In Memory

Well today would have been our daughter's EDD if she hadn't been frozen for almost 3 months. She was conceived August 1 which means July 18 would have been in the first two weeks of pregnancy (since they start it 2 weeks before conception) if she hadn't been frozen. So this gestation truly seems like an entire year. That also means that today would have been the due date of the three triplets we lost in August. So today I am remembering the 6 little ones we lost 8 months ago. We know all 7 were still alive on August 4 when the triplets were transferred back to me. We have no idea how many days after that the triplets made it, and the RE didn't tell us exactly how many days the other 3 made it in the lab, but we know they had stopped growing sometime before August 7 when our little girl was frozen. Of course the sadness I feel over losing these 6 little lives is not as strong as it would be if there wasn't a little girl kicking inside me, but still I grieve for her siblings, particularly the three little ones I saw on the ultrasound on August 4 within my uterus. Of course technically none of these were lost as a miscarriage since most likely they never implanted. In a natural cycle if conception took place but not implantation, the couple would never know about the little life which existed for a short period of time. That's very different with IVF. You know from the day of conceptioon of the existence of the little ones, and in fact some have testing done on that first day and already know the gender of each one! We didn't have that done so we don't know how many were brothers and how many were sisters of the girl I am carrying now. I am thankful though that God performed a miracle and allowed this one little baby to keep growing. This day would be a million times sadder if we had lost all seven babies. This photo was taken yesterday (wearing one of the maternity tops my parents got me for my bday) at 27w4d.

I have to say the weather here has been GORGEOUS lately. The high yesterday was about 75 degrees which is just perfect IMHO, and thankfully they finally adjusted the thermostat in my classroom and it was finally comfortable (not a sauna any more PTL) on Monday. I had brought a fan to class on Monday, but I didn't need it thankfully. I chalked it up as the same type of thing as if you wash the car then it will rain. If you bring a fan to class then they will fix the thermostat.

36

Well today is my 36th bday. Of course growing up I loved bdays. Then in my mid 20's I wasn't nearly as happy to see another year roll around as I wondered when I'd get married and start having children. Once I got married (age 29), then they didn't bother me again for a little while until we started having trouble ttc. I made the mistake of reassuring myself with the thought "surely by the next bday I would be a mom." This was especially true starting in 2005 since we had started pursuing adoption in 2004. The last two bdays were really, really hard. Well I am happy to say that is not the case this year!!! I still feel a tiny twinge of pain when I contemplate having turned 36 before I become a mom; I feel very "behind." However in life there really aren't set times when things like marriage and having babies are "supposed" to happen.

I remember as a child I met someone who was born in 1900, and she said how easy it was to remember how old she was every year. I remember telling some friends at school I wanted to have a baby in 2000 for that reason. Now sometimes children set unreasonable hopes for the future, but to hope to have a child at the age of 28 is not really an unreasonable thing. I remember in college when we'd talk about how many children we wanted to have and such, I remember telling my friends I hoped to have 3-4 children and be done having them before age 35. God's plans were obviously different than mine. :-) I still can't say I understand why I needed to wait until age 36 to become a mom, but it's not my job to understand - only to trust. Anyhow this bday is a MILLION times easier emotionally than any bday has been for more than 10 years bc my daughter (I love the sound of that word!) is kicking inside me!!!!!!!! My dream of becoming a mom which I have had for 20+ years is finally going to come true in less than 3 months!!! She's the best bday present of all. What else could I need or want?

I opened my bday presents from my sisters this morning as well as from Paul. He got me a gift certificate for a nail salon as I mentioned last weekend when I painted my toenails it was the last time I thought I could reach down there to paint them until after I give birth. So when they need repainted (thankfully the polish on toenails lasts a lot longer than on fingernails), I am going to use my certificate as I am sure by that point it would be even more painful to reach my toes. He also ordered two Steeler items (haven't come in yet) for our little girl. My sisters gave me a cute little outfit (pink!), 2 bibs, a calendar for recording "firsts," and 4 children's books (she has quite a growing collection which is wonderful in my opinion!). I am very thankful for all of these gifts which in one way or another all relate to BABY!!!

It's a good thing the choir cantata is in 2 weeks. I don't think I could do it much farther into the pgcy. I am not sure if it's my lungs and/or diaphragm that are being squished, but I get out of breath so easily and feel awful if I sing too much. Even just singing all the verses in a hymn is too much some Sunday mornings! We are doing the cantata twice that morning (8:00 and 10:45) so unless I have an easier time breathing that day, I think I won't actually sing every part of every song. I'll just sing as much as I can. I think I can do all the alto parts. Sometimes he has us also singing with the tenors when it's just supposed to be the tenors. I think I'll give myself a break during those parts. Playing handbells is no problem so I am sure I can play on May 18.

