RE appointment tomorrow

It's funny because I've had 10 "baseline" appointments over the past four years and have always gotten a "green light." My E2 has always been low enough (in fact VERY low which is good at that time in the cycle), my lining has been thin enough, and I've never had a cyst. For some reason I have been nervous about this one. I have never been nervous before. All I can think of is that it's been hard for me to wait. I don't like having a little frozen baby in a hospital for 3 months. I wanted the transfer to be done yesterday so to speak. So I am just wanting everything to go smoothly so it doesn't need to be delayed for any reason. I know worrying doesn't help one iota, so when I feel myself getting tense I pray to the Lord and keep trying to cast my cares on Him. He's in control. Anyhow tomorrow is my first of three total appointments which will determine if my transfer will be on Nov 2 as scheduled. Tomorrow morning my Lupron dosage drops down to 10 units (been 20 the last 18 days), and if I get the "green light" from my bloodwork and ultrasound then I'll had the EV injection (IM) to my routine (twice a week) starting tomorrow. If I find out I am pg in Nov, then I will continue the EV injections throughout the first trimester. So I am hoping that I'll end up having FAR more than 71 injections as I'll continue having 16 injections a week if I get the BFP. So anyhow please pray for my emotions that I will cast my cares on Him and also that if it be His will that I'll get a good report tomorrow as our little baby needs to come out of the freeze!!!

Answer from IL

Well I emailed the nurse in IL on Thursday, and she wrote back today. I asked her if both the ER and ET had to take place the week of Dec 30 or whether it was okay if the ET was the next week (if the ER was on Jan 4 that would put the transfer the next week). She wrote back and said, "We have no control over when your egg retrieval will happen. It is all based on your hormone levels and when your follicles are ready. All I can tell you is that your retrieval will fall the week of Dec 30th with an embryo transfer 3 to 5 days later." I don't feel she exactly understood my question, but I take her answer to mean that no the transfer doesn't also have to take place that week. So that is good news. Of course the better news will be that we don't lose another baby next month and don't need to do IVF again! And of course we still have the issue of whether I can do the monitoring here in PA, but it seems I should be able to wait until a couple days after Christmas for my first b/w appt whether it's in PA or IL. That is a relief although again the much, much, much bigger relief would be to never do IVF again.

Called the clinic in IL

Well first I looked online to see exactly how far this clinic is from my sister's home. They have two offices, and their main office is closer to Chicago. The name of the clinic is a little deceptive in that "Chicago" is in their name but it's actually closer to Minneapolis. Anyhow it's 46 miles from Wendy's house to their main clinic. This is another reason I'd really rather do the stimming in PA. If I did the stimming in PA then I'd only make two trips to Gurnee from Chicago - the day of the retrieval and the day of the transfer. If we did a 5dt (which is what I would hope would happen as their success rates are much higher for 5dt than 3dt), I'd be in Chicago probably for about 8 days assuming we flew out the day before the retrieval and came back the day after the transfer. Anyhow, the reason I called them was to find out when their "up" and "down" times are as I figure many clinics have a lot of "down" times around the holidays. She said that in December the week of December 2nd and December 30 are their "up" weeks when they are doing procedures. She said the January schedule hadn't been set yet. I asked her if they are doing monitoring around Christmas (in case Dr. Awad says no to us doing the b/w and u/s here), and she said every day except Christmas Day itself.

Well the week of Dec 2 is definitely out given I'm just having the FET on Nov 2nd, and in order for the 5dt to be done before the spring semester starts, I had already figured the latest day for ER would be Jan 8. So I guess the week of Dec 30 is when the ER would need to be. Now if they only have one "up" week at a time I assume there are some transfers that take place the next week as otherwise all the retrievals would have to be done only on Sunday or Monday. So I am assuming that as long as the ER takes place that week that it's fine. I guess I'll have to clarify that. I told her we did one IVF this summer and would soon be doing a FET with one 6 day blastocyst. She said if the FET doesn't work that I need to fill out their questionnaire and send it along with our medical records and prepay $200 to have a 30 minute telelphone consult with the RE. I could start stimming as early as December 10, but that would make the ER prior to Dec 30. If I started stimming on Dec 24 the likely the ER would be Jan 4 and the ET Jan 9. In that scenario my first appt (just b/w) would be Dec 27. I am trying to keep my schedule clear so we can celebrate Christmas with our families. If the ET does need to be done by Jan 5, then the stimming would need to start Dec 19 which would make my b/w and u/s appts on Dec 22, 24, 26, and 28. So I'd need to make sure those dates are okay with Geisinger if they agree to let me do the stimming there. I'd prefer to wait until Dec 24 to start stimming. But there are two big unknowns that need to be resolved first:
#1 - Will our 7th embryo result in a pregnancy? I hope so!!!!! I really would like to avoid traveling to IL for IVF #2.
#2 - Will Dr. Awad agree that I can do the b/w and u/s in Danville (and they would fax the results to IL and the staff in IL would call me with my instructions)? I hope so as if he says no then the cost just went up $1,400 plus I will need to stay in IL a longer time and rent a car.

