Happy Father's Day!

Here's a card that Nadia made last year at church. I love handprint type projects. They traced her hands to make that card. Last year I tried to go all out with making Father's Day special for Paul - his favorite foods at all three meals, etc. This year I am limited in what I can do to help make his day special. I purchased his gifts awhile ago. We gave him a mousepad, a hardcover copy of the children's book that makes him laugh the most (When Dinosaurs Came with Everything), a pair of NY Giants socks that either Nadia or Ian could wear, and matching Superbowl Champ t-shirts for Ian and Nadia (plus a matching onesie baby #3). He's going to pick up pizza for dinner this evening (he loves pizza). I'm going to help the kids make cards for him this afternoon. Nadia rode to church in a Mustang convertible this morning. When Ian saw the picture, he regretted his choice to stay home with Mommy this morning. Nadia came home with a bunch of cards that my Sunday School students made for me - how sweet! The one that cracked me up the most said (in letters made with glitter), "Have a nice baby." LOL!

Paul has been a great Dad ever since he first laid eyes on Nadia almost 4 years ago. Paul is an extremely attentive dad. He's the exact opposite of the stereotype of a dad reading the newspaper and just saying "uh huh" while his child is talking to him. When Paul is taking care of the kids, he gives them 100% of his undivided attention. I often multitask while taking care of them, but Paul never does. He's also a very protective dad. Their safety is one of his primary concerns at all times. He's much better at remembering things like putting sunscreen on their faces than I am.

Paul siezes teachable moments. Sometimes it cracks me up what he tries to explain to a two or three-year-old (ex. the theory of relativity), but I do appreciate his desire to constantly expand their horizons whether he's using a globe to teach them the names of the continents or trying to explain the concept of gravity. I hope they catch his love of learning! He also shows them a very sacrificial love. Paul was up with Ian at 4:00 this morning, and he spent 40 minutes with Ian helping him get back to sleep. He also has a great sense of humor; Paul adds a lot of laughter to our home!

Paul is always willing to help out. He's had to do that a lot more than usual lately. I did fold two loads of laundry (while sitting on the couch) this weekend, and it felt great to feel like I was helping in some small way. Whatever task Paul helps with (such as making Nadia's Grand Prix car for Cubbies), he always gives it his very best effort. I also appreciate Paul's artistic abilities since I am sorely lacking in that area. He does a much better job with drawing, creating things with Play-doh, etc. These are just a few of the many reasons why I think Paul is a wonderful father. I think our three children are oh so very blessed to be able to call him Daddy!

Gymnastics Showcase

It was hard for me to sit in a wheelchair today. I've only been wheelchair bound one other time (not including when in a hospital). When I was a middle school teacher I fractured my ankle and stood on it for a day (without realizing it was broken); it was so swollen I had to be in a wheelchair for a few days until the swelling went down enough that they could put a cast on it. My sixth graders loved pushing me around in the wheelchair. I had to keep a list of who was pushing me out to recess, who was pushing me back, etc. because they all wanted the honor. I learned through that experience the importance of things being handicap accessible. I couldn't make a phone call in the school office because the wheelchair wouldn't fit. I had a hard time getting into the bathroom because there was a little step to get over, but in general I don't remember minding the wheelchair. What I missed most that time was not being able to drive until my cast came off. I missed my independence. I already lost my driving privileges 18 days ago. I am very grateful that Paul's parents were able to stop at Donna's house this morning. I am so thankful she was able to loan us a wheelchair, as I wouldn't have been able to attend Nadia's gymnastics showcase otherwise. It was really tough for me to stay in that chair though. I felt extremely self-conscious. I really wanted to get out and walk.

They had two programs this morning. They had half of the classes perform at each. All of the preschool classes were assigned to the 11:00 program. I was stunned that Nadia was one of only three preschoolers who participated! They have fourteen different preschool classes and only three children came this morning?? None of the other kids from her class were there. The three children did a few things on the bar, walked across a beam, and did some forward tuck rolls on both a wedge and a floor mat. The entire program lasted one hour. Pop Pop took Ian outside as he wasn't that interested. Nadia really didn't want to watch for that long either, but we kept her with us, in part because I couldn't leave by wheelchair until other people had left. It was a nice program. I enjoyed seeing the older children do their routines. Some of them received first place at the state championship this year. We then went to McDonald's for lunch at a McDonald's that has a playland. All morning I had struggled with feeling very light headed. I think it's because I have been horizontal so much the last 2+ weeks. Paul brought me home before Paul's parents brought the kids home so they could have more time to play.

