I had some free time today (I don't teach on Thursdays); so I tried to come up with some additional possible girl's names. I created a list of 10 names - 5 of which I knew he hadn't rejected in the past and 5 I didn't think I'd ever run by him before. Well wouldn't you know the 5 we had already discussed he still didn't strike from the list, but he rejected all 5 new ones. I thought for sure I could come up with at least ONE new name that he'd like. The one that surprised me most was Sophie. I thought he'd like that one because he likes Sophia. Well he doesn't like Sophie. One reason he gave was that it's a dog's name. I was very perplexed. Then he reminded me of a picture book that my niece, Jenna, loves for me to read titled Sophie's Window and the two main characters are a dog named Sophie and a bird named Caruso. I assured him that most people will not think Sophie is a dog's name, LOL!!! Oh well if the 10/11 people who voted are correct, we don't need to pick a girl's name, and if baby is a girl then we have a few months to come up with a name we both like.
I told Paul about the whole tax credit thing. He said that he would still prefer ivf for #2 (that's been his preference since 2004). We started pursuing adoption instead in 2004 as I was opposed to ivf at that point. My only concern aside from the "we might pay $10K for ivf and it not work" issue is that he still has a concern about not having "too many" kids (he grew up with only 1 sibling). Aside from the fact I have no issues with having several children, I am not too concerned about this since they had to retrieve 26 eggs in order for us to end up with 1 baby or you could say we had to transfer 4 embies to result in 1 baby. My egg quality is going to decline in the next 2 years so the odds will decrease that we'd end up with several children from another round of ivf. I'd consider it amazing if we do ivf when I am 37 and he is 39 and we are able to have even just one more baby. He said he'd rather us give any extra embies up for adoption (if for example I was pg with twins from ivf #2 and we still had frozen embies). I wasn't crazy about that idea before (although that's FAR better than destroying them!), but after going through ivf I can tell you I felt very attached to all 7 embies. It's very, very hard for me to imagine placing any of our embies up for adoption. I'd want to keep transferring them until all had been transferred. But again considering it took 26 eggs to have 4 embies transferred at the age of 35, I think it's highly unlikely that we'd get a bfp and also have frozen embies when I am 37. I know our thinking might change in the future, but I am going to put this to rest for the moment and just assume for the time being that in the summer of 2009 we likely will give ivf one more whirl. It's impossible to say now what we will do if the ivf doesn't work. I am not going to think about that now either as it will depend on finances which are a complete unknown at the moment as we don't know where we'll be living or whether I'll be working at that point. My guess at the moment is that we'll pursue foster care adoption if the ivf doesn't work, but who knows. As Lynn said, for now we'll just focus on this baby which is a miracle from the Lord. This time last year I had zero hope of ever giving birth to a baby; so you just never know what twists and turns the path of life will take!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Hard to wait
Well I admit I am having a very hard time waiting for my next OB appointment. When I first got the BFP I only had to wait 2 days for the repeat Beta and then 1 week for the 3rd Beta and then one week for the first u/s. It was an adjustment to go 2 weeks w/o being seen for the 2nd u/s. Then I waited 2 more weeks for the 3rd u/s. My first OB appt would have been 2 weeks after my last RE appt except we were on vacation. So I went 3w2d in between appointments at that time which was really hard, but the nausea and such were reassuring. Well the wait this time will be 4w3d in between appts. I am super close to calling the OB's office today or tomorrow and asking that my appt be moved up one week. I am supposed to go 4 weeks in between at this stage, but it's really nerve wracking not to have any proof that baby is still doing ok. I keep telling myself that baby has a 99% chance of doing just fine so there's no reason to worry, and I haven't had any spotting or bleeding at any time the whole pgcy. I still do get cramps now and then, but I know that can just be from the uterus growing, etc. I think in the future it will be much, much easier to go 4 weeks in between appts because I will be feeling the baby move and I am sure that will be just as reassuring as hearing a h/b at the OB's office to know baby is still alive and well. So I think this would be the only time I'd ask for an appt to be rescheduled a little earlier as hopefully in the next few weeks I'll start feeling baby move (others have said they've felt baby as soon as 16w for their 1st pgcy and I'll be at 16w tomorrow). Then another part of me says you waited 5+ years for a sticky bfp - you can wait 2 more weeks for your next OB appt. Patience is a virtue, right? :-) I also need patience to wait for THE ultrasound. A woman who had her FET exactly 7 days before mine had her BIG u/s yesterday. I wish mine was next week!!! But right now I'd settle for listening to a h/b. I had toyed with buying or renting one of those fetal dopplers that you can use at home, and right now I wish I had gotten one, but I am not going to pay for one at this point when hopefully soon I'll be able to feel baby move.