Dinner troubles

Since our house was being shown around 12:45 today, we decided to go out for my bday meal then. I had picked an Italian restaurant about 15 minutes from our home that we had never been to before. When we got there, we found out the whole place had been rented out for a private function today. I was getting really hungry and didn't want to drive very far to another restaurant. We drove to one other place that we had been to before that wasn't far away, but we found out it's only open Wed-Sat. So after two strikes we just went to McD's as I was HUNGRY. Paul insisted that did not count as my bday meal. So we decided to meet somewhere at 5pm tomorrow before I go to handbells. I was wanting to try a restaurant we hadn't been to before; so I looked online and through the phone book and made a new choice for tomorrow. Just to be safe I decided to call them. I am glad I did as they are open 6 days a week, and Monday is the day they're closed. Nuts! So I decided to abandon the plan to try a new restaurant. Instead we're going to meet at Cracker Barrell as I see they are currently serving strawberry pancakes. They only sell those for a limited time each spring, and they are VERY good. So we'll have breakfast for dinner tomorrow night; Paul's favorite thing there is a cheese omlette. I need to make sure not to fill up TOO much on my dinner as someone in the handbell choir told me we're going to be having cake & ice cream at rehearsal tomorrow night in honor of my bday. How kind is that!!!

Our daughter has been quite the gymnast lately, and I am very happy to report I am feeling her move MUCH higher than before so I'm hopeful that this means the placenta is no longer on or near the cervix. As much as I love feeling her move, I wouldn't object if she slept while I was sleeping as I have a very hard time sleeping when she's kicking me. :-) Sometimes I feel her on both sides of my belly at the same time so I guess I am feeling hands and feet! Paul has no trouble feeling her move. I love that he can experience that as well!

27 Weeks!

Well today my little girl reaches the 27 week mark!!! Since today is the 18th it also means her EDD is exactly 3 months away which means starting tomorrow her EDD is only 2+ months away. WOOHOO! I am also happy to report that Paul felt her move this morning. I knew her kicks were definitely strong enough for him to feel as yesterday while I was doing a peer observation on a new faculty member I could see my belly moving at different points during the class period. It made me want to laugh, but that would have been rude so I just smiled. :-)The weather here has been GORGEOUS this week. We're supposed to hit 80 degrees today! Spring has definitely sprung! The grass also needs mowed for the first time in many months. The trees are still bare though. Paul or I will mow tomorrow since our house is being shown on Sunday. We have 2+ acres so mowing is no small task although thankfully we have a riding mower or it would be a really, really long task!

Well our house hasn't been shown for 2 weeks now, but it will be shown three times this weekend - twice tomorrow afternoon and once Sunday afternoon. So that will be showings #9-11 since we put it on the market 5 weeks ago. I hope one of these three would like to buy the house! We shall see. This means Paul and I will be busy either tonight or tomorrow morning with cleaning inside the house and mowing the lawn.

Today my dept chair told me that he has decided to hold off on his decision to cancel my 8:00 LA class as he thinks he can fill it with transfer students (only 5 students are currently enrolled in that section and that's not enough). So I told my 2 babysitters today that the schedule is up in the air and won't be determined until probably June but that either I'll be teaching from 8:00-10:50 or 9:00-11:50 MWF. Knowing how much students don't like 8:00 classes they are probably hoping it ends up being 9:00-11:50, but they said either way it's fine.

It's definitely an adjustment only wearing my wedding band and no other rings, but I am glad that at least that ring still fits. Hopefully I won't outgrow that one as it's a size 6 and my ring fingers are usually a size 4.5. Today was another unbearable day in my classroom. I called maintenance. We shall see if they do anything. Thankfully I only have 4 more days of teaching in that sauna. When I drove home from work today the bank sign said the outside temp was 84 degrees and there are lots of windows in that classroom which can't be opened so they let in the sunlight but not any breeze. I would say the difference in temp between that classroom and the hallway was about 15 degrees. Even my sandals started to feel tight so I think next to start swelling are my feet/ankles. So far that has only happened when I've been teaching in that hot room too long. I love how active she is these days, but I wish she'd be more calm at night. I was awake from about 3:00-5:00 am this morning as she was kicking me SO much I couldn't stay asleep. I did solve the gum pain problem though as I bought some Anbesol and that numbed the area much better than Sensodyne toothpaste. Even though these temps are contributing to my swelling up, I still have to say I LOVE spring weather! Tomorrow the high should only be in the 70's. That's my absolute favorite!!! I wouldn't mind living in a place where it was in the 60's/70's all year round or even low 80's w/o humidity.

