Meltdown

Our plan to give Ian a bottle of EBM after I've nursed him has backfired. Although it has helped with his weight gain problem (we discovered he's probably only getting about 9 ounces a day from me whereas he needs about 15 ounces a day), now he doesn't want to nurse at all. Nadia didn't start going on strike with nursing until she was about 6 months old; I can't believe Ian is doing so 2 days after turning one month old. I didn't want either child to have formula, but when your babies are admitted to the NICU, that's impossible to avoid as they start feeding them immediately and a woman's milk doesn't come in immediately after giving birth. In fact it often takes longer for milk to come in because you're not having any physical contact with your baby. He was born on Saturday and wasn't allowed to attempt to nurse for the first time until Thursday. I tried to get him to have as little contact with a bottle as possible; he was primarily fed through an NG tube. My plan had been to wait several weeks before introducing a bottle and then hoped that he'd only have bottles while I was at work on Monday and Tuesday evenings. I hoped this would mean I could nurse him for at least 12 months, but one of the conditions of discharge was that I give him a bottle after every nursing session, so my plan went out the window.

I had plenty of milk at one point, but I cut back on pumping when we came home from the hospital. It's really hard to pump several times a day when you're taking care of a newborn and an 18 month old. Since at that point Ian wasn't nursing very well, my supply went down. Then last week Diane suggested I stop pumping and my supply went down further even though Ian started nursing longer. Over the past 24 hours I've been taking lots of Fenugreek and pumping many times a day. The lactation nurse I spoke with today said I should see an improvement by Saturday. It won't do any good if Ian refuses to nurse. I am tempted to go cold turkey off both the shield and bottles over the next 24 hours - figuring that if he is hungry he'll nurse eventually, but it's so hard to watch him scream, plus I would then worry about him losing weight and/or becoming dehydrated. The next 3 days will be pivotal. Either nursing will improve a lot, or I'll likely throw in the towel, and that breaks my heart. I really wanted to nurse for 12 months for emotional reasons for myself and physical reasons for Ian. The pediatrician wants him to come in for an appointment. She said she's concerned that he's not gotten back to his birth weight yet. I really don't know how an appt is going to help anything. I'm going to wait until Monday to call. I would be an emotional wreck if I went in tomorrow.

I'm going to ask Paul to call Sarah and see if Nadia can spend the day there tomorrow. Nadia has been asking many times a day about Abbey (Sarah's 3 year old), and it will be well worth $20 if we avoid buying formula for 11 months. I want to spend all the time either nursing Ian, pumping, or sleeping. It's 7pm now, and from 3am until now (16 hours), I only slept 45 minutes. Nadia took a morning nap (that's when I got some sleep), but not an afternoon nap. If she's only going to take one nap, it needs to be in the afternoon. Starting tomorrow, I only plan on having her go down once a day. Hopefully this also will mean that she'll get up later (she got up at 5:30 this morning).

Grandma and Graduation

Yesterday morning my mom drove up to visit us. She got to hold Ian for the first time. Nadia also enjoyed playing with Grandma. I had hoped to get a nap, but unfortunately the lactation specialist (Diane) called me back after I had been asleep for about 15 minutes, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. Last night we went out for dinner with Ian and Nadia for the first time. Ian slept in his carseat while we were at Bonanza, which was a relief as I forgot to bring his pacifier. I need to keep one in my purse I think. I also forgot Nadia's bib, which isn't like me. Boy was I sorry I forgot it! Can I blame it on sleep deprivation?

Diane's advice was to weigh Ian before and after nursing him to see how much he's consuming. We found out it's not enough (1/2 to 1 ounce each time). So I started pumping after nursing him, taking Fenugreek, and giving him some of my milk or formula after nursing him a few times a day. I hope to discontinue all 3 practices once my milk supply goes back up again. The good news is that he gained 1/2 ounce on Tuesday and 1 ounce yesterday so he now weighs 6lbs. YAY! Just one more ounce and he'll be back to his birth weight. Hopefully he'll get there before he turns 5 weeks old.

