Bat Appreciation Day

Today is International Bat Appreciation Day. I have a great appreciation for bats because I can't stand mosquitoes, and since bats love to eat mosquitoes, that makes them highly esteemed in my mind. A state park about 45 minutes from us held a program for homeschoolers today to celebrate bats. The morning program was for grades K-2, and the afternoon program was for grades 3-6. I signed all three of my kids up for the afternoon program. I figured it was better to include Oliver with the older group than the other way around. Nadia met two sisters who are in grades 3 and 6, and those two girls are also registered for the coding program at the children's museum next week. We learned about white-nose syndrome, which sadly has decimated the bat population over the past 13 years. The kids made a craft and played two games. The weather has been very erratic lately. It was a sunny day (we had a lot of rain earlier in the week), but it was only in the 50's so I decided to skip taking the kids on a hike. They have some beautiful waterfalls that you can see if

you hike a trail.

The kids all finished their AWANA books this evening. WOOHOO! Their cars were also turned in. Paul helped them pain their cars yesterday. The Grand Prix will be next Wednesday. Paul added a telephone cord to Oliver's "phone" to increase the weight of the car. The first two pictures in this  (at left) are from Saturday (when it was a glorious 75 degrees out -woohoo!). The two pictures below are from today - one of the bat games and a picture of their three cars. At the very bottom of the page is a video of Nadia saying the verses that she said tonight at AWANA. I also want to take videos of Ian and Oliver saying the verses they said tonight, and I also want to get one of Nadia playing a song on the piano that she learned this week. Nadia actually practiced the piano more than what she was required to do because she LIKED playing the song. WOOHOO! I can't remember if that ever happened before with her.

So long, training wheels!!!

In 2015 Paul taught both Ian and Nadia how to ride their bikes without training wheels. Nadia got rid of her training wheels about one week before she turned seven-years-old. Ian mastered the skill when he was 5 1/2 years old. We attempted to teach Oliver this skill last summer, but just as he wasn't ready to read at that point, he also wasn't ready to ditch the training wheels. I started working with him again last Sunday afternoon. We had originally planned to go to the Children's Museum today as I had signed Nadia and Ian up to do a fetal pig dissection, but I didn't feel like driving to Bloomsburg again today. After I had been grading for awhile, Oliver asked me if I would teach him to ride without training wheels. At first we were using Ian's old (blue) bike that didn't have any training wheels. After he began pedaling around independently, I took the training wheels off his Spiderman bike. The Spiderman bike is the same size as the blue bike, but it's newer (and in better shape). One neighbor had three grandkids visiting her today. They were riding bikes as well as two other kids from our neighborhood. Nadia had been using Ian's new green bike, but he's really too big to use the blue one any more (even Oliver can ride the green one), and this meant Nadia had to ride her new bike, which is getting closer to fitting her but is still on the big side. There needs to be a size bike in between those two sizes!!! This means we can donate the blue bike, which means one less bike in our garage (I'm always in favor of less clutter). It was a great feeling to see Oliver riding his bike without training wheels. We've been working on teaching him to tie his shoes. He hasn't mastered it yet, but when he does that will mean I can cross off TWO more goals from the January 1st post as riding without training wheels and learning to tie his shoes were two goals I had set for Oliver for 2019.

The weather was beautiful today, which was a huge blessing. I didn't sleep very well and had some nightmares which upset me. The gorgeous weather plus Oliver learning to ride his bike really helped boost my spirits. I took the kids to an egg hunt at 1:00. It's not their favorite egg hunt because they are picking up hard boiled eggs. They prefer CANDY. They picked up a little over 3 dozen eggs. I'm thinking we'll be having creamed eggs on toast in the near future. Ian was the only one who got a prize egg. His prize was a cookies and cream (white chocolate) bunny. Later in the afternoon we went to the church where the kids play basketball for their "Good Friday" program. They did a FABULOUS job. It took about an hour to go through the entire thing. The first room had a young girl (Nadia's age) who was talking as if she was the girl Jesus had raised from the dead. Each classroom was decorated to depict a different scene and had a different person giving a monologue - Mary (Jesus's mother), the mother of the criminal whom Jesus said "today you will be with me in Paradise," a Roman guard, Simon Peter, and John (the disciple). Then in the sanctuary they had people who were talking about different things they felt guilty about (ex. a boy who cheated on a test, a Dad who was a workaholic, a woman who left her husband, etc.) and then the pastor came out portraying Jesus saying that He had died for all their sins. It was powerful. The two women (who portrayed Tabitha and Mary) both brought me to tears during their monologues.