In terms of adoption, I started working on our taxes last night and this morning as I was going back over the adoption tax credit form, I happened to notice something I hadn't seen before. We paid about $2K towards adoption in 2006. When an adoption hasn't been finalized you have to wait an additional year before you can claim any expenses. In other words had we actually adopted in the US or Ukraine in 2007 we could claim even our 2007 adoption expenses this year, but since we haven't finalized any adoption, we can only claim expenses up until 2006. The last two years I have already claimed some expenses from 2004 and 2005. I already knew that everything we paid towards adopting from Ukraine (about $4,200 in 2006-07) was not at all deductible as you can't claim any int'l adoption expenses unless an adoption actually takes place. I admit I tried to get creative this morning and see if something like "apostilles" which we paid over $700 for to the state gov't could somehow count as "other taxes" on schedule A, but nope I don't think any of those expenses are deductible in any way shape or form. But here is what I just learned for the first time this morning. I knew that you can claim expenses for a failed adoption. If you pay $$ trying to adopt in the US but are unsuccessful you can still claim some of those expenses (this was a relief when I learned this last year as I started to panic that I'd have to pay back the $$ I had claimed towards adopting through Lifetime if we never actually adopted through them). But what I didn't realize until this morning is that the adoption tax credit is cumulative. ALL domestic failed attempts plus a first successful attempt all can only be counted towards one tax credit. I had always thought that if we ended up adopting through Cathy or Mark that it would be a fresh new tax credit - separate from the one claimed through our attempts with Lifetime. If I had known this last June, I would have waited until the IVF was over to contract with Cathy (and since we got a BFP from the FET we woudn't have contracted with her). I figured though eventually we could claim that as a tax credit. I was wrong. We've spent about $23K on adoption. If I subtract the part that was a "charitable donation" to Lifetime and what we paid for Ukraine, that brings it down to about $17K. The current tax credit is a little less than $12K so this means everything we paid Cathy ($4,900) is not deductible whether we do or don't adopt through her. However what is more upsetting to me is the thought that if we complete an adoption we will still need to pay probably at least $15K and none of that can count towards a tax credit either!! If we adopt one child in the future, we will likely have spent $38K on adoption and only be able to claim about $12K of that. Back in 2004 when exploring adoption options, Russia was high on our list - Paul's first choice after domestic newborn. The reason we crossed Russia (and other countries like Kazhakstan and Guatemala) off the list was bc the costs were over $30K. Ironically it might have been cheaper to adopt from those countries particularly if we had adopted 2 children at once (as then we would have received a double tax credit). I am in shock. We tried to save money by choosing the cheaper options (domestic facilitator, Ukraine) and yet ironically probably would spend more than the options we viewed as too expensive (although there is truth to this in that we couldn't have come up with $30K in 2004-05). I wish we could get some of the money we paid to Lifetime back. That would really help, but I can't see that ever happening.
I had been thinking that if we adopted in the future through Mark or Cathy that we'd likely spend about $15K and eventually get about $7K back so in the end the domestic adoption would cost $8K. Now I realize that unless we adopt twins, we won't be able to claim any future adoption expenses towards a tax credit. I have to say IVF is looking far more appealing for #2. IVF would be cheaper (although it will probably cost more than it did this time since our insurance did pay for the meds, b/w, and u/s) and medical expenses are tax deductible once you go over 7.5% of your income (which IVF certainly does). Of course there is no guarantee with IVF, but we have learned the hard way that there is also no guarantee with adoption (like I used to think there was). The biggest concern I have about IVF again is the fact I would be 37 years old before we could possibly start that again and so my "chances" would be lower although having been pg actually raises your "chances" so maybe those two factors cancel out?
I apologize for such a long post but one other thought I had this morning about the whole "should we adopt or do ivf for #2" is that I think our chances of being picked for domestic adoption will be very slim after we have a baby. First of all, no one has picked us the last 38 months while we were childless which is supposedly when it's easier to be picked. In addition to the fact we'll have a young (bio) child which will likely be a "turn-off" for many birthmothers, our income will be VERY low. I am sure income level factors into a birthmother's decision - or why would we be asked to reveal that info to them? I can imagine it would be a HUGE turn-off if they see our annual income listed as say $23K a year!! If Paul goes to PSU and I keep working part-time then our annual income will be higher than that, but it still will be considerably lower than what it's been the last few years with me working FT. It probably doesn't sound very stable to say - your child's mom will be a SAHM (although many bmoms seems to prefer that in a mom) and your child's dad will be a doctoral student making less than $30K a year. I am sure they'd rather pick a family where the husband is FT employed making a decent wage. So the tax credit info plus these thoughts are making me think we'll probaby try IVF again in 2009. And if it doesn't work then I think we'll either need to adopt through the "system" (which is free) or we'll end up only having one child. I had always dreamed of having at least 3-4 children. Since we'll be 36 & 38 when our first is born I figure at this point 2 is probably the maximum, but maybe God's will is for us to only have one? Time will tell. So now back to my question of the day. Do I call the OB and ask to move my appt up or not? :-)