I took advantage of my mom being here and only took Nadia to the bank yesterday. She was such a good girl! She was her usual friendly self - waving and saying "hi" and "goodbye," but she also said "please" and "thank you" to the bank manager who gave her some Smarties. The manager said she'd like to hire Nadia as a greeter. I was proud of how well she behaved, especially since we see a lot more undesirable behavior at home lately (fussing, tantrums, etc.). This morning my mom and I were amused as I was looking for her sippy cup, and Nadia went and retrieved it from the refrigerator of her play kitchen, LOL! Last night we were amused when Nadia imitated me and yelled "Paul" a few times just as I had been (he was upstairs and I was trying to get his attention). I guess I need to stick with calling him "Daddy" in front of her as I sure don't want our 18 month old calling either of us by our first names, LOL!

Today is the day Paul officially graduates with his Master's degree!!! He's not participating in the commencement ceremony taking place today. We should receive his degree in the mail. My mom said that now all of her children plus all of their spouses have earned at least a Master's degree. Two of us also have our doctorates, and two more are currently doctoral students (both should be "ABD" in a few months).

One Month Old!

His due date is still 8 days away, but our little boy turned one month old today! As you can see fron the photos, Ian likes a pacifier more than Nadia ever did. He doesn't need a pacifier when he's being held (at least by me anyhow), but the pacifier is most helpful when he's in the swing. Yesterday he spent a few daytime hours in the swing and his crib, which was a big improvement. Last night he slept in his crib (on the boppy) from 9pm to 4:30am (not including the times I was nursing him during those hours). He was in bed with us from 4:30-6:15am. Ian didn't have any formula yesterday, but maybe that's not a good thing as he still only weighs 5lb 14.5oz. I cried when I saw that number on the scale as it means he only has gained 1/2 ounce over the past 5 days. Not Good. I'm still waiting to hear back from the lactation specialists. The sleeper he's wearing in preemie size. It's a bit small on him in terms of the length, but most newborn size (and of course all 0-3 month size) clothes are still way too big for him. I'm waiting until newborn size clothes fit him before we go to Sears for his first photos.

I really am struggling with the nighttime feedings. I didn't get any naps yesterday, and I think that was part of the problem. Everytime he woke me up to nurse him, I felt like my head was going to explode it was pounding so badly.  I thought about having the neighbor watch Nadia for 2 hours a day so I could take a nap each day, but that would cost $50 a week. I feel like a wimp. Most moms must handle the sleep deprivation better than I do. Most nights with Ian are better than they were with Nadia when she was this age, but rarely getting a nap during the day is making it harder for me. Thankfully, I did get a little bit of sleep during the day today.

Nadia got up at 6:15, which was earlier than she had the last few days even though yesterday she only had one very short (30 min) nap due to the shot appointment interrupting her nap schedule. She didn't take a morning nap again today; I think that nap is definitely history. She was fussy yesterday after her shot, but today it doesn't seem to be affecting her. Her afternoon nap was 90 minutes today. I hope it lengthens now that it's her only nap.

In light of Ian being one month old today, I'm going to write more about our time in the hospital (things I don't think I've shared yet). My OB had said that if I went into labor, the c-section would take place within an hour of my arrival at the hospital. So I was surprised when they told me they were going to try to wait four days. I didn't know you could wait that long after your water had broken. However, we didn't think I'd make it that long. I thought that by choosing to have a c/s I'd avoid being in labor, but I was in labor for many hours before they finally checked me. I kept telling the nurses that I could feel that his head was really low and the contractions were very painful, but because I wasn't bleeding (????), they didn't request a doctor to check me. When they finally checked, he was at station 0 (the doctor said "his head is right there!"), and I was 5cm dilated. I had to push for one hour (when I was already 10cm dilated) to get Nadia from station -2 to 0. It also took hours to go from 5 to 8cm with Nadia, but it only took 15 minutes with Ian. Since they didn't take me seriously, even though we had been at the hospital for over 12 hours, it turned into another rushed c/s (although thankfully there was still time for a spinal whereas I had general anesthesia with Nadia). They were doing things like putting in the catheter while I was having very painful contractions. Not Fun. Of course I felt much better once the spinal kicked in.