Jury Duty

About a month ago Paul received a summons for jury duty. We returned the paperwork and asked for him to be excused because the day he was to report for duty fell in the middle of final exam week. At the time, he didn't know which day his final would be. It turns out his final will be the day before he was to report for duty. Yesterday we got a letter saying he is excused. We have both been summoned several times over the last 10+ years, but the timing has never been right so we've always asked to be excused. Neither of us are opposed to serving as jurors sometime, but the timing has never worked out thus far. He was very happy to hear he's been excused as these next few months are going to be VERY busy for him as he needs to take his physical chemistry comprehensive exam and also write his thesis (which he must defend by July 25).

Our house was shown 8 times during the first 3 weeks it was on the market, but now in the 4th and 5th week it seems it will only have been shown once (this coming Sunday afternoon). I am not willing to move in July or August. If we're going to move prior to her arrival, it seems an offer will need to be made in the next couple of weeks. If that doesn't happen then I want to start working on setting up the nursery in early May. We figured why unpack the crib from the box if we might move before she's going to use it. Since we probably won't live here for that many months after she's born, I don't plan to put up wallpaper border or anything like that in the nursery in this house. I'll wait until after we move to do that. My parents had given us a "gift certificate" for a rocking chair or glider for Christmas. We'll also shop for that in a couple of weeks if it seems we won't be moving before July.

I admit I am annoyed with my OB's office that they haven't let me know my G/D test results yet. How hard is it to pick up the phone and leave me a message saying whether I passed or not? The system (HMO) has a website where you can check your medical record, and I've been checking there a million times a day as well but the lab results haven't showed up there yet either. If I don't hear this morning, I think I'll call again or send a message through the website. I think 48 hours is reasonable enough to wait when I know the results were available early on Tuesday morning.

P.S. TameraRae was correct - no news was good news! I sent an electronic message and about 2 hours later got the reply that my result was in the normal range (128). WOOHOO! I am relieved not to have to do the 3 hour fasting test. Some OBs use 140 as the cutoff and others use 130. I am not sure which my OB uses. If it's 130, I just squeaked by! Anyhow I am very glad I passed!

Third trimester!!!

Well baby is now officially 2/3 baked! In just two more days I'll be down to just 13 weeks left until her EDD. I am so thankful she has made it this far!!! Unfortunately I didn't sleep well last night. First of all Paul was up the whole night working on a presentation he is giving this evening. Even though we can't cuddle any more (due to the "nest"), I still don't sleep as well when he's not there. Hopefully I can at least get a better night's sleep tonight as I'm pooped at the moment.

I found out my reassigned time from the summer can't be moved to the fall. :-( I have asked another professor if he would teach a 12:00 literacy class so that I could teach his 11:00 math class. I hope he agrees to this switch. My babysitters are available at that time so they'd be watching her from 8:50-11:50 MWF if I can teach the math class. My choices if he doesn't agree to the switch are to teach the 12:00 literacy class (which I have never taught before so that means a new prep for me plus one of my babysitters isn't available that hour) or to supervise 5 student teachers. I have nothing against supervising student teachers except I have no idea how I'd arrange for babysitting for that. So the option I might pick is to cut back to 75% (take 25% off as maternity leave). The unfortunate part of that is we'd have to pay 55% of our health insurance premium (compared to 10% now) plus it will mean I can't take a sabbatical in 2010-11. So I am really praying Gordon agrees to switch classes. The last 4 years he's taught exclusively off-campus so he's taught about every course our department offers so I think he has already taught the literacy class before.

P.S. Well I got an answer already to my prayer request of my fall schedule. Gordon will let me teach the 11:00am math class he was scheduled to teach. PTL!! What a relief! My two babysitters are fine with this. Now I am just waiting to hear my G/D test results!

Orange Soda

Well I had my 1 hr. G/D test at 7:45 this morning. To me the drink just tasted like orange soda. My only objection was I don't like carbonated drinks and to drink it that quickly definitely made me feel the need to burp. I haven't heard yet if I passed it or not. Hopefully I did! I knew I didn't want to take the test after ladies Bible study as we were having a luncheon at the end since it was our last session until the summer study starts in June. I knew I'd eat some sweets at that (which I did). :-)

This hospital (where my RE is not where my OB is) has a section of parking spaces reserved for expectant and new mothers. Over the last 4 years, I've wondered if I'd ever be eligible to park in one of those spots. Well this morning I did. It put such a smile on my face to know I qualified! Another similar experience happened last week when we were signing up for the summer and fall sessions of Bible study. One column of the sign up sheet is for indicating how many children you have (under the age of 5) so they can plan accordingly for nursery workers. I was never so happy to write down the number "1" in that column by my name. Trust me I wanted to do the dance of joy in celebration of finally being able to write a number down!!