But at least now I know that logistically it IS possible for me to do IVF#2 in Chicago. Their up/down times are not creating a problem in terms of my goal of having the ET prior to the start of the spring semester.

Misery loves company

Well actually it's more like - it's good to know my experiences are "normal." A woman who started Lupron last week posted this question on an IVF db. "When on Lupron did any experience a "crashing" period of time each day after their injection...like I feel soooooo tired a couple hours after I give myself the injection. I feel like I can't possibly move another muscle or keep my eyes open even though most of the time of course I have to go on with my day, but I am lucky enough to take naps on some days. The nurse told me that fatigue was the most commonly reported side effect but this is like I need to fall asleep or else I will do it just standing up or something? Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this." And another woman posted back a reply to her question. "Lupron made me super tired. I would take my injection at 7am and need a nap by 9 or 10. Luckily, I work from home so I was able to do that on occaision. I also don't think I ever went to bed later than 9:30 pm while on Lupron." Anyhow I am grateful this only lasted 2 days this time. I only wish I hadn't tried to go to church two weeks ago. It would have been much better if I had just stayed home and napped when my body was telling me to sleep NOW rather than tried to go to church and just fell apart. Oh well. If I am ever on Lupron again - I will not push myself to go out and about if I can possibly stay home if I am feeling that crashing fatigue come over me. It's not worth tears, dizziness, a splitting headache, and an asthma attack in the church parking lot just to go to church instead of taking a nap!

One of the few

As I was looking at FET stats again, it hit me that they represent a small percentage of the transfers done. For example, in 2005 at the clinic in Chicago of those 37 and younger using non-donor eggs, 10% of the cycles they did were FETs (257 fresh compared to 30 FET). Their success rates that year (live birth rate for those 37 and younger) were 44% for fresh and 27% for FET. Those same stats at NYU were 43% for fresh and 35% for FET. The FET represented 13% of the transfers done in that age group (97 FET compared to 651 fresh). Finally, at my clinic over a three-year span (2003-2005), 21% of their cycles were FET (36 FET compared to 133 fresh). Their success rates for women 37 and younger were 25% for FET and 27% for fresh. So at my clinic Dr. Awad was correct in saying that the fresh and frozen success rates are about equal; the only difference is that they usually transfer 2-3 embyros on average, and we only have one. But the bottom line is that I am encouraged in two regards: #1 the FET success rate is not much lower than the clinic in IL and #2 it truly is a blessing to have even one frozen embryo. It seems 80-90% of couples don't have that option.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Well one big decision to make is whether to update our home study in January or not. I emailed Cathy about that this week and she said she recommends that we always have a valid one in case there is a last minute situation available, but she doesn't require it. Part of me doesn't want to do another home study unless we have been matched. We have spent $2,600 on home studies (well more than that when you factor in the physicals, clearances, etc. which we pay for in order to accomplish a home study but I mean JUST what we've paid the social workers amounts to $2,600 over the past 3 years). If we update in January (so we'll have a new one in place by Feb 6) we'll owe the s/w another $500. Money well spent if we get matched in 2008 with Mark Miller (lawyer in FL) or Cathy of Adoption Consultants. But I really, really don't want to spend another dime that has nothing to show for it like the last $2,600 spent on the last 2 home studies and 1 home study update. So part of me would rather wait for a match. One idea I had this week is to schedule our physicals for January and do the criminal background and child abuse clearances so that we could do a homestudy really quickly if needed. I'd need to talk to Jess to see if we had all that if she could complete a home study in a matter of a few days if we had a last minute match. Well one thing I know for sure, we won't make this decision until after we find out if I am pg or not next month. If I am pg I am thinking we won't spend the $500 to update. So the harder decision will be if I am not pg what to do.