Paul took the van to Walmart on Tuesday for the 10,000 mile oil change and 5,000 mile tire rotation. He's also been working on the taxes. Those used to be two things I did for most of our marriage (taking both vehicles for their appointments and doing the taxes). I am thankful for his help, especially as the taxes are more complicated now that Paul owns the company. He also added weights to the kids' Grand Prix cars on Wednesday. Oliver's car is still too light, but the other two are close to five ounces each. Now we just need the kids to paint their cars sometime over the next few days as they must be turned in this coming Wednesday night. Ian's is an ice cream sandwich, Oliver's is a phone, and Nadia's is going to look like a package of pretzel rods with cheese dip. All three kids just need to say one more section on Wednesday night to finish their AWANA books. Earlier Nadia had been leaning toward switching to the middle school youth group on Wednesday nights in the fall, but now she's thinking of doing one last year of AWANA. Either choice is fine with me!

Eight more days

When I woke up on Tuesday I felt awful, and considering Tuesday is my longest day at work, I was very concerned about how I was going to make it through the day. I asked my sisters and one friend to pray for me, and their prayers were answered as I had a good day. It also helped that it was a very beautiful day outside. I have only four more weeks until the semester is over. Specifically that translates to six more days of teaching on campus. I'll visit a student teacher each of those six days plus two days during final exam week, which means just eight more total days of work (not counting all the days I do work at home emailing students, grading, writing letters of recommendation, etc.). I'm hoping to finish grading on May 8. As for homeschooling, Ian's last day of spelling was today, and Nadia should finish math on April 16. Almost every subject should be wrapped up by May 3. I always *think* I'm going to have sooo much "free" time in the summer, but I know from past experience that won't truly be the case. However, I'm hoping to have more time for two things starting on May 9: photography (learning more about how to improve my photography skills plus also just taking more pictures) and exercise. I haven't exercised for over a month, and right now I can't bring myself to get on the elliptical. During this time of emotional "numbness" from the grief/shock of losing Maurice, there has been little that has brought me any pleasure. Two things that have are physical affection (hugs, a child brushing my hair, etc.) and being outside in the fresh air on a beautiful, sunny day. The grass is finally turning green! It's been a bit cool out the last couple of days, but soon we will have warm weather on a more consistent basis. I want to find a way to get exercise outside the house. It's good for me physically and emotionally. I have other goals for the summer - tackling some projects around the house, putting more time into cooking, teaching Nadia some sign language, etc. but for now I am reminding myself that soon I should have more time to get some exercise outside and develop my skills as a photographer.




Paul took the kids on a field trip yesterday to Quiet Valley Living Historical Farm. Two of Nadia and Ian's classes were together as they were both in the 9-12 year old age bracket (life of a Civil War soldier and Cornerball and other games). During one session they were in different classes as I signed Nadia up for a Victorian tea party and Ian up for a folk music class. Oliver's classes were for ages 6-8, and I signed him up for folk music, goats, and recess games. Usually we pack lunches for field trips, but they had provided an option to order lunches through Subway so I ordered four Subway lunches as a treat. Nadia and Ian chose to wear their costumes, but I had Nadia also bring a pair of sneakers as I didn't think she'd want to play cornerball in her dress shoes. I would have enjoyed being on this field trip with the kids, but the upside is that Paul was able to join them since I was at work. Since he hasn't fully mastered my DSLR camera, I suggested he just take some pictures with his cell phone. Ian's favorite part was the folk music, Nadia's was the tea party (she was demonstrating proper manners at dinner last night including not sitting down until after we had prayed), and Oliver liked the goats and games the best. He told me all about the tug of war game between the children and parents.




Last Wednesday I had come to the conclusion I wanted to stay home with the kids next year. I asked Paul for his input on Sunday night, and he felt I should at least complete the interview so as not to make a rash decision, and he hoped I would at least keep working PT at the minimum. I emailed the chair of the search committee on Monday night, but thus far I haven't heard back from her. At that point there were three interview dates left. At this point there are two dates left (next two Wednesdays). If they offer me a job, I think I'll ask to be 50% and only teach the two math classes. My main motivation for doing this is it means the kids will see more off Paul than they will if I go back to staying at home. Also, it will make it much easier for us over the next few years to afford to pay for things like replacing our roof, Ian's braces, replacing the van, etc. I got an invitation today to attend a retirement party for another faculty member in our department. It seems they are going to need to hire more adjuncts next year. Last summer two members of our department retired and a third went on leave for a full year. I am assuming the one who has been on leave for the last year will also retire, which means there will have been four retirements in two years in our department.

Standing by the Bucknell Bison in connection with swimming lessons on Monday night

I have tried to still find time for a bit of leisure reading this year, and so far I've read three books. I enjoyed all three (historical fiction) if you are looking for something to read you might enjoy The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff, A Fall of Marigolds by Susan Meissner, or Beneath a Scarlet Sky by Mark Sullivan.

