Staying or going

When we bought this house in September 2008 we thought we'd likely live here for 3-4 years. We moved because the commute to PSU was too long from our previous house. We picked this location because it was still a reasonable drive for me to work (went from 15 minutes to 40 minutes for me) and shortened Paul's commute to PSU for his Ph.D. Paul started applying for jobs in the fall of 2012 and some were for jobs that started in other states as early as January 2013 so ever since that fall I have been thinking we might move in the near future. We put our house on the market in the spring of 2013 and then took it off a few months later when he accepted a job offer at Bloomsburg (where I had taught from 2004-2012). We contemplated putting it back on the market in 2014 but then Paul was offered a job at Bucknell, and he was offered an extension in January 2015. Ever since Paul told me in August 2015 of his plan to take over the family business in 2016, I have been unsure of whether we were staying put or moving. In November Paul asked me to put the house on the market, and we did so.

That month I also started applying for jobs for myself which meant we were no longer sure as to where we would be moving. I even applied to a few universities in other states because I wasn't sure if Paul might change his mind again as previously he had suggested the idea that he stay at home and I return to being the primary breadwinner. I had one Skype interview with a university in Maryland, and I was also offered an invitation to have a Google hangouts interview (would have taken place earlier this week) with a university in SC, but since Paul had not changed his mind, I declined that interview invitation,

Paul liked the idea of me teaching at a university within a 2 hour radius of the family business. I submitted applications at five universities that met that criteria. I participated in phone interviews with two of those, but in neither case was I invited on to campus. One of them was less than an hour from our current home and so once I knew of that phone interview I became for the first time in the 7 1/2 years we have lived in the house to consider that this house *might* be where we would live for many more years. I have treated it as a temporary house the past 7.5 years. I also had decided somewhere along the way that I wanted to stay in this house for one more year even if I didn't get a job knowing we could afford it for one year because Paul will get a double income for four months this year. So I had made two lists of projects around the house - one for if we stayed here only one more year and one for if I got the job at Lock Haven. I had been trying to figure out how to order those lists as to what were the priorities - things like cutting down one apple tree, painting some rooms, buying a new refrigerator, changing out some flooring in the house, etc.

Last Friday morning I learned that I had not been selected to interview on campus. An email I had received the previous Friday had led me to believe I had been selected so this was quite a blow for me emotionally. Over the past 27 years I only had one other time that an interview did not result in a job offer - early in my doctoral studies I interviewed at Cedarville University (in Ohio) and the Dean said the Department Chair never should have invited me out because I wasn't even close to being ABD at that point. Other than that, I have never had any difficulty with getting a job. When I started at Kutztown University in January 2003 (after graduating with my doctorate in December 2002), I was hired right away even though it was the only place I had applied. I submitted several applications for tenure track positions a year later and was offered a job at Bloomsburg. During my time there I published articles, procured and oversaw a grant, was promoted to Associate Professor, etc. I thought my resume was stronger now than it was in 2004, and so I wasn't expecting it to be so difficult to get a job.

When I resigned in December 2012 I had no intention of working FT again although I did hope to teach as a PT adjunct in the future, but now that Paul is leaving the field of chemistry, part of me really wanted to get a job. So I took it very hard on Friday. I shed many tears on Friday and Saturday. I spent a lot of time with my friend, Cheri, which was such a blessing. Part of me was thrilled that I would get to stay-at-home as I have been very content in this role the past 3 years. On the other hand I was grieving the loss of income, the loss of time Paul will have with the kids (he was going to stay at home while I was at work), and the fact that I thought we were likely going to move to an area where the kids and I would have to give up so much in terms of choice of church, Upward Basketball, homeschool gym class, ice skating lessons, AWANA, etc. On Monday morning I emailed someone in HR at Messiah College (they had only posted their job the end of February), and the response I got led me to believe I won't be doing any interviews there. This means I will be staying home next year, and at the moment I have no desire to pursue FT work again any time soon.

 I was thrilled to know I could continue to stay with the kids. I really would have missed them, but for the other reasons I was feeling sad. For 8 months I have been asking Paul to find out what his salary will be starting next month, and he spent some time yesterday working to figure that out. They didn't come up with a definite number yet, but it was clear we will not be able to afford to stay in this house. The area where I would most like to live is too expensive, but we found a house that was listed $30K less than our current house that would be a short drive for Paul to work and would still enable the kids and I to do some of the activities that are important to us. Paul and I both liked the house, but yesterday's salary discussion showed that we cannot afford that house either. The location of the house is of utmost importance to me. Paul cares about the age of the house and also doesn't like houses that are really close to each other. We both care about the price. Trying to find a house that met those three qualifications: affordable, good location, and nice house has proven to be very difficult.

The location isn't very important to Paul. Ironically, the house we lived in from 2004-08 meets all three requirements. It is close to the family business and close to the things important to the kids and I (good church, choir for me, AWANA, Upward basketball, etc.) and it was much cheaper than our current house. Actually if we hadn't moved it would have been totally paid off by now. But we can't turn back the hands of time and undo Paul's decision to earn his Ph.D. He would like to live in his parent's house, but their house is not in what I consider to be a good location for the kids and I.

I found a house that we can definitely afford because it costs 50% less than our current house, and it's in a good location as far as Paul's commute to work and although not totally ideal for the kids and I, with a longer commute than usual we can continue to do most of their activities. I listened to a sermon online and have found a church I'd at least like to check out and possibly join that would be only 15 minutes away (and it has AWANA). The church doesn't have a choir, but if I drove 30 minutes on Monday nights to the church I attended from 2004-08 I could be in their handbell choir. So the location is fine and the price is fine. The problem is the house is 86 years old and is very close to other houses. It is a 4 bedroom house and has central air conditioning. It doesn't have an attached garage like our first three houses did. It's certainly not as nice as our first three houses, but I think it looks a lot nicer than the others in that price range. The main downside to me is the fact that Paul doesn't want to stay there long term. I am very tired of moving. I really want to put down roots and just stay put some place. Well the first step is that we need to get our house under contract. It was shown twice on Saturday. I think we need to lower the price. That is discouraging because as it is we are going to lose about $10K, and lowering the price means we will lose at least $20K. We made money off our first house and lost a few hundred off our second one so this too is a new experience for us. I think it would be nice to move by the end of August, but we shall see what happens.

Thankful Thursday list....
1. After a 10 day cold snap (meaning so cold we got 2 inches of snow on Saturday), the weather started warming up on Tuesday. I was able to run 4 miles on Tuesday and again today after not getting any exercise last week. I love the spring weather! Tomorrow the kids are looking forward to playing kickball outside for their homeschool gym class.

2. I had a wonderful time last Friday night and Saturday with my friend, Cheri. She made a really delicious lunch.

3. We used a gift card for Applebee's that my parents gave Ian at Valentine's Day to go out to dinner on Saturday night while our house was being shown.

4. We enjoyed seeing a play "Emporer's New Clothes" on Sunday afternoon.

5. My mom's side effects have been much less severe after her fourth chemo treatment compared to the previous two. We are very thankful!

6. We are enjoying our ants that we've had for one week! They have been busy making tunnels.

7. Nadia and Oliver enjoyed wearing Chinese clothes for our study of China this week.