No haircut

Well I haven't had a haircut in 4 months, and I have really been looking forward to getting mine cut today. The last couple of weeks while waiting for this appt my bangs have bothered me (down in my eyes). I usually trim them myself in between cuts, but I was trying to wait for my next cut. Anyhow I get to the salon at noon and she asks me "are you pg?" to which I said "yes, but how did you know?". It's not like I look pg yet! She said "you're glowing!" She's been my hairdresser for 3 years so she knows about our journeys with adoption and ttc. Anyhow she said then we need to reschedule. She is sick and didn't want to cut my hair if I am pg to make sure she wouldn't pass the bug on to me. So anyhow she qualifies as the first person who guessed I was pg without having heard it through the grapevine. I had planned to go right to work after the appt, but I had to go home as when I washed my hair this morning I hadn't blowdried it or anything, but had just put it in a ponytail. So I went home and made myself look more professional, and I cut my bangs because I just couldn't stand to have them in my eyes for 8 more days (when my appt is rescheduled). LOL! So this is the first thing that I was told I couldn't do bc I was pg. I know you can't have perms or get your hair colored, but I thought for sure you could still get it cut. :-)

Biggest Thrills

So far the absolute most awe inspiring moments of this pregnancy have been the ultrasounds. Wel the first most amazing event was seeing 2 lines on a hpt and watching those lines get darker. I would periodically pick up the hpt and just stare at it again to truly convince myself I really and truly was pg (which is why I never want to buy a fact plus brand hpt again since the line on that one disappeared within 24 hours!!!). Then I had the 3 Betas, and the numbers were so encouraging compared to the m/c 2 years ago. But none of that compared to seeing the little heartbeat on Nov 27 or seeing the BABY on Dec 11. Really there wasn't much to see on Nov 27 except for the h/b (which was truly amazing), but this Tuesday we saw our little one's head, arm, etc. So that moment now takes the cake for me in that it's the best moment so far. I keep thinking of that song "All I want for Christmas are my 2 front teeth" and I want to change the 2nd half of the sentence to "is to see my baby." I am so looking forward to seeing our little one again on Dec. 24. That will be by far the best Christmast present I will have ever received in my entire life, no question about it! What I am most looking forward to in the coming weeks are feeling the baby move within me, and seeing my belly expand (I want to look pg!). Right now I'd gladly pay $10 every two weeks to have an ultrasound every 2 weeks, but I am sure the insurance might start to have issues with that if the frequent u/s continued. I am glad though that they are taking place during this time prior to when I can feel the baby move.

I think part of the reason why I treasure the u/s so much is that I think at times I am still not 100% convinced I am pg. I am still in shock that this dream I've had for 20+ years has finally come true! You'd think the constant nausea and heartburn would convince me, LOL. I've never had heartburn in my life and now I have it rather frequently. Oh and I am sleeping more than I have ever slept before also! I often go to bed by 8:30pm! That's early even for me!!! I have no trouble sleeping 10 hours at a time nowadays and then I still might want a 1 hour nap the next day. That's a lot of sleep!!! Well anyhow any time I start to think - am I just dreaming or am I really pg, I just picture in my mind the ultrasound screen showing our precious little baby. What a gift!!!! Thank you, Lord!!!!

First prenatal visit scheduled!

Dr. Awad today said I should schedule my first prenatal appt for four weeks from now. I had decided to go to the hospital closer to work for my prenatal visits rather than the hospital where the RE is. The doctors I will be seeing work at BOTH hospitals, and I will deliver the baby at the bigger hospital where the RE is. I chose to switch hospitals because #1 it's a shorter drive from home and practically across the street from my office at work and #2 it's a smaller clinic, and I think the chances are greater I'll see an OB more often than a nurse midwife. This clinic has 4 MD's and 2 nurse midwifes (CNM). They only do their initial prenatal visits on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They said you are with the nurse for one hour and then the doctor for 30 minutes. I tried to schedule my appt for January 9 in the afternoon, but they only had morning appointments for that day. We can't due Jan 8 since we'll be in the Caribbean that day! I could have scheduled my appt for Jan 9 at 10:00 but it would have meant leaving Maryland really early that morning. So my appt has been scheduled for Jan 15 at 2:30 (nurse) and 3:30 (doctor) which is perfect as I teach a night class that night (6-9pm) and have office hours prior to class. Perfect timing! So my first prenatal visit will be at 13w2d. I will have gone 3w1d between appointments, but it's good to start spreading them out a bit as they won't be every 2 weeks the whole pgcy like they have been thus far! Only 13 days til we get to see baby again! I can't wait! I just love watching our little one and can't wait to see him/her move around like Dr. A said he/she will on Dec 24!!!!

Wow has baby grown!!!