Family Math Night

This is my third semester teaching the elementary math methods course, and each semester we put on a Family Math Night for an elementary school near the university for children in grades K-6. The past two semesters my kids attended the event, but today Paul had to come home early from work to take the kids to gymnastics and swimming lessons so I could attend the math night event. I let my students choose the theme each semester. We had a circus theme one year ago and an Under the Sea theme last semester. Tonight's theme was Disney. The weather today was gorgeous with a high of 75, which is unseasonably warm for early April in Pennsylvania. The temps won't stay this high, but we're enjoying it while we can! I would have loved to take a walk to the playground today but we didn't have time. Between homeschooling for about 6 hours (Ian takes the longest, Nadia in the middle, and Oliver's schoolwork takes by far the least amount of time), emailing students, doing some paperwork for Maurice because the death certificates arrived today, and making a batch of Heath bar cookies for Paul and the kids, I barely had time to catch my breath before heading out the door for math night - which was a 3.5 hour commitment for me including driving time. My head was pounding the last hour of the event from exhaustion. These pictures are from last month, although actually one of the learning centers tonight involved making slime. We could return this Saturday for one more chemistry lesson at Saturday Science, but I'm planning to take the kids to do a fetal pig dissection at the Children's Museum in Bloomsburg instead. It's nice to have so many options for field trips! Including this week we only have four weeks left of school (not counting final exam week). The end is in sight. Thank goodness. I am struggling to keep up with all the demands.

Easter Celebrations

Yesterday we had our first Easter event for this year. We attended a passion play at a large church about 90 minutes from our house. My parents had attended shows with us there in the past, but this was the first time Paul's parents joined us there. We attended a 2pm performance (they are putting on a total of eight performances of the show, which lasts 3 hours including the intermission) and then had dinner together at Friendly's (in part using a gift card we got for Christmas). I had studied the menu ahead of time and realized there wasn't anything on their menu that would fit in my calorie budget for dinner. I packed an egg salad sandwich and ate it as we drove to Friendly's. It's common for a passion play to bring me to tears because of the vivid display of what our Lord went through for us. This time I was brought to tears twice for different reasons. The first was a song in which they were acting out Jesus healing a variety of people including bringing Lazarus back to life. I know God *could* have healed Maurice of whatever ailment lead to his

death. I know God's ways are higher than ours, but my heart was overcome with sadness that for some reason unknown to me God chose to take Maurice home at an early age. The last song of the musical was a scene in Heaven and it showed a variety of people entering Heaven - people of all different ages, professions, etc. It was a beautiful representation, and even though I know Maurice is so much better off in Heaven, it was overwhelming for me emotionally because I miss him so much.

Usually the egg hunts start eight days before Easter. This year our church had theirs yesterday as did the church where the kids go to AWANA. I think two weekends of egg hunts is enough; I didn't want to expand that two three weekends of egg hunts. I'm glad our Easter celebrations started with one that is focused on the true meaning of Easter rather than eggs, bunnies, and candy. If the weather cooperates, these are the other Easter events on our calendar this year:

1. April 13 - an egg hunt in our town's park and then an Easter station event at the church where they play basketball (this one will also be focused on the true meaning of Easter not eggs)
2. April 14 - Easter dinner at the home of one of our pastors and an egg hunt at the church where Nadia goes to youth group
3. April 20 - four egg hunts (2 are 5 minutes from our house and the other 2 are 10 minutes away); I will be singing in our church's Saturday evening Easter worship service
4. April 21 - worship service at church and later in the day an Easter dinner with Paul's parents

April Fifth

I remember being excited about April Fool's jokes when I was a kid. We haven't done much of anything with April Fool's Day with our kids over the years. Normally I do take pictures of the kids wearing green clothing on St. Patrick's Day, but I could care less about things like that right now. Similarly, I don't think Bo Peep was said about April Fool's Day this year, but this morning it seemed like a bit of a belated April Fool's joke as it was snowing when we woke up this morning. I'm hoping this was our last snow until next winter. Thankfully it's supposed to be in the 60's tomorrow (quite a big temperature shift in just one day!), and the forecast for Monday shows the high of 73! I'll take the 60's and 70's over today's weather any day of the week (high of 41 today).

I was out and about quite a bit the past three days since I work on Tuesday/Thursday and I took the kids to a four hour program at Bald Eagle State Park on Wednesday (plus a two hour round trip drive). Today we were home most of the day. We were at church for about 45 minutes during Nadia's art class,

and then this evening we dropped her off at Grace's house. Grace had invited three girls over for her birthday sleepover. One wasn't able to make it. Nadia wants to invite the same three girls to her birthday party in June. All four girls are in the same art class on Fridays. Grace has always gone to the Christian school. The other two girls were homeschooled as recently as last year but this year are also at the Christian school.

