Aside from not going to work on Thursday, my schedule didn’t
change on Thursday or Friday. I still took the kids to gym and art class on
Friday. However my plans for Saturday through today drastically changed. The
plan for Saturday had been to take the kids to their three basketball games
(10, 12, and 1) and then take Nadia to see the musical Little Women from 2-5pm.
Instead I left the house at 7am to drive to the airport in Philadelphia to pick
up my sister. We then drove to Maurice’s apartment. A detective met us there to
give us the keys to his apartment. I saw the first six basketball games for all
three kids. I missed Nadia’s seventh game due to Ian throwing up and Paul being
in Kentucky. I didn’t take the boys to their 7th games due to Ian’s
illness. Nadia had zero baskets during the first six games that I watched. She
scored one basket in her seventh game and two baskets in her eighth game, which
means I missed all of her baskets this season. Last season she made one basket.
So if you put the two seasons together, I watched 14 of 16 games and saw only 1
of 4 baskets that she made. What lousy timing! Her last season of basketball
will be next year; hopefully I get to see a basket as I haven’t seen her make
one since March 2018. Ian scored one basket, but that was pretty typical for
him. He played seven games and scored five baskets plus one free throw
altogether. I only missed his last basket. Oliver had a short season last year
due to his skull fracture. He didn’t make any baskets last year. I watched his
first six games this season, and he didn’t score at all those weeks. During his
last game he made two baskets. The first one he was unguarded as the other team
ran the wrong way. The second one he made while being guarded. So between the
three kids they scored a total of five baskets during their last game, and the
rest of the season the most we had in a game was one. Again, what awful timing
for me!
Little Women was one of my most favorite books growing up.
My fifth grade teacher gave me an anthology of Louisa May Alcott’s works. I
passed it on to Nadia recently. I have never seen the musical Little Women
before, and the Christian school at our church chose that as their production
this year. I had purchased tickets for March 9 at 2pm several weeks ago. When I
learned of my brother’s passing, I asked the music pastor if I could use our
tickets on March 8 at 7pm. There were four performances – three at 7pm
(Thursday- Saturday) plus the one I bought tickets for. He said that was fine,
but when it was about 6pm on Friday, I knew there was no way I could attend the
event. I went to bed at 8pm that night, and the musical was 3 hours long. I called
Tab, and she said she’d be happy to go in my place. She had wanted to attend,
but her boys weren’t interested. I was thrilled that Nadia still got to go and
that Tab was able to see it, but it was definitely a disappointment that I wasn’t
able to attend. Hopefully sometime in my life I’ll be able to see that musical. We had planned to be in NYC Sunday through Tuesday. The only things I had paid money for in advance were two nights at an Airbnb and 5 tickets for a tour at the Tenement Museum. Even though the tickets are supposed to be nonrefundable, the Tenement Museum did process a complete refund when I emailed them and told them what happened. I am hoping after I submit proof that my brother passed away that we'll also get the money back from Airbnb.
I worked really hard while we were in Philadelphia. The
place was a mess. He was definitely a bachelor. There was a lot of garbage to
throw away and then the sorting process began. What to keep, what to donate,
and what to throw away. Wendy spent a lot of the two days at his computer –
seeing what websites he had visited last, memorializing his Facebook page, and
trying to figure out how to change his password so that I would be able to use
the computer after we unplugged it. He had two monitors attached to his
desktop, and the screens were still on showing what he had been working on last
when we arrived. He had laid down on the floor in front of his computer on
Sunday afternoon around 2pm, and that was where he was discovered by the police
at 9pm on Wednesday evening. The apartment smelled, but thankfully the weather
turned milder on Saturday and we were able to open a window to try to air it
out a bit. In addition to sorting through his clothes, books, etc. we were also
trying to find his will that he wrote in 2012. Sadly, we didn’t find the will.
We’re hoping my dad will find it in Virginia or my sister will find it in
Maryland. My dad and sisters have agreed to appoint me as his executrix. In
addition to sorting, I made many, many trips to a few different dumpsters. I
definitely got plenty of exercise those two days. We also made many trips to
load up my minivan. We had to toss the majority of his books. It was
emotionally hard for us to do that, but #1 we didn’t know anyone who would be
interested in reading a massive tome on say red vases, #2 we looked up the
value online and the vast majority that I researched were worth less than $1
each, and #3 I didn’t have room in my van for everything. He had used a U-Haul
in August. I saved a few classics, which Paul claimed. I mostly saved field
guides and other books about animals that I thought it would be easier to find
people who would like to read them. I am planning on having them available at
either the funeral or the luncheon this Thursday so maybe some of his friends
might claim a book or two about birds. I claimed one animal book for myself
that I would like to read. There probably were other books I should have
claimed for Paul, but we were under the gun. I kept telling myself, we did the
best we could under the circumstances.
The university paid for Wendy’s airfare from Chicago to
Philadelphia (which wasn’t cheap since it was purchased the day before she
flew), and they also paid for one room for us at the Sheraton near the campus.
