Ouch!

Well in the middle of the night I woke up in rather intense pain in my ovaries, and although it's not as sharp, the pressure is definitely back. The last few days I could walk without pain (well except my hips hurt when I walk from the PIO), and the seatbelt also was no longer hurting me. Well that temporary reprieve is over. And I am glad, LOL! On Saturday the nurse said the bloating might return on Wednesday, particularly if I am pregnant. So I was a little disappointed yesterday when I felt fine. I like being in less pain, but I was hoping it didn't mean I wasn't pregnant. Of course my pain today doesn't guarantee I am pregnant, but it is an encouraging sign (according to the nurse anyhow!). Now the pain in my butt is not an encouraging symptom, but yikes has the pain there greatly intensified today as well!!! Well if these injections lead to a baby (or babies!) they will be soooooooo worth it!

One was frozen

Well of the four embyros only one made it to the blastocyst stage, and they have to make it to that stage to be frozen. My guess (although I have zero proof) is that likely the one that made it was the one "very good" one; so I am grateful for Dr. A's suggestion that we transfer two very good ones and one moderate one on Saturday as possibly if we had transferred all three "very good" ones (which would have been my first instinct) we might not have had any to freeze. I am encouraged on the one hand by the fact that one DID make it - in the lab no less which some feel is not quite as good as the uterus. So that encourages me that if one kept progressing properly in that environment then hopefully one (or more) are still growing inside me. And I am also encouraged by the fact that we will have one additional attempt at pregnancy in the future without needing to do another retrieval. I admit also though I am a little sad. I was really and truly cheering on all seven embryos, and I was hoping at the very least two would make it. Plus I feel sad for the three little embies that are gone now. However I have been praying about this so frequently and am trying to trust that it is all unfolding just as God sees best. It's not like we were really planning on having seven children!!! Hopefully these four (one frozen and three in me) will result in at least one child in our arms some day, and maybe just maybe these four will result in two, three, or four children! One REALLY good thing is that even if I got pregnant with twins or triplets, I believe Paul would agree to me doing a transfer in the future of the final embryo; so it is a relief not to need to think of placing any embryos up for adoption. And the bottom line at the moment is that it means that all our chances do not rest on the pregnancy test result next week. If I get a negative result next week, it will be much easier to handle if I know we can do a frozen transfer in the not so distant future.

I felt so badly as I called the RE's office about 12:15 to let them know I was leaving the house and would they please call my cell phone instead. And then I left the cell phone at home! OOPS! I was charging it up and forgot to put it in my purse. I kept waiting and waiting at school for my phone to ring, and I kept my purse close at hand. Well Denise was a sweetheart and she tried me at home a few times (left one message on the answering machine) and also tried my cell phone I think about 5 times (according the the missed call log). YIKES! I feel so badly that I put them through that, and I feel so appreciative that they were so persistent. She was calling as I walked in the door about 4:50pm, so I did speak to her directly at that point. I will make sure to apologize profusely the next time I see her or talk to her!!!

My Beta is scheduled for August 17. They usually do it 14 days past transfer, but since that will be a Saturday they gave me the option of coming in on Friday (13dp3dt). Still that's later than most RE's test. Usually they test at 10 or 11 days past the 3 day transfer (13 or 14 days past retrieval which is the same as "ovulation" in this case). I probably will do a pregnancy test at home. I have not decided when except I have decided at the earliest it will be next Tuesday (which is when many RE's start doing Betas). I'm not going to say for sure - in part because I haven't decided for sure, and in part because I don't want to have to tell on here or have someone ask me. At the latest I will do a hpt next Friday morning as I do not want to find out by a phone call. I want to have a good idea what the news will be before the phone rings. So here's how I think it will work - if I get a negative you won't hear about it until I get my Beta results. So you might be in suspense until Aug 17. If I get a positive then I am sure I will tell the world immediately. But please don't assume that if I don't post anything next Tuesday or Wednesday that it means I got a negative. It might just mean I decided to wait. Does that make sense? LOL

