/2.5 year pictures. Instead we'll be heading to Harrisburg for another ultrasound.

I never dreamed I'd be having an average of two ultrasounds a week while pregnant. Yesterday we saw his hand. It looked like he was waving at us, which was cute. Three weeks ago my immediate response when they were talking about doing a c-secion was "don't take him to save my life", but then it hit me that if I died, we would both die so there was really no way for me to sacrifice my life for him at that point. It's amazing how as a parent you would be willing to give your life for your child, even one you haven't met yet. I don't think my reaction was unusual. The love most parents have for their children is very powerful and sacrificial. Children are a priceless gift from God!

Cordocentesis Tomorrow

At this moment I'm at Paul's Aunt's house, Paul is driving to our home, and our kids are at his parents' house. We thought we'd all be at our home right now. My cervix went back to 2.3cm, but they aren't worried about that because that's what it's been the last 3 weeks when I've been at home. When I'm in the hospital it lengthens some, but it's been consistently 2.3cm when I've been at home. The complete placenta previa remains unchanged. Unfortunately his anemia got worse. Even though they had three different people (one of whom was the doctor) do multiple readings, which were all about the same, they didn't officially decide to do the cordocentesis today. They want me back there at 8am for another ultrasound just in case things look better tomorrow. We're not expecting that to happen, but it would be a pleasant surprise. If his mid-cerebral artery (in his brain) looks the same as it did today, I'll be having a cordocentesis (similar to an amniocentesis only they will be removing blood from his cord rather than amniotic fluid). They'll have me donate some blood prior to the procedure so that if he needs a transfusion they can give him my blood. They will test his blood right in the operating room, and that will show whether a transfusion is necessary or not. If so they'll give him a transfusion at that time (since the needle will still be in place). They'll be going through my belly button. The procedure will be tricky because of the anterior location of the placenta. Please pray that if I have it done, it will go smoothly and won't cause my water to break or trigger labor (which are two possible complications of the procedure). If I have the procedure tomorrow, they'll keep me at the hospital over night. Last time I was home from the hospital for 6 days in between hospitalizations. Today was my 7th day out of the hospital, so I went at least one more day this time around.

If I was allowed to drive, I would have gone home this evening and driven myself down tomorrow morning, but in light of the fact I would have had to find someone to drive me down here early in the morning, it seemed better to stay down here. I had brought my water jug and a book. On our way to Paul's Aunt's house, we stopped at a Walmart so I could buy some underwear and a toothbrush. When I get home, I'm going to pack a bag and leave it in the car so I will be better prepared if something like this happens again. I figure I can sleep in the clothes I'm wearing now and wear them again tomorrow, but I at least wanted clean underwear. Of course I wish I had my laptop, more books, etc., but I'm grateful I have at least one book to read at the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully Nadia won't have too much trouble sleeping tonight even though she won't have her beloved pillow.

The appointment today went much quicker than the previous ones did, for which we were grateful. Paul and I missed out on the birthday lunch and cake at Friendly's, but hopefully it was special for Miss Nadia. We all enjoyed the Jonah production. I thought the kids did well considering it was over 2 hours long. We let her open one present at home this morning (2 Gigi dvds and 2 Hermie dvds) so that she could enjoy watching those in the car today, and she received presents from Great Gram and my parents in Lancaster this afternoon. Yesterday she got her presents from Paul's parents (the main one being a 2 wheel princess bike). We'll let her open the rest of her presents on Sunday (her actual birthday). She was SO excited about today's festivities she woke up before 6am and was in our room an hour earlier than usual. I can't believe my baby girl is almost four years old. I really hope and pray I am home on Sunday for her actual birthday.

25 Weeks!

Hitting these weekly milestones seems like a much bigger deal than it did several weeks ago in light of the complete placenta previa, fetal anemia, and shortened cervix. I'm scheduled to have an ultrasound tomorrow morning in Harrisburg. I'm praying that will be my last trip to that hospital. The last time I noticed any discharge was Saturday evening. It's very reassuring to go four days without seeing any of that. Today is the first day of my fourth week of bedrest. I get very overwhelmed when I think of being on bedrest for up to 10 more weeks. I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time.