Because they expected me to be in the hospital several days before I gave birth, I wasn't given a private room like I was last time. My first roommate, Shannon, was really nice, but I wasn't keen on having other people (she had a steady stream of visitors) in the room while I was in labor. Shannon gave birth to twin girls (from IVF) at 28 weeks. She didn't even know she was in labor when she was already 10cm. She thought she just had gas pains, lol! My second roommate had been hospitalized for one month for preterm labor (she was about to hit 28 weeks and then would be transferred to a hospital closer to her home). One thing that amused me was when my mom said it felt like we were at the SPCA with how often I was asked about having my tubes tied, birth control, etc. I didn't have them tied. I highly doubt I'll ever be pregnant again, but if I am and I experience preterm labor for the 3rd time, I hope they take me seriously for the 1st time. I wish they had given me the steroid shot at 33w. The fetal fibronectin test might be accurate 98% of the time, but it wasn't for me as I gave birth 9 days later when the test predicted I wouldn't give birth for at least 2 more weeks. Ian probably wouldn't have had RDS if I had been given the shot. I even asked the OB to see me 2 days before I had Ian, but he said I should just wait 4 more days for my scheduled appointment. I gave birth 2 days before that 34w appointment.

Well it's all water under the bridge now. Our sweet little gift from God is at home with us. What a miracle it is that we now have two beautiful children! Thank you, Lord!!!! He's so small that it feels like I'm a child playing with her baby doll. Except my dolls never woke me up at 1am or 3am, LOL.

Advice Appreciated

1. Nadia's appointment today was primarily for her to have the second dose of the H1N1 vaccine as she had the first half one month ago. It turns out they are out of the vaccine. They didn't call to cancel because she was also going to get the second Hep A vaccine shot. That one just needed to be given before she turned 23 months old. I wish they had called as not including getting the time it took to get the kids bundled up, getting this shot took 75 minutes and involved considerable crying on the part of both kids. Also, now isn't really the ideal time for me to deal with a fussy toddler. Anyhow, they said they'd call when they got more of the vaccine from the health department. My inclination is that I'll just skip it unless they have some in stock when we are there for my postpartum appointment or Ian's 2 month appointment (both will take place next month). What do you think? Is it really important that she get the second shot? I wish they had called as I would rather have rescheduled the Hep A shot for a day when they had more H1N1 vaccines on hand.

2. The one nap or two nap question has resurfaced. After many weeks of having two naps a day, she has only had a morning nap one day (Saturday) out of the past four days. The other three days she played happily in her crib for about an hour, but she never fell asleep. If per chance Ian happens to sleep during that hour, then it means I can get a short nap (not that I've had many naps over the past week). I am tempted to keep putting her in her crib two times a day even if the morning time is just a quiet playing time rather than a nap. What do you think?

3. I left a message with the lactation specialists, but I haven't heard back from any of them yet (there are 5 lactation nurses). I welcome any advice on how to help my little guy gain weight. It's discouraging that he's been home from the hospital for 3 weeks and only gained 5 1/2 ounces in that time span. He is nursing at least every 2 hours a day, and usually he nurses vigorously for at least 20 minutes. I have continued to have him switch sides if he falls asleep after nursing for a short period of time. My attempts to get him to nurse without the shield have been very unsuccessful. He can latch on, but he will only nurse for a few seconds at a time. He gets really, really frustrated and just gives up. I haven't been pumping. I'd like to resume pumping if that won't cause any problems. He's had an average of 2 ounces of formula a day over the past week. I'd rather that be a bottle of EBM if I get the okay to resume pumping.