We got a couple of emails recently from Cathy (of Adoption Consultants). One she wants us to send 10 more profiles. There was a miscommunication. I would have done 40 in the last batch rather than 30 had I known she wanted 40 more. I thought since we sent 10 in the first batch we only needed to send 30 in the second. Actually I know I even asked her that directly, but obviously we just had a miscommunication. I am going to wait a little as I am just not in the frame of mind yet to do that. When we did the last I was praying they were the last we'd ever do. We've already made 180 profiles, but I guess the number will rise to 190 soon. Also, she sent a "situation" which didn't meet our preferences in terms of race, but upon seeing photos of another child that this particular birthmother and birthfather had together, we were fine with the racial mixture. However, the birthmother expenses are just too much for us. The total adoption would be more than $25K (we've paid $4,900 of that already). That's too much for us. So we will just decline (plus Paul said maybe I'm already pregnant with twins which is true!). I am glad though we are still pursuing adoption even though it hasn't gotten us anywhere the past 1,000+ days, it's nice to know IVF is not our only possible way to become parents.

No freeze report yet

I called the RE's office yesterday afternoon because #1 I was not feeling well (dizzy, nauseous whenever I was standing or walking) and #2 to get the freeze report. They didn't have it yesterday, and Denise (one of the nurses) told me if I wasn't feeling better I should come in to be seen by the RE. Well I have been feeling better since then. Denise just called a few minutes to check on me. She said if I felt the same or worse I needed to come in today to be seen, but I told her I felt much better. She said Teresa (the embryologist) hasn't given them our freeze report yet, but they should be calling us later today with that information. I'll post it when I find out. I had a rough night at first last night, but two Tylenol plus a pillow under my knees decreased the pain enough that I could get to sleep finally. Thank goodness... My bloating has definitely gone down as I can now wear the size shorts I was wearing most of the summer (whereas the last week or so I've had to wear one size bigger).

PIO injections

Well I had been warned that the PIO injections were the most painful. So I was pleasantly surprised when it didn't hurt on Friday night. However, now I understand what they mean by "most painful." The others might burn or sting more when the medicine is being injected, but the discomfort afterward usually only lasted a few minutes. PIO doesn't hurt too much while being injected (particularly as I use ice before and afterward), but I am now in fairly constant awareness of the two injection sites (we are alternating sides each night). So my plan is that every time I feel discomfort that I will use that as a reminder to pray for my embryos. After today, I'll just be focusing my prayers on the 3 inside me as any of the other 4 that continued to grow will be in a frozen state. Paul thought I was a little crazy when he saw me with my hand over my belly encouraging the embryos to implant in my uterus, but he's been protective in his own way. For example, the nurse said to not allow myself to be overheated and not to go in a sauna or hot tub. So Paul has been encouraging me to take cooler showers than I normally do. My 48 hours of bedrest is almost done. I have to say I am glad! I really am ready for a shower and to "return to the land of the living" as my mom would say. I'll be teaching tonight at BU. Hopefully my next post will be to report good news about the 4 embryos that weren't transferred back on Saturday.

Finally, I still ask for prayers that I not develop OHSS. The nurse said if I am going to get it that likely the symptoms will start showing up this Wednesday. On the other hand I am relieved that my ovaries are still enlarged. If they go down in size it means I'm not pregnant. So I am hoping I'll have enlarged ovaries for about 7 more weeks or so (that's when they typically go down in size if you are pregnant). It's uncomfortable, but it's another way I can be reminded to pray for the three little embryos inside me. Hopefully all three have reached the blastocyst stage today! Grow little beans, GROW! Implant little beans, IMPLANT! I am praying for sticky little beans!!!

