Laughter

I could tell that Nadia was feeling better yesterday because it was so much easier to get her to laugh. I kept giving her Tylenol and Hyland's teething tablets on Sunday as I was hoping she'd be as good as possible at Paul's Aunt Debbie's house, but yesterday I didn't give her anything. The tooth still hasn't come up all the way. It's come up enough that it hurts my finger to rub her gum, but the part that is visible is still rather small. Speaking of laughter, yesterday was the first time she laughed in anticipation of being tickled. I've tried in the past to do the "I'm going to get you" routine, but yesterday was the first day she found it funny. She was laughing and laughing, and I hadn't even started tickling her yet. It was sooo sweet. :-) I just love hearing her laugh!!!!!

I am teaching two nights a week. On Monday nights I'm teaching a math/science early childhood course (29 undergrad and 8 grad students are enrolled), and Tuesday nights I'm teaching a language arts/social studies elementary ed course (28 grad students are enrolled). Yesterday I left the house at 2pm so I could get things situated for the semester, but normally I'll be leaving later than that. My office hours start at 3:35 both days so I need to leave by 2:55 at the latest. Paul said he'll make sure he's home by 2:30 those days. Last night I got home about 8:15pm. That was the longest I had been separated from Nadia in quite awhile. It was hard to leave, but knowing she was with Daddy made it much easier. Class went well last night so that also helped. Many of the students in this class I have had in other classes in the past. Learning names is NOT my forte so I am glad that I already know a fair number of their names.

Sunday night she woke up a couple of times, and I just let her cry but then I let her get up around 6am. I was hoping it would be later than that since we had kept her up until 9pm. Last night Paul put her down at 7:15pm. She woke up the first time at 4:50, and I definitely wasn't going to start the day that early as I had gone to bed later than usual. It's hard for me to come home from class and go right to bed as it usually has me a little more "wired" than usual so I actually stayed up until a little after 10pm. She woke up again at 6:15 and after she cried awhile I let her get up for the day. I am still puzzled as to what to do to get her wake up time to be 7am at the earliest instead of 6am at the earliest. A later bedtime doesn't seem to do the trick.

As for nursing, yesterday she went on strike again when I tried to nurse her first thing in the morning, but then she did nurse after her first nap yesterday. This morning was deja vu in terms of her refusing to nurse (I tried several times); we shall see if she'll nurse after her first nap or not today. I have a feeling we'll be lucky if we make it to 7 months in terms of her still getting some of my milk, but I think she'll be weaned by then. I still struggle at times emotionally over it although in general I'm dealing with it better. If I knew I'd have another baby it would be easier. The hardest part for me is thinking I might never experience this again - something I never thought I'd say during the first couple of months when it hurt so much.

Way to Go!

Three cheers for Nadia for being SUCH a trouper today! She made not ONE peep during the 3+ hours that we were in the car (round trip). She either looked out the window or slept. What a difference from when she was a few weeks old and screamed most of the time she was in a car! She was somewhat fussy at her Great Aunt Debbie's house, but considering she is teething and was passed between so many people, she was pretty good. She cried some, but at least she didn't cry nonstop the whole two hours we were there which was a potential outcome given what we've experienced the last couple of days. One thing that worked the best while we were there was letting her "chew" a cracker. I think I need to buy some crackers! I have no idea what time she's going to wake up tomorrow morning. She slept more than usual during the day today due to our trips so I let her stay up until 9pm (we got home about 6:45pm) as 5:00pm would have been much too early of a bedtime (that's when she fell asleep on the way home).

The bad news is that I brought the camera, but then forgot to take any pictures. OOPS! :-( She looked Super Cute; many made comments on how they loved her outfit (one my mom had bought her for Christmas plus of course I had her wearing tights and those little black patent shoes I love so much). The comment I get most often when people meet her for the first time is what big eyes she has. One of Paul's cousins is due to become a dad in June so there will be another baby there at the next party. His brother's kids and his other cousin's kids are much older (youngest is about 12) so Nadia will soon have a cousin her age to play with at these annual gatherings. Here we go again with trying to figure out a relationship. The child of Paul's cousin is what a second cousin to Nadia?