I'm really glad I was able to go as it really bothered Nadia that I wasn't at the ballet recital. I thought it was more upsetting to me, but I think actually it has been harder on her. She brings it up more than once a day. She keeps asking me when the next ballet recital will be and whether I will be there or not. I keep telling her it won't be for a year. I'm sure as more time passes she won't keep asking about it so often, but I have to say it does break my heart a little every time we have that conversation as I also really wanted to be there. She's also very worried that I'm going back to the "doctor" (hospital). I can understand her fear since I spent 10 days there recently. I keep telling her that I want to stay home for a long time. We shall see. Paul has been such a huge help. He's taken over the grocery shopping and even my bi-weekly CVS coupon run (I give him a list and the coupons). We make good use of our cell phones every time he goes shopping. He calls me many times during each trip to ask me questions about where things are located and what he should buy. Paul reminds me so many times a day to drink water that earlier today Ian said (out of the blue), "Mommy, drink your water." I got a good laugh over that one.

I haven't had any contractions or bleeding since I've come home, and the last time I had a discharge that looked like part of the mucus plug was Thursday around noon. This is all very reassuring. Although I would love for the time of being on bedrest to end, I know that the best thing would be for me to be on bedrest for another 10w4d. At least I'm at home. Bedrest with my family is oh so much better than bedrest by myself. I get FAR more hugs and kisses, and no one wakes me up during the night to check my blood pressure or temperature. Nadia keeps asking to go to church so I called someone who lives less than a mile from our house, and they're going to come and pick Nadia up and take her to Sunday School and Children's Church tomorrow. When I told this to Nadia she said, "oh that's so cool, Mommy." I pray she always has such a strong desire to go to church. Last night Paul and the kids didn't get home until 9:15pm from Gabby's 14th birthday party. They're moving to Oklahoma in 10 days, and they're moving into a hotel on Tuesday because the movers are emptying their house that day. We're going to miss them so much! Paul didn't have a restful night last night because Ian was up at 1am and Nadia threw up in bed around 3am. Hopefully the kids will sleep through the night tonight for Daddy's sake!

HOME!

Yesterday I had my ultrasound around 1:30pm. She said my cervix was 2.7cm. I doubt it had really gotten any shorter since Monday considering I was in the hospital bed 99.9% of the time in between the two ultrasounds. I think that measurement was probably more accurate than Monday's, but either way it was a fine since it was greater than 2.5. I still have complete placenta previa. The baby's anemia was a little better (mild). The doctor came by about an hour later (he made a special trip over in light of our distance to get home), and I arrived home at 6pm last night. Oh there's no place like home! I was also ever so glad to get the iv port out of my wrist. I have a large bump there showing where it used to be. I was given big hugs by both kids when I got home - priceless!

I asked a couple of questions before I left the hospital that others had suggested I ask. The doctor did give me permission to go to the gymnastics showcase tomorrow. In fact it's written on my discharge instructions, ha ha! He said as long as I didn't drive and entered the event by wheelchair, it was fine. Yay! The other question was whether I can lift Ian up on my lap if I do so while sitting on the couch. I had been doing that during my last 6 day stint at home in between hospitalizations. My mom was right. They said that even if I'm sitting, lifting that much weight is putting too much pressure on my cervix. So he needs to climb up to my lap himself. They also gave me the list of what they want me to be taking - some of which (such as extra Calcium) are because I'm on bedrest. Evidently, being on bedrest is not great for things like one's bones. My next two appointments have been scheduled - the 21st in Harrisburg and the 28th at our small local hospital. I'm planning to switch to Geisinger's MFM clinic the first week of July. I'm really hoping the 21st will be my last trip to the hospital in Harrisburg.

I saw online last night that the insurance didn't pay a dime towards the first two MFM appointments (which totalled $1,050). Hopefully the EOB will just state that they need additional medical records before they can process the claims, and hopefully they'll pay eventually. They did pay the entire $35 for my first P17 shot at the OB. I was starting to think they were going to decline everything! Thanks for telling me about the Medical Assistance for those born under 1,200 grams, Regina. What a huge relief! Hopefully he'll weigh a lot more than that at birth (that's 2lb 10oz), but if that happens (or if he stays in the hospital for more than 30 days following his birth), he will automatically qualify. That will be a relief to Paul as he was fearing we were going to lose our house over the NICU bills if I give birth before July 1. I wish they had Medical Assistance for pregnant women! I really, really, really hope the insurance pays for these 3 hospitalizations (10 days total).

As we were driving home we passed some yard sales, and it hit me that's something else I'll have to give up for now. Thankfully I had finished most of the baby shopping already. I still need to buy him some cloth diapers and also something I can carry him in (I'm thinking a Bjorn carrier this time around), but I can shop online. One of our neighbors will be having a yard sale sometime this month. I'll have Paul wheel me down to her house because she has a girl and boy who are both just a bit older than my kids so her hand me downs are perfect for my kids, and she has great taste in kids' clothing and shoes, but other than that I'll forgoe yard sales until our town's big community sale the end of September. I'm sure I won't be on bedrest at that point! You are right, Regina that it's MUCH better to endure some frustration now due to bedrest if it means avoiding years of heartache from giving birth to a micropreemie.