On Wednesday I worked on Maurice's taxes and then found that I can't file them until I have a paper from a court stating I am his executor. I am pretty certain I won't have that before February 15 since I haven't filed anything with the Court yet. So today I tried to electronically file the request for an extension. I have never requested an extension before with my taxes. The IRS rejected my electronic submission so I just need to mail it in. Today I contacted Verizon to cancel his phone service. They tried to get me to add his phone to our plan. Nope not interested. Paul and I have phones, and we don't plan to get

Nadia a phone for a few more years. I think Maurice's phone will eventually become his nephew Andrew's phone. Someone from the company where Maurice rented his apartment contacted me today and asked for my address so they can mail his security deposit. She said the apartment was empty except for a glass pitcher and an air conditioner unit. I told her we intended for the A/C unit to be used by the next tenant. Maurice had just bought it last August, but we didn't have any use for it. Hopefully the desk, chair, and ottoman were donated somewhere. The chair and ottoman were in great condition, but I didn't have room for them in my minivan. We had hoped to donate the glass pitcher as well. Yvonne wanted the queen size sleep number bed to end up at her house in Maryland. I'm not sure if Penn made those arrangements or not. Considering I ran out of time to clean the apartment more thoroughly, I was pleasantly surprised about the security deposit. I don't think the carpet had been vacuumed since he moved in, and I ran out of time to clean his bathtub and toilet. A lot of Maurice's technology has been in our bedroom for almost a month. I put a lot of it away today - stored the extra monitors under the bed, etc. I wanted my bedroom to look tidy again plus it's a bit painful emotionally to see his stuff all over the place. His desktop computer is still on our desk, but the phone and iPad are now stored in a closet. The only thing of his we're using at this point is his Nintendo Switch plus Ian is sleeping with his plush fox that might end up with another niece or nephew eventually.

One month

On Saturday it will be one month since his body was discovered, but yesterday it was one month since he passed away. We chatted both with text messages and FB messages, and I find it rather ironic that on March 1 at 2:26pm (before he reported how his doctor appointment went that day), I had sent a message about the doctor appointment and then said "I know you live alone, but I hope you don't feel alone. You are dearly loved!!! And I'm sure your professors would notice your absence if you didn't show up. It would not get to the 'smell' stage. I'm praying about your summer plans. Hugs and prayers!!!" His nightmare of his body not being discovered until it smelled didn't happen because Wendy and I were concerned and she called the campus police. His professors hadn't notice his absence because he passed away at the start of spring break. I miss him so much.  I realize that knowing the cause of his death won't change anything, but I really, really hope the autopsy report eventually gives us more information. We are assuming for now it was something related to his heart. They had told us it might take four months so that means just three more months to wait. Although a small part of my brain still refuses to believe this has really happened, I think in general my brain has accepted that this is reality and not "just" a nightmare. I think when I have heard of others talking about losing a family member in their 20's or 30's the three most common "causes" I have heard over the years have been from a car accident, suicide, or a drug overdose. A woman in our church lost her 37 year old brother a week after Maurice died due to a drug overdose. I think that is partially why it was so hard to accept it had really happened because I haven't heard many stories over the years of people in their thirties suddenly dying (out of the blue) due to an unknown medical condition. My brother never owned a car, and I'm guessing he hadn't driven a car for probably 2.5 years. He relied on public transportation or walking while he was in Texas and Philadelphia. And Maurice certainly didn't do illicit drugs or commit suicide. 

They sing Happy Birthday at our choir rehearsals. They purposefully sing badly in a million different keys. To be truthful I'm not a big fan as I find it painful to my ears, but I assume it's funny to most people. They sang to all the April birthdays yesterday, which includes me. I felt like crying as I kept thinking my brother isn't celebrating any more birthdays. Some years it has bothered me that I haven't done anything special for my birthday. I don't mean parties but just having lunch with a friend or something like that. I have to say this year I am totally in favor of ignoring my birthday. It's not because it bothers me that I am turning 47, but just because I am still grieving the loss of my brother and not in the mood to celebrate my birthday. I'm not saying I am not into birthdays in general. I have already been giving thought to Nadia and Oliver's birthdays this summer, but I really would prefer to ignore mine this year.