MUCH Better Night!

I got a LOT more sleep last night. YAHOOO! I went to bed around 8pm after nursing Ian, and I woke up at 10:30 and nursed him again. Thankfully, I had no trouble putting him into his crib at 11pm. He woke up at 1am, and again putting him in his crib wasn't a problem after he finished nursing. This meant that by 3am (the next time he woke up) I had already gotten more sleep than I had gotten the entire previous night. He only nursed 10 minutes this time, and that's usually a bad sign. As I expected, over the next hour he kept waking up and only nursing for a few seconds or minutes. I handed him to Paul at 4:10am. Paul gave him 1.5 ounces of formula. I was wanting to put Ian back in the crib, but Paul was concerned that if it didn't go well, Ian would wake Nadia up. So Ian slept with us for about 90 minutes until he woke up to be nursed. Thankfully, Nadia didn't get up until around 7am. I have no idea why she recently shifted from waking up at 5:15am to 7am, but we really prefer the 7am wake-up time!!! After I finished nursing Ian, I put him in the swing so that Nadia and I could have breakfast. He's still in the swing right now! I am glad that the length of time he'll stay in the swing has been lengthening.

Nadia has an appointment this afternoon with the nurse to get two shots. One will be the second half of her H1N1 vaccine, and the other is a booster shot for another immunization. The good news is that aside from annual flu shots, I don't think Nadia will need any more shots until she's 4 years old. YAY! Ian will get several shots next month. The 2 month ones were the hardest for Nadia; she seemed to cry for about 24 hours straight. I hope Ian has an easier time with them.

Unfortunately, Ian has hit a roadblock with weight gain. He gained 3 ounces last Mon-Wed bit then only 1/2 an ounce from Thurs-Sun. I'm going to call the lactation nurse today. I thought I could relax, but I guess we haven't gotten to that point yet. He has been waking up during the night (usually every 2 hours) and that seemed like a big improvement to me as before I had to wake him up when it was time to nurse. There's no way he'll be back to his birth weight or even hit 6 lbs by tomorrow (when he'll be one month old). Please keep praying he'll get back on track with gaining weight!!! Thanks!

Rougher Night

I was hoping that last night would be a better night, but in fact I actually got less sleep last night. I went to bed around 8pm, and Paul gave Ian a bottle shortly after that. I got up a little after 10:30 and woke Ian up and nursed him. Around 11:30 I started trying to put him down in the crib. Sometimes he would last 10-15 minutes, but I was up with him until 2:30am at which point Paul took him downstairs so I could sleep for 45 minutes. I was so tired it felt like my head was going to explode. He fell asleep after I nursed him a little, but he only slept in the crib for 20 minutes before he started crying again. This time I brought him to bed with us, and thankfully I was able to get 2 hours of sleep before it was time to nurse him again. I expected Nadia to get up earlier this morning since she took 2 naps yesterday, but she didn't get up until 6:50. Getting Ian to sleep in his crib (in other words not in someone's arms) has moved up to my #1 priority. Nadia didn't take a morning nap since we went to church, but she did take a long afternoon nap.


One thing that amazed me this morning was that she said "Abbey." Neither Paul or I had mentioned that she'd be going to church. I am not sure if it was just a fluke (although she hadn't mentioned Abbey's name all week) or if she made the connection because Sunday is the only day she wears a dress and tights? Abbey's family wasn't at church this morning, but she did get to have fun playing with Grandma and PopPop who came over to visit us this afternoon. I took a long nap while she napped. I really hope tonight is a better night.


I added a couple of pictures to yesterday's post. One is of the cross stitch that Paul's Gram made for Ian. I hung it on Wednesday. It hit me that I used to hang things when I was single, and that I didn't need to wait for Paul to do it. Paul hung the boat on Thursday, the airplane on Friday, and the video camera on Saturday. After he hangs the car, Ian's room will be done. I will take a picture of the wall that has the airplane, clock, and car after Paul hangs the car.