Our refrigerator is loaded with food so I sent a message on Facebook to the woman who has been organizing our meals this week telling her that we have plenty of leftovers and don't need any meals for a few days. I had planned to take Paul out on Saturday night for our Father's Day date, but that's not going to happen. He loves pizza, and we haven't had any since we got back from Grand Cayman so I think I'll suggest he go get us some pizza on Sunday (after we make some room in the refrigerator by eating some leftovers). This evening Paul is taking the kids to make a brief appearance at Gabby's 14th birthday party.

Thankful Thursday

This has been a difficult week for me emotionally. I'm not accustomed to spending so much time alone for one thing. On Tuesday I almost asked the childbirth educator (who is here on Tuesdays and Fridays) for a hug. It's pretty bad when you would welcome the hug of a stranger. At home I'm accustomed to MANY hugs from Ian all day long, several hugs from Nadia, and a few hugs from Paul each day. Not sleeping well hasn't helped. At 2:30am I asked for an Ambien. That helped me sleep until 6:00am. I had been asleep earlier, but a nurse woke me up at 11:50 for my vitals, and she got concerned about my bp (because my top number was 70 something and usually mine is 90 or 100 something). I said I was just asleep. So she had me sit up and took it again, and it was back to normal. When my bp, pulse, and temp have been fine at every single check, I don't understand why they have to wake someone up to check these during the night. Sleep is also important!

Somehow I was clueless and hadn't considered I might be on bedrest until the baby comes. When they discharged me on June 4 and said I needed to stay on bedrest until my next appointment (June 7) I truly thought there was a chance the bedrest order would be lifted at that point. Paul was the one who said I should ask because he had assumed I'd be on bedrest until his arrival. He was right. So I need to cancel Nadia's swim lessons that were supposed to last for two weeks starting on Monday. I asked my sister if she'd like to use my Women of Faith tickets for a conference in DC in August. The family is planning on spending at least a day or two of the reunion up here in PA. My mom had planned to house 19 of us at her house and three others at a hotel (my dad's sister and cousins). We definitely can't accommodate 19 or 22 people at our house. We do have two queen size sofa beds, and we have a pack n play and also a crib that could be used as well as space for blow up mattresses. I think Nadia would enjoy having Rachel, Susie, and Jenna sleep in her room with her. It would be awesome if I was still on bedrest during our reunion, but my gut instinct says our little one will be in the NICU at that point. I had to back out of teaching Sunday School June through August as well as teaching at VBS in July. I pretty much have to wipe my calendar free except for trips to doctor appointments. Tomorrow I want to start the process for getting an MFM appointment at Geisinger the first week of July. Yesterday was Nadia's last gymanstics class, and her ballet classes ended in May so I don't have to try to find people to take her those places any more.

The hardest thing for me has been to deal with this gut feeling I have that it will be amazing if I make it to July 1 (26w4d) much less 35w0d (August 29). I really think I'm losing my mucus plug. I would love more than anything to be wrong. I remember how stressful the last two NICU stays were, and they were MUCH shorter than this one will probably be. I so badly wanted a "normal" experience this time in terms of him staying in the room with me- no limits on how often I hold him, and it could be quite the opposite. Weeks could pass after his birth before I'm able to hold him. I was hoping nursing would go more smoothly this time, but in fact it's going to be much harder. Most NICU's don't even allow the baby to try to nurse until about 32 weeks (August 8). I also know that micropreemies have health issues that last for years after they are discharged from the NICU. I feel like I'm going through a grieving process of sorts. I keep praying for a miracle that he will wait until at least August to be born, but I'm trying to get used to the idea that he might come in June or July.

Paul really, really, really wants him to wait until at least July 1 due to our insurance changing that day. I told him if my water breaks before July 1 we can drive to Harrisburg because it took 15 hours from when my water broke for me to reach 10cm dilated with Nadia, and it took about 12 hours from when my water broke with Ian for me to reach 8cm dilated. Even if labor progresses more quickly this time, we'll have time for a 2 hour drive. If it happens after July 1, we'll just go to the local hospital. So that's our specific prayer request right now - that he'll stay inside until at least July 1. I think Paul wishes they'd keep me in the hospital down here until then because he's worried about incurring tens of thousands of dollars of medical bills if we have to go to Geisinger between now and the end of June. The only thing that would cause me to go to Geisinger before July 1 would be if I had another bad hemmorhaging episode. Hopefully that won't happen. Anyhow despite the disappointments and fears, there are many things to be thankful for such as:
1. Paul and my mom have made trips to the library for me. It's nice to be able to check out lots of books and a few dvd's at no charge.