Ian wouldn't take a nap in his bed for Gabby yesterday. He ended up napping on the couch with me again. At some point we're going to have to get him back to napping in his bed, but for now I guess he'll be napping with me. I woke him up after he had slept an hour as I didn't want his nap to interfere with sleeping at night.

Paul took the kids to the dollar store last night so that Nadia could pick out her birthday balloons. I had started a tradition that she could have as many mylar balloons as her age, and I was very surprised that she remembered. She said to me, "I get four balloons this year." These balloons last a long time. We definitely get our $1 worth out of each them. Paul also let Ian pick out one (truck) balloon. She also picked out a pack of napkins and  paper plates to take to Friendly's tomorrow to use when they eat her chocolate birthday cake.

The good news is that Paul's advisor anticipates he'll defend his dissertation in September. The bad news is that she can only pay him through the end of December because her NSF grant wasn't renewed. Paul had hoped to stay as a post doc with her through at least July 2013. His days of driving to PSU are numbered - just six more months. The problem is that it's going to be hard for him to get a teaching job that starts in January. I'll be searching diligently for an adjunct position for him that would start in January. I had planned to resign effective early January, but I might not be able to do that unless Paul gets a job then that includes health insurance. I'll also be diligently searching for a tenure track job for him that would start in August 2013. I'm very glad that the end of his schooling is in sight, but I am a bit concerned about the timing of his graduation. As much as I might dislike PSU's health insurance, it's far better than no health insurance!

Hindsight

I have thought of the adage "hindsight is 20/20" so many times the past three weeks. Had I known I'd be on bedrest this summer (potentially the whole summer if he doesn't come early) I wouldn't have bought two maternity swim suits, paid for a family membership at a swimming pool this summer, or signed Nadia up for swimming lessons. The swimming pool was ever so gracious and offered (without me asking) to refund us our $200. I am grateful. I'm also assuming we will get a refund on the swimming lessons, and some day I'll try to sell the maternity bathing suits on eBay (I wish I hadn't cut off the tags).

I would have asked to teach four online courses this summer instead of just two. We're allowed to teach up to two per session, but I only asked for one per session. I could easily have taught four classes given how much time I've spent on the couch or in bed, particularly since I did have wifi access at the hospitals. I also wish we had already done our van shopping because Paul will have to do the test drives himself, and I'm the one who will drive the minivan the most. I wish I hadn't had an ultrasound at the RE's in February. It would have been free (for us) at the OB's office, but since Geisinger charges more than 3 times more than the other hospitals for the same type of ultrasound, we owe them $518 for that 5 minute ultrasound (even though the insurance already paid $331 towards it). They would have accepted a payment of only $259 from Blue Shield, but since we have a different insurance, they want the full $850. Grr. Thank goodness I only had one ultrasound at the RE's this time. I had three there with Nadia and with Ian. I also wish I had declined some of the first trimester bloodwork, as that might end up costing us about $1,000, and some of it was definitely unnecessary.

The biggest change I would make if I could go back in time, is I would have agreed to pay the extra $500 a month to stay on Blue Shield insurance the past 6 months. I hope and pray that mistake doesn't end up costing us thousands of dollars. I did finally make headway with one of the medical bills this week. Hershey finally admitted on Monday that they goofed up. Hopefully the insurance will pay now that the claim is going to the right place. Just 11 more days and we'll be back on Blue Shield. The bottom line is that we don't know the future when we make decisions. We try to be careful and make wise decisions, but that doesn't guarantee we'll make the right ones. Exactly three weeks ago the dentist office called me to remind me of my 6 month check-up that was to take place the following morning. I remember saying, "I'll see you then." The next morning Paul had to call them and say I wouldn't be coming because I was in the hospital. It was a good reminder that we cannot guarantee what we will be doing tomorrow.