Erupting

Hopefully Nadia won't scream too much while we're at Paul's aunt's house today. I can see and feel one tooth; a little part of it has erupted through the gum. I've tried chilling a teething ring and also tried giving her a washcloth which I wet and put in the freezer. She doesn't like either of these which doesn't surprise me since she doesn't like pacifiers. She looks at me like what are you putting in my mouth, Mommy? I just feel badly that the first time Paul's extended family will see Nadia (his mother's side) she'll likely be in an UNhappy mood, and it will probably be a year until they see her again. We're hoping she'll sleep on the way to and from their house. We're trying to time our trips during her naps. Hopefully the roads will be okay. Most churches around here cancelled their 8:00 services and Sunday School (such as the church I used to go to). I decided to skip it as otherwise Nadia would be ready for a nap when we got home from church which would mean she'd be wide awake during our drive to Aunt Debbie's house. Plus I'm feeling a little out of sorts myself as this is my first "day one" in a long time.

I really hope the next few months I don't let myself get my hopes up. I want to think about ttc as little as possible. Some have made comments to me over the past year that we'll likely get pg easily on our own after having Nadia. Of course I'd love it if they were right, but I doubt it. We tried since May 2002 and never conceived without IUI or IVF. I know being pg often increases one's future fertility, but how will that help us overcome Paul's 3% morphology issue? It doesn't make sense to me. Of course I'd love to be wrong and not need to do IVF again, but I want to assume that we do need to do IVF again so I won't be riding that awful emotional rollercoaster until we do IVF again. I don't want to get back to using opks, temping, and all that jazz. Also, in case there are any men reading this blog, I won't talk about it here much At All. So if you are wondering where I am at with that stuff, you can check my chart.

Teething Woes

Well yesterday was another rough day. Usually if Nadia's needs are met in terms of sleep, food, and a clean diaper, she has a pleasant disposition. Not so the last few days. Yesterday and today were the worst. Thursday I bought some Baby Oragel at the grocery store. She screamed when I put it on her yesterday. Today she accepted it a little better, but I wasn't seeing any improvement in her disposition. So I also tried Tylenol. Then when I went to get my haircut, I stopped at CVS (right next door to the beauty salon) and bought a bottle of Hylands teething tablets. I gave her 3 of those two different times today. So far nothing seems to be working. We listened to quite a bit of screaming today. I can feel one of the teeth so hopefully that means they'll finish erupting soon (bottom two teeth). The best way I've found to keep her content has been to do the Take Along Songs books & cds. I think I've done all 6 books with her more than once in the past 3 days (10 songs each). If I could have only had 2 toys for Nadia the past 6 1/2 months the 2 I would want would be the gym and those books/cds. I am very glad I bought the cd player and those 6 books/cds. The gym continues to be a hit, the difference is that now she plays with it sitting up instead of lying down on her back.

Speaking of lying on her back, I keep putting her to bed on her back, but she sleeps on her belly 90% of the time. Sometimes when I go to get her she's on her back, but when I check on her she's on her belly so although it seems she slept on her back, actually she just flips over onto her back when she wakes up in the morning. Sleeping on her belly is good for her hair on the back of her head, but it's bad for her face. Her cheeks get so red (and stay red many times for quite a long time) when she sleeps on her belly. Sleeping on her belly also means tummy time is going much better, but she hasn't tried to scoot or crawl yet. Mostly we've been working on her sitting skills which are getting quite good! She's also completely mastered taking the rings off of her toy. She usually takes them off two at a time. She doesn't understand the concept of putting them back on At All. If you start putting them back on she immediately resumes taking them off before you even get them all back on again. :-)

We got about 4 inches of snow today. I was brave and drove to my haircut appointment even though we already had 2 inches then. I kept telling myself I could drive 3 miles round trip in the snow. I went during one of Nadia's naps which worked out well for Paul. I did 2 loads of laundry and made lasagna for dinner. That's about all I accomplished for the day. I forgot to feed Nadia any solid foods today. I really haven't been doing well with that At all. I must start making it a regular part of our daily routine!

Monk Tonight!

I have been very purposeful about not watching much tv since we moved here. Quite the opposite was true the first few weeks after we were home from the hospital and I barely moved off the couch in the living room while Nadia was nursing and/or sleeping on me most of the day. Proof that I haven't watched much tv the past 3 1/2 months would be that I don't have any channels memorized except for the network ones which are the same (CBS, NBC, etc). Paul watches more than me so I am sure he knows which channel we need to turn on tonight to watch Monk (on USA). I am excited as it's a new episode tonight, and Monk is by far my favorite tv show. Paul also likes it and so do my parents. If you've never seen it before, it's a show about a detective who is a widower with OCD and a myriad of phobias. Adrian Monk is a very likeable character, and it's fun to see if you can figure out the murder mystery before Mr. Monk reveals the solution. The bad news is that Monk's 8th season (which will begin this summer) is the last season. Bummer! Well all good things must come to an end as they say.