2. The hospital used to charge to use the tv, but they don't charge any more. The first time I stayed here I only watched three episodes of "I Love Lucy" on the Hallmark channel each morning, but yesterday I watched more tv since I had run out of books and my brain was too fried from lack of sleep to do too much grading. I discovered that TV Land airs episodes of "Dick van Dyke, "Andy Griffith," and "I Love Lucy" later in the morning. I also watched some game shows on other channels in the afternoon. It helped to pass the time, which otherwise moves ever so slowly when one is alone in a hospital bed for days on end.

3. I've made good use of my laptop and the wi-fi access for leisure (such as FB) as well as work (emailing students and grading).

4. Paul's parents watched the kids on Monday and Tuesday. They took them to McDonald's, Hooplas, etc. Paul took the kids to Sarah's house yesterday. She watched them for 6 hours. Today and tomorrow our neighbors are watching them. We'll use them as much as we can before they move (June 26).

5. A friend is going to loan me a wheelchair. I'm hoping this will enable me to see Nadia's gymanstics showcase on Saturday.

6. I'm pretty sure I'll be going HOME this afternoon!! PTL! I can't wait to be home with my kids and hubby, and I hope to not be hospitalized again for many more weeks.

7. I came close to ending the cleaning service in March, but I'm glad I didn't in light of my bedrest. We had them come once in March, not at all in April, and once in May. Paul has taken over doing the dishes, sweeping the kitchen, etc. but at least he's not needing to dust, vacuum, clean the bathrooms, mop the kitchen floor, etc. They came this past Tuesday, and we're planning to have them continue to come every other week until the baby is home from the hospital.

8. I hadn't been sure whether to work on preparing course outlines, syllabi, etc for the two new courses I was assigned to teach in the fall. Now I know that would be a waste of time as I'll either be on bedrest OR be on maternity leave. I won't be teaching the first 4 weeks as planned.

9. Our little boy is still kicking inside me at 24w1d. Every day he stays in will be a huge blessing. I'm so grateful we've reached the viability stage. What a relief! As much as I don't want him to be a micropreemie, that's a zillion times better than if they had to take him at 22 weeks, when he had 0% chance of surviving.

10. Nadia enjoyed VBS this week. Paul will be attending her closing program this evening. The neighbors took Ian to our town's carnival with them last night. I'm glad the kids have had fun things to do while I've been in the hospital. Paul is worried about how much we're spending on babysitting these days; I'm grateful we do have the resources to pay for this unexpected expense.

27-30 Months Old: A Comparison

1. Not that Nadia wasn't affectionate, but Ian really is the cuddler.

2. Nadia was day and night potty trained. Ian is day time potty trained. He occasionally wakes up dry at night, and for a brief time we were putting him to bed wearing underwear (with a diaper over it), but in light of my bedrest situation we've gone back to just a diaper at night.
3. Nadia's typical afternoon nap was 3 hours long. Ian's typical nap went from 30 minutes to 45-60 minutes over these three months. A few times his nap has exceeded one hour, but it's never been a full two hours long (much less 3 hours!).

4. Nadia was wearing 2T and some 3T clothing at this point. Ian is wearing size 24m/2T for everything except pants. He still wears size 18m pants. I think by the fall he'll be ready for 2T, but he's definitely not needing to wear 3T in anything yet.
5. They both were prone to asking people again and again and again "what's your name?". Ian became a lot friendlier during this time span, but Nadia was still far more of an extrovert than Ian is.

Ian - 27 months old (March 2012

6. Nadia was far more fixated on the day's schedule than Ian ever has been. His understanding of time and routines is not nearly as advanced as hers was at this age.

7. Ian made a LOT of progress with eating during this time span, but he's still light years behind where Nadia was.
8. Ian is more prone to running and playing rough house than Nadia was. He's also done a lot more hitting and pushing. Thankfully neither child ever went through a biting phase.

9. Nadia didn't care who took her to the bathroom. Ian definitely prefers either Daddy or PopPop to take him if they're around.

10. Ian is more interested in animals and knows the names of more animals than Nadia did.

11. Ian cries a lot more than Nadia did at this age.

12. They both could count to 13 without any mistakes.

13. Nadia had more books memorized, but they both could sing the lyrics to many songs.

Nadia - 30 months old (December 2010)

14. Nadia didn't mind getting messy. Ian goes nuts if his clothes get wet. He's far more conscious of trying to stay clean and dry.
15. Ian has far stronger opinions about what clothing, shoes, and socks he wears than Nadia ever did. It also was a difficult transition for him to switch from pants to shorts, whereas this wasn't an issue for Nadia.
16. Nadia was much braver than Ian, especially on the playground and trampoline.

17. Nadia was much better at following instructions. He is far more prone to dash off in the wrong direction. She was doing gymanstics at this age whereas I didn't think Ian was ready for that yet.