Karen (OT) came yesterday for the first time in more than a month. One change she made to his feeding program is that we are no longer to break up his Ritz crackers or cookies. He can bite a piece off, but he prefers that we break them into pieces for him. Hopefully his desire to eat these foods will override his desire that I break them for him. It would be wonderful if he started biting food. Paul had to stay home yesterday because we couldn't find a babysitter. I decided just to let Ian take a 45 minute nap with me on the couch. Hopefully he won't give Gabby any grief about taking his nap in his bed this afternoon. He screamed a little at bedtime last night, but it didn't take Paul too long to get him down (less than 15 minutes), and he slept through the night for the first time in almost a week. The melatonin seems to be helping.

Perpetual Motion and Melatonin

I wouldn't have guessed that my little guy was in any way shape or form anemic. He seems to be rather energetic. I am not sure if I just don't remember accurately, or if it's because I'm on bedrest and more aware of his movements, but he is extremely active. His gymnastics within me keep me awake at night sometimes. In two days I'll be 25w. Every day he stays in the womb is a blessing! The survival rate at 25w is around 80% (much better than the 50% rate at 24w).

Sleep has been a problem for Ian lately. I called Karen (his OT) on the phone about it yesterday. Paul and Karen both think it's 100% a result of my absence and not about the transition from the crib to twin size bed. He hasn't had trouble going down for a nap, except when Paul tries to put him down. On Friday for example he slept for 90 minutes in his bed after Gabby put him down. He pitched a huge fit on Saturday, and since it was much later than usual, I suggested to Paul that Ian could nap with me on the couch downstairs. He took a nice nap, but then he was expecting to do the same yesterday. Paul has had to spend a LONG time with Ian to get him to sleep. I suggested we let him cry it out. I knew Ian was tired becuase he had fallen asleep in my arms (while sitting up) a little earlier when I was reading a book to him. I called Karen part way through his tantrum. She said to let him cry a bit longer, and then when it was getting close to an hour, she said Paul should go get Ian. A couple of hours later he again fell asleep in my arms, but I quickly woke him up as I don't want him to get back in the habit of sleeping in my arms.

She suggested 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before we wanted to put him to bed at night. Paul bought some yesterday. It took longer than usual to get him down, but it took FAR less time than it had taken Paul lately. He woke up at 1am, but unlike the previous two nights, he went back to sleep (on his own). Paul also woke him up yesterday morning in case the fact that he had been sleeping later than usual was contributing to the problem. This morning he woke up at 7:05. She suggested that on the weekends Paul not bother putting him in his bed for his nap but rather maybe have his nap take place in a stroller or carseat (presuming he will nap the other five days when a babysitter is here). Last night was definitely a step in the right direction. He might have to take his nap with me this afternoon becuase thus far we don't have a babysitter for today. We have plans for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I think I can manage by myself today. I'll just have Ian use the baby potty since I can't lift him onto the big one.



Happy Father's Day!

Here's a card that Nadia made last year at church. I love handprint type projects. They traced her hands to make that card. Last year I tried to go all out with making Father's Day special for Paul - his favorite foods at all three meals, etc. This year I am limited in what I can do to help make his day special. I purchased his gifts awhile ago. We gave him a mousepad, a hardcover copy of the children's book that makes him laugh the most (When Dinosaurs Came with Everything), a pair of NY Giants socks that either Nadia or Ian could wear, and matching Superbowl Champ t-shirts for Ian and Nadia (plus a matching onesie baby #3). He's going to pick up pizza for dinner this evening (he loves pizza). I'm going to help the kids make cards for him this afternoon. Nadia rode to church in a Mustang convertible this morning. When Ian saw the picture, he regretted his choice to stay home with Mommy this morning. Nadia came home with a bunch of cards that my Sunday School students made for me - how sweet! The one that cracked me up the most said (in letters made with glitter), "Have a nice baby." LOL!