Yesterday was a rough day for Nadia. The 2 hour wake times didn't seem to help. So this morning I put her down after she'd been up 90 minutes and thankfully she finally had a nice nap (90 minutes long). I just put her down for her 2nd nap. I kept her up almost 2 hours this time. We shall see how long this nap is. Last night she went down at 6:30 which was a small miracle given how little she had slept during the day. She woke up once at 3:50, and I decided to nurse her. She cried some after I put her down but then slept until 6:40 so she got about 11.5 hours of sleep which was good.

The photos today are with Nadia in her Jump Up. I keep it attached to the doorway in our bathroom so Nadia can stand while I'm blowdrying and such. She goes around in circles and generally enjoys being in it, but she hasn't actually figured out how to jump in it yet. I think she'll like doing that once she figures it out! I should also mention that yesterday's photos were of Nadia with her passport which arrived in the mail yesterday! I was impressed with how quickly it was processed as we submitted it at the Post Office on Dec 30. I had no idea it arrive so soon! I am already looking forward to the first time her passport will be stamped when we enter Antigua in May!

One More Day

Paul gets to stay home today. Yay! The prof he TAs for cancelled the training for today. Tomorrow hopefully will be his last day of TA training - ever. Hopefully Dr. Garrison's grant will be funded which means Paul can just earn his stipend by doing research for his dissertation and not need to be a TA any more. I am praying to that end! Nadia and I will enjoy having Daddy around today. :-) This also means that I can run to the bank and grocery store while she's napping. Errands are easier on my own.

I have exercised the last four days so I am definitely off to a good start with adding that back to my daily routine. Hopefully in the next week or so I'll start to see some progress on the scale. I have decided to make Wednesday the day I clean (vacuum and such) and Thursday the day I go grocery shopping since starting next week I'll be teaching on Mondays and Tuesdays. Slowly but surely life is starting to take on a new sense of normality!

Last night I was able to keep Nadia up until 6:45 which was progress. She woke up twice during the night. At 2 something she cried awhile but at 4 something she only cried less than 1 minute and then she slept until 6:30am. I let her get up then since that was an hour later than she got up the last two days. I vastly prefer 6:30 to 5:15. She nursed for about 15 minutes. Yesterday she nursed a few times throughout the day, but most of the time it's only for a minute or two. So I'm enjoying the return of the morning feeding. I have no idea how long she'll keep nursing first thing in the morning, but I'll keep going as long as she will. At least she's still getting a little bit of mommy milk every day. Some is better than none!

Our gifts for Nadia

  This picture is of 4 of the 5 toys we got Nadia for Christmas (a little after the fact). The cookie jar shape sorter we bought at Target the day after Christmas. The others I ordered online. The 5th one hasn't come yet. Three of them I picked because they had won awards. I already described the Mozart magic cube in another post. I think it's really neat. Alex Jr. Around the Farm is a soft ball which features the faces of four animals. When you squeeze the right ear of each animal it makes the very realistic (maybe recorded?) sound that animal makes (pig, dog, cat, and frog). She smiles when she looks at the cat face and hears it meow. Well I hate to break it to you, Nadia, but this is about as close to owning a cat as you're going to get over the next 18 years as Daddy is very allergic to cats. The other toy (by Leap Frog) was highly rated by another mom whose blog I read. She said if she could only own 5 toys - this would be one of the 5 she'd want for her kids. I thought that was pretty high praise so I decided to get one for Nadia. It has legs which can be attached to make it a table, but since she can't walk yet I haven't assembled the legs. Nadia is already able to push some of the buttons on her own to make it do various things. I must say it is quite fun to shop for toys for Nadia. I won't buy any more for awhile though as she got quite a few for Christmas between my family, Paul's family, and what we got her ourselves.

Lynn made a comment that her cheeks look very kissable. Let me tell you they ARE!!! Paul told someone recently that I kiss Nadia 50 million times a day. Well I don't kiss her THAT much but I am 100% positive I give her more than 100 kisses a day although I've never kept track. I didn't use to wear lipstick that often, but I almost never wear it now as I want my lips to be able to kiss my little girl without leaving marks all over her face!