In terms of adoption, I started working on our taxes last night and this morning as I was going back over the adoption tax credit form, I happened to notice something I hadn't seen before. We paid about $2K towards adoption in 2006. When an adoption hasn't been finalized you have to wait an additional year before you can claim any expenses. In other words had we actually adopted in the US or Ukraine in 2007 we could claim even our 2007 adoption expenses this year, but since we haven't finalized any adoption, we can only claim expenses up until 2006. The last two years I have already claimed some expenses from 2004 and 2005. I already knew that everything we paid towards adopting from Ukraine (about $4,200 in 2006-07) was not at all deductible as you can't claim any int'l adoption expenses unless an adoption actually takes place. I admit I tried to get creative this morning and see if something like "apostilles" which we paid over $700 for to the state gov't could somehow count as "other taxes" on schedule A, but nope I don't think any of those expenses are deductible in any way shape or form. But here is what I just learned for the first time this morning. I knew that you can claim expenses for a failed adoption. If you pay $$ trying to adopt in the US but are unsuccessful you can still claim some of those expenses (this was a relief when I learned this last year as I started to panic that I'd have to pay back the $$ I had claimed towards adopting through Lifetime if we never actually adopted through them). But what I didn't realize until this morning is that the adoption tax credit is cumulative. ALL domestic failed attempts plus a first successful attempt all can only be counted towards one tax credit. I had always thought that if we ended up adopting through Cathy or Mark that it would be a fresh new tax credit - separate from the one claimed through our attempts with Lifetime. If I had known this last June, I would have waited until the IVF was over to contract with Cathy (and since we got a BFP from the FET we woudn't have contracted with her). I figured though eventually we could claim that as a tax credit. I was wrong. We've spent about $23K on adoption. If I subtract the part that was a "charitable donation" to Lifetime and what we paid for Ukraine, that brings it down to about $17K. The current tax credit is a little less than $12K so this means everything we paid Cathy ($4,900) is not deductible whether we do or don't adopt through her. However what is more upsetting to me is the thought that if we complete an adoption we will still need to pay probably at least $15K and none of that can count towards a tax credit either!! If we adopt one child in the future, we will likely have spent $38K on adoption and only be able to claim about $12K of that. Back in 2004 when exploring adoption options, Russia was high on our list - Paul's first choice after domestic newborn. The reason we crossed Russia (and other countries like Kazhakstan and Guatemala) off the list was bc the costs were over $30K. Ironically it might have been cheaper to adopt from those countries particularly if we had adopted 2 children at once (as then we would have received a double tax credit). I am in shock. We tried to save money by choosing the cheaper options (domestic facilitator, Ukraine) and yet ironically probably would spend more than the options we viewed as too expensive (although there is truth to this in that we couldn't have come up with $30K in 2004-05). I wish we could get some of the money we paid to Lifetime back. That would really help, but I can't see that ever happening.
I had been thinking that if we adopted in the future through Mark or Cathy that we'd likely spend about $15K and eventually get about $7K back so in the end the domestic adoption would cost $8K. Now I realize that unless we adopt twins, we won't be able to claim any future adoption expenses towards a tax credit. I have to say IVF is looking far more appealing for #2. IVF would be cheaper (although it will probably cost more than it did this time since our insurance did pay for the meds, b/w, and u/s) and medical expenses are tax deductible once you go over 7.5% of your income (which IVF certainly does). Of course there is no guarantee with IVF, but we have learned the hard way that there is also no guarantee with adoption (like I used to think there was). The biggest concern I have about IVF again is the fact I would be 37 years old before we could possibly start that again and so my "chances" would be lower although having been pg actually raises your "chances" so maybe those two factors cancel out?
I apologize for such a long post but one other thought I had this morning about the whole "should we adopt or do ivf for #2" is that I think our chances of being picked for domestic adoption will be very slim after we have a baby. First of all, no one has picked us the last 38 months while we were childless which is supposedly when it's easier to be picked. In addition to the fact we'll have a young (bio) child which will likely be a "turn-off" for many birthmothers, our income will be VERY low. I am sure income level factors into a birthmother's decision - or why would we be asked to reveal that info to them? I can imagine it would be a HUGE turn-off if they see our annual income listed as say $23K a year!! If Paul goes to PSU and I keep working part-time then our annual income will be higher than that, but it still will be considerably lower than what it's been the last few years with me working FT. It probably doesn't sound very stable to say - your child's mom will be a SAHM (although many bmoms seems to prefer that in a mom) and your child's dad will be a doctoral student making less than $30K a year. I am sure they'd rather pick a family where the husband is FT employed making a decent wage. So the tax credit info plus these thoughts are making me think we'll probaby try IVF again in 2009. And if it doesn't work then I think we'll either need to adopt through the "system" (which is free) or we'll end up only having one child. I had always dreamed of having at least 3-4 children. Since we'll be 36 & 38 when our first is born I figure at this point 2 is probably the maximum, but maybe God's will is for us to only have one? Time will tell. So now back to my question of the day. Do I call the OB and ask to move my appt up or not? :-)
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
New purse
I went shopping yesterday for a new purse. I had bought a fake Gucci in China in July 2006 for I think maybe $8 or something like that and used it ever since. So I got my money's worth I'd say, LOL! It was time for a new one though. Well the reason I mention my purse shopping here is that I usually buy small purses. As I examined the first one I was drawn to buy, it hit me - a diaper won't fit in here! So I ended up buying a slightly bigger purse. It's still small compared to most purses out there. I am not one who keeps a ton of stuff in my purse - wallet, calendar, keys, cell phone, pen, and a couple of tissues usually is about it (and my wallet isn't huge either). So for the next few months my purse is going to be more than 1/2 empty, but I expect once baby arrives on the scene that won't be the case! I wanted a purse big enough that I could put some baby stuff it in when I don't want to lug around a diaper bag. Baby is on my mind with so many decisions I make these days!
I did sleep a little better last night. I have been experimenting with positions and where to place pillows and such. But still I wake up very often throughout the night. It's a combination of being uncomfortable and getting up to go to the bathroom 5 million times a night. I did order a total body pillow that is designed for pregnancy from Walmart last night (if you have it shipped to the store the shipping is free so that's what I did). I am looking forward to giving that a whirl and hoping I'll sleep better with that pillow.