18. Ian shows more imagination in terms of coloring, Play-doh, and dressing dolls. He seems to be far more visual than Nadia, and she seems to be more auditory than he is.
19. Ian has spent many more hours playing with Little People, cars, and the Fisher Price dollhouse than Nadia ever has.

20. Ian made the adjustment to a twin size bed at 29 months whereas we didn't have Nadia move from her crib until she was 30 months old. Neither child had issues without falling out bed, but the transition definitely went more smoothly for Nadia, although who knows if it would have been easier if the transition hadn't happened shortly before my hospital stays.

21. Ian's first time of going through a long separation from Mommy happened when he was 29 months old. I was in the hospital for 6 days. Nadia's first long separation from Mommy took place when she was 17 months old. I was in the hospital for 12 days that time. It was really hard for both of them although with Ian it showed up more when I came home.

22. Nadia loved swings from a very early age. Ian just started to enjoy swings recently. He also became independent with going down slides over the past week (whereas Nadia was going down on her own at a much younger age).
23. Ian sleeps in later in the morning than Nadia did when she was his age. He usually sleeps until at least 7:00am, and he has slept until 8:15am on a few occasions.

24. Both kids have been very healthy (if you don't count Ian's eosinophilic esophagitis). We only go to the Pediatrician for well visits.
25. Nadia liked Knoebels, but she never asked to go as often as Ian does. He is obsessed with the fire engine and whip.

24 Week Steroid Shots

Two weeks ago the MFM nurse said they'd give me the steroid shots at 23w5d and 23w6d. I asked about it yesterday, and she said they were planning to give it to me this Wednesday and Thursday since they have me as hitting 24 weeks on Friday. I told her yesterday that if you go by my egg retrieval date, my due date is 10-3 (they have it as 10-5), which means I'm 24 weeks on Wednesday (today!). So she changed the orders, and I had my first shot last night and will have my second tonight. It is a big deal that I made it to the 24 week mark. Now he has a 50% chance of surviving in the NICU (compared to less than 25% a week ago). Of course we're hoping he'll stay in a lot longer for many reasons. First and foremost for his health and well being. Second, if he can wait until at least after July 1 then I can have him at Geisinger (30 minutes from our house compared to 105 minutes away). Third, if he can wait even longer than that then I can use some paid leave in the fall. I didn't get any paid leave for Nadia because she came exactly 8 weeks before the first day of the fall semester. I had 2 weeks of paid leave with Ian because he came 6 weeks before the first day of the spring semester (had he come on time I could have had 8 weeks of paid leave). If this one waits until at least 34w5d, I'll be able to take 8 weeks of paid leave, which would be a big help to us. I asked for this shot with Ian when I was in labor at 33 weeks, but the fetal fibronectin test was negative so they were sure I wasn't going to give birth within the next two weeks. Unfortunately the fFN test was wrong, and Ian might not have had Respiratory Distress Syndrome if I had the shot 7 days before he was born. They don't give the shots past 34w so it wasn't an option for Nadia at 36w.
They failed to mention the side effects other than that the medication would burn when injected. I couldn't sleep! I was wondering why I was having so much trouble sleeping, and then it hit me that steroids usually lead to some sleeplessness. I googled the drug (betamethasone) at 4am, and immediately saw sleeplessness listed as a side effect. I was really tired at 8:50, but I thought it was too early to go to bed (ironically I didn't want to wake up too early). Then I got a second wind as I was hooked in the book I was reading. I stayed up to finish the book and went to bed a couple of hours later. I am regretting that choice as it took me forever to fall asleep, and I didn't stay asleep for very long. It didn't help that a nurse came in and woke me up to ask me some questions (ex. are you bleeding, are you having contractions, etc.). I wanted to say, "I promise if I have any of those I WILL call you right away. Please don't wake me up to ask me those questions!" The previous night my nurse let me sleep. She never woke me up for vitals or anything, and I went to bed a little before 10pm that night. I guess I should avoid the expression "went to bed" since I'm in this bed almost 24 hours a day. I should say, "went to sleep for the night." If I feel tired at any point today, I am going to nap. I also finished my last book last night so I'm left with my laptop and tv for passing the time today. I did some grading last night and can finish that today.

I haven't seen any more blood. The next time (after the time I saw red blood) I had some pink, and after that nothing. I have had some discharge the past few days that I hadn't been having yet this pregnancy, which I only had with Nadia and Ian at the very end (within 2 weeks of my water breaking both times). I'm hoping there is some other explanation and that it's not because I'm losing my mucus plug. I'll be asking the doctor about that today. It had me rather upset yesterday. I remember seeing pictures of your 26 weekers, Regina, and I'm scared to death of seeing the one I'm carry in the NICU at 24 or 25 weeks. He looks cute in the ultrasound pics (in one pic his face looks more like Nadia and in the others he looks more like Ian), but I think my heart will break to see him out of the womb that early. Please stay in several more weeks, little one! I'm scared of having to wait a long time until I can hold him, which would happen if he came at 24w. That sounds so very hard, but if we have to go through that, God will give me the strength I need.