Rough Night

Last night was definitely the worst with Ian, although that might have been the norm when Nadia was this age. Paul had given Ian 2oz of formula shortly after I went to bed. I got up to nurse him at 10:30pm, and within 5 minutes of my return to bed, Nadia woke up at 11:05pm. I tried getting her back to sleep, but it was Paul who eventually got her back to sleep. Ian woke up at 1am, and I nursed him (including a diaper change in the middle) for 45 minutes. I then made the fateful decision to put him back down in the crib swaddled in the corner (not in the boppy). Within a few minutes he woke up, and it took me 45 minutes to get him back to sleep. Unfortunately even then he only slept a few minutes before he woke up again. After I had been up from 1-3:30am, I brought him to bed with us and finally we both got some sleep. I nursed him again at 6:30am. Thankfully Nadia slept until 7:15am, which was 2 hours later than she has been waking up lately. She wouldn't take a morning nap yesterday (first time that happened in a long time); I think that's why she slept later this morning. She did take two naps today, but I'm hoping she won't get up any earlier than 6am tomorrow morning. I know I need to wean Ian off of sleeping on the boppy, but I won't be working on that tonight as I am really, really hoping to get a much better night of sleep!

Unfortunately the weigh-in didn't go as well today. I hadn't weighed him since Thursday morning, and during that time span he only gained 1/2 an ounce. I was bummed when I saw that he still needs to gain 1.5 ounces to hit 6lbs (2.5 to reach his birth weight). I really was hoping he'd reach his birth weight by the time he turned 1 month old. Well hopefully he'll at least hit 6lb by then (Tuesday). The lactation nurse on Monday said he should gain at least 4 ounces a week, and I think he will still achieve that goal (presuming he gains at least 1/2 ounce by tomorrow).

Things I need to work with Ian on (aside from continuing to gain weight) include #1 weaning him off the shield, #2 getting him to start sleeping in the crib or pack & play during the day (he's almost always in someone's arms), and #3 weaning him off of sleeping in the boppy when he's in his crib. The process toward achieving these goals won't be fun, but I know it will be worth the efforts. Paul installed the video camera in his room today. I was waiting for that to happen before I started putting him in the crib during the day.

Sharing with Ian

I can see that sharing with Ian isn't going to come naturally for Nadia (does it come naturally to any 18 month old?). It's helpful that the swing is new, and therefore she doesn't think of it as being hers. I put Ian in the rocker/bouncer one time and she had a fit. She definitely thinks that's HER chair. Today I put Ian down in the gym for the first time, and both kids were crying. Ian isn't fond of tummy time, and Nadia wasn't fond of Ian playing in "her" gym. I was surprised about that as the gym has been packed away for probably about 10 months, but she definitely remembers the gym and doesn't want to share it with Ian. She was turning it into an obstacle course this morning as she was crawling under the bars and such. Right now she's outside being pulled around the yard in a sled by her daddy. FUN!!

Nadia is now using the word "okay" to answer her own requests. She'll say something like "Bob" as a question (meaning she wants to watch VeggieTales) and then will change inflection to give the answer she wants to hear me say "okay." Unforutunately when I don't agree, she then has a temper tantrum.

I didn't weigh Ian this morning. I feel so relaxed about his weight gain that I thought I don't need to keep weighing him every single day. He didn't have any formula or bottles yesterday. I'm hoping the next time I weigh him that he'll weigh 6lbs! We've taken a step backward in terms of weaning him off the shield though. He was doing better with that a couple of days ago. Now he works himself into a total frenzy if he has any trouble latching on (with or without the shield). Maybe I'll call the lactation nurses to see if they have any advice. With Nadia I just had to go "cold turkey," but she was far more motivated to nurse than he usually is. I'm afraid he'll just choose not to nurse.

