On Her Belly

Friday night when I rolled her back on to her back before I went to bed, she didn't wake up, and she stayed on her back. Last night Paul put her down at 7pm, and when I got home at 9:30pm I found her on her belly. This time she woke up when I rolled her over, but thankfully in less than 5 minutes she was back asleep. I pumped and then went up to go to bed and found she was already on her belly again. There didn't seem to be any point in flipping her over again if she was going to go back on her belly every few minutes I called my sister on the phone, and she said a friend of hers (whose dh is a doctor) said that if they're strong enough to roll over that the risk of SIDS is very small. So I let her sleep on her belly until she woke up about midnight. Now that had only been five hours, but since she was on her belly I decided to go nurse her. Well I shouldn't have pumped so late as she refused to nurse. So Paul gave her the bottle of pumped milk. She then cried at 3:30 and 5:30am. I checked at 3:30, and she was on her back thankfully. Those two times she only cried a couple of minutes and then went back to sleep, but starting at 6:15am she was crying more often than not so I went and got her at 6:50. That was the first time I went that long without nursing her (ever) since she refused me at midnight so I actually was leaking on my clothes for the first time in a long time. She didn't refuse to nurse this morning that is for sure, LOL!

So does anyone else have any input on a baby sleeping on her belly even though you put her down on her back? Paul says although he knows I think she's growing up too fast, this is one reason he's looking forward to her being out of this stage - he will be glad when she's totally past the risk of SIDS.

Christmas Dinner

We don't have any Christmas parties to attend per se, but I had a Christmas luncheon at an Italian restaurant with my colleagues at work on Dec 5th, and tonight I am attending a Christmas dinner at another restaurant with the handbell choir. Paul was invited to the event tonight, but #1 we don't have a babysitter and #2 Paul really doesn't enjoy these types of events so he truly doesn't mind staying home and studying while Nadia sleeps. I plan to make the announcement tonight that we are leaving the church. I am not looking forward to that at all. Of course it's not like we've moved really far away and can't visit from time to time, but still it won't be the same. I've enjoyed playing in the bell choir the past 4 1/2 years. Even if we didn't switch churches, I don't think I could play with the handbells as with my schedule of teaching 2 nights a week I will likely be teaching on Monday nights for awhile.

Today I ordered some pictures from Kodak. It's wonderful being able to take hundreds (or thousands, LOL) of digital pictures, and I do weed out a lot of those even as far as what I save on the computer, but I also want some that I can have a copy of for a scrapbook (haven't started that yet) or for the frig or whatever. I think I ordered about 45 pictures which isn't bad considering I hadn't ordered any since July. I also ordered two photo gifts - an ornament that the whole thing will be covered by Nadia's picture on both sides (one of the recent photos of her wearing the My 1st Christmas outfit) and a coffee mug for Paul (I should say "tea mug" as he only drinks tea in it, LOL). The mug has his favorite photo repeated all over (one of the ones used for our Christmas cards). So I guess I wasn't done Christmas shopping yesterday! :-) Maybe now I'm done. I think he'll like the mug and ornament. It will be a treasure to hang that on our tree every year.

Nadia is weaning herself off of me. It's really sad. It's hard not to burst into tears as I type this. When she first came home we were giving her about 2 ounces a day of formula in addition to nursing and then gradually that went to 4 ounces. Then when I started teaching it went to 6 ounces that the babysitter would give her while I taught. That lasted for awhile and then she went to 8 ounces a day. I was hoping we could stay at that but for awhile she jumped to 12 ounces. Then over Thanksgiving I got her back down to 8 ounces. Well about a week ago for some unknown reason it jumped back to 12 ounces and then this week has jumped to about 22 ounces a day of bottle (18 of formula and 4 of my milk). I have NO idea why it's gone up at the very time I was trying to get it to go down. I was hoping to wean her off of formula starting this week and in fact the opposite seems to be happening. I was pumping 3 times a day in the beginning of the week but that's been tapering off as she just screams half of the time when I try to get her to nurse even times when I am SURE I have milk. She just doesn't want me any more sometimes. :-( She still nurses fine at the midnight or 1am feeding and also when she gets up at 6-7am, but the rest of the day it's hit or miss whether she'll nurse or if she'll just scream until we make her a bottle.