I really want to attend Nadia's gymnastics showcase on the 16th and see Jonah at Sight & Sound (her birthday celebration) on the 21st. I'm going to see on FB if anyone near us has a wheelchair they could loan us for those two events. Paul would be driving. I have an appointment down here in Harrisburg on the 21st. Hopefully that appointment won't take 2 hours as previous ones have as the appointment is at 10am and our show starts at 1pm (and the two locations are about 50 minutes apart). I'm thinking I'll ask either my parents or Paul's parents to pick the kids up here at the hospital and take them to lunch and to the show to make sure they aren't late. Hopefully Paul and I will also make it to the show on time.

Not going home yet

I was supposed to be discharged today, but I had a spot of blood on the toilet paper a couple of hours ago, and the doctor said that means I can't go home for another day or two. He said it could be residual (from the previous episode), but they can't guarantee that. He said that most of the time hemorraghing happens in the middle of the night - just like it happened with me almost 2 weeks ago. So they want me here in case that happens tonight. I'll have another ultrasound tomorrow (my appt for Thursday at 9:30 back home has been cancelled). He said the baby's anemia hasn't reached the point where a transfusion is necessary. He said he thinks the fluctuations between mild and moderate anemia have to do with the angle (in other words the technique for measuring the blood flow is somewhat subjective - just like I think is true of the cervical length measurements).

I also was told I'll be on bedrest until the baby is born. If you still have complete placenta previa at this stage, it rarely resolves. The doctor said the reason they didn't put me on Procardia last time was because I am not having regular contractions. They're not treating me for preterm labor. They're treating me for complete placenta previa, shortened cervix, and fetal anemia. He said I've had a few contractions since I came in on Sunday afternoon, but they have been few and far between so medication isn't necessary. I was told I should be wearing the anti-embolism socks at home. Paul thought of that the last time I came home. Without thinking I had left them in the hospital room last time. They had me start wearing them last night, and I guess I'll be wearing these until the baby is born. I didn't ask two of my questions yet (steroid shot and whether I should continue the iron, calcium, stool softeners, and fish oil once I'm back at home), but my question list is shrinking.

This little guy is totally worth it, but I never expected this pregnancy to be anywhere near this complicated. I am grateful this all didn't start until we got back from vacation. I'm bummed though about not going to church for that many weeks as well as needing to cancel Nadia's swim lessons and miss out on the family reunion that will be taking place at my mom's house the last week of July. My sister who lives in Turkey will be in the US for 2 months. We haven't seen them in two years. My brother will be leaving for Brazil the end of July so we all planned to gather at my parent's house as we have no idea how many years will pass before we'll all be able to be together at the same time again. The swimming pool we joined this summer just opened up this week. I feel badly about spending $200 on that, but how was I to know in April when I joined the pool that I wouldn't be able to drive this summer. Although the doctor said one or two more days, I'm telling myself I'll be discharged on Thursday so that I can feel a pleasant surprise if it happens tomorrow rather being bummed like I was yesterday and today when I found out my discharge had been delayed. I brought 5 books with me, and two of them are 500+ pages long, but I only have one left to read. At least I brought plenty of clothes, and I'm still enjoying the cookies Paul baked on Sunday. If I had more books and a towel, I'd be set, but of course I'd much rather be at home. Although I like talking to the kids on the phone, it's so hard not to burst into tears when I hear their voices. I miss them SO much!

2 1/2 Years Old!

1. His favorite color cup (plastic shot glass) is orange. His second favorite is pink. He never asks for the blue or green ones.

2. His favorite finger foods (that he feeds himself) are Ritz crackers and chocolate or vanilla creme cookies. He's handling bigger and bigger pieces each day. He asks me for a "big one."

3. His attention span for listening to books being read to him has increased greatly over the past month. A few of his favorite books lately have been: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Mop?, Fair and Squareville (both are VeggieTales books), Froggy's Baby Sister (London), I'm a Little Teapot (Trapani), Just for You (Mayer), and Peter's Chair (Keats).

4. It's been more than a month since he's had an accident! He still wears a diaper overnight, but sometimes he wakes up dry! Except for when my mom was here recently, he uses a regular toilet (no more baby size potty for him!).
5. He's grown to really like cream of wheat. He prefers the maple brown sugar variety. He likes it so much that he'll ask for it at other meals. He has some for breakfast every morning.

6. His favorite thing to watch lately has been LarryBoy (particularly the Rumor Weed) or the pirate episode of Backyardigans.

