Not an embryo any more

Well not that I'm crazy about the term "fetus" (sounds so impersonal compared to "baby"), but our little one is no longer in the embryo stage and is officially now in the fetal stage. So this is progress!!! Brainwaves should begin in just 6 days, and in just 5 days we get to see our little one again!!! I am grateful I can stay home all day today; so although I am getting work done (grading papers, wrote my tenure letter that is due by the end of the month, etc.) it's more relaxing to work from my living room couch. Smelling food is definitely what sets me off the most. I felt awful while my English muffin was in the toaster oven this morning. I also am learning to eat MORE in the morning than I have been. I don't mean eating more when I first eat but I mean in the next few hours. A pbj sandwich is what seems to work best at least yesterday and today anyhow. It seems so weird to eat that at 9am, but if it settles my stomach than so be it!!

Tomorrow is the end of our 3 year contract with Lifetime. On November 19 our coordinator had said in an email, "A lot can happen in a short period of time. I hope to call you with a birth mother situation for you and Paul to consider." I knew not to hold my breath, but of course there was a small part of me still holding on to some glimmer of hope that they'd finally come through for us. Of course this would be MUCH harder emotionally if I wasn't pregnant, but it's still painful. We started our first home study in November 2004. Paul wanted to do IVF back then. Of course if I had to do it over again, I wish I had listened to him and done IVF back then. Ironically, I thought IVF was too much of a financial gamble and thought adoption was the "sure thing" although the timing would be more unknown. Well I was wrong. Over a span of 5 years we spent "only" about $11K on ttc of which about $9K was for the IVF + FET and that $9K investment has had a much happier ending than the over $23K we've spent on adoption over the past 3 years (of which about half was for Lifetime and the rest for Ukraine and Adoption Consultants). The smallest amount was for Mark Miller (about $330), and ironically it felt like we got the closest we ever got with adoption through him last month (although we have no way of knowing if any of the women Lifetime or Cathy have sent our profile were still considering us once they had narrowed down the pool).

Anyhow I plan on lifting the password requirement from my blog in the next few days now that our journey with Lifetime is over it seems. As for Cathy, I don't plan to tell her we are pregnant until a month or so - once we're in the 2nd trimester. Part of the reason for deciding to tell her then is our home study will expire on February 7, and I don't want to redo it right now. At that point we will have been under contract with her for 7 months of our 30 month contract. That means we can freeze our contract for up to 23 months and then start up again and have 23 months left. I don't think we'd keep it frozen that long, but I have no idea how long she recommends you wait before you start being presented again. I am doubting she would recommend being shown to birthmothers when our little one is only a few months old. I have to say I still would be thrilled if we got matched in the really near future. I still wouldn't mind adopting our first baby and then giving birth in July, but that seems unlikely given how hard the adoption path has been for us the past 3 years. I definitely do not view IVF as the financially riskier option any more that is for sure! For us, adoption has been far more of a financial loss than ttc.