36

Well today is my 36th bday. Of course growing up I loved bdays. Then in my mid 20's I wasn't nearly as happy to see another year roll around as I wondered when I'd get married and start having children. Once I got married (age 29), then they didn't bother me again for a little while until we started having trouble ttc. I made the mistake of reassuring myself with the thought "surely by the next bday I would be a mom." This was especially true starting in 2005 since we had started pursuing adoption in 2004. The last two bdays were really, really hard. Well I am happy to say that is not the case this year!!! I still feel a tiny twinge of pain when I contemplate having turned 36 before I become a mom; I feel very "behind." However in life there really aren't set times when things like marriage and having babies are "supposed" to happen.

I remember as a child I met someone who was born in 1900, and she said how easy it was to remember how old she was every year. I remember telling some friends at school I wanted to have a baby in 2000 for that reason. Now sometimes children set unreasonable hopes for the future, but to hope to have a child at the age of 28 is not really an unreasonable thing. I remember in college when we'd talk about how many children we wanted to have and such, I remember telling my friends I hoped to have 3-4 children and be done having them before age 35. God's plans were obviously different than mine. :-) I still can't say I understand why I needed to wait until age 36 to become a mom, but it's not my job to understand - only to trust. Anyhow this bday is a MILLION times easier emotionally than any bday has been for more than 10 years bc my daughter (I love the sound of that word!) is kicking inside me!!!!!!!! My dream of becoming a mom which I have had for 20+ years is finally going to come true in less than 3 months!!! She's the best bday present of all. What else could I need or want?

I opened my bday presents from my sisters this morning as well as from Paul. He got me a gift certificate for a nail salon as I mentioned last weekend when I painted my toenails it was the last time I thought I could reach down there to paint them until after I give birth. So when they need repainted (thankfully the polish on toenails lasts a lot longer than on fingernails), I am going to use my certificate as I am sure by that point it would be even more painful to reach my toes. He also ordered two Steeler items (haven't come in yet) for our little girl. My sisters gave me a cute little outfit (pink!), 2 bibs, a calendar for recording "firsts," and 4 children's books (she has quite a growing collection which is wonderful in my opinion!). I am very thankful for all of these gifts which in one way or another all relate to BABY!!!

It's a good thing the choir cantata is in 2 weeks. I don't think I could do it much farther into the pgcy. I am not sure if it's my lungs and/or diaphragm that are being squished, but I get out of breath so easily and feel awful if I sing too much. Even just singing all the verses in a hymn is too much some Sunday mornings! We are doing the cantata twice that morning (8:00 and 10:45) so unless I have an easier time breathing that day, I think I won't actually sing every part of every song. I'll just sing as much as I can. I think I can do all the alto parts. Sometimes he has us also singing with the tenors when it's just supposed to be the tenors. I think I'll give myself a break during those parts. Playing handbells is no problem so I am sure I can play on May 18.