We sang two hymns at my mom's funeral plus there was other music (my kids sang, I played the flute, Wendy played the violin, etc.). The song that felt like "her" song from that service was "Great is Thy Faithfulness." The first few times I sang that song in church after her funeral, tears streamed down my face. Eventually I was able to sing the song without crying. There were four songs at Maurice's service. The slide show was during one song, and the nieces and nephews each laid a red carnation on his casket during another song. The first two songs in his service were not ones I knew. The third one (Not Home Yet) was one that I definitely knew, but we only listened to it during the slide show so I wasn't paying much attention to the song. The fourth one was "In Christ Alone," which is one of my most favorite songs. One part of the lyrics were particularly appropriate, "No guilt in life, no fear in death— This is the power of Christ in me; From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.” This past Sunday morning I was standing with the choir on the risers on the platform. We stay on the platform for about 45 minutes of each service. We had sung our anthem. Then the congregation started singing "In Christ Alone" and I was hit with a tsunami of emotion. I started crying and decided I should exit to backstage. And then I was sobbing and this lead to hyperventilating and them summoning (by text message) a doctor and nurse to check me out (took my blood pressure and such). Oi vey. A woman in the choir had some Ativan in her purse, and the doctor asked her to give me 1/2 of a pill. I really don't think that was necessary, but they seemed pretty adamant so I accepted it. Paul was at work. Nadia and Ian were in the sanctuary by themselves. I asked someone from the choir to go sit with them. Oliver was with the 1st/2nd grade boys. After lying down a while in the pastor's wife's office, I came back and heard the sermon during the second service. Someone had offered to drive the kids and I home, but I felt like I could drive myself home. I hope eventually I will be able to sing that song without an adverse emotional reaction, as I do really love that song, but for now I will avoid it like the plague. Just like I know I am no where near ready to listen to any video that contains his voice. In time I will be ready, but not yet.




One of the things that upset me when my Mom passed away was the thought that kids (especially Oliver) might not remember her. I have some of the same concern regarding Uncle Maurice. Paul took Nadia roller skating tonight for the first time this year. She likes to go to the monthly skate night hosted by our local Christian radio station but her basketball practices interfered with the first three this year. I was reading picture books to the boys, and Ian brought me Bear's Loose Tooth by Karma Wilson, and he said, "this was one of Grandma's favorite books." She did like this series of books about Bear. I was really touched that he remembered this about her. In time I plan to make a photo book about Maurice just like I made of Mom after she passed. I'm not ready to do it yet, but it will be easy to do considering I already scanned a lot of pictures for his slide show.

Lion King it is

When I saw how much the kids loved seeing the touring Broadway performance of Aladdin in August in Buffalo, I decided to make it a goal to take the kids to see one Broadway show per year. I had heard rave reviews for years for Lion King. The tickets to see it in NYC were just too high (meaning I was unwilling to spend more than $500 to buy 5 tickets), but I saw the tour included Norfolk, VA, which I thought we could do if we got a week through Interval for Myrtle Beach around the time the tour would be in Norfolk. I got our tickets after we got our week in Myrtle Beach. I had no idea that time that Nadia would be in a production of Lion King, Jr. this summer. I know of five organizations within 45 minutes of our house that offer theatre camps in the summer. The one where she went in 2013, 2014, and 2018 have two middle school productions this summer - Mary Poppins, which she would love to do but it would mean she couldn't go to Camp Susque and Willy Wonka, which is one of her least favorite books/movies.  The one where she went in 2015 and 2016 is doing Frozen, Jr this summer. Although she loved Frozen at one point, that's no longer on her list of princess stories that she likes, plus there were a variety of schedule conflicts. Her other options included a Snoopy musical, the Pied Piper (she took an acting class there in 2017), or Lion King, Jr. (where she was in Madagascar, Jr. in 2017). Two of the theatres are about 20 minutes from our house. One of those does offer a theatre class for middle schoolers, but it doesn't include putting on a theatrical presentation, which is a requirement in her mind. The downside of the one she picked is that it's 45 minutes away from our house. The upsides are that it only lasts one week (some of the other productions include three or more weeks of rehearsals), and the dates (in August) don't conflict with anything else. I'm hoping to possibly carpool with someone else to make the driving more reasonable. So we plan to see Lion King in Norfolk the end of May and then watch Nadia in it in August. The kids put on the production three times - Friday night plus twice on Saturday. The Snoopy musical would have been her second choice, but the dates conflicted with Camp Susque.

I think the last full day of school will be May 6. I plan to have Oliver keep doing reading for more of the month of May, but otherwise I think we'll have wrapped up this school year. I have a bunch of field trips scheduled for May, but most of our summer activities won't begin until the end of May. Here's the current plan:

End of May and first part of June - Family vacation with Paul's parents (includes a week at Myrtle Beach as well as other sites including Jamestown, Yorktown, Williamsburg, Monticello, Montpelier, Luray Caverns, USS North Carolina, Fort Sumter, etc.)

