Dear Mom,
Today would have been your 72nd birthday. I think of you every day, but I have thought of you even more often the past two months. First, because of Dad's engagement to Margie, and second because I knew your birthday was drawing ever closer. People talk about how holidays can be difficult after you have lost a loved one. Thanksgiving wasn't a challenge, and I don't think Easter will be either. Christmas definitely was a challenge emotionally. I didn't even want to decorate our house our put up our Christmas tree this year, but I did for our kids' sake. I had figured that my birthday, March 20, and each of my three kids' birthdays would be the times that would also be challenging. You made birthdays so special for us over the years. You cooked our favorite foods, gave us thoughtful gifts, etc. I am ever so grateful I was with you last year for your final birthday here on earth. It was hard to make it special since food was totally unappealing to you at that time, but it meant the world to me that I was
there with you on your special day. Although I was praying for a miracle, in my heart I believed it was your last birthday on earth, and unfortunately I was right. As sick as you were, you still made my birthday special last year. I remember getting an email from you that you had ordered some things online to be shipped directly to me, and I was so touched that you still were trying to make my birthday special even through all you were going through physically at the time. Although I feel sentimentally attached to many of the gifts you and Dad gave me over the years, I feel all the more so about the items you gave me last year. I think of you every time I look at the drapes hanging in the kitchen, use the frying pan or spoons you gave me, etc. Because of this, I was almost wishing I could hit a fast forward button and skip the months of March and April this year, but that's not how life works.
I don't only think of you in relation to Christmas and birthdays. I miss being able to talk to you on the phone. I miss your newsy, daily emails. I miss your words of encouragement. I miss your hugs. I miss your helpful advice. I miss your listening ear. I miss your thoughtful
gifts and gracious hospitality. There are so many times when you are the first person that comes to my mind such as when I see snow falling, I remember how much you loved snow. I bought the boys each a snowman necktie on Saturday afternoon, and my first thought was, "my mom would have loved these ties." When I'm rehearsing a song in choir that I know you would have loved, I think "this would have given my mom goosebumps." When the children make progress on the piano, I want to be able to call you so you could hear them play. Ian named his guinea pig that he got for Christmas after your cat, Patches. When I paint the walls of a room, I want to be able to show you what they look like. But those days are in the past now. Those things seem so petty in comparison to the fact that Yvonne had her eighth baby on Friday night. I've experienced carrying babies in my womb that I didn't get to meet here on earth, but I never experienced giving birth to a baby with the knowledge that my mom wouldn't be able to meet my child here on earth. I know you are in a far better place. Seeing how you suffered for 6.5 months, I am grateful that your suffering came an end on July 12.
I do know some things about Heaven, but there are so many things I don't know about it. I wonder things like do you know Yvonne gave birth? Have you met the babies I lost in Heaven? Did you know Nadia was baptized last fall? I know you're not omniscient, but it seems from the passage in Hebrews that you are at least at times aware of things happening on earth.I do know that you are in Heaven, and some day I will be reunited with you there. What a glorious day that will be. I can't wait to give you a big hug and hear your voice again.
Well as you know I can be rather long winded at times. I will close
this by saying - Happy birthday, Mom. Thank you for being my beloved mother and a wonderful Grandma to my children. I miss you, and I will love you forever.
XOXOXO,
Ruth
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