We left the van parked on Maurice’s street and walked across campus to get to
the Sheraton on Saturday night. I had packed my lunch, and we ate dinner at a
Mexican restaurant called Distrito where Maurice had planned to eat lunch on
Thursday with a friend. The room was very comfortable. Unfortunately it was the
“spring forward” weekend. Again it was horrible timing to lose an hour when we
already had so much to do in so little time. I began to wonder if we were going
to finish before I needed to take Wendy to the airport on Sunday afternoon, but
we finished in the nick of time. On our way to the airport we dropped the keys
off at the police station and bought some food at Wendy’s. We had gotten
breakfast at Dunkin Donuts as we walked from the Sheraton back to his
apartment. To save time we only ate two meals on Sunday. I was definitely
hungry by the time we ate our chili at Wendy’s. We had called a thrift store on Saturday to
see if they’d pick up a chair, ottoman, and desk, but they said they only do
pick-ups Monday through Friday. Yvonne would like the queen size sleep number
bed to be returned to her house in Maryland. It seems that someone from Penn is
going to assist her with that. I believe the landlady will handle having the
other furniture donated. We didn’t have room for a lick of furniture in the
van. I was going to take a small bookshelf. We also left the window a/c unit he
purchased. Hopefully the next tenant will enjoy having that. I had brought
cleaning supplies, but I hadn’t thought to bring a vacuum. The carpet REALLY
needed vacuuming, but it turned out we didn’t have time to clean. Wendy hand
washed his dishes (which all had food crusted on them), and I cleaned the
bathroom sink and mirror, and that was it. I didn’t have time to clean his
toilet, shower, kitchen sink, etc. Throughout the weekend we naturally shed
some tears, but I believe we both deserved a pat on the back for keeping it
together most of the time. I certainly cried more on Thursday and Friday than I
did on Saturday and Sunday, which surprised me given we were actually in his
apartment. And while we were attempting to find a recycling center, we both had
some good belly laughs, which felt great as I hadn’t laughed in several days.
I got home Sunday night, and Paul helped unload the van. I
am the type of person who feels the need to deal with the stuff ASAP because I
despise clutter. So by Monday night everything had been placed either in a pile
to go back in the van to go to Maryland, put away, stored in the basement, or
donated to Goodwill. Monday morning Paul met his Dad in Danville. His mom had
an appointment at the hospital so Pop Pop watched the kids at McDonald’s for a
few hours. Paul went to work, and I visited 5 student teachers between
9:00-3:00. I also received a flower arrangement at the house. After I concluded
my last student teacher conference, I drove to Walmart to buy guinea pig food,
donated items at Goodwill, and went to the library. Last night I began trying
to tackle his finances. I was a bit concerned because the credit cards in his
wallet were all expired, and they weren’t the same accounts that he had actually
been using according to what I found on his computer. I called two credit card
companies last night to report that he had passed away. I had paid his balances
before doing so, but it turns out they didn’t expect any payment in light of
his passing. I still think it was the right thing to do. I also contacted his
cable internet provider to cancel his service. I need to find out how to return
the modem he had been renting. I need to cancel his renters insurance and his
Verizon cell phone plan.
I have been holding off on the cell phone because I have
used his cell phone (as a trusted device) to gain access to other things as I’ll
say “forgot the password” and they’ll text a code to his phone. His phone didn’t
have a passcode thank goodness. His desktop was on, and through Wendy and one
of his best friends (Lars) we were able to change the password before
unplugging it. This gave us access to all his passwords stored on that
computer. Thankfully he used one of those passwords on his laptop so we were
able to figure out what the hint “forests” was referring to. The only thing we
couldn’t access was his iPad. It required either touch id (nope!) or a six
digit pin. This morning I connected it to his iTunes account on
his desktop and wiped the thing clean by restoring it, which meant I could set
a new passcode. Since he had backed it up on March 1, I was able to get his photos and
such back.
Looking through his devices we can tell that his last phone
call (made or received) were to me on Friday night. He had planned to eat at Boston
Market that day according to the calories he had entered into the Lose it
website, but according to his credit card he never actually ate anything that
day. All text messages, Facebook messages, emails, etc that were received 2:08
onward were unread. The last message he read was from his friend, Aaron, at
2:01 pm. His friend asked him a question, and he didn’t respond. Similarly, he
had been chatting with Yvonne and I on Facebook a few minutes earlier. His last
message he typed was about how GI bugs didn’t bother him either (he said in
response to something I said regarding the GI bug Ian had). He had sent us his
take home exam answers, and he asked Yvonne a question about what she thought
of it. She responded pretty quickly, but he passed away (or at least became unconscious)
before he read her reply.
Yesterday at 5pm they had a sort of service in honor of
Maurice at Penn. The kids and I are driving to Maryland today. We’re picking
Aunt Janet up at the airport on our way there. Yvonne and her family (ten of
them) arrived in Maryland around midnight last night (or early this morning
depending on how you want to think about it). Aunt Tina and Wendy’s family are
flying in tomorrow. Paul will also drive down tomorrow. When my Dad and Margie
come will depend on how she’s feeling as she was diagnosed with Influenza yesterday.
The funeral is on Thursday morning. The pastor of that church is one of his
closest friends, and he wanted an open casket viewing. I had voted for
cremation, as we did with mom. The compromise was open casket from 9-10, closed
casket viewing with family present from 10-11 (as I’m not the only family
member who doesn’t want to see his earthly shell again), service at 11, and
lunch to follow. I need to write a brief eulogy. We shall see if I read it
myself or pass it off for someone else to read if I’m too emotional that
morning. I also need to start working on a slide show of photos. We have
gathered various memorabilia to place around the casket. There will also be a
celebration of life service for him at the school in Brazil where he taught for
three years. I can't believe in less than three years we are going through the second funeral of our original immediate family of six. The ironic thing is that my mom had one sister, and my dad had a sister plus a half-sister. All three of my parents' sisters are still alive. That means my sisters and I have experienced something that our parents had not yet experienced - the death of a sibling. Maurice wasn't even to the age yet that my parents were when he was born. This is why it's so very hard to wrap my brain around the fact he is gone, even though I just spent two days cleaning out his apartment. It just seems to be too awful to be true.
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