I did sleep a little better last night. I have been experimenting with positions and where to place pillows and such. But still I wake up very often throughout the night. It's a combination of being uncomfortable and getting up to go to the bathroom 5 million times a night. I did order a total body pillow that is designed for pregnancy from Walmart last night (if you have it shipped to the store the shipping is free so that's what I did). I am looking forward to giving that a whirl and hoping I'll sleep better with that pillow.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Maternity skirt
Well I ended up wearing the black maternity skirt today. It actually fit just fine bc it has one of those panels so it can expand a lot (it's an XL) in the future, but it's not huge when you don't need it to be. At first I put on a maternity top, but that looked ridiculous. I found a tunic sweater that looked good with it (not maternity sweater but long enough to cover up the panel). It was very comfy. I have a feeling I'll probably wear this skirt at least 2 times a week on average the next few months with different tops as there are 5 days a week I need to dress up. At least with different tops it won't look like I'm wearing the same exact outfit more than once a week. Speaking of size XL, I ordered out skirt outfit on eBay, and that skirt doesn't fit AT ALL right now. It literally fell off me when I tried it on. But since some of you said in the end your maternity clothes were tight, I am not worried - I figure this skirt will come in handy come June/July. I am teaching a summer class in May/June for 6 weeks so I'll need a few professional outfits for the end of the pgcy so this outfit will be one of them. When I went shopping with my mom over Christmas we bought a combination of L and XL. I had planned to buy M and L but the M ones didn't have much room for growth (very depressing)! So much for the adage of just buy the same size you are pre-pg! (as I am usually a medium pre-pg)
I emailed Cathy last night and asked her to freeze our contract. I also emailed Mark Miller (lawyer in FL) and asked him to remove us from his email list since our home study expires on 2-6 and he won't present you to a birthmother w/o a current home study. I am not notifying Lifetime as #1 they are probably just about out of our profiles anyhow, and #2 they keep track of when your home study expires so I am sure they know it expires soon and won't present us after it expires. Even if I wasn't pg I would't renew the home study on their account as they will only keep showing our profiles until they run out. So our adoption efforts have ended for now. We've pursued adoption for almost 39 months at this point without any breaks (no lapses in between our home studies).
And I am very happy to be 15 weeks pg today! YAHOO! One more week and I'll be 4 months along! It was exactly 11 weeks ago that I learned I was pg while in Chicago with my sister and her family. Here's a sort of summary on the last 11 weeks (mostly the physical aspects).
1. Emotionally - on cloud 9,000 - still in shock to be honest!!!
2. Gone from never having heartburn in my entire life to having it pretty much 24/7 the last 11 weeks (the advantage of having it all the time is I am pretty much used to it at this point - it's almost like I've forgotten what it's like NOT to have your esophogus on fire, LOL)
3. Been glad to see my belly growing (whereas normally I'd be upset if that happened!)
4. Gone from sleeping 8-9 hours on average to 10-11 on average
5. Was nausous for many of those weeks but thankfully that has pretty much gone away :-)
6. Have never been so hungry so many times a day in all my life - snacking far more than usual
What I am most looking forward to in the coming weeks are #1 feeling the baby move and #2 seeing the baby again on u/s (it's been 5 weeks now since we saw our baby and I am in withdrawal, LOL).
I emailed Cathy last night and asked her to freeze our contract. I also emailed Mark Miller (lawyer in FL) and asked him to remove us from his email list since our home study expires on 2-6 and he won't present you to a birthmother w/o a current home study. I am not notifying Lifetime as #1 they are probably just about out of our profiles anyhow, and #2 they keep track of when your home study expires so I am sure they know it expires soon and won't present us after it expires. Even if I wasn't pg I would't renew the home study on their account as they will only keep showing our profiles until they run out. So our adoption efforts have ended for now. We've pursued adoption for almost 39 months at this point without any breaks (no lapses in between our home studies).
And I am very happy to be 15 weeks pg today! YAHOO! One more week and I'll be 4 months along! It was exactly 11 weeks ago that I learned I was pg while in Chicago with my sister and her family. Here's a sort of summary on the last 11 weeks (mostly the physical aspects).
1. Emotionally - on cloud 9,000 - still in shock to be honest!!!
2. Gone from never having heartburn in my entire life to having it pretty much 24/7 the last 11 weeks (the advantage of having it all the time is I am pretty much used to it at this point - it's almost like I've forgotten what it's like NOT to have your esophogus on fire, LOL)
3. Been glad to see my belly growing (whereas normally I'd be upset if that happened!)
4. Gone from sleeping 8-9 hours on average to 10-11 on average
5. Was nausous for many of those weeks but thankfully that has pretty much gone away :-)
6. Have never been so hungry so many times a day in all my life - snacking far more than usual
What I am most looking forward to in the coming weeks are #1 feeling the baby move and #2 seeing the baby again on u/s (it's been 5 weeks now since we saw our baby and I am in withdrawal, LOL).