Baby has grown from 4.9mm 2 weeks ago (measured at 6w1d) to 18.4mm today. Wow! Today baby measured at 8w2d which is exactly where I am according to Dr. A's calculations. So I guess I'll adjust my EDD from 7-18 to 7-20. Of course baby will come when he/she is ready whether that's before or after the EDD! I am not going to change the ticker until I have my first prenatal appointment. Dr. A said I should schedule it for 4 weeks from now. He wants to see me one more time (Dec 24), and then he said I should have my first prenatal appointment 2 weeks after that (when we get back from vacation). He tried REALLY hard to get baby to move around for us. He jiggled my belly and everything on the u/s screen was moving all around but baby just stayed in the same position. Of course the little heart was beating away like crazy!!! The h/b was definitely faster than last time although neither time did he give me a heartrate # like most doctors do. It was sooo awesome though as he pointed out our little one's hand, head, etc. The placenta at this point goes all the way around the gestational sac (which has grown quite a bit also to make room for growing baby!). The baby's head was pointed downward and the umbilical cord looks like it's coming out of baby's head (but it's not!). He said babies aren't always very active at 8 weeks, but he was very patient and gave me a LONG u/s trying to give baby a chance to cooperate. He said we should definitely see baby moving around at 10 weeks. I have to say this is the absolute best Christmas gift possible!!! We are having a BABY!!!!!!!!!

The pics are not as clear as looking at the screen while he was doing the u/s. He gave me five different u/s pics today. I'll just post two. The top one is from one angle which shows the baby better, and the bottom one is from the other side which shows the yolk sac (small circle) and baby's head (bigger circle). Thank you Lord!!! And I thank each of you for your prayers and support throughout this process!!!

Not an embryo any more

Well not that I'm crazy about the term "fetus" (sounds so impersonal compared to "baby"), but our little one is no longer in the embryo stage and is officially now in the fetal stage. So this is progress!!! Brainwaves should begin in just 6 days, and in just 5 days we get to see our little one again!!! I am grateful I can stay home all day today; so although I am getting work done (grading papers, wrote my tenure letter that is due by the end of the month, etc.) it's more relaxing to work from my living room couch. Smelling food is definitely what sets me off the most. I felt awful while my English muffin was in the toaster oven this morning. I also am learning to eat MORE in the morning than I have been. I don't mean eating more when I first eat but I mean in the next few hours. A pbj sandwich is what seems to work best at least yesterday and today anyhow. It seems so weird to eat that at 9am, but if it settles my stomach than so be it!!

Tomorrow is the end of our 3 year contract with Lifetime. On November 19 our coordinator had said in an email, "A lot can happen in a short period of time. I hope to call you with a birth mother situation for you and Paul to consider." I knew not to hold my breath, but of course there was a small part of me still holding on to some glimmer of hope that they'd finally come through for us. Of course this would be MUCH harder emotionally if I wasn't pregnant, but it's still painful. We started our first home study in November 2004. Paul wanted to do IVF back then. Of course if I had to do it over again, I wish I had listened to him and done IVF back then. Ironically, I thought IVF was too much of a financial gamble and thought adoption was the "sure thing" although the timing would be more unknown. Well I was wrong. Over a span of 5 years we spent "only" about $11K on ttc of which about $9K was for the IVF + FET and that $9K investment has had a much happier ending than the over $23K we've spent on adoption over the past 3 years (of which about half was for Lifetime and the rest for Ukraine and Adoption Consultants). The smallest amount was for Mark Miller (about $330), and ironically it felt like we got the closest we ever got with adoption through him last month (although we have no way of knowing if any of the women Lifetime or Cathy have sent our profile were still considering us once they had narrowed down the pool).

Anyhow I plan on lifting the password requirement from my blog in the next few days now that our journey with Lifetime is over it seems. As for Cathy, I don't plan to tell her we are pregnant until a month or so - once we're in the 2nd trimester. Part of the reason for deciding to tell her then is our home study will expire on February 7, and I don't want to redo it right now. At that point we will have been under contract with her for 7 months of our 30 month contract. That means we can freeze our contract for up to 23 months and then start up again and have 23 months left. I don't think we'd keep it frozen that long, but I have no idea how long she recommends you wait before you start being presented again. I am doubting she would recommend being shown to birthmothers when our little one is only a few months old. I have to say I still would be thrilled if we got matched in the really near future. I still wouldn't mind adopting our first baby and then giving birth in July, but that seems unlikely given how hard the adoption path has been for us the past 3 years. I definitely do not view IVF as the financially riskier option any more that is for sure! For us, adoption has been far more of a financial loss than ttc.

Rough Morning

Last night I went with a friend to the Christmas candlelight service at another university (actually where Paul is a student). Their handbell choir is excellent, so members of my church's handbell choir like to go to this concert every year. I enjoyed the first part of the concert, but then my stomach got upset as I had gone too many hours w/o eating and also I just become utterly exhausted. By the time I drove home it was 10pm, and I figured it would be tough getting up at 6:15 this morning even though I went STRAIGHT to bed after eating 1/2 of a granola bar. This is the first morning since I can't remember when that my alarm woke me up. Usually I wake up LONG before the alarm goes off and turn it off. When the alarm went off it felt to me like it was still the middle of the night. Unfortunately this morning was also rough in terms of morning sickness. I thought I might actually throw up during my 8:00 class. I had to stop a few times, and I felt so awful I admit I felt like bursting into tears. When I am naseous I don't like to talk but teaching usually requires at least some talking! Thankfully I had planned to show a video during the second half of class or I don't think I would have made it. After sitting during the video and eating some more, I did have an easier time during the 9:00 class except for the fact a student sitting near me was drinking coffee and the smell of coffee set my stomach off again. I feel like I need to steer clear of anyone who is eating or drinking anything that smells when I am also not eating as that seems to be what makes my stomach turn the most. What I kept reminding myself is that I am only teaching ONE more morning (Friday) so the worst is almost over! I am giving an exam at 8:00 next week, but that will be much easier I am sure. The other thing I keep reminding myself is the very happy reason why I am feeling so icky. I told Paul that emotionally the morning sickness actually has a positive effect as it reassures me baby is doing fine, but physically it's not so fun especially when I'm trying to teach.