I am still struggling to get Nadia back on a schedule during the day. She had been taking 90 minute naps which was wonderful. Lately they're either 30 minutes or 2 1/2 hours. Well we've only had two naps total that were 2 1/2 hours in the last week. Mostly they've been 45 minutes or less. She'll usually play quietly in her crib so the total crib time is about an hour each time, but I can tell she's tired. I think in part her awake time needs to be longer. I am finding that although she starts rubbing her eyes and such 90 minutes after she's gotten up, if I keep her up for 2 hours that she goes down easier for her next nap. So we shall see if continuing to keep her wake times to 2 hours each helps her naps get back to normal.

I am also determined to keep her up until 7pm tonight as this morning she got up a little after 5am. She had gone down at 6:15. Usually I won't get her up before 6:00, but I was really in pain so I went and nursed her. She nursed more than 20 minutes!!! I put her back down hoping she'd go back to sleep. She stayed quitely in her bed for about 25 minutes and then started crying so I went and got her at 6:00. However really we'd both been awake since a little after 5am so that was much too early of a start to our day. The good news is that she is easily going 11 hours at night without a peep (well I put her down at 6:15 last night so it was a little less than 11 hours). If she's going to sleep 11 hours then I definitely want her to go down no earlier than 7pm as 6am is the earliest I'd like her to get up although I'd love it if we could push that back to 7am eventually. Let me tell you though it is SO nice to be able to sleep through the night again. What a blessing that I am not taking for granted like I used to!

16 Glorious Minutes

Nadia can be rather unpredicatable at times. I need to stop trying to guess what is going to happen next regarding nursing. Last night she went down at 6:15 and didn't make a peep until 5:30. I decided to try to nurse her and put her back down. Well the nursing worked (w/o boppy) for 16 precious minutes with her cooing and smiling which was very pleasant PTL! But the going back down part didn't work. She was quiet for 15 minutes and then started crying at 6:00. I let her cry for 5 minutes and decided she wasn't going back to sleep. We'll keep working on the bedtime/wake up time, but I am very happy with the sleeping in general (11 hours and 15 minutes straight!) and of course thrilled that she nursed. I'm happy to just nurse her 1-2 times a day. The last 3 days she's averaged 20 ounces of formula which means she's getting about 1/3 of her milk from me. That's better than nothing. Of course she might go on strike again soon, we shall see. I am thankful she nursed so nicely this morning though.

That wasn't enough sleep for me though since I stayed up later than usual last night and then had a hard time going to sleep. So in light of getting about 7 hours sleep I took a nap during Nadia's first nap today. I will exercise during her 2nd nap instead.

Weaning

I called the lacation nurse early this morning, but no one called me back. I can tell my milk supply is going back down again. Nadia did nurse briefly twice today (for 8 minutes this morning and for maybe 2 minutes another time). That was the first time she had nursed for a few days. I have a feeling our days of nursing are coming to an end soon. I am very sad about this, but I at least am comforted knowing I have sure given it my best shot with pumping and Fenugreek and drinking gallons of water. The trick that helped Nadia nurse today was NOT using a boppy. I held her in a bottle feeding position and it worked, but still most of the times I tried to nurse today she screamed. I know that formula is also good for a baby although of course not as good as my milk, but I am trying to remind myself that she got some Mommy milk every day for over 6 months. I wish weaning her had been a better experience. Unfortunately the last about 6 weeks nursing has been a negative experience emotionally for me. It's hard not to feel rejected when she screams when I try to nurse her when I can tell I have milk and know she is hungry. There were many special moments though earlier so I am trying to remember those and not dwell on the negative experiences the last several weeks. Frankly I am looking forward to when she is weaned off the bottle as the bottle just represents failure to me right now.

The one upside of the nursing struggles lately is that it has made it easier for me to wean Nadia off of the night-time feedings. Last night she woke up briefly at 3 something and 5 something (and by briefly I mean she let out ONE "yowl" lasting maybe 2 seconds and that was it) but otherwise slept 12 hours. I did let her get up at 6:15 since she had gone down before 7pm the night before. So that is one big success that she is sleeping 12 hours at night!!! Now I want to shift her bedtime toward 7pm and her get up time to 7am. Her naps are still not back to normal, but they were better today so hopefully we can get back in a groove sometime this week. Prior to the shots she was taking 90 minute naps (sometimes 3 a day of those other times 2 that long and one shorter one). Speaking of sleep, it's time for me to go to bed!