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Three outfits
Well it seems in terms of clothes I can wear to work, I am down to about 3 outfits that fit - 2 skirts and 1 dress. I wore the dress yesterday. It was one I hadn't worn in years (so obviously not exactly my favorite one, LOL). Now if the skirts were a solid color it would help as my sweaters and turtlenecks and such still fit, but they both have a pattern so there aren't many possible combinations. I think I'm going to start to feel like I'm wearing a school uniform like I did from grades 6-9 (and I didn't like that at all). I did receive and purchase some maternity clothes over Christmas, but mostly I got tops. I did get a few bottoms but two were shorts which I don't need right now (it's snowing as I type)! I do have a black pair of pants which I need to take to get hemmed as they're way too long (which is surprising as I'm 5'7" so usually things aren't too long for me). So that leaves me with a black skirt. I do plan on getting a LOT of use out of the black skirt since I can wear a variety of tops with it, but I don't really need it yet. It's too big. I am in that "in between" stage I guess. A friend in handbell choir (who is due in March) suggested one of those bands that Motherhood sells. The problem is that won't help with most of my "work" clothes as most are not zipped up. I guess I can keep wearing these same 3 outfits for another week or two, but then I think I need to go shopping for a few more maternity skirts or pants (or start wearing my black skirt every other day, LOL). I do feel a little weird wearing maternity clothes right now as I am sure if someone doesn't know me that they'd never guess by looking at me that I am pg. I don't have that big of a baby belly yet! Of course I can't wait til I do!! :-) In terms of casual clothes I am still doing okay as medium size pants with an elastic waist still fit just fine.
Yesterday was a long day. I got up much earlier than I have been for quite some time (5:45) and spoke at a middle school from 7:45-10:10 (three different class periods back to back) and then I had some office hours and then taught from 12:00-3:00 and then had a meeting at 3:00. I went to bed at 9:15 (even before Paul got home from school as he has a night class on Wednesday nights) and had a HARD time getting up at 7:15 this morning. I had a conference call scheduled for 8am. Thankfully I can do that at home in my pjs, LOL. I had then planned to go over to a friend's house but because she and her husband are sick (and I don't want to catch their bug) and because my head is pounding, we rescheduled for next Wednesday morning. I just want to stay home in my pjs today. I am exhausted! I know people talk about this "burst of energy" that happens in the 2nd tri, but I haven't experienced that yet. I'll be 15w tomorrow so maybe this burst happens later in the 2nd tri. I think I could have slept quite a bit longer than I did this morning, and I had already gotten 10 hours of sleep!
Tomorrow will be a long day too. I have a meeting at another college (about 1 hour away) from 10-2 and then a meeting on my campus from 3-5. I usually teach from 12-3 on Fridays, but I told my students since the first day of class this semester that we wouldn't have class on the 25th. The mtg at the other college is to work on a grant which involves 10 universities, and I am the project administrator of the grant (that's also what the teleconference was about this morning). So I am very glad I can have a day at home today since yesterday's schedule wiped me out. This exhaustion is a good reminder that I need to be saying "no" more often and not filling up my schedule quite so much! I don't have the same amount of energy I do when not pg!
Not that I am trying to write an epic long post today, but I did also hear back from Cathy yesterday. I asked her about the home study and also about whether a birthmother would still want to place her child with us if she could tell by looking at me that I was pregnant. As for the home study she said that we could wait to update our homestudy until after we were matched as long as we could complete it prior to the baby's birth. I am guessing it would take about 1 month so as long as we were matched more than a month before the EDD that should work (I say 1 month bc we would have to redo the clearances and physicals). As to the second question, she said this would vary case by case but that once she did have a client who was 7 months pregnant adopt a baby, and the birthmother had no problems with that. I haven't had a chance to talk with Paul again about it yet, but actually my thinking has changed as I have thought about it more. I am inclined to just freeze our contract now. The reason is that if hypothetically we were selected in the near future (which seems like a HUGE "if" after not being picked the last 3+ years), we would need to update our homestudy (which would cost at least $560). Now if the birthmother followed through with the adoption plan and the child was placed with us - great. However, if the birthmother were to change her mind, then this money will be wasted as we then need to freeze our contract for 1 year+ which means it would again expire prior to us restarting the process of adoption again. Along these same lines, it hit me that once we are matched we owe Cathy the other 1/2 of her fee (another $4,900). Again no problem if the birthmother doesn't change her mind, but if she would change her mind we don't get the $$ back. We wouldn't owe any more $$ to Cathy when she got us another match; so if I wasn't pg it wouldn't bother me as much that we'd have already paid our whole fee as hopefully we'd be matched again in the near future. But again in this case there could be a long time gap. It would also mean we'd have definitely said "no" to doing ivf again. I haven't talked with Paul yet about #2 (whether to adopt a sibling or do ivf again), but I wouldn't be shocked if he'd prefer to do ivf again since he preferred it for the last 3 years over adoption (and of course IVF brought us success or so it seems at least at this point and adoption has not done so). I think though if we paid the rest of our fee to Cathy that the ivf option would no longer be there for financial reasons. So all that to say I think I'll be emailing Cathy tonight and telling we'd like to freeze our contract now (which means we'd have 23 months left for later use).
Yesterday was a long day. I got up much earlier than I have been for quite some time (5:45) and spoke at a middle school from 7:45-10:10 (three different class periods back to back) and then I had some office hours and then taught from 12:00-3:00 and then had a meeting at 3:00. I went to bed at 9:15 (even before Paul got home from school as he has a night class on Wednesday nights) and had a HARD time getting up at 7:15 this morning. I had a conference call scheduled for 8am. Thankfully I can do that at home in my pjs, LOL. I had then planned to go over to a friend's house but because she and her husband are sick (and I don't want to catch their bug) and because my head is pounding, we rescheduled for next Wednesday morning. I just want to stay home in my pjs today. I am exhausted! I know people talk about this "burst of energy" that happens in the 2nd tri, but I haven't experienced that yet. I'll be 15w tomorrow so maybe this burst happens later in the 2nd tri. I think I could have slept quite a bit longer than I did this morning, and I had already gotten 10 hours of sleep!