7. He moved from a crib to a twin size bed over the past month! He usually sleeps for 11 hours at night, and his nap lasts anywhere from 30-75 minutes.

8. He's still such a cuddlebear! Many times a day he says "Mommy sleep you" or "Daddy sleep you" and this means he wants one of us to lie down and snuggle with him (on the couch or in bed). If I want him to come to me for any reason (ex. to put his shoes on), all I have to do is say "Mommy needs a hug." He always comes when I ask for a hug, and then after the hug I can put on his shoes.

9. So many times he cracks me up with the things he says. Out of the blue the other day he said, "I want to have a party." He then said, "It's Mommy's birthday. I want to blow out candles and eat cake." Considering he's never blown out a candle or eaten any cake, that was surprising. I asked Paul to blow up a balloon, and that seemed to satisfy his desire for a party. Hopefully he'll eat some cake in 6  months at his third birthday party.

10. Lately when he asks for something he sometimes says "pretty please." Let me say it's pretty hard to say no to him when he says that in his sweet voice. Sometimes it breaks my heart because he's asking for a food I can't give him because of his allergies. Then I feel like crying (ex. yogurt made with cow's milk).

11. He's definitely learned how to be defiant. "No" is one of his favorite words at the moment. We're working on that.
12. He refers to me as Mommy sometimes, but he calls me "Momma" most of the time. When he's hugging me, he says "Momma" over and over again in a way that totally melts my heart.
13. He's still putting "Miss" in front of everyone's name. For example he called my mom "Miss Grandma Harton" while she was up here last week.

14. He loves taking a bath. He'd be fine with taking one every day.

15. We're only feeding him three meals a day now. The only time he gets a sippy cup is when we're at Knoebels or on an airplane.

16. He's obsessed with Knoebels. Almost every day (many times a day) he asks to go so he can ride the fire engine and whip.

17. I've tried to explain that his baby brother is in my belly, but he doesn't seem to comprehend it at all. I think he's going to be very surprised when we bring the baby home!

One More Night

All day long the nurses kept telling me I was going to be discharged today. The nurse from the MFM office said it was contingent on the length of my cervix. Around 1pm my lunch showed up at the same time as the wheelchair to take me to my ultrasound. Lunch was postponed. I still have complete placenta previa. I'm curious if there's still hope for that to resolve? With Nadia I had complete previa at 20 weeks, but by 24 weeks it was only partial (and resolved a few weeks after that). Sheila, I have to agree with you 100% on questioning the accuracy of cervical measurements. I have about no confidence in those measurements any more. At 18w0d they said it was 2.7cm, at 22w1d = 2.3cm, at 22w5d = 2.6cm, at 23w1d = 2.3cm, and at 23w5d = 2.9cm. Actually the first measurement she said today was 3.0cm, and I said it had never been that long - not even the first time it was measured almost 6 weeks ago (and they do expect it to get somewhat shorter as time goes by). She remeasured it and then said 2.9cm. I think one of these measurements are wrong. The first time it went from 2.3-2.6 over a span of four days, I believed it because I had been in the bed at the hospital that whole time. Well the bottom line is that I think we can safely say my cervix didn't get shorter the past few days. Either it stayed the same or got a little longer. I won't be putting much stock in the precision of those measurements in the future.

At the end of the ultrasound the tech told me he was measuring as "moderate anemia." I'm thinking those measurements are probably about as accurate as the cervical ones because every time he seems to change betweeen mild and moderate anemia. I wasn't told what it was at 23w5d, but I know it was "moderate" at 22w1d and "mild" at 22w5d. The doctor made his rounds right at the same time my dinner was delivered (about 5:45pm), and he said I needed to stay one more night in light of how far we live from the hospital. Thankfully a nurse had already told me I was being moved upstairs about 15 minutes earlier. Paul was waiting for my call because if I was coming home he was going to drive from PSU straight to Harrisburg to take me home. Instead he left to go home once he got my call. Including the 20 minutes it takes him to walk to his car, it takes him 90 minutes to get home from PSU. I had a list of about 10 questions I was going to ask him, but I decided to wait until tomorrow since I wasn't being discharged. It's always a bit disheartening. I was in a hospital bed all day long waiting to be seen by the doctor, and then he was there for maybe 2 minutes total. I asked him one question (about the fetal anemia), and he said he didn't know. He'd have to look at my chart. Why didn't he look at my chart before he came in my room or at least bring the chart with him? Oh well.

I did ask the MFM nurse this morning as to why I wasn't given Procardia when I was discharged last week. She said it was because my cervix had lengthened (although according to the measurements it got shorter over the next 3 days) and because I wasn't having any contractions. I'm going to bring it up with the doctor tomorrow because I do have some contractions at home when I'm getting myself something to eat or getting a shower. I don't have any here because I'm in bed almost the entire day.