The other big decision is whether to do another fresh IVF cycle. I am really torn. Of course I want to be pg, and Paul had asked me in June to be willing to do 2 fresh IVF cycles if the first one didn't work. But 130 shots later (after IVF + FET) and about $9K later, I am really not sure about doing another fresh cycle. What really scares me is another egg retrieval. Plus I realize that likely there will be at least two more transfers as likely I'll have at least one frozen embryo again (and probably more). So it's not a question of being willing to do this ONE more time but really two more = probably at least 4 total transfers including the ones done here in PA. Whether the local clinic will let me do the stimming here is a big factor in my decision as if they say "no" then the cost of the fresh cycle just went up $1,400 and the cost of the FET would also rise as well. And I'd have to be out in IL for a longer period of time - at a time when my sister and her family won't be there. I really don't want to spend the holidays alone in IL. Paul doesn't want to make a decision until after we find out about this FET. Of course if I am pg we don't even have to make a decision. But the reason why I am thinking about it now is that if we are going to do a fresh IVF with an early January retrieval, we would have to decide ASAP right after we find out if the FET works as I'd have to start the bcp immediately and the Lupron a couple of weeks later. So I'm going to post a poll to get input from you all on this matter.

Next to last check-in

Well since January 2005 I have been checking in with Veronica (our coordinator at Lifetime) the first week of every month. Next month will be my last. In the beginning I called her every month, but after awhile I switched to emails as the phone calls would just frustrate me. Today Veronica wrote, "Your profile continues to be presented to birth mothers, in particular it went out a couple of times in very small batches. I hope to have good news for you!" Well I'd be thrilled if she had good news for us, but I am not exactly holding my breath! What she means by in "very small batches" is that there were only a few profiles sent to that particular birthmother so the "competition" wasn't as fierce as usual. Well I will probably pass out if they ever call with a situation - but that would be VERY happy news indeed! But I don't expect it. 35 months of unsuccessful attempts to adopt have made me become far more cynical than I was back in Nov 2004 when we started this adoption journey.

I am happy to say I feel 100% normal. I am not experiencing any side effects at the moment from the Lupron. I am very, very grateful! Plus we discovered that if Paul gives me the shot farther way from my belly button it doesn't hurt as much (although I bled quite a bit this morning which is very unusual). Thanks for your prayers!

Feeling back to normal

Well I am thrilled that my adjustment to the Lupron was much faster this second time around. I only have napped two days out of the five that I've been on Lupron. Yeah! And today I haven't even felt weepy or had a headache! Of course I've also not been at work today - maybe that inspired the headache yesterday, LOL. It's really nice though not to be exhausted or to feel like crying. Yesterday I still felt like crying, but I just restrained myself. Today I wasn't even tempted to cry. This represents a return to normalcy! The only side effect I have experienced today is that my skin around the injection site was very red and itchy for a few hours this morning. I just have to say I think I have a weird body as this never happens on the left side of my belly button - only on the right side, LOL! I am developing a collection of red dots on both sides of my belly button as evidence of where the shots have been given, but so far no bruises (I developed bruises from the Lupron this summer particularly on the right side). So far so good.

Encouragement

I can't tell you how much it encourages me when people let me know they are praying for me and our little one that hopefully will be transferred back on Nov 2. I received an email today from a friend from church and part of her email said, "praying for you and little #7." For some reason that really hit me - someone is praying for our little baby! This little tiny baby has no idea how much I am going through physically/emotionally/financially to be ready for the transfer, and it's also mind blowing (to me anyhow) how many people are praying for this tiny little one who is currently in a frozen state. I guess that's one of the upsides of IVF. When others are trying to conceive (the cheap and painless way) they don't know for sure that a life has been created this early in the game, but in our case we knew from day one when this life began. So many have been praying for this little tiny baby for 2 months now (life began August 1). I pray they get to hold this little one they've prayed for in their arms some day!

Still awake!

I am very happy to report that it's 11:21am and I have been awake since 6:15am. I couldn't say that the last two days, LOL. No morning nap for me! I thought I might need to drink caffeine this morning, but I have stayed awake even without such assistance. I did yawn more than usual, but I can handle that. This morning I still felt on the "weepy" side, but I kept telling myself - don't cry, don't cry, don't cry and I didn't. I do have a headache and fever, but I think it's more from my allergies acting up again than the Lupron. At least I am able to function much better than yesterday when I felt like I was in LaLa land. My head feels connected to the rest of my body today! Now if I could just shake the fever. I had gone a little over one week without it before it came back yesterday. Today is my last bcp so we shall see if that changes how I feel at all. Paul gave me my Lupron shot this morning which was very nice. I had given it to myself the last 3 days. It's not that it hurts, but it's just weird to stab my belly. It's easier when he does it.