My Dean has suggested that instead of my 8:00 class I supervise 5 student teachers in the fall. This is definitely not my preference. I would rather have my reassigned time moved to the fall (only teach 9 credits) or teach another class at 8:00 or 11:00 on MWF. Although supervising student teachers is a super flexible activity in terms of scheduling, it would be much harder to line up a babysitter while I do that. So I would ask for prayer for this situation.

Babysitters

Saturday evening another student emailed me who also is interested in babysitting our daughter in the fall. On Sunday the one who had volunteered on Friday wrote back and said $8/hr was fine. I wasn't sure what the going rate was, but I knew it had gone up a lot since I was a babysitter in the 80's, LOL. I've had both Ashley and Angela in several classes over the last 3 years. They'll both be student teaching and then graduating next spring. Ashley is actually going to have me for the 4th time as she's taking my assessment class in May/June. Both have worked or are working in day care centers. Ashley works in one on campus which accepts children as young as 6 months, and Angela has worked in one that accepts them as young as 6 weeks. I have asked the two of them to work out a schedule. I wanted two so that I'll have a backup if one is sick or something like that. I believe they will take very good care of her! I still haven't heard officially that my reassigned time can be moved to the fall. I've only lined up babysitters for 8:50-10:50am thus far as that's the only time I know of so far that I will be teaching during the day in the fall.

Applebee's sent me a coupon for a free dinner sometime in April since my bday is this month. Handbells was cancelled for tonight; so we decided to use the coupon tonight. I always look forward to having dinner out with my hubby! :-) I plan to have the pecan crusted chicken salad tonight as I am thinking of having my 1 hour G/D test tomorrow morning before Bible study so I figure tonight is not the night to load up on carbs or sugar. I want to pass the test as I've heard the 3 hour test is really Not Fun. For one thing you have to fast for that one which sounds downright awful. Just two more days until I am officially in the 3rd trimester. WOOHOOO!

My fingers have already started to swell up. My wedding band still fits but most other rings either won't go on or they are a bit tight. Actually when Paul bought the wedding band 7 years ago I purposefully didn't get it sized properly. We had the engagement ring sized properly in 2000 (size 4 1/2) so I knew the wedding band wasn't going to fall off (size 6) with the engagement ring in front of it. Being able to wear this wedding band while pg was actually the reason I didn't get it sized 7 years ago. I had no idea the wait til that decision would prove wise would be 7 years, but I am glad this ring is "too big" as right now it fits nicely. I didn't think fingers swelled up until the very end of pgcy. Is it normal for it to happen this early? I mentioned it to the nurse last week, and she didn't seem concerned. She just told me not to wear them if they were too tight as too many patients have had to have rings cut off! Yesterday was the first day I only wore my wedding band. Normally I wear my wedding band & engagement ring on my 4th finger of my left hand and another ring (I rotate which one) on the 4th finger of my right hand. I think my fingers are going to feel bare the next 3 months, but at least my wedding band still fits. :-)

I'll Never Know

At least here on earth I don't think I'll ever know how many people have been praying for our daughter. I was reminded of this again yesterday at Paul's brother's surprise 40th bday party. There were about 60 people there - mostly family or people from their church. Several women whom I have never met before came up to me and told me that they are in Paul's mom's Sunday School class and that they have been praying fervently for this little one. I was blow away again by another glimpse of just how many have been praying for her. Being told by so many at my own church that they have been and are continuing to pray for her has been so very touching, but it's even more overwhelming (in a good way) to realize how many people I don't even know have been praying such as folks in Vancouver, Chicago, Ankara, etc. I plan to let my daughter know this from a very early age, and I hope when she's old enough to really understand it will be as touching to her as it is to me that she was so loved and prayed for by so, so, so many people even before she was born. Even people I have only met online have told me they have been praying for Paul and I for years. Amazing. I can't think of any situation the rest of my life where I have felt so "prayed for." I thank each and every one of you whether you've been praying for us/her for years, months, weeks, or days. She is living proof of the power of prayer!