I know it's better to be safe than sorry, but I have to say if I see only one drop of blood in the future I'm going to be really hesitant to call and report it because it has seemed a waste to spend 2 days here. It did help that our son (oh how I wish he had a name) was more cooperative today, and I got some cute pics of him. She got the typical profile view, but she also showed me some 4d views of his face, and she printed some of those out for me. When I'm feeling bummed because I'm lying here alone in a hospital bed, I look at his sweet face and know he's worth it.

I was moved up to the 9th floor a little while ago. I actually had a nicer room on the 8th floor this time. My view is horrible in this room compared to the penthouse suite I had the last time, but hopefully I'll be discharged tomorrow so my stay in this room will be very short. This morning I got back in my hospital routine of watching a few episodes of I Love Lucy. I also read a 500+ page book today (by Francine Rivers), and I'm also half-way through the sequel. I asked if my iv port could be taken out because it's irritating me (it's on my left wrist this time), but I was told it had to stay in. Bummer. They put the port in as soon as I was admitted, but I haven't actually been hooked up to an iv at all this time around. The last time around I started with two iv ports (one in each arm) and then when I was transferred here I only had one. They also haven't given me any compression socks this time. One other change is that in addition to the calcium, iron, and stool softeners they had me on last time, they also have me on fish oil (3 a day). They said it will help with the baby's brain development. Have any of you ever been told to take fish oil when pregnant for that reason? I plan to ask when discharged if I should continue these when I am at home.

Back in the Hospital

Last night before I went to bed I discovered a tiny bit of red blood on the toilet paper. Over the past 9 days it had always been brown spotting (well it was also pink once in the hospital). I had been told to call if I saw any red, but I didn't feel like calling right before I was going to bed over a TINY little spot of blood. I told Paul if the bleeding continues, we'll call. Several hours later I woke up with the most horrible lower back pain. It was so bad I felt like throwing up. I knew that was also "on the list" of symptoms I was to report asap, but since I wasn't bleeding or feeling any contractions, I tried to go back to sleep. I scared Paul so much that he had a nightmare (I heard him moaning in his sleep before I fell back asleep and he told me this morning he was having a nightmare that I was in labor). We had a long talk as to whether I should call the doctor and also revisted the "which hospital should we go to" debate. The next time I woke up in the night my back felt fine, and I didn't have any more bleeding.

In the morning I didn't feel myself. I felt rather nauseous. I took an acid reducer to see if heartburn was the problem. That did help somewhat. I then took my temperature and saw it was 99.7. A fever was another thing on "the list" so I decided I should call since I now had three symptoms. I waited a couple of hours and no one called me back. I called again and they said someone was supposed to have called me within 15 minutes. I had to call back a third time and this time a doctor did call me (about 3 hours after my initial call). She said I needed to come in for observation. I asked if I could go to the local hospital because we are almost 2 hours from Harrisburg. She said it would be better if I came to Harrisburg.

So we called Paul's parents and asked them to come up to watch the kids (our neighbors are out of town for a few days). We have added a couple of people from church to our "emergency list" which we'll use if I ever need to get to the hospital asap in the middle of the night since Paul's parents live an hour away, but I knew they were both attending family reunions today. Since it didn't seem urgent, we decided to pack and wait until they got to our house. We arrived at the hospital around 4pm. I packed as if I'd be here for awhile, atlhough I'm hoping maybe I'll get discharged tomorrow. I really want to be home by Friday at the latest because Nadia's gymnastics showcase is on Saturday. I missed her very first ballet recital, and I really don't want to also miss her first gymanstics showcase. The only thing I forgot to pack this time was a towel. I forgot that the towels here feel like sandpaper. I understood why I need to be admitted 12 days ago, but today I wasn't at all convinced it was necessary. We shall see. I'm on the Labor and Delivery floor, but if I'm not discharged tomorrow, I'm sure they'll have me move up to the 9th floor (maternity ward) like they did last time. I don't think they've put me on any anti-contraction medications yet, but they do have me hooked up to a monitor. I asked the nurse the last time she was in, and she said I had one contraction in the previous hour. Being in the hospital isn't ideal, but it's really annoying when the hospital is almost 2 hours away. July 1st can't come soon enough (when we'll be on Blue Shield and then won't need to come back to Harrisburg any more). Wednesday is the big day in that I'll hit 24 weeks that day. Of course I hope he stays in a lot longer than that. I'm still praying he'll make it to 35 weeks.

Nadia started her first week of VBS (for 2012 anyhow) tonight. Paul's dad took her, and Paul will pick her up. I'm sure she's having a blast! Since it was hot out today (up in the lower 90's), Paul blew up the new sprinkler ball I bought the afternoon before I all this hopsital stuff began. Paul's mom told Paul that Ian didn't like it, but Nadia loved it.