Twists and turns

Life rarely follows a straight path. There are usually many unexpected bumps, hills, twists, and turns along the way. We certainly experienced many of those during the years we were trying to become parents. My path in terms of degrees earned and corresponding jobs held was fairly straightforward. I graduated with my bachelor's degree in Elementary Education in May of 1992 and three months later started teaching middle school. I completed my master's degree in School Administration in August of 1994 and became a principal in  July 1996. I earned my doctorate in December 2002 and was a professor from 2003-2012. Paul's education and career path has had far more twists and turns. When I met him in 1997, he had recently moved back to PA and was working for his father. He told me very early on that he was just working there temporarily because he never wanted to own the company. In January 1998 he started going to college. I was quite surprised by this. I supported his decision, although I knew it would mean we would have to wait a few years to get married (if the relationship ended up in a marriage). I had wanted him to go to a more local college (such as Bloomsburg or Kutztown) because of the cheaper tuition and the fact he could have lived with his parents and saved money on rent, but he wanted to go to Penn State. We got married in August 2001 after he had completed 3 1/2 years at Penn State. He came back to work for his dad. After a break from being a student, I strongly suggested he finish his BS degree before it was too late, and he took classes at Kutztown and Bloomsburg and transferred the credits and graduated in December 2004 from PSU.

In 2005 Paul told me that he wanted to get his PhD in chemistry because he wanted to be a Physical Chemistry professor. One of the last classes he had taken toward his BS was Physical Chemistry at Bloomsburg, and he really loved the class. I was not at all keen on the idea for three main reasons #1 because we were trying to become parents at that point (had an ectopic pregnancy that year), and our plan had always been for me to be a SAHM, #2, he had never spent one minute trying to get a job that used his BS in mathematics and I was afraid the same thing might happen again, and #3 I didn't think he would enjoy being a professor because he didn't like getting up in front of people and talking. He was convinced that he would like teaching Physical Chemistry because the classes are very small. I agreed to continue being the primary (and at times sole) breadwinner for the family as long as he promised to actually use this degree after he earned it. He applied for PhD programs but didn't get in; we figured this was because his BS was in math not chemistry. He was accepted into a master's program at Bucknell. He quit his job and went back to school as a FT student in January 2005 taking undergrad chemistry classes to be prepared to start his MS in chemistry at Bucknell that August. He finished his classwork at Bucknell in 2008, but it took him awhile to finish his thesis so he didn't technically graduate until January 2010. I was hoping he would be satisfied just with his MS degree, but he really wanted his PhD, which meant we had to move. If we hadn't moved, our house would have been paid off by now, but it was too far of a commute to PSU from the house we bought in 2004 so we moved in September 2008. He defended his dissertation in January 2013, which was also the month that I resigned from being an Associate Professor to become a SAHM. He graduated in May 2013 and started teaching at Bloomsburg University as a FT adjunct that August.

He participated in many interviews the first half of 2013, but once it became time to go on interviews in the spring of 2014, he started cancelling the interviews because he wasn't sure he wanted to teach any more. The committee at Bucknell graciously rescheduled his interview, and he was offered a one year contract there. He started to participate in phone interviews in early 2015 and then accepted a one year extension at Bucknell. In early August (2015) we talked, and Paul told me he didn't want to apply for jobs at community colleges, but he did want to apply for jobs at four year schools teaching either general chemistry or physical chemistry. Then on August 20, when I was starting to work on an application for him, he told me he didn't want to apply for any jobs but rather had decided to become the owner of his dad's company. I could not have been more dumbfounded. For the previous 18 years Paul had told me repeatedly that he never wanted to own the company, and he had many times given me a long list of reasons why he felt that way. If Paul told me he was going to vote for Hillary that would have been less shocking (and Paul is registered Independent because he thinks the Republicans are too liberal so you can see for him to vote for Hillary would be a HUGE change on his part). I did not handle the news well that night. I am not sure if I experienced a panic attack or what exactly it was, but my heart was racing and I was unable to sleep one wink that night. I had this incredible burst of energy and was in constant motion the whole night (running outside, cleaning the basement, etc.). At least we paid of his student loans. That would add insult to injury if we had $100,000 in school loans like many do after that many years of graduate school. I am still struggling emotionally with this turn of events, but most of the time I am back to being able to sleep at night, which is a big relief. Ironically, there have been physical chemistry positions posted here in PA this fall. It pains me that he is not going to apply since this was what he deemed his dream job for the past ten years, and he has not yet even experienced it. He hasn't even taught one class for chemistry majors yet. If he didn't want to be a professor any more, I would like to see him apply for other jobs that would make use of his degrees and knowledge of math, chemistry, physics, and/or computer programming, but he is convinced that no one will hire him because he is almost 46 years old. I suggested he visit with the career development office at Bucknell to get advice of possible careers using his degrees because he is a graduate of their school, but he doesn't want to do this.

I held off on telling the kids this news until this past weekend. In part, I was hoping maybe Paul would change his mind. We looked at a house on Saturday morning, but we are definitely not interested in buying that one as it was 800 sq feet smaller than our current home and only a tiny bit cheaper. A realtor came out today to take pictures of our house and start the process of putting our house on the market. I am praying that it will sell in the Lord's perfect timing. We aren't in a rush. It could sell this month, or it could sell nine months from now, and that's fine with me. If we are moving back to that area (we'd love to buy the same house we bought in 2004 but I highly doubt that will happen), it would be especially wonderful if we could live within a reasonable driving distance of the church I attended when we lived there. I loved that church. The problem is the houses in that area are more expensive. There are houses we can afford that are a very reasonable drive to the plant, but they are not a reasonable drive to that church. I am praying for a miracle that a nice house that we can afford will become available in the area near that church when we have a buyer for this house. It's not just the pastor, handbell choir, ladies Bible study, etc, but also what will be available to the kids - AWANA, Upward basketball, etc, and if we moved to that area we would still be within a reasonable drive to things like homeschool art and gym class on Friday mornings, which would not be the case if we moved into one of the other houses that are too far from the church I love.

Nadia's first question was whether my parents would still move up here. They have talked about possibly moving closer to us once we were "settled down." She was very relieved when I said they still might move up to PA to be closer to us. She also was thrilled when we toured the house that she would get to pick out the color of carpet if we bought that house (the only flooring in the entire house was in the bathrooms and laundry room). It doesn't take much to make her excited about moving, lol! Ian was the one who was more upset. He said he didn't want to go to a new church, and he rattled off the neighborhood kids that he would miss. Hopefully wherever we move the kids will be able to make some new friends to replace the ones they will be leaving behind. The bottom line is that prayers are appreciated for the sale of our house (for a good price) and for us to find just the right house to buy. We are hoping to avoid a mortgage this time (yay!) and just borrow money from my retirement accounts instead to make up the difference between the equity in this house and the one we buy, which means within ten years the loans will be paid off and we'll stop paying interest to a bank as soon as we sell our current house as when you borrow from your retirement account you only pay interest to yourself.