1,000th Day

Well today is the 1,000th day since we started the adoption process, (and we've ttc for 1,915 days). I really hope and pray sometime in the next year our waiting will come to a close - either we'll have a baby from IVF or adopt a baby (probably through Cathy is the more likely scenario). I never dreamed when we started ttc in 2002 that our efforts to become parents would include creating 180 profiles for birthmothers, having over 100 shots in my belly, creating 2 Ukrainian dossiers, going through 3 home studies, spending about $35,000 so far, etc.

Well at the moment I consider myself to be pregnant with triplets until proven otherwise! I have been on the couch since we got home aside from going to the bathroom. I took a nap yesterday and STILL slept 10 hours last night! I'm still praying for all seven embyros!!!

200th post

Well today was a big day for us! There are now 3 embryos inside me!!! We were at the hospital for 3 hours. I had gotten an hour long masssage before hand, and I am very glad I did that as I felt physically very relaxed. The RE gave us the GOOD news that all seven embyros had continued to develop. YAHOO! He said three were "very good" and four were "moderate." I asked him how many cells the "very good" ones were, and he said there are many factors that determine quality (I know they also look at fragmentation, if the cells are about equal in size, etc.). He said if I was 32 years old he'd only allow us to transfer back two since we had some "very good" quality embryos. He said if I was 37 he'd encourage transferring three. He said at my age (35) we could go either way (2 or 3). He said the pregnancy rate would go up some if we transferred three back, but obviously so would the risk of having triplets. We said we wanted to transfer back three, and he said how about we compromise and transfer two of the very good ones plus one of the "moderate" quality ones. We are hoping the one "very good" one and the three "moderate" ones that we didn't transfer will make it until Monday and be able to be frozen for a future transfer.

The transfer was MUCH less painful than the mock transfer. It lasted about 15 minutes so it wasn't SUPER comfortable (since the speculum was in that whole time), but it wasn't painful. I would only call it "uncomfortable" and that was mainly because another doctor was doing an abdominal ultrasound and the same time so that Dr. Awad would be SURE to put our embyros back in my uterus. My bladder was SO full (the doctor even made a comment after seeing my bladder on the ultrasound) so it was uncomfortable to have him (lightly - he was very sensitive to my discomfort) pressing on my abdomen for 15 minutes. Then I had to lie there TEN more minutes before I could empty my bladder which was VERY hard. But after I emptied my bladder I felt 100% fine. When they inserted the embryos they showed us on the ultrasound so we could watch their journey. Well the embyros themselves are way too small to see, but we could see the fluid they were in. The embryologist had a great sense of humor. When she first carried them into the room she said something like "I've been telling them stories to keep them company" and when she handed them to the RE she said "Your embyros asked me to tell you hi." LOL! I really liked her. I could tell she was treating these as our little babies by the way she talked about them.

So I have extra cargo on board right now. For at least a few days I will be carrying triplets!!! I am lying on the couch (the joys of a laptop computer!) and I plan to stay parked here for 48 hours except for when I need to use the bathroom. I am also happy to say my PIO shot went just fine last night. I hope they continue to go that easily and with very little pain. Paul is becoming quite a good nurse!

I am very, very thankful to the Lord that our embryos all made it to today and three are "very good." The lady in the bed next to me (she also had her retrieval the morning I did) didn't get as good of a report. She is 33 (just a curtain between us so we could hear everything Dr. Awad said to her just like I am sure she could hear everything he said to us). He told her normally at her age he only allows 2 to be transferred, but all of her embyros are "poor" quality so he suggested transferring 3. He did try to encourage her she could still become pregnant - that the fact the embyros kept growing for 3 days was a positive sign and that sometimes embryos do better in the uterus than the lab, but I could tell she was very upset. Of course who knows - maybe she'll get pg and I won't, but hearing her report reminded me again of how grateful I am that as of today we had 3 "very good" and 4 "moderate." Anyhow, I would still covet your prayers for our 7 embryos. I am praying that the 3 inside me will implant and continue to grow and develop, and I am praying that the four still in the lab will continue to grow until Monday so that they can be frozen for a future transfer. We will find out Monday or Tuesday how many were frozen.