This has been very hard for me emotionally. Ironically the first two months, nursing was painful for me. Then finally it didn't hurt. Of course in the very beginning it was all so very stressful in light of her not gaining weight, trying to get her to nurse without the shield, etc. The last almost 4 months it hasn't been stressful or painful for the most part. The only time it's been painful recently has been when I've gone too long w/o nursing due to her sleeping more at night or me being away at work and unable to nurse. The real irony is that now I am at home with her all the time and in the next semester will only be away two afternoons/evenings a week so I could nurse her and definitely pump enough for those two days that she shouldn't need any formula any more. That was my goal. My other goal was to nurse her until she was 12 months old. I really feel so disappointed that it doesn't seem like that will happen. I'm going to keep nursing her in this supplemental fashion for as long as she wants to nurse, but of course I am not wanting the midnight feeding to continue forever so the amount of ounces she gets from me a day will decrease. Plus I have no idea if at some point she'll just reject me totally. So far she'll still accept me a few times a day. I don't know how many ounces she's getting a day from me. If I pump at night before I go to bed I still get about 4 ounces in 10 minutes.

Aside from the savings of $$ and also the fact that my milk is the best thing for her physically, it has been wonderful for me emotionally although not so for the first about 2 months. It's so special to feel so close to her, and over the last couple of months she often will pop off and give me a smile that is different from her other smiles and then gets back on (such a change from when it was SUCH a struggle to get her to latch on!). I wish I could have a photo of that smile but of course the photo would be indecent so no such photo exists. I am afraid the memory will fade. I am trying to hold onto it as long as possible. Also, I know that losing weight is going to be harder for me now. I had been losing weight without even trying, and then I think I got too laid back about watching what I was eating and I started gaining again. So I've been more careful lately and my weight is going back down again. I am not quite down to where I was at 13weeks pg, but I am almost there. However, I still really need to lose about 15 lbs as I had gained some in between the fresh transfer and FET. I'd like all my clothes to fit me, and if by any chance I do get pg again some day, I want to start a little lower this time than I did when I got pg with Nadia.

That's the other topic that comes up in my mind when I think my nursing days might end sooner than expected. I had thought we'd do IVF again after I weaned Nadia, but I was thinking that would be in the summer. So do we start the process sooner? I'll be 37 in April so obviously time is not on our side in terms of my egg quality so maybe sooner is better than later. Also, I have 18 weeks of paid sick leave accumulated at work so having a baby during the school year would mean I could use some of that (which I couldn't when I had Nadia in the summer). For example if I had a baby the end of February I could probably take almost a whole semester off using paid sick leave (in which case I would work FT that semester) as I would have March/April paid through the 8 weeks allowed post partum, and then I could probably have the month of February off as I imagine since I had Nadia almost 4 weeks early the doctor would probably want me to quit work earlier to try to avoid preterm labor with #2. Of course this is all presuming IVF #2 would work which of course it very well might not work at all, but if it would work then March might be the time to start the process up again since it takes about 2 months from the start until the transfer. Well enough of all that...

Last night Nadia did well the first stretch (didn't wake up until about 1am), but then after that there were MANY tears. I got her up at 6am as she had cried so much off and on since 3:30am. In light of her early wake up time, I did have her take 4 naps today (two long and two short) so tonight she should be able to stay up until 7pm which will hopefully mean she doesn't need to get up at 6am tomorrow. When I went to bed at 7:30 I noticed she was on her belly, so I flipped her but thankfully that didn't wake her up.

The next thing I need to video is her laughing. Sometimes she just laughs a loud laugh for a long time. It's the most beautiful sound in the whole wide world to me! What more could I want for Christmas than to hear my sweet girl's laughter and cooing and see her smile? :-)

O Christmas Tree

This morning I put Nadia in the Snugli and "we" put the ornaments and bows on the tree. Near the end I called Paul down to come join us so we could do it as a family for a little bit. My energy level is higher in the morning so I enjoyed it more this morning than I would have this evening. I am glad Paul really wanted to get a tree. If it was up to me, we wouldn't have gotten one this year. Usually we get our tree the day after Thanksgiving and decorate it the same day or the next day at the latest. This was the longest our tree sat in the living room before being decorated, and Thanksgiving was even on the late side this year.

Today I finished my Christmas and birthday shopping and also finished wrapping all the gifts that are in the house (some are en route)! There are several bdays in Dec/Jan/Feb so I shop for those gifts at the same time as when I do my Christmas shopping. I did some online and then went to Walmart for a few of the last items.

Last night I nursed her a little earlier than I'd like to, but she had already cried an hour. The good news was that when I put her back down at midnight, she slept until 6:30am which was awesome! I let her get up then since she did so well at sleeping 6 1/2 hours straight. One of the nice things of her taking longer naps are that now I can go to the store and come back before she wakes up from her nap (like when I went to Walmart today). Of course that's only helpful when Paul is home. :-)Sometimes what interferes with her sleep (at night or during naps) is that she rolls over. Although she liked sleeping on her belly in the NICU, she doesn't like it any more (which is good due to the increased risk of SIDS if she's asleep on her belly). Oh and speaking of rolling over, Paul finally witnessed her performing that feat, LOL.