Week of June 10 - Horseback riding camp for all three kids (M-F) 

Week of June 17 - Oliver at Camp Susque for 3 nights; Nadia and Ian one day at Montage Mountain Water Park; VBS at our church four mornings that week

Week of June 24 - Ian at Camp Susque for 7 nights

Week of July 1 - Long Island with Aunt Janet

Week of July 8 - all three kids at Camp Good News (9-3 M-F) and VBS (6-8:30pm)

Week of July 15 - Nadia at Camp Susque for 7 nights; boys have chemistry camp (1-4pm) and VBS (5-8pm)

Week of July 22 - baseball/softball clinic for four nights (all 3 kids), hopefully a history camp for 3 hours a day for 3 days that week for all three kids (hasn't been posted yet on the website)

Week of July 29 - probably art camp for all three (3 hours a day M-F) but possibly a history camp for Nadia and Ian instead

Week of August 5 - National Night Out, roller skating, DelGrosso's Amusement Park, and a 2 night getaway to New York State to visit Fort Ticonderoga and Saratoga

Week of August 12 - Nadia at theatre camp

Week of August 18 - two-day trip to Allentown (National Museum of Industrial History, Museum of Indian Culture, Lost River Caverns, Crayola Experience) and two one-day trips (Erie Maritime Museum and Eckley Miners' Village)

I haven't been scheduling any field trips since I found out Maurice had passed away, but thankfully I already had quite a bit planned out of the summer. Some of these plans might change if I decide to stay at home next school year, but as of now here are some field trips I've planned for May through August.

1. Homeschool Day at Refreshing Mountain (includes science plus zip lining and such)
2. Reptiland
3. Pennsbury Manor
4. Washington Crossing Park and Old Barracks Museum
5. Statue of Liberty
6. Aesop Fables presentation, Steamtown, Bees Backyard, and Sky Zone trampoline park
7. Mulan, Jr musical and Lake Tobias
8. Valley Forge
9. Blue Angels Airshow
10. Colonial Children's Day at Fort Frederick State Park
11. Civil War Days at Curtin Village
12. Revolutionary War Days at Fort Roberdeau
13. Civil War Days at Landis Valley Village
14. Snoopy musical
15. Junie B. Jones musical
16. Something Grimm production at BTE
17. WGRC Day at Knoebels (free concerts)
18. Civil War to WW2 at Eckley Miners' Village and Old Jail Museum

There are some things that we have done the last year or two that are NOT on the calendar thus far for this summer including:

1. Swimming or diving lessons (we're doing indoor lessons right now at Bucknell)
2. Tennis lessons
3. Adventure Camp (Nadia enjoyed this at Bloomsburg University last year but I'm hoping the zip lining and rock wall climbing on May 9 will suffice)
4. Far fewer trips to amusement parks; right now we just have three planned - Knoebels in May, Montage Mountain water park in June, and DelGrossos in August. In comparison last year we went to Dorney Park, Sesame Place, Six Flags, Knoebels, Disneyland, Legoland, Aquatica, Montage Mountain, and Sea World.

Of course these plans are not set in stone. Time will tell. With the experience of my brother's sudden passing still very fresh in my mind, I know that plans can drastically change even at the very last minute. My brother was scheduled to speak at a conference later this month. We just never know what a day will bring. The less drastic instance that often comes to my mind was from May 2012 when the dentist office called and to confirm if I'd be at my six month appointment the next morning. I said I'd be there. Then I ended up in the hospital during the middle of the night, and it ended up being several months before I was able to actually make it to the dentist.

Sleepover

Yesterday was my niece Grace's sixth birthday. One of Nadia's friends from church (and art class at MCS), is also named Grace. This Grace will be turning 11 in four days. Because Micah and Isaiah came over for a sleepover in February, Nadia wanted to have another sleepover. So last month we scheduled the sleepover for March 29. MCS had a half day which meant their fifth grade class (plus Nadia) didn't have art yesterday. We picked Grace up around 11:30am yesterday, and she stayed until about 1:30pm today. The girls painted their fingernails and toenails, played outside, walked to a playground, played on Maurice's Nintendo switch (which is temporarily in our house - once we divide up his technology it might end up in one of their cousins' houses), and watched two movies. All four kids watched Paddington 2. After Oliver went to bed the girls watched Wonder. Paul and I went to bed after putting Ian to bed at 9pm. Now that the weather is getting nicer, it means their customers want their orders, which means Paul is working long hours. As in he leaves really early (3:30am

today) and got home at 7:45pm last night. He usually doesn't go to work on Sundays, but he said he needs to go to work tomorrow. I woke up at 1:15 and saw that the girls were asleep. This morning they told me the went to sleep around midnight and that Grace fell asleep first.

It was warm on March 14-15, but then it was cold again. Today it was warm again. Oliver and Ian rode their bikes while Nadia and I walked to the playground. I wasn't outside much on March 14-15; today was the first day I really enjoyed the warm weather. Spending time in the fresh air is definitely a blessing. When we were at the library yesterday, we checked out a few DVDs including the new Grinch and new Spiderman movies. We watched The Grinch today. Even though Oliver was actually in tears when the Grinch stole all the presents and decorations, I think they enjoyed seeing the new version of the movie for the first time.