Tomorrow will be a long day too. I have a meeting at another college (about 1 hour away) from 10-2 and then a meeting on my campus from 3-5. I usually teach from 12-3 on Fridays, but I told my students since the first day of class this semester that we wouldn't have class on the 25th. The mtg at the other college is to work on a grant which involves 10 universities, and I am the project administrator of the grant (that's also what the teleconference was about this morning). So I am very glad I can have a day at home today since yesterday's schedule wiped me out. This exhaustion is a good reminder that I need to be saying "no" more often and not filling up my schedule quite so much! I don't have the same amount of energy I do when not pg!
Not that I am trying to write an epic long post today, but I did also hear back from Cathy yesterday. I asked her about the home study and also about whether a birthmother would still want to place her child with us if she could tell by looking at me that I was pregnant. As for the home study she said that we could wait to update our homestudy until after we were matched as long as we could complete it prior to the baby's birth. I am guessing it would take about 1 month so as long as we were matched more than a month before the EDD that should work (I say 1 month bc we would have to redo the clearances and physicals). As to the second question, she said this would vary case by case but that once she did have a client who was 7 months pregnant adopt a baby, and the birthmother had no problems with that. I haven't had a chance to talk with Paul again about it yet, but actually my thinking has changed as I have thought about it more. I am inclined to just freeze our contract now. The reason is that if hypothetically we were selected in the near future (which seems like a HUGE "if" after not being picked the last 3+ years), we would need to update our homestudy (which would cost at least $560). Now if the birthmother followed through with the adoption plan and the child was placed with us - great. However, if the birthmother were to change her mind, then this money will be wasted as we then need to freeze our contract for 1 year+ which means it would again expire prior to us restarting the process of adoption again. Along these same lines, it hit me that once we are matched we owe Cathy the other 1/2 of her fee (another $4,900). Again no problem if the birthmother doesn't change her mind, but if she would change her mind we don't get the $$ back. We wouldn't owe any more $$ to Cathy when she got us another match; so if I wasn't pg it wouldn't bother me as much that we'd have already paid our whole fee as hopefully we'd be matched again in the near future. But again in this case there could be a long time gap. It would also mean we'd have definitely said "no" to doing ivf again. I haven't talked with Paul yet about #2 (whether to adopt a sibling or do ivf again), but I wouldn't be shocked if he'd prefer to do ivf again since he preferred it for the last 3 years over adoption (and of course IVF brought us success or so it seems at least at this point and adoption has not done so). I think though if we paid the rest of our fee to Cathy that the ivf option would no longer be there for financial reasons. So all that to say I think I'll be emailing Cathy tonight and telling we'd like to freeze our contract now (which means we'd have 23 months left for later use).
Monday, January 21, 2008
I'm hungry!
Thanks to those of you who have already given me feedback to my last post. I appreciate it! I will be sure to put lots of crib sheets and receiving blankets on the registry. Those are two items I haven't added yet as I'm waiting to find out the gender first. I did put a pack of 12 cloth diapers on the registry earlier as several people had said they are great for spit-up (although I know cloth diapers would be the environmental friendly way to go - I'm planning on going with disposable).
I weighed myself this morning and it's again showing I've gained some weight. Well I guess if I've gained 3 lbs since the BFP and I'm 14w3d pg that's okay. I have to admit I've been super hungry lately again. Normally (pre-pg) I'd eat dinner at say 5pm and never eat anything else until breakfast the next morning. Well sometimes I get hungry again and will make a grilled cheese sandwich or something like that later in the evening as my stomach is growling. I have been trying to eat healthy snacks. For example, last week most days I had three pieces of fruit a day - banana, apple, and pear. I had read somewhere that a good goal (if you are trying to keep your total weight gain to about 20 lbs) was to gain 1/2 lb a week in the 2nd trimester and 1 lb a week in the 3rd tri. In which case I am hoping when I am weighed by the doctor on 2/15 to have only gained 4 lbs since they weighed me last. Oh well I'll do the best I can, but if I am feeling famished, I am going to eat!
I weighed myself this morning and it's again showing I've gained some weight. Well I guess if I've gained 3 lbs since the BFP and I'm 14w3d pg that's okay. I have to admit I've been super hungry lately again. Normally (pre-pg) I'd eat dinner at say 5pm and never eat anything else until breakfast the next morning. Well sometimes I get hungry again and will make a grilled cheese sandwich or something like that later in the evening as my stomach is growling. I have been trying to eat healthy snacks. For example, last week most days I had three pieces of fruit a day - banana, apple, and pear. I had read somewhere that a good goal (if you are trying to keep your total weight gain to about 20 lbs) was to gain 1/2 lb a week in the 2nd trimester and 1 lb a week in the 3rd tri. In which case I am hoping when I am weighed by the doctor on 2/15 to have only gained 4 lbs since they weighed me last. Oh well I'll do the best I can, but if I am feeling famished, I am going to eat!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Baby Registries
Well I've started working on two baby registries online. Some items I am waiting to add until we find out the gender. I have asked one friend for advice and read some info on discussion boards online as far as what people are really glad they got/asked for and also what they could have done without. I thought it wouldn't hurt to solicit advice here as well. :-) So if you have any recommendations as far as things I definitely should include or things that really aren't needed, I am all ears! :-) I already own a stroller, infant carrier, Snugli, sling, baby monitor, mirror (for the car when the baby is rear facing), pack-n-play, car seat, base for the infant carrier so it can function as a car seat, diaper bag, high quality double pump, and a contour changing pad that I have placed on a dresser to make it the "changing table." We'll be picking out a glider or rocker and a crib that my parents are giving us for Christmas/birthday.