Paul has been a great Dad ever since he first laid eyes on Nadia almost 4 years ago. Paul is an extremely attentive dad. He's the exact opposite of the stereotype of a dad reading the newspaper and just saying "uh huh" while his child is talking to him. When Paul is taking care of the kids, he gives them 100% of his undivided attention. I often multitask while taking care of them, but Paul never does. He's also a very protective dad. Their safety is one of his primary concerns at all times. He's much better at remembering things like putting sunscreen on their faces than I am.

Paul siezes teachable moments. Sometimes it cracks me up what he tries to explain to a two or three-year-old (ex. the theory of relativity), but I do appreciate his desire to constantly expand their horizons whether he's using a globe to teach them the names of the continents or trying to explain the concept of gravity. I hope they catch his love of learning! He also shows them a very sacrificial love. Paul was up with Ian at 4:00 this morning, and he spent 40 minutes with Ian helping him get back to sleep. He also has a great sense of humor; Paul adds a lot of laughter to our home!

Paul is always willing to help out. He's had to do that a lot more than usual lately. I did fold two loads of laundry (while sitting on the couch) this weekend, and it felt great to feel like I was helping in some small way. Whatever task Paul helps with (such as making Nadia's Grand Prix car for Cubbies), he always gives it his very best effort. I also appreciate Paul's artistic abilities since I am sorely lacking in that area. He does a much better job with drawing, creating things with Play-doh, etc. These are just a few of the many reasons why I think Paul is a wonderful father. I think our three children are oh so very blessed to be able to call him Daddy!

Gymnastics Showcase

It was hard for me to sit in a wheelchair today. I've only been wheelchair bound one other time (not including when in a hospital). When I was a middle school teacher I fractured my ankle and stood on it for a day (without realizing it was broken); it was so swollen I had to be in a wheelchair for a few days until the swelling went down enough that they could put a cast on it. My sixth graders loved pushing me around in the wheelchair. I had to keep a list of who was pushing me out to recess, who was pushing me back, etc. because they all wanted the honor. I learned through that experience the importance of things being handicap accessible. I couldn't make a phone call in the school office because the wheelchair wouldn't fit. I had a hard time getting into the bathroom because there was a little step to get over, but in general I don't remember minding the wheelchair. What I missed most that time was not being able to drive until my cast came off. I missed my independence. I already lost my driving privileges 18 days ago. I am very grateful that Paul's parents were able to stop at Donna's house this morning. I am so thankful she was able to loan us a wheelchair, as I wouldn't have been able to attend Nadia's gymnastics showcase otherwise. It was really tough for me to stay in that chair though. I felt extremely self-conscious. I really wanted to get out and walk.

They had two programs this morning. They had half of the classes perform at each. All of the preschool classes were assigned to the 11:00 program. I was stunned that Nadia was one of only three preschoolers who participated! They have fourteen different preschool classes and only three children came this morning?? None of the other kids from her class were there. The three children did a few things on the bar, walked across a beam, and did some forward tuck rolls on both a wedge and a floor mat. The entire program lasted one hour. Pop Pop took Ian outside as he wasn't that interested. Nadia really didn't want to watch for that long either, but we kept her with us, in part because I couldn't leave by wheelchair until other people had left. It was a nice program. I enjoyed seeing the older children do their routines. Some of them received first place at the state championship this year. We then went to McDonald's for lunch at a McDonald's that has a playland. All morning I had struggled with feeling very light headed. I think it's because I have been horizontal so much the last 2+ weeks. Paul brought me home before Paul's parents brought the kids home so they could have more time to play.