Back to School

Paul heads back to school tomorrow. Our classes don't start until next Monday, but he will be at school every day this week. Tomorrow he's meeting another professor he is going to do research with (Dr. van Duin). Several weeks ago, Paul had to submit a sheet ranking his choices for research advisor. A few days after this sheet was due, he heard a talk by Dr. van Duin who is a mechanical engineering prof. He was really impressed and commented to me that he would have put him on the list as well if that was allowed (he wasn't sure since he's not a chemistry prof). Well the neat thing is that a couple of weeks ago his research advisor, Dr. Garrison, suggested that Paul do a research project with van Duin that will also help Dr. Garrison as their research interests are closely related. Tuesday through Friday he'll be meeting with the prof he TA's for. I'm going to miss him! It's been great having him around the past 2 weeks.

Friday night I started working on Nadia's scrapbooks. That has been fun of course! Today we started taking down the Christmas decorations. I'll finish that tomorrow. The mantle looks really bare now. I need to get something to put up there. I also got some more work done preparing for the new class this weekend. I also made a decision that I didn't need to get it all done before the semester starts. Usually I create all my notes for class, PowerPoints, exams, etc. prior to the start of the semester. I have most of it done, and really I can fine tune things here and there as the semester progresses. I have the syllabi done and the Blackboard sites set up so really I am set for the semester to start (which is good since it starts in a week).

This morning I went to Sunday School. I wasn't keen on the class, but I think there are 3 other adult classes so I'll try another one next week. I still really like the church though. The pastor is an excellent preacher, and I really like the music. I think the quality of the music is impressive considering how small the church is (small compared to what I am used to anyhow). The service was really long today though. I left before communion was served as the service had already gone 1 hour and 45 minutes. Nadia had slept on me during the first part, and then I had taken her to the nursery. I had a feeling she was probably ready to go home, and I was right. When I went back to the nursery she was screaming. They said she had been happy most of the time but was really tired but wouldn't fall asleep when they rocked her. So I was glad I had left the service early so I could get her home and get her to bed.

I keep forgetting to mention that Nadia has improved SO SO SO much when she's in the car. She rarely cries any more!!! Sometimes she falls asleep, and other times she just looks around. It's so nice to not be serenaded by screaming everytime I take her somewhere in the car. Of course she cried on the way home from the pediatrician last week, but that was for good reason! My arm STILL hurts from where I got the tetnus/diptheria/pertussis shot although the area that is sore keeps shrinking. Her injection sites don't seem to bother her any more thankfully. While I'm bragging on my little girl, I have to say that I was a proud Momma this morning when a mom in the nursery said how impressed she was at how well Nadia was sitting considering she's only 6 months old (Nadia was sitting on the floor playing with toys). That put a smile on my face! :-) I know I've said it before, but it's amazing how quickly they change. Her ability to sit has grown tremendously, she can take the rings off her toy with ease now (in fact she can take them all off at once, LOL), etc. It's so fun to watch her learn and grow!

My milk supply has definitely increased. Last Saturday I got 4 ounces total from pumping 5 times throughout the day whereas I used to get 4 ounces from pumping once. Then after a couple of days I was getting 1 to 1.5 ounces each time I pumped so I was averaging 5-7 ounces a day. Yesterday it went to about 2 ounces each time. This morning I got 3 ounces the first time I pumped. I have gotten more than 10 ounces each day yesterday and today. So the amount of formula she had in a day went from 28 (actually once 32) to 24 and now the last two days she's had 19-20 ounces a day since she's getting more of my milk. However she still refuses to nurse. I am going to call the lactation nurse tomorrow to see if she can give me tips to help Nadia get back to nursing. If Nadia won't return to nursing, then I have to decide if I'm going to keep pumping or not. It will be harder when Paul isn't around. He has helped with Nadia when I've been pumping. I also vastly prefer nursing to pumping. Speaking of her dietary intake, I need to get more regular with giving her solid food. I forget quite a few days. I also want to make some baby food this week - green beans and peas for example. She still hasn't mastered how to use her tongue for solid foods. I have a hard enough time getting pears into her so I am thinking green veggies are really going to be a challenge! But she's 6 months old so it's time to get her eating solid foods more regularly.