Another (unrelated) question would be, how far along were you when you felt the baby move? I can't wait to feel the little "flutters" and then the kicking!!!! :-) I've been looking forward to that experience for many, many years.
Another (unrelated) question would be, how far along were you when you felt the baby move? I can't wait to feel the little "flutters" and then the kicking!!!! :-) I've been looking forward to that experience for many, many years.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Fourteen Weeks!
Well it feels great to say I am in my 2nd trimester, and it feels great to say 14 weeks. Baby is about the size of a clenched fist now! Did you know that baby is also sprouting some hair? And baby has the coordination, strength, and smarts to wiggle his or her fingers and toes and even suck a thumb? Baby's neck is also longer so he/she has a more straightened out appearance. I wish I was having THE ultrasound in about 2 weeks. That's when many women seem to have it (around 16 weeks), but after waiting 5+ years to have a sticky BFP I think I can wait a few extra weeks for my next ultrasound when hopefully we'll learn the gender of our little one.
Today I am shipping some unused meds from the IVF to an online friend in Texas. Our stories are very similar in terms of how long we've ttc and also how long we've tried to adopt (they've also been contracted with Lifetime to no avail). This summer they also started ttc with an RE again only they've been doing inj/iui again, but since that hasn't worked she's now on to IVF, and her insurance doesn't cover the meds at all. So I am very happy to give my extras to her, and I hope she also gets a BFP!!! She's several years younger than me, and her clinic has way better stats than mine so I think that makes it seem very promising for her.
Today I am shipping some unused meds from the IVF to an online friend in Texas. Our stories are very similar in terms of how long we've ttc and also how long we've tried to adopt (they've also been contracted with Lifetime to no avail). This summer they also started ttc with an RE again only they've been doing inj/iui again, but since that hasn't worked she's now on to IVF, and her insurance doesn't cover the meds at all. So I am very happy to give my extras to her, and I hope she also gets a BFP!!! She's several years younger than me, and her clinic has way better stats than mine so I think that makes it seem very promising for her.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
2nd Trimester
Well I am definitely starting to notice some changes as I have moved from the 1st to the 2nd trimester. On Friday I hit 14 weeks. YAHOO! The nausea and heartburn have been getting less frequent. The nurse gave me a list of meds I can take while pg, and there were MANY more choices than Tums on that list for heartburn. So if the heartburn returns I might try Zantac or something else. Also, I am finding it easier to stay up later at night. Monday was still difficult, but I think that was because I went from work to shopping to handbells and it was just too much compared to the previous few days sitting on my couch at home most of the time. So I was ready to conk out part way through handbells. I'd say for most of the 1st trimester I was sleeping 10-11 hours most nights (actually slept 12 hours a couple of times!!). My pre-pg norm was to sleep 8-9 hours a night, and that's what it's gone back to lately. So I don't seem to need as much sleep. My belly also seems to be popping out more just in the last couple of days. I was brushing my teeth last night and happened to see my belly in the mirror and it actually sort of caught me by surprise, LOL. I'm still no where near the point where someone who doesn't already know I am pg would figure it out by looking at me.
One funny comment I got through an email yesterday after I was telling a friend about my OB appt and also about Paul's first PhD acceptance and he said "This poor kid is going to have Dr. Mom and Dr. Dad. Oh my!!" LOL! Well it will be the same for my sister's kids (Wendy) as they also already have a Dr. Mom (in violin performance) and their dad is working on his doctorate in Chicago. :-)
One funny comment I got through an email yesterday after I was telling a friend about my OB appt and also about Paul's first PhD acceptance and he said "This poor kid is going to have Dr. Mom and Dr. Dad. Oh my!!" LOL! Well it will be the same for my sister's kids (Wendy) as they also already have a Dr. Mom (in violin performance) and their dad is working on his doctorate in Chicago. :-)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Heard the heartbeat!
Well we were there a longggg time but in reality our appt took less than 30 minutes. We got there about 2:15 (as they said to come 15 minutes early), and the nurse met with us from 2:30-2:50 (they had said that part would take an hour). She said the doctor would be with us in a few minutes. Well he actually didn't come into the room until 3:50; he did seem very nice. The nurse asked me what my EDD was and I said it is either July 18 or 20, and she entered July 18 (I know this as later the OB said that I was 13w4d). The appointment with the doctor took about 5 minutes - first we listened to the heartbeat. It took awhile for him to find it - but he did! He said it will get a lot louder as the baby grows bigger. The nurse and doctor both said the pregnancy is considered high risk - the nurse said it was because of my previous ectopic, infertility, and my age. The doctor said I was high risk only because of my age. So later he will have me have an appointment with the high risk doctor.