I didn't think the heartburn could get worse, but it has. I'm not trying to be gross, but it's now coming up into my mouth. So far it's only happened at times when I've been forced to swallow it back down. OUCH that hurts! I am going to try to prop my head up more when I sleep which is a challenge with the total body pillow. Another lesson I have learned is I need to eat a bigger breakfast. I had a light yogurt (which used to be my norm but I've been eating the kind with sugar most of the time during pgcy) and an English muffin for breakfast today. It was not enough. Between my hunger and also feeling warm in the sanctuary, I felt awful. I left once during the sermon and laid down on the floor in the area where the coats were as I felt I was very close to passing out. After a few minutes I felt better and so we went back in. I lasted a bit longer but then the room started to spin again and I could feel the color draining from my face. I told Paul let's just leave. I didn't want to keep coming in and out. I sat in a chair in the lobby, and Paul went and got me a cupcake from the food to be served at coffee hour after the service was over. The food plus the cooler temp helped immensely. I don't normally go to the 8:00 service so I usually have eaten a snack before I go to church. Today was one of the unusual Sundays when I didn't have anything I was involved in for the 10:45 service (meaning handbells, choir, flute, or piano), and Paul prefers the 8:00. So no more light yogurt for me, and if I need to leave the house before 7:30am I am bringing a banana or some other snack with me as I sure don't want to feel as awful as I felt this morning again any time soon!

Sauna!

I said I was enjoying the warmer temps outside, and that is true. However, I do not enjoy a classroom that feels like a sauna! My classroom that I teach in from 12:00-2:50 MWF has been warm all semester. Of course it has felt warmer than it would have in the past since my body temp has risen due to being pg. In Jan/Feb I usually wore just a turtleneck with a skirt as a sweater would be too much in that room. Even the turtleneck was often too warm, but I would have felt funny wearing a short sleeve shirt when there was snow outside! For the last several weeks I've been wearing short sleeved shirts, and I've still been warm in that class, but it's been bearable. Yesterday it was not. I should have called maintenance to come and do something. The problem is the room is small, and when you first enter it at 8:00am it actually feels chilly in there, but from 9:00-1:50 there are 35 bodies in there and that raises the room temp tremendously. Yesterday it was so bad I was periodically stepping into the hallway to try to cool down for fear I was going to throw up or pass out. I was dizzy, my hands were swollen, etc. The students were all dying as well (but at least they only had to be in there 50 minutes and they aren't pg!). I won't put myself through that again. I hope they fix it, but if not I will call for help. I felt badly for a few hours even after I was done teaching.

To make matters worse, I hadn't felt her move during the day or the night before so by the time I got home at 4:30pm I wasn't feeling well physically or emotionally. I tried eating something sweet and when that didn't work I really started to panic. I was so tired I really didn't want to make a trip to the ER so I kept trying to wait and give her a chance to give me a kick. In the beginning when I first started to feel her move, the movements weren't consistent, but for the last few weeks I usually feel her many, many, many times a day. Thankfully around 6:15 I finally felt her move. Whew it was a big sense of relief! Today she's been her normal active self. I guess she just was not feeling like moving much yesterday. :-)

I talked with my dept chair about my fall schedule in light of the fact that so far only 4 students have signed up for my 8:00 class (their least favorite hour). He agreed it would be cancelled. I bounced a few ideas off of him as to how to adjust my schedule, and the one he liked best was to move my reassigned time from the summer to the fall (to work on an accreditation report). This would mean I'd get paid less this summer BUT in exchange I'd only teach 3 classes in the fall. It sounds perfect to me in light of being a new Mommy. He said he'll ask the Dean if that will be possible and get back to me next week. So that means I only would need a babysitter for 6 hours a week - not bad for working a FT job, eh? :-)

I talked to a few students yesterday in one of my classes about my need for a babysitter. This one group of girls are often talking about their babysitting experiences so they were the ones I decided to ask first. Well one already emailed me and said she would love to babysit my daughter from 8:50-10:50 on MWF. I want to have at least 2 babysitters lined up so I have a backup in case one is sick or something. Next, I need to see what Ashley thinks of the salary I was planning to pay ($8/hr). She's a really sweet person; this is the third class she's had with me since fall 05. She'll be a senior in the fall and will be student teaching next spring. If I can't be a SAHM (due to Paul being a FT student), this is the next best thing I think considering it's just 6 hours a week and she'll be in my office just around the corner from my classroom. Hopefully she'll sleep most of that time so she won't disturb anyone. I'll have bottles of pumped milk there for her, but I can feed her right before and right after my classes so I might not have to do too much pumping. I can also come check on her in between my two classes as I'll have a break from 9:50-10:00. Also, the semesters are only about 15 weeks long so this will only be for about 30 weeks a year. That also helps put things into perspective! Anyhow, I am glad I have at least one babysitter lined up for the fall! :-)