In late December I joined a photography class that costs $12/ month. I hadn't spent any

time on it yet in 2019. I was determined to at least look at the content I already paid for before I cancelled my membership. I'm trying to do that in the next three weeks. Today I listened to content from January while I was doing some grading. My ability to concentrate has been very poor the past 3 weeks. It's hard for me to just sit for hours grading. The students in my assessment class submitted an assignment on Tuesday. I'm hoping to finish grading that tomorrow.

If you'd like to check out Maurice's life list of the 520 birds he had seen, here it is.

Although I hadn't listed it as one of my goals in my post on January 1, one I had in my mind was to do a better job of inviting the kids' friends over to our house. I've certainly not "arrived" in reaching that goal, but I'm headed in the right direction. Grace invited Nadia over to a sleepover at her house next weekend since it's her birthday.

 I have to keep telling myself there are only six weeks left in the semester as I feel rather overwhelmed with all I am juggling (FT job, homeschooling three kids, Maurice's estate, and housework) especially in light of the fact it's now crunch time for Paul at the plant, taxes are due soon (and neither of us have started that task yet), and the cars for AWANA are due soon(which always stresses me out as we rarely have them completed by the deadline). If I end up teaching an online course this summer, that will be added to my to do list in the near future as the course would start in May.

Maurice's lists

I've heard pastors say in sermons if you want to analyze someone's priorities - look at their checkbook (how they spend their money) and calendar (how they spend their time). I don't think people write as many checks these days. Maybe credit card statements would be more applicable. As I've said before, I eagerly anticipated Maurice's birth, and that joy continued after he was born. I absolutely loved holding and caring for him the first few years of his life. He was my "resume" of sorts when it came to babysitting. People knew I had experience with changing diapers and such with Maurice. I loved holding him, pushing him in a stroller, playing with him, etc. The downside of our age gap was he was only six-years-old when I left Maryland to go to college in Ohio. I lived at home again the first two years I was a teacher (1992-94), but when I moved to Annapolis in 1994, he was only ten-years-old. This means of the 35 years of his life, I only lived in the same house with him for eight of those years. Of course I saw him from time to time over the other years at birthdays and holidays and such, but I only saw him on a regular basis for eight years. Wendy mentioned in her eulogy that she had lived with him for nineteen years; I think Yvonne lived with him for fifteen years, and I believe he lived with my parents for twenty-nine years of his life. We talked upon occasion from 1994-2015, but things really changed in 2016. Due to my mom's illness and death, Maurice and I had talked far more regularly the past three years. If I could go back in time, I wish we had taken the effort to talk more regularly prior to 2016.

As we cleaned out his apartment, there were things that didn't surprise me such as the fox soap dispenser and fox shower curtain hooks. I had known for many years of his love of foxes. When we saw him in November I had admired his fox scarf. We found a hand crotched fox hat, which we found out later Yvonne had just given him recently as his Christmas gift (2018). She had never seen him wear it, but thankfully I found a selfie on one of his devices of him wearing the hat she made him, which meant a lot to her. I learned that his favorite scent was lavender. Anything that could be scented (dish soap, hand soap, etc.) was lavender. I knew that he kept detailed spreadsheets of how he spent his time because he would tell me when I was talking to him on the phone exactly how many hours he had spent preparing for one particular course in one week or how many hours total he had studied the previous week. I also knew he kept a budget because he'd talk to me about what he thought he could afford with the dental work he had been undergoing since he went to Penn (root canals and such). I knew he kept detailed outlines of his plans for his future classes because he'd send them to me when he was making decisions regarding his course schedule. He was VERY analytical and detailed. I sometimes think I get too bogged down in details when I make a pro/con chart, but let me tell you my lists have always been short compared to his! I've only had time to look on his computer a little bit. He had a laptop, iPad, desktop, phone, and multiple external drives. I am sure I've only scratched the surface. I'm hoping to find the digital files for the three textbooks he wrote for his students in Brazil (biology and history). I'd love to have my kids read them some day, and I also want to read them. I knew he had been counting calories since the end of October. I saw what he planned to eat on March 3, but he didn't live long enough to actually go to Boston Market that day. He had many lists on his computer - a to do list that included some things he planned to purchase in the near future such as a light (his apartment was really dark!!!), glasses (Wendy and I had given him $$ to buy new glasses at Christmas), a new desk chair, etc. He also had lists for various years as to what tv shows he was watching that year and planned to watch the following year. Here is his list for 2018-19: SUNDAY- Supergirl, TUESDAYS - The Flash and The Gifted, THURSDAYS - Brooklyn Nine-Nine. He planned to watch Star vs. the Forces of Evil on Sunday, March 10th and Legends of Tomorrow on Monday, April 1. Later this year he planned to watch Black Lightning, Titans, and Arrow. And next year he planned to watch The Good Place, Runaways, and Cloak & Dagger. I haven't watched a tv show in several years, so I haven't heard of ANY of these shows, but there's a part of me that wants to see them just because Maurice had been watching them. On March 9th, Wendy and I had dinner at the Mexican restaurant where he had planned to meet a friend for lunch before he went to the cardiologist to get the halter monitor.