I knew when I walked in the room I wasn't going to have an ultrasound. It turns out they don't even have one in the office! This is a downside I guess of having picked the smaller hospital. Of course it was nice to have a 2 minute commute to work after my appointment. I would have any ultrasounds done in the hospital's radiology department. I knew there was a good chance that he'd just do the fetal doppler, but I admit I was hoping to receive a new picture showing a bigger baby! Plus others had posted they had learned the gender as early as 12-13 weeks through ultrasound so I had a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe we'd learn the gender today although I knew that was iffy. My next appointment is for February 15, and I made it for 1 hour and 45 minutes prior to my class just in case they are running behind again. They said the next one should be shorter. I'll be 18w that day which is definitely far enough along to learn the gender so maybe they'll send me over to radiology that day? I admit I was hoping he'd tell me when I'd have "THE" ultrasound. He gave me a bunch of orders for bloodwork. I called my primary care doctor's office, but their available appointment times didn't work for me. So I decided I'll just stop at the hospital (where the RE was) on the way back from ladies Bible study next Tuesday morning. He said it wasn't urgent. He said if anything is abnormal, he'll call me, but otherwise we'll discuss the results at my next appointment.
Since Paul didn't have to go to school today (his classes start tomorrow) and since he had an eye appointment this morning and also a car appointment, I asked him to come with me. So he got to hear our little one's heartbeat too! But actually I felt badly for him that he had to sit there for almost 2 hours for about 30 minutes of an actual appointment. It's been great to have him with me at these appointments. I made the next appointment that is at a time that's not good for him, but I figure I don't need to drag him to all my appointments, LOL! Now since I just said something nice about him, I can also say something funny. A couple of days ago he was on the phone with a friend from college. I could tell he was talking about baby and when he was silent and then answered "August" I had a feeling he had just been asked when the baby is due. I said it's JULY! LOL! I know I might be going back and forth between and EDD of 7-18 or 7-20 which is really such an unimportant thing, but come on I think he should at least know what MONTH the baby is due, LOL! His response was that he's not the calendar oriented person like I am, which is true BUT he'd better remember from now on that baby is due in JULY. The funny thing about a July EDD is that really this marks about exactly a one year gestation of sorts considering baby was conceived on August 1 then "week one" of pregnancy would have been two weeks before that. So from what would have been week one of a pregnancy (had this embryo been transferred on August 4 instead of Nov 1) until EDD is one entire year! And it feels like it's been that long. From Aug 1 (conception) to Nov 9 (BFP) felt like the world's longest 2ww as I knew conception had occured but didn't know if it would be a sticky bfp until Nov 9. So now I have to wait 4 weeks until the next appointment, but I think it will be easier now that I'm in the stage of pregnancy where the miscarriage rate is less than 1%!! PTL!!!! Of course I'll keep praying every day for our baby!!!!
I knew when I walked in the room I wasn't going to have an ultrasound. It turns out they don't even have one in the office! This is a downside I guess of having picked the smaller hospital. Of course it was nice to have a 2 minute commute to work after my appointment. I would have any ultrasounds done in the hospital's radiology department. I knew there was a good chance that he'd just do the fetal doppler, but I admit I was hoping to receive a new picture showing a bigger baby! Plus others had posted they had learned the gender as early as 12-13 weeks through ultrasound so I had a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe we'd learn the gender today although I knew that was iffy. My next appointment is for February 15, and I made it for 1 hour and 45 minutes prior to my class just in case they are running behind again. They said the next one should be shorter. I'll be 18w that day which is definitely far enough along to learn the gender so maybe they'll send me over to radiology that day? I admit I was hoping he'd tell me when I'd have "THE" ultrasound. He gave me a bunch of orders for bloodwork. I called my primary care doctor's office, but their available appointment times didn't work for me. So I decided I'll just stop at the hospital (where the RE was) on the way back from ladies Bible study next Tuesday morning. He said it wasn't urgent. He said if anything is abnormal, he'll call me, but otherwise we'll discuss the results at my next appointment.
Since Paul didn't have to go to school today (his classes start tomorrow) and since he had an eye appointment this morning and also a car appointment, I asked him to come with me. So he got to hear our little one's heartbeat too! But actually I felt badly for him that he had to sit there for almost 2 hours for about 30 minutes of an actual appointment. It's been great to have him with me at these appointments. I made the next appointment that is at a time that's not good for him, but I figure I don't need to drag him to all my appointments, LOL! Now since I just said something nice about him, I can also say something funny. A couple of days ago he was on the phone with a friend from college. I could tell he was talking about baby and when he was silent and then answered "August" I had a feeling he had just been asked when the baby is due. I said it's JULY! LOL! I know I might be going back and forth between and EDD of 7-18 or 7-20 which is really such an unimportant thing, but come on I think he should at least know what MONTH the baby is due, LOL! His response was that he's not the calendar oriented person like I am, which is true BUT he'd better remember from now on that baby is due in JULY. The funny thing about a July EDD is that really this marks about exactly a one year gestation of sorts considering baby was conceived on August 1 then "week one" of pregnancy would have been two weeks before that. So from what would have been week one of a pregnancy (had this embryo been transferred on August 4 instead of Nov 1) until EDD is one entire year! And it feels like it's been that long. From Aug 1 (conception) to Nov 9 (BFP) felt like the world's longest 2ww as I knew conception had occured but didn't know if it would be a sticky bfp until Nov 9. So now I have to wait 4 weeks until the next appointment, but I think it will be easier now that I'm in the stage of pregnancy where the miscarriage rate is less than 1%!! PTL!!!! Of course I'll keep praying every day for our baby!!!!
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