I'm really glad I was able to go as it really bothered Nadia that I wasn't at the ballet recital. I thought it was more upsetting to me, but I think actually it has been harder on her. She brings it up more than once a day. She keeps asking me when the next ballet recital will be and whether I will be there or not. I keep telling her it won't be for a year. I'm sure as more time passes she won't keep asking about it so often, but I have to say it does break my heart a little every time we have that conversation as I also really wanted to be there. She's also very worried that I'm going back to the "doctor" (hospital). I can understand her fear since I spent 10 days there recently. I keep telling her that I want to stay home for a long time. We shall see. Paul has been such a huge help. He's taken over the grocery shopping and even my bi-weekly CVS coupon run (I give him a list and the coupons). We make good use of our cell phones every time he goes shopping. He calls me many times during each trip to ask me questions about where things are located and what he should buy. Paul reminds me so many times a day to drink water that earlier today Ian said (out of the blue), "Mommy, drink your water." I got a good laugh over that one.

I haven't had any contractions or bleeding since I've come home, and the last time I had a discharge that looked like part of the mucus plug was Thursday around noon. This is all very reassuring. Although I would love for the time of being on bedrest to end, I know that the best thing would be for me to be on bedrest for another 10w4d. At least I'm at home. Bedrest with my family is oh so much better than bedrest by myself. I get FAR more hugs and kisses, and no one wakes me up during the night to check my blood pressure or temperature. Nadia keeps asking to go to church so I called someone who lives less than a mile from our house, and they're going to come and pick Nadia up and take her to Sunday School and Children's Church tomorrow. When I told this to Nadia she said, "oh that's so cool, Mommy." I pray she always has such a strong desire to go to church. Last night Paul and the kids didn't get home until 9:15pm from Gabby's 14th birthday party. They're moving to Oklahoma in 10 days, and they're moving into a hotel on Tuesday because the movers are emptying their house that day. We're going to miss them so much! Paul didn't have a restful night last night because Ian was up at 1am and Nadia threw up in bed around 3am. Hopefully the kids will sleep through the night tonight for Daddy's sake!

HOME!

Yesterday I had my ultrasound around 1:30pm. She said my cervix was 2.7cm. I doubt it had really gotten any shorter since Monday considering I was in the hospital bed 99.9% of the time in between the two ultrasounds. I think that measurement was probably more accurate than Monday's, but either way it was a fine since it was greater than 2.5. I still have complete placenta previa. The baby's anemia was a little better (mild). The doctor came by about an hour later (he made a special trip over in light of our distance to get home), and I arrived home at 6pm last night. Oh there's no place like home! I was also ever so glad to get the iv port out of my wrist. I have a large bump there showing where it used to be. I was given big hugs by both kids when I got home - priceless!

I asked a couple of questions before I left the hospital that others had suggested I ask. The doctor did give me permission to go to the gymnastics showcase tomorrow. In fact it's written on my discharge instructions, ha ha! He said as long as I didn't drive and entered the event by wheelchair, it was fine. Yay! The other question was whether I can lift Ian up on my lap if I do so while sitting on the couch. I had been doing that during my last 6 day stint at home in between hospitalizations. My mom was right. They said that even if I'm sitting, lifting that much weight is putting too much pressure on my cervix. So he needs to climb up to my lap himself. They also gave me the list of what they want me to be taking - some of which (such as extra Calcium) are because I'm on bedrest. Evidently, being on bedrest is not great for things like one's bones. My next two appointments have been scheduled - the 21st in Harrisburg and the 28th at our small local hospital. I'm planning to switch to Geisinger's MFM clinic the first week of July. I'm really hoping the 21st will be my last trip to the hospital in Harrisburg.

I saw online last night that the insurance didn't pay a dime towards the first two MFM appointments (which totalled $1,050). Hopefully the EOB will just state that they need additional medical records before they can process the claims, and hopefully they'll pay eventually. They did pay the entire $35 for my first P17 shot at the OB. I was starting to think they were going to decline everything! Thanks for telling me about the Medical Assistance for those born under 1,200 grams, Regina. What a huge relief! Hopefully he'll weigh a lot more than that at birth (that's 2lb 10oz), but if that happens (or if he stays in the hospital for more than 30 days following his birth), he will automatically qualify. That will be a relief to Paul as he was fearing we were going to lose our house over the NICU bills if I give birth before July 1. I wish they had Medical Assistance for pregnant women! I really, really, really hope the insurance pays for these 3 hospitalizations (10 days total).