Dollhouse

Nadia enjoys playing with the dollhouse we got her for Christmas (I got it used on eBay). It has a doorbell that rings and a phone on the kitchen wall that makes sounds also. She likes to put her reindeer (stuffed animal) in the bathtub.

Let me say I am very impressed with Nadia's memory. It has been at the very least two months since she went to the library with me. When we walked in the door, the first thing she said was "bear," and then she turned down one hallway and walked into the room in which there is stuffed animal (bear) sitting on a chair. I couldn't believe it! Something that cracked me up at the library was that even during our brief visit, she said "okay" enough times that one of the librarians commented that "okay" must currently be Nadia's favorite word. Yes, it definitely is!

Last night I went to bed at 7:30pm. Paul gave Ian 2 ounces of formula at 8:40. I came down to feed him at 9:30, but since Ian had already been fed (and was asleep). I pumped 2 ounces. Paul fed him the bottle of my milk after 11pm. This meant I got five hours of sleep before I got up to feed Ian at 1am. WOOHOO! I woke him up to feed him at 1am and 3am. He didn't sleep much between 3-5am, and then Nadia woke up at 5:15. Even though I got almost no sleep after 3am, I still got way more sleep last night than I had the previous night. I felt soooo much better today than I did yesterday! Ian gained another ounce yesterday. He's up to 5lb 14oz. YAY! He gained 3 ounces in the last 3 days!! I am no longer stressed about his weight. The doctor's office called yesterday to ask if I wanted to bring him in for another weight check. I told them that he was doing much better this week and that I was weighing him every day. It's much easier to weigh him at home. Going to the doctor's office takes at the very minimum one hour including driving time, and that's not including the time it takes to get the kids bundled up and such. Speaking of weight gain, I weighed Nadia yesterday, and she's up to 26lbs 6oz. She certainly feels heavy compared to her almost 6lb brother!

These last two pictures were taken yesterday. Nadia asks me many times a day to hold her brother. I take that as a good sign that she's warming up to the idea that he's joined our family!

5lb 13oz!

Ian gained another 1/2 ounce yesterday! I was very happy to see 5lb 13oz when I put him on the scale this morning (with just a dry diaper on). He gained 2 ounces in 2 days which is a vast improvement considering the first 2 weeks he was home he only gained 2 ounces. An ounce a day is MUCH better than an ounce a week. Just four more ounces and he'll be back to his birth weight.

Paul didn't end up going to PSU yesterday, but he did go in today. We three are on our own for the first time today. I commented to Paul how I wasn't sure how I functioned when Nadia was this age because I was getting less sleep at night with her. He reminded me that I slept a lot more during the day when she was sleeping. Very true. My only chances for napping now are when Nadia is napping (which is a lot less than how much a newborn naps), and usually I am nursing Ian during at least a part of each of her naps. The adrenaline that was keeping me going the first few weeks seems to have vanished. I am pooped. I am not even reading during the night time feedings. I read five books in six days, and now after several days I still haven't finished the 6th book that I checked out last Monday.

Last night someone from the church brought us chicken and waffles. Neither Paul or I had ever eaten that before. Since I don't like gravy, I only ate the chicken (without the gravy or waffles), but Paul did eat the chicken and waffles with gravy. I thought the apple pie she brought was very delicious! I would have eaten the waffles with syrup if they didn't have pulled, stewed chicken on top. I think this is a Pennsylvania Dutch meal. I was surprised that Paul had never had it before since he's lived in PA almost his whole life.

Nadia is starting to adjust to having a brother. She says his name now. It's almost noon, and she hasn't had any temper tantrums today. YAY! She is definitely watching more tv these days though as that's one way to keep her happy when I am nursing Ian and Paul isn't around. I know it's just a temporary situation. As you can see from the photos below, she loves her kitchen. The third photo (below) cracks me up. I think she's going to be a multitasker like her Mommy - she's cooking and talking on the phone at the same time, LOL!