Mother's Day 2020

I picked this picture from June 2008 for my Mother's Day post because it's a picture of my mom and my firstborn. I have technically been a mom since 2005, but I didn't really feel like a mom until I was carrying Nadia. I think Mother's Day will always be bittersweet for me. I absolutely LOVE being a mom. I will be eternally grateful for the three miracles who call me mom. The coronavirus has cancelled many things such as field trips, church, and trips to the library over the past two months, but I've still been able to hug my boys every day (Nadia is not a fan of hugs), read to my kids, play games with my kids, homeschool my kids, and much more. Ian and I very recently started playing piano duets for four hands on the piano. It brings back fond memories of when I played piano duets with my sisters decades ago. My parents had a Steinway piano back to back with a keyboard so sometimes we girls played duets that were for two pianos. My mom was our biggest fan. She took great delight in listening to us practice our musical instruments (violin, flute, clarinet, piano, etc.). Ian recently moved to Alfred level 5, but I also bought him a book of Star Wars piano solos and a book of worship song piano duets. He hasn't mastered any of them yet, but I recorded three videos while he practiced yesterday. I need to help him correct a few things - mostly related to timing and keeping a steady rhythm, but I am so pleased at how much progress he has made over the past year with his piano playing skills. I haven't helped him with the Star Wars songs at all thus far. Here's part of Rey's Theme, part of The Imperial March, and all of Cantina Band. I asked him to play a duet with me, and he picked Cornerstone. These worship songs are much easier than the Star Wars ones, but considering his biggest weakness is keeping a steady rhythm, playing duets is a great exercise for him as it will hopefully teach him that he has to keep a steady beat. He's accustomed to correcting an error even if that means he adds a beat to the measure. We've only played this duet a few times together so he definitely hasn't mastered it yet, but let me tell you playing this song with him made me so happy I felt like crying happy tears. Even today he did a much better job on it than yesterday, but I didn't want to record it again. You get the idea anyhow! I've had the utmost privilege to care for at least one child for almost twelve years now, and, Lord willing, we will likely have at least one child in our home for at least ten more years. One of the youth groups Nadia is a part of had a lip sync contest recently. She and Ian made a video for the song "You've got a friend in me" from Toy Story. I love the fact that Ian and Nadia are indeed very good friends. I hope that all three of my kids will be great friends for the rest of their lives. That will bring this mom great joy. 

On Mother's Day I naturally also think of my mom. The kids made Paul's mom things for Mother's Day last week, but they haven't made my mom anything since 2016. This is my fourth time experiencing Mother's Day when my mom is in heaven. I still miss her very much, but I've gotten accustomed to the new normal of not being able to talk with her, hug her, let my kids play the piano for her, etc. The changes brought about by the coronavirus are hopefully temporary, but as long as I'm still here on earth, I won't be able to see or speak with my mom. It's been awhile since I've cried in grief regarding my mom, in part because more time has passed and also because the pain of losing my brother is fresher. However, Friday night I watched the movie "I still believe" about Jeremy Camp losing his first wife to ovarian cancer when they were in their 20's. I usually cry during sad movies. Nadia couldn't believe how the tears flowed when I watched My Girl with her for the first time considering I had seen the movie many times years ago, but my tears on Friday night were partially because I was thinking about all my mom went through during her battle with ovarian cancer. I take comfort knowing that Maurice and my mom are together. Mother's Day is also the time each year when I am most apt to think about and pray for women currently facing infertility or single women who long to be married and become mothers as I can never forget how hard this holiday was for me for many years before I became a mother.  I also remember the babies I lost along the way every Mother's Day. Nadia has wanted a sister for many years, and she feels confident that at least one of the babies we lost was a girl. She looks forward to meeting her sister in Heaven some day. Considering I am 48 and Paul is 50, I know our childbearing years are over, but when I'm asleep I still sometimes dream about giving birth again. Although I would be thrilled to have another baby, I will say for the record I don't miss those night time feedings! The dream I had along those lines last week involved me giving birth to twin boys. So much for a sister for Nadia, LOL!

From March 21 to May 7 I was in a vehicle a whopping TWO times. What strange a year this has been! As a side note, we had SNOW yesterday. In MAY!!! It's not uncommon for us to get snow one time in April, but it is uncommon in May. 2020 is a crazy year. I was in the car for a couple of minutes on Friday as I drove about 1 mile from our house to get the lock put back in the driver's door of the van. Oliver and I never got out of the vehicle so I didn't really need to put my mask on. When I placed a grocery order for Saturday, I wasn't sure if Paul would be picking it up or not. I've typically placed the orders for Sunday afternoon because he usually works on Saturday, but I wanted to make the appointment at a time when Goodwill would be accepting donations. He wasn't home by 3pm so the kids and I headed out, which means I was in our van two days in a row for the first time since March 12! Sometimes Paul has had to wait a long time for the Walmart grocery order, but they brought our order out almost immediately after I parked in the spot. I also ran in to return the DVD in the Redbox kiosk. I wore my mask for that as well as when I went into Venarri's to pick up our pizza. I am not a fan of wearing a mask. My glasses fog up for one thing. I really hope we aren't required to wear masks for the next year. Because it was Mother's Day, I got dressed up for "church" this morning. I even wore a necklace with my dress. Honestly though it still feels really strange to get dressed up when we're not even leaving the house. I mowed the lawn after lunch, and then after Oliver read to me, the kids and I went for a walk. I took some pictures of them at that time as well. Because it was Mother's Day, I got to pick what game the kids and I played (Scrabble) and what movie all five of us watched (Miracle on Disney+). The boys enjoyed the movie. From February 1 through Mother's Day there are several emotional landmines for me in terms of when I feel the loss of my brother and my mom more deeply as their birthdays were in February and March, my brother passed away in March, and I feel their absence more keenly on my birthday and then again on Mother's Day. So I feel a bit of a sense of relief knowing we have passed those dates for this year. My mom passed away in July, but for whatever reason that isn't as challenging for me emotionally as her birthday, my birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas are. We called Paul's mom today to wish her a happy Mother's Day and also called Aunt Millie to wish her a happy 60th birthday. Paul's parents will be celebrating their anniversary on Wednesday. I forget exactly how many years they have been married, but I know it's more than 50! We haven't seen them since 12/25/19, and due to the coronavirus, we might not be seeing them again until 12/25/20 even though they only live one hour away from us. We haven't heard anything yet about whether camps will be allowed in PA this summer, but since we are in the "yellow" phase, two of Nadia's friends are coming over this Friday for a sleepover. By then it will have been a full two months since she has seen any of her friends. Other than that life in "yellow" feels the same as "red," but thankfully the social distancing rules don't apply to the people you are quarantined with as I am still receiving plenty of hugs from my boys. Thank you Lord for giving me three precious children. It is such a privilege to be their mom and their homeschool teacher. Priceless!!!