As we were driving home we passed some yard sales, and it hit me that's something else I'll have to give up for now. Thankfully I had finished most of the baby shopping already. I still need to buy him some cloth diapers and also something I can carry him in (I'm thinking a Bjorn carrier this time around), but I can shop online. One of our neighbors will be having a yard sale sometime this month. I'll have Paul wheel me down to her house because she has a girl and boy who are both just a bit older than my kids so her hand me downs are perfect for my kids, and she has great taste in kids' clothing and shoes, but other than that I'll forgoe yard sales until our town's big community sale the end of September. I'm sure I won't be on bedrest at that point! You are right, Regina that it's MUCH better to endure some frustration now due to bedrest if it means avoiding years of heartache from giving birth to a micropreemie.

Our refrigerator is loaded with food so I sent a message on Facebook to the woman who has been organizing our meals this week telling her that we have plenty of leftovers and don't need any meals for a few days. I had planned to take Paul out on Saturday night for our Father's Day date, but that's not going to happen. He loves pizza, and we haven't had any since we got back from Grand Cayman so I think I'll suggest he go get us some pizza on Sunday (after we make some room in the refrigerator by eating some leftovers). This evening Paul is taking the kids to make a brief appearance at Gabby's 14th birthday party.

Thankful Thursday

This has been a difficult week for me emotionally. I'm not accustomed to spending so much time alone for one thing. On Tuesday I almost asked the childbirth educator (who is here on Tuesdays and Fridays) for a hug. It's pretty bad when you would welcome the hug of a stranger. At home I'm accustomed to MANY hugs from Ian all day long, several hugs from Nadia, and a few hugs from Paul each day. Not sleeping well hasn't helped. At 2:30am I asked for an Ambien. That helped me sleep until 6:00am. I had been asleep earlier, but a nurse woke me up at 11:50 for my vitals, and she got concerned about my bp (because my top number was 70 something and usually mine is 90 or 100 something). I said I was just asleep. So she had me sit up and took it again, and it was back to normal. When my bp, pulse, and temp have been fine at every single check, I don't understand why they have to wake someone up to check these during the night. Sleep is also important!

Somehow I was clueless and hadn't considered I might be on bedrest until the baby comes. When they discharged me on June 4 and said I needed to stay on bedrest until my next appointment (June 7) I truly thought there was a chance the bedrest order would be lifted at that point. Paul was the one who said I should ask because he had assumed I'd be on bedrest until his arrival. He was right. So I need to cancel Nadia's swim lessons that were supposed to last for two weeks starting on Monday. I asked my sister if she'd like to use my Women of Faith tickets for a conference in DC in August. The family is planning on spending at least a day or two of the reunion up here in PA. My mom had planned to house 19 of us at her house and three others at a hotel (my dad's sister and cousins). We definitely can't accommodate 19 or 22 people at our house. We do have two queen size sofa beds, and we have a pack n play and also a crib that could be used as well as space for blow up mattresses. I think Nadia would enjoy having Rachel, Susie, and Jenna sleep in her room with her. It would be awesome if I was still on bedrest during our reunion, but my gut instinct says our little one will be in the NICU at that point. I had to back out of teaching Sunday School June through August as well as teaching at VBS in July. I pretty much have to wipe my calendar free except for trips to doctor appointments. Tomorrow I want to start the process for getting an MFM appointment at Geisinger the first week of July. Yesterday was Nadia's last gymanstics class, and her ballet classes ended in May so I don't have to try to find people to take her those places any more.

