"containing a developing embryo, fetus, or unborn offspring within the body." So by this definition I was pregnant in August as there were 3 embryos within my body. I considered myself to be pregnant, and when the test was negative 11 days later, I felt as if I had a miscarriage even though in the eyes of the medical profession I had never been pregnant. As a side note, at every OB appt when they go through the list of questions they either ask for confirmation or state that this is my 2nd pgcy. I wish they wouldn't. I don't like to be reminded of it every single time. In fact it even says it on my kick count chart - they filled in that this is my 2nd pgcy.
Anyhow, back to when does a woman become a mother. I looked "mother" up in the dictionary, and it said "a woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child." So this definition does seem to say that motherhood starts at conception. In which case this was my 3rd Mother's Day as a little life was conceived within me in June 2005. I remember TameraRae making that comment last year on the blog that I was indeed a mother already even though there were no children in my home at that time. Since I believe life begins at conception, I do agree on some level that I have been a mother since June 2005, but of course since I've never held a child of my own in my arms, I haven't really felt like a mother. For whatever reason, I feel differently at this point. That time I never even saw my little one on u/s - only b/w and hpts proved his/her existence. This little one I have seen on u/s 5 times so far, and I have felt her move many, many times. It feels more "real."
The reason for my analysis is I could tell that people were defining when someone becomes a mother in different ways at church this morning. Some said to me "Happy Mother-to-be Day," some said "Happy Mother's Day" and specifically commented on how I am a mother NOW (not going to become one in 2 months), and one said "I know I shouldn't say this, but Happy Mother's Day." I felt like she was saying you're not a mother yet, but I want to wish you a happy Mother's Day anyhow. Well I think I am a mother now, and in reality I have been a mother for almost 3 years. This feels like my first Mother's Day. Other moms (like Jo) consider their first Mother's Day to be the first one they celebrate after having given birth even if they were pregnant during the previous year's Mother's Day. Well either way, I had a lovely Mother's Day this year as my daughter kicked within me. Paul's parents gave me a card at our lunch yesterday so I have 3 cards to treasure for years to come.
Speaking of definitions, I was reading on Dani's blog about a contest NBC's "The Today Show" has been running in which they had five categories of "moms." One was called "Non-mom Mom" and was defined as "Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child." WHAT?!?!?! I think this is incredibly insulting to those who become REAL moms by adopting a child. How are they ANY less a mom than one who gives birth??? Unbelievable. If we ever adopt, I hope no one ever asks me about my child's "real mom." If I adopt, I am the REAL mom. Since when does the term "real" equal "biological"????
Prior to having lunch, we did a little shopping as Paul had told me on my bday that my other gift was a stock pot (to replace ours which has seen better days). He had shopped for one at the mall near our house, but they only sold them in sets with other pots/pans not individually. So we went to the Boscov's down where we used to live and got a stock pot. While we were there I had to see if they had any bargains on infant clothing. I must admit I feel a little delinquent as currently I own very little clothing for our girl who is due in just 9 weeks, and some of what I own is for the future like 2 Christmas dresses for example. I have been told not to buy clothing until after my baby showers as I'll get a lot of clothing then and after the showers then I'll know what I still need to purchase. I agree this makes sense, but as one who usually plans ahead, it feels hard to wait until what feels like the "last minute." But I restrained myself and only bought two items - a short sleeved onesie for this summer (the message on it cracked me up!) and a long sleeve OshKosh shirt for the winter (6 months). The total for the 2 items was $5.98 (original prices totaled $29). When I walk around the store and see all the adorable clothing, I feel like a kid in a candy factory. It's going to be a LOT of fun to go shopping once it is time to do so! I think my two favorite things to purchase right now are clothes for my daughter and books for my daughter. Right now she owns FAR more books than clothing, LOL!!!
Well today is the start of my one week off before the summer session starts. Saturday I did a lot of work on preparing for the course this summer and also started working on the syllabi for my fall courses. I have decided though that I want to make this a relaxing week. I am sure I will get more work done. I'd have to go away somewhere to really take the whole week off, but I want to not feel as "driven" to cross things off my to do list as I usually am. Nothing has to be completed this week. I checked out 2 books from the church library yesterday (novels), and I hadn't read the one I checked out last Sunday. So that is an example of how I want to spend my time this week - reading fiction. :-) I have a Christian Education board mtg at 4:30 at church and then handbells at 6:30, but I plan to stay home up until that point. Paul will also probably be at home this week as his advisor is on vacation in NC. He plans to work on starting to write his thesis as well as studying for his comps which he will take in 2 weeks. So it will be nice to have more time with my hubby this week. :-)
I will close with the words of Annie, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow. You're only a day away." I wonder what I might be looking forward to tomorrow? LOL!
2 comments:
I believe you are a mother at conception. Mother's day is a day to celebrate being a mother. When you are never able to parent your child, you just don't feel like celebrating. On my first mother's day, I stayed home from church. I just didn't want to deal with all of my emotions in front of people. Instead, I had Matt's family over for brunch. When our meal was ready, Matt's brother said, "Mom's first." Then he got in line behind his wife and mother. I just sat in the living room until everyone had their plates filled. My sister came over after church, and brought me a gift. It was nice to be acknowledged.
Thank you, Lynn. What you said makes perfect sense to me. I hadn't thought of it like that - but yes that's what I experienced the last couple of years. I did believe I became a mother in June 2005 but yet I didn't feel like celebrating Mother's Day until this year. I am glad your sister was so thoughtful to you on your first Mother's Day. I can't imagine losing a baby so late in a pgcy as you (and Erica also) did. I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that since then you've been blessed with Lane & Candace. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday.
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