Anyhow thank you for all your prayers. I am very encouraged that we were able to transfer 3 embryos this morning! The doctor doing the ultrasound printed a picture showing the fluid with the embryos going in my uterus (of course the majority of the photo just shows my very full bladder, LOL). I am treasuring this photo. I pray in the future I'll be treasuring photos in which a baby (not my bladder) is the main thing to be seen on the ultrasound screen!

Injections resume today

The photo of the day is of Paul and my oldest nephew, Drew (photo taken 14 months ago).

Well my last injection was at 12:05am on July 31 so by the time I start my PIO shots tonight I will have had almost a 4 day break from injections. If I do not get pregnant, I will probably have about 11 PIO injections. If I do get pregnant, then I will have one daily for about 11 weeks. I admit I am not looking forward to these as everyone says they are the most painful; of course if I find out in about 10 days or so that I am pregnant, I am quite certain I will be happy to continue the injections as then they will be for a very, very good reason!!! Some of my meds are supposed to be refrigerated (like Follistim) and some are not. When the nurse gave me two vials of PIO on Wednesday I asked her if I should refrigerate these or not. Paul almost started laughing and the nurses' response confirmed his laughter as she said "not unless you want it to turn to Crisco." LOL! The PIO stands for "progesterone in oil" so of course oil will congeal in the frig! I will blame my dumb question on the fact I was still recovering from narcotics, LOL. :-)

I looked online and my actual transfer is scheduled for 10:15am tomorrow (I'm supposed to arrive at 9:15). Paul wasn't allowed with me into that room on Wednesday, but he will be allowed back there tomorrow. So I guess he could have worn deodorant on Wed after all (since he was never in the room with the eggs). I am to come with food in my stomach (because of the antibiotics they are going to give me which surprises me as they gave me antibiotics by IV on Wed) and an empty bladder. I am to bring water with me to drink while I'm there as during the procedure they want my bladder to be full (which they have never wanted for any other ultrasound).

I scheduled a massage for myself at 8:00am about 1 mile from the hospital tomorrow since they say it's really good to be relaxed the day of the transfer (and I decided a massage would be a better option than acupuncture for myself). I haven't had a massage in YEARS, and it's nice to have something to look forward to as I know from going through the mock transfer that the transfer will be PAINFUL in light of my tight cervix and tiltled uterus. However this should only last about 5 minutes compared to the 1 hour of a PAINFUL procedure on Wednesday. I am hoping my ovaries are not as tender tomorrow as they were on Wednesday as I know that will increase the pain level of the transfer. But we need to get our embyros inside me!!! As of tomorrow I will be able to say I am PUPO which stands for "pregnant until proven otherwise" and is the phrase many women use after having embyros transferred back.

Finally, I will end with the HAPPY, HAPPY news. We still have SEVEN healthy embyros! As of day two they are all doing well - no fragmentation!!! YAHOOO! We'll learn even more tomorrow as to the quality. I am hoping we have at least three six-celled embryos tomorrow morning!!

Fertilization report

18 of the 26 eggs were mature and so they tried to fertilize those by injecting one sperm into each of them. Seven became embryos. She said this is a very low fertilization rate (normally it's 50-75% and I've known many others who have had a rate close to 100%). But all it takes is one! Since we only have 7 embyros they are going to transfer them back on Saturday morning. I am praying that at least 3 embryos will make it til Saturday morning, and I'm praying that at least one of those will make it about 9 more months! I plan to mostly stay camped on the couch between now and Monday afternoon when I head back to BU (well except for the 3 hours I'll be at the hospital on Saturday morning of course). I am supposed to be on bed rest for 24 hours after the transfer, but I figure if I stay on bedrest for 48 hours it won't hurt anything (some doctors require that amount of bedrest anyhow). So for now Paul and I are the proud parents of 7 little babies. I didn't need to worry about too many embryos after all. It took 26 eggs to end up with 7 embyros. It's a really good thing we did ICSI. If we did the usual fertilization method we would have ended up with fewer (or possibly not any) embyros. So please pray for our 7 embryos to keep growing!!!!!!!!!