The hardest thing for me has been to deal with this gut feeling I have that it will be amazing if I make it to July 1 (26w4d) much less 35w0d (August 29). I really think I'm losing my mucus plug. I would love more than anything to be wrong. I remember how stressful the last two NICU stays were, and they were MUCH shorter than this one will probably be. I so badly wanted a "normal" experience this time in terms of him staying in the room with me- no limits on how often I hold him, and it could be quite the opposite. Weeks could pass after his birth before I'm able to hold him. I was hoping nursing would go more smoothly this time, but in fact it's going to be much harder. Most NICU's don't even allow the baby to try to nurse until about 32 weeks (August 8). I also know that micropreemies have health issues that last for years after they are discharged from the NICU. I feel like I'm going through a grieving process of sorts. I keep praying for a miracle that he will wait until at least August to be born, but I'm trying to get used to the idea that he might come in June or July.

Paul really, really, really wants him to wait until at least July 1 due to our insurance changing that day. I told him if my water breaks before July 1 we can drive to Harrisburg because it took 15 hours from when my water broke for me to reach 10cm dilated with Nadia, and it took about 12 hours from when my water broke with Ian for me to reach 8cm dilated. Even if labor progresses more quickly this time, we'll have time for a 2 hour drive. If it happens after July 1, we'll just go to the local hospital. So that's our specific prayer request right now - that he'll stay inside until at least July 1. I think Paul wishes they'd keep me in the hospital down here until then because he's worried about incurring tens of thousands of dollars of medical bills if we have to go to Geisinger between now and the end of June. The only thing that would cause me to go to Geisinger before July 1 would be if I had another bad hemmorhaging episode. Hopefully that won't happen. Anyhow despite the disappointments and fears, there are many things to be thankful for such as:
1. Paul and my mom have made trips to the library for me. It's nice to be able to check out lots of books and a few dvd's at no charge.

2. The hospital used to charge to use the tv, but they don't charge any more. The first time I stayed here I only watched three episodes of "I Love Lucy" on the Hallmark channel each morning, but yesterday I watched more tv since I had run out of books and my brain was too fried from lack of sleep to do too much grading. I discovered that TV Land airs episodes of "Dick van Dyke, "Andy Griffith," and "I Love Lucy" later in the morning. I also watched some game shows on other channels in the afternoon. It helped to pass the time, which otherwise moves ever so slowly when one is alone in a hospital bed for days on end.

3. I've made good use of my laptop and the wi-fi access for leisure (such as FB) as well as work (emailing students and grading).

4. Paul's parents watched the kids on Monday and Tuesday. They took them to McDonald's, Hooplas, etc. Paul took the kids to Sarah's house yesterday. She watched them for 6 hours. Today and tomorrow our neighbors are watching them. We'll use them as much as we can before they move (June 26).

5. A friend is going to loan me a wheelchair. I'm hoping this will enable me to see Nadia's gymanstics showcase on Saturday.

6. I'm pretty sure I'll be going HOME this afternoon!! PTL! I can't wait to be home with my kids and hubby, and I hope to not be hospitalized again for many more weeks.

7. I came close to ending the cleaning service in March, but I'm glad I didn't in light of my bedrest. We had them come once in March, not at all in April, and once in May. Paul has taken over doing the dishes, sweeping the kitchen, etc. but at least he's not needing to dust, vacuum, clean the bathrooms, mop the kitchen floor, etc. They came this past Tuesday, and we're planning to have them continue to come every other week until the baby is home from the hospital.

8. I hadn't been sure whether to work on preparing course outlines, syllabi, etc for the two new courses I was assigned to teach in the fall. Now I know that would be a waste of time as I'll either be on bedrest OR be on maternity leave. I won't be teaching the first 4 weeks as planned.

9. Our little boy is still kicking inside me at 24w1d. Every day he stays in will be a huge blessing. I'm so grateful we've reached the viability stage. What a relief! As much as I don't want him to be a micropreemie, that's a zillion times better than if they had to take him at 22 weeks, when he had 0% chance of surviving.