I have been listening to Hillsong United songs lately once I realized that was what he had been listening to. I remember one time a couple of years ago I was talking to him about how I was trying to decide if I should spend $20ish dollars on a concert ticket. Money was super tight for us at that time. I remember he said he'd never spend money on a concert. In July 2016 he told me it was the first time in his life he felt badly that he didn't play an instrument. At the end of mom's life we (Jenna, Yvonne, Wendy, and I) were taking turns serenading mom. He may not have played an instrument (once Mom let him stop taking piano lessons) and may not have liked music enough to want to buy a concert ticket, but he did enjoy music. He had listened to music on the day he passed away. He had listened to part of Scandal of Grace by Hillsong United as well as the soundtrack from Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. Looking at his history on the computer, here were other songs he had listened to recently:  Heart Like Heaven, Touch the Sky, Prince of Peace, Here Now (those 4 are by Hillsong United), Elohim, Seasons, Valentine, Remembrance (acoustic), The Lord's Prayer, Your Word, Let there be light, Behold, In control, Jesus I need You, Obsession, Good Grace, Whole Heart, As you find me ,So Will I, New Wine, What a beautiful name (those 17 are by Hillsong Worship) ,and How Great is our God sung in Hebrew by Joshua Aaron. I do spend money on concert tickets, but I've never spent money to file my taxes. His taxes were very simple, but he chose to pay someone to complete his tax returns. When I saw how much he spent last year having his taxes done, I found myself wishing I had offered to do his taxes for him. I would have been happy to have done so. It just shows that we each make different choices (not saying one is right or wrong) as to what we will or won't spend our money on.

I took note of some of his "lasts." His last email that he typed was to Dad and Margie on March 3 sending them his take home exam. Dad had written him back, but Maurice died before he read dad's reply. He had sent it to his three sisters through a FB message right after he finished it (in the middle of the night). His last message he typed to anyone was on FB that went to his three sisters (in reference to something I had told him about Ian and Nadia). Wendy was at work (violin gig), but Yvonne and I had been chatting with him on FB. "Yeah, you and me both. GI bugs don't really bother me." Not very profound last words, but again he had no idea those would be the last words he would type. A few hours earlier one of his messages to me was "So sorry to hear poor Ian is sick! But yay for scoring a basket! I'm sure she'll remember how much her mom loved her.... that she wanted to be there so badly for every game!" I'm going to treasure that in my heart, as that is a lot more meaningful that the comment about GI bugs. And ironically, due to cleaning out Maurice's apartment, I missed Nadia's only two baskets of the year, Oliver's only two baskets of the year, and Ian's last basket. I saw Ian make several baskets so I don't mind as much that I missed his. It pains me that I watched 6 of Oliver's 7 games and 6 of Nadia's 8 games and didn't see any of their (four) baskets. March 10-12 we had planned to be in NYC. The only thing I had spent money on ahead of time was two nights at an Airbnb and 5 tickets to the Tenement Museum. The Tenement Museum gave me a full refund before I even drove to Philadelphia to clean out his apartment. Airbnb gave us a full refund a few days ago. I'm thankful we didn't lose any money from not going on that getaway.

Sometimes I hesitate in letting others realize how far in advance I sometimes plan field trips or vacations, but I didn't mind telling Maurice because #1 I knew he knew I was a planner and #2 I knew he had already mapped out a plan as to what courses he would take each semester over the next few years. Right now I have zero desire to do any advance planning. We had plans later this spring to meet up with Maurice when we were out his direction (ex. Valley Forge in May), and he already knew that we were planning to spend several days in Philadelphia next March during my spring break. At this point the idea of spending several days in Philadelphia without Maurice sounds painful, but it's a little less than a year from now so we shall wait and see.

The first two weeks after the awful call I got very little sleep. Thankfully I've been sleeping much more the past week. Getting enough sleep is a huge help. I was nauseous for about one solid week, but my stomach has been back to normal over the past week. My appetite has also returned. For awhile there after Maurice passed away, I had to force myself to eat to make sure I had at least 1,200 calories in a day as the smell of food just turned my stomach. Now I'm back to restraining myself to eating less than 1,400 calories a day. I've been dieting for 8.5 weeks and have lost 16 pounds so far. I feel very ambivalent about it in part because Maurice had been my biggest cheerleader with my diet, and also because well at this point the only thing that really brings pleasure are hugs from Paul and my kids. I used to feel so excited when I'd see the number going down on the scale. Hopefully eventually that will again bring a smile to my face. Right now I feel very ambivalent about just about everything. All that to say I feel much closer to normal physically but have a long way to go before I feel back to normal emotionally.