One more week

Only 7 more days til the next ultrasound! I think we should be able to see AND hear the heartbeat at this next appointment (whereas we only saw it the last time). I can't wait. I am glad I didn't get transferred to an OB/GYN yet as the visits wouldn't be this frequent! It was funny because at our first u/s I didn't bring my wallet with me. This clinic always has us prepay for a cycle, and the copays are deducted from that. Well this was the first visit coded as pregnancy not fertility (well actually the previous 2 Betas were as well but there's no co-pay for b/w), so the receptionist asked for $10, and I was so surprised, LOL. Thankfully Paul had his wallet with him so he paid the bill. I will remember in the future to have $10 with me! And it's WELL worth $10 for peace of mind. This is the longest we've gone so far in between appointments. The longest before that was 1 week. But it's good to start making the gaps longer or I'd be in serious shock once I started seeing an OB.

I've figured out (I think) that it's not so much WHAT Paul is eating but just if he is eating anything that smells at all while I am not eating, it makes me very nauseous. Last night and this morning it was an English muffin. And I've been eating those myself so it's not that eating one makes me sick. It's just smelling food when I am not eating that makes me feel ill. So it wasn't the pizza in particular last week. :-) Well I am behind in grading papers and the semester is ending soon, so I had better get back to grading!

Afternoon nap

Well normally on Mondays and Wednesdays I stay at work for 12+ hours, but I didn't have any appointments or meetings this afternoon so I decided to come home for a nap as I was really, really tired. I slept for two hours! I could have slept more, LOL! I also was FREEZING at work. I didn't take my coat off while teaching, and my office was even colder. So I also have changed into a warmer outfit and am bringing a space heater in for my office. I'll be heading back in about 45 minutes. I feel much better after the nap. It was a fun but hectic weekend, and I didn't sleep as much over the weekend as I have been sleeping lately so I think it hit me this morning. There are only TWO more days of teaching in the morning as the semester ends on Friday! I am assuming mornings will be better for me in the spring semester (will be in the 2nd trimester by the time it starts) plus I am teaching in the afternoons in the spring rather than the mornings. So this time of teaching at 8am while pg is almost over. YAHOO! Only 8 more days til we see our little one. I admit sometimes I feel impatient and want more b/w or an u/s before then just to make sure everything is okay, but I keep reminding myself that at least 90% of pgcies are successful after seeing a h/b plus it just means I pray more for our baby which isn't a bad thing! I am happy to also add that I ate a brownie today and didn't get heartburn! So I guess I can eat chocolate now and then and not suffer for doing so. :-)

One month

Well, our little one has been back within me for exactly one month now as the transfer was Nov. 1. Ironically, the retrieval was Aug. 1 so he/she spent exactly 3 months outside of me (left as an egg and came back as an embryo). Only 10 more days until we get to see our little one again!

I Love Lucy

Do you remember the "I Love Lucy" episode in which Ricky starts having sort of sympathy pains while Lucy was pg? Well actually I think it was a case of he was feeling ignored and needed more attention, but his "illness" was related to Lucy's pgcy. Well Paul has had the same thing this week, LOL! I teased him about having sympathy pains, and he agreed it did seem like that was happening as he's also been complaining of feeling nauseous. Well in that Lucy episode she starts having cravings for hot fudge sundaes with sardines. YUCK! I am sure I'll never have a craving for sardines. We shall see if I ever get cravings if Paul then has them also, LOL. Actually I DID have a craving for a hot fudge sundae yesterday. I stopped for one at McD's on the one way home, and I didn't get nauseous or have heartburn afterwards. Hmmm maybe I was too quick to say NO chocolate??? I had lunch with a friend yesterday and had split pea & ham soup which definitely hit the spot. The smell of pizza is still very sickening though. So it's just a case of live and learn to find out what foods taste and smell okay and don't cause either nausea or heartburn. And the most important thing is to eat MANY times a day. Well I'd better go get ready for our choir dress rehearsal although with the weather forecast I am not sure if we'll actually be having our cantata tomorrow morning after all as they're calling for snow tonight and ice tomorrow morning. I hope they're wrong as my mom was going to come up and Yvonne, Joe, and the kids were also going to come tomorrow morning as well for a brief visit. I am so happy to be 7 weeks pg. I'm more than 1/2 way through the first trimester! Well Dr. A says I hit 7 weeks tomorrow, and I think I hit it yesterday. Not a big difference really. :-)