10. Nadia enjoyed VBS this week. Paul will be attending her closing program this evening. The neighbors took Ian to our town's carnival with them last night. I'm glad the kids have had fun things to do while I've been in the hospital. Paul is worried about how much we're spending on babysitting these days; I'm grateful we do have the resources to pay for this unexpected expense.

27-30 Months Old: A Comparison

1. Not that Nadia wasn't affectionate, but Ian really is the cuddler.

2. Nadia was day and night potty trained. Ian is day time potty trained. He occasionally wakes up dry at night, and for a brief time we were putting him to bed wearing underwear (with a diaper over it), but in light of my bedrest situation we've gone back to just a diaper at night.
3. Nadia's typical afternoon nap was 3 hours long. Ian's typical nap went from 30 minutes to 45-60 minutes over these three months. A few times his nap has exceeded one hour, but it's never been a full two hours long (much less 3 hours!).

4. Nadia was wearing 2T and some 3T clothing at this point. Ian is wearing size 24m/2T for everything except pants. He still wears size 18m pants. I think by the fall he'll be ready for 2T, but he's definitely not needing to wear 3T in anything yet.
5. They both were prone to asking people again and again and again "what's your name?". Ian became a lot friendlier during this time span, but Nadia was still far more of an extrovert than Ian is.

Ian - 27 months old (March 2012

6. Nadia was far more fixated on the day's schedule than Ian ever has been. His understanding of time and routines is not nearly as advanced as hers was at this age.

7. Ian made a LOT of progress with eating during this time span, but he's still light years behind where Nadia was.
8. Ian is more prone to running and playing rough house than Nadia was. He's also done a lot more hitting and pushing. Thankfully neither child ever went through a biting phase.

9. Nadia didn't care who took her to the bathroom. Ian definitely prefers either Daddy or PopPop to take him if they're around.

10. Ian is more interested in animals and knows the names of more animals than Nadia did.

11. Ian cries a lot more than Nadia did at this age.

12. They both could count to 13 without any mistakes.

13. Nadia had more books memorized, but they both could sing the lyrics to many songs.

Nadia - 30 months old (December 2010)

14. Nadia didn't mind getting messy. Ian goes nuts if his clothes get wet. He's far more conscious of trying to stay clean and dry.
15. Ian has far stronger opinions about what clothing, shoes, and socks he wears than Nadia ever did. It also was a difficult transition for him to switch from pants to shorts, whereas this wasn't an issue for Nadia.
16. Nadia was much braver than Ian, especially on the playground and trampoline.

17. Nadia was much better at following instructions. He is far more prone to dash off in the wrong direction. She was doing gymanstics at this age whereas I didn't think Ian was ready for that yet.

18. Ian shows more imagination in terms of coloring, Play-doh, and dressing dolls. He seems to be far more visual than Nadia, and she seems to be more auditory than he is.
19. Ian has spent many more hours playing with Little People, cars, and the Fisher Price dollhouse than Nadia ever has.

20. Ian made the adjustment to a twin size bed at 29 months whereas we didn't have Nadia move from her crib until she was 30 months old. Neither child had issues without falling out bed, but the transition definitely went more smoothly for Nadia, although who knows if it would have been easier if the transition hadn't happened shortly before my hospital stays.

21. Ian's first time of going through a long separation from Mommy happened when he was 29 months old. I was in the hospital for 6 days. Nadia's first long separation from Mommy took place when she was 17 months old. I was in the hospital for 12 days that time. It was really hard for both of them although with Ian it showed up more when I came home.

22. Nadia loved swings from a very early age. Ian just started to enjoy swings recently. He also became independent with going down slides over the past week (whereas Nadia was going down on her own at a much younger age).
23. Ian sleeps in later in the morning than Nadia did when she was his age. He usually sleeps until at least 7:00am, and he has slept until 8:15am on a few occasions.

24. Both kids have been very healthy (if you don't count Ian's eosinophilic esophagitis). We only go to the Pediatrician for well visits.
25. Nadia liked Knoebels, but she never asked to go as often as Ian does. He is obsessed with the fire engine and whip.