Home sweet home

I have to say it feels so good to be at home today. I am not allowed to drive until tomorrow, but I have no aspirations to go anywhere so it's fine by me to stay at home. I feel soooo much better this morning. I really am very sensitive to anesthesia. I ended up in the ICU once when the contents of my stomach ended up in my lung at the beginning of an ear surgery (which was aborted). There was another woman in the recovery room who left many hours before we did. Her procedure was done a few hours before mine, but her first trip to the bathroom she made it there without throwing up or fainting, and she had a longer trip to the bathroom as my bed was closer than hers. My first attempt (about one hour after the procedure was over) I made it two steps from the bed and starting throwing up. My second attempt I made it to the doorway of the room (maybe 5 steps if you are taking baby steps like I was) and then fainted. I was given oxygen and the nurses used cold washcloths to wipe the sweat off of me. My third attempt I did actually make it to the bathroom, but once I got there I started throwing up and came very close to fainting again (nurse called them vaso-vagal ). The nurse pushed the emergency button in the bathroom and yelled out the door for someone to come help, but thankfully I didn't actually faint (but did break out in a body sweat again). Anyhow I am happy to say I can now walk to the bathroom w/o fainting or throwing up!

I went to bed at 8pm and didn't get up til 5am. I am still tired, but my stomach was growling at 5am so I got up to eat. Yesterday aside from a few sips of Sprite (which I promptly threw up) I didn't have anything to eat or drink until I got home at 5:30pm last night. I think I will take it nice and easy today, and if I nap that will be just fine. The nurse said most patients sleep for an hour after the procedure, but I only rested at the hospital. I didn't actually sleep at all.

The biggest relief to me is that my ovaries are not nearly as painful as they were yesterday. I have to admit I was very overwhelmed when the nurse said the discomfort wouldn't decrease at all for weeks unless I don't get pregnant. Well it's true I still have SOME discomfort. I am sure my ovaries are still bigger than usual, but this discomfort is far more bearable than what I had yesterday. It makes sense that having needles poked in my ovaries would make them more irritated yesterday! If the pain level had stayed as bad as it was last night, I was not sure how I could function much, but with how much better I feel today I am sure I can resume my normal activities next week except for the things I'm not supposed to do (exercise, lift heavy objects, etc.). I will post an update later today with our fertilization report!

Egg retrieval is done!

Well there were bumps in the road (like for starters it took 2 people a total of 3 tries to put in my IV), but they got 26 eggs!!! There was one follicle the RE was having trouble getting to and when they told him he had already retrieved 26 eggs he decided to just leave that last follie alone. I had an IV (conscious sedation). I wasn't too keen on that as it didn't seem to help with the pain much. The process was VERY painful in my opinion. They almost admitted me as I was there 8 hours and still throwing up whenever I tried to go to the bathroom. I fainted once and came very close to fainting a few other times (immediately would break into a total body sweat - I soaked my gown a few times which then led to me being freezing cold lying there in a wet gown). I asked that they take me to the car in a wheelchair as then I thought I'd be okay and not need to be admitted.

My ovaries are still SO tender and bloated. I thought the pressure would go down after the ER, but she said likely it won't go down for weeks unless I am not pg and then it might go down in a week. Well anyhow they got LOTS of eggs. They tried to fertilize all 26 of them (with ICSI). We'll find out tomorrow how many embies we have. They are expecting we'll have more than 10 in which case we'll do a 5dt on Monday. I am glad to be home and hoping to get a good fertilization report tomorrow! Thanks for your prayers, and I would appreciate continued prayers for our embies and also for my ovaries (that I don't get OHSS).