My last update for the day will be that according to my scale - with clothes on (and a dry diaper), Nadia now weighs 15 lbs! She's a growing girl!!! Sometimes I wish she wouldn't grow up quite so fast.

3 Naps

I figured that we would be dropping a nap now that Nadia's naps are getting longer, and sure enough the last two days she's only had 3 naps even though she's been home all day (sometimes she misses naps because we're away from home). She's not 100% consistent as to which two are the long ones, but she is pretty consistent in having two long (meaning greater than an hour) and one short (45 minutes or less) a day. I would say that her total time sleeping during naps per day has actually increased a little.

Last night I was able to keep her up until 7:45pm, but most nights it seems that she is ready to conk out by 6:30pm. Going to bed later last night didn't help any in terms of when her first feeding was like I had hoped it would. Thankfully if she wakes up prior to when I'll feed her, she only cries maybe 2 minutes and then goes back to sleep. However that is not the case later in the night. Tuesday night I fed her a second time to see if doing so would enable her to sleep until 7am. It did no good whatsoever as she woke up only an hour later and then cried off and on for a long period of time until I went and got her at 6:30am. So last night I decided not to go get her until 7am. She cried quite a bit. I was about to cave at 6:30am, but just as I went to get her she fell asleep and slept almost an hour more. So she didn't really get up out of bed until almost 7:30am which is very late for her, LOL! I am hoping if I am consistent about not feeding her a second time and not letting her get up before 7am that there won't be so much crying involved. There are more and more times these days that she goes down for a nap or for bed without any crying which is very nice. I really don't like to hear her cry!!

We put lights and the star on our Christmas tree tonight. We've never had a tree this long before decorating it, and we still didn't finish. I am just lacking the desire to do it. Paul is taking the lead, and usually I'm the motivated one when it comes to decorating. I feel like a Scrooge or Grinch, but I'm just tired to be quite honest.

Snugli and Sleep

 

I did a little decorating this morning - put the Christmas tablecloth on the dining room table, put a wreath on the front door, put out the Christmas welcome mats, and put the skirt under the tree. I also started working on preparing for my spring courses by revising the syllabus of the course I have taught before (this will be my 9th semester teaching it). We also went grocery shopping. I took the Snugli. That works so much better to use that to carry Nadia as then I still have my two hands free. She likes facing out and seeing everything in the store.

The sleep update would be that yesterday we had a new record for the longest nap in a crib as her morning nap was 5 minutes shy of 2 hours long. Go Nadia! This morning she woke up after only 40 minutes but instead of going to get her ASAP as I usually do, I decided to let her cry up to 5 minutes and sure enough she fell back asleep in that time frame and slept another 45 minutes. She is now taking 2 longer naps and 2 shorter naps a day as long as her schedule isn't interrupted due to church or shopping or whatever. I can't say things are going better at night though. There is a lot of crying going on. I nursed her once last night at 1am (6 hours after she went down) and finally got her at 6am although she had been awake for quite awhile before that (crying off and on). I can't sleep through her crying any more even if her door and my door are shut. Her voice has gotten louder! I think I'd actually get more sleep if I kept nursing her twice as then she'd go back to sleep and my day wouldn't have to start quite so early, but I know she really doesn't need the milk as when I do nurse her that one time she only nurses a few short minutes and then falls asleep. I wanted to work on shifting the one feeding to 8 hours after she goes down, but she woke up a couple of times prior to 1am so I was thinking 6 hours was good enough last night. I love her soooooooooo much and would rather be not getting a good night's sleep than have empty arms like I did prior to her arrival, but let me tell you I am so looking forward to the night when I finally get to sleep through the night. I didn't realize it might be 6 months or more before that happened!

Upside Down

Well Nadia's newest pleasures include flipping herself backwards so her head is upside down, playing with her feet, and standing while holding on to something (for just a few seconds). Of the three activities I just mentioned, her favorite by FAR is being upside down. She's the backbend queen!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got a lot done today in terms of cleaning, wrapping presents, catching up on email, etc. I also did some more Christmas shopping. I have only 5 people left to shop for. Of course the best parts of the day were "talking" with Nadia, listening to her laugh, etc. :-)

Hard to leave

This morning we had our Christmas program at church at 8:00 and 10:45. Paul & Nadia were there at the 8:00 service. My mom was going to come (from MD), but she's been sick and of course didn't want to pass the bug on to Nadia. I played my flute for two songs and with the handbells for four songs. It was very emotional for me as who knows when I'll play handbells again. I had played in high school and then again after I graduated from college, but I didn't play them from 1994-2004. Who knows when I might play them again. I did play my flute a lot at this church also. I used to do flute solos at other churches, but at this church the senior choir and handbell choir directors picked songs that had flute solos quite a few times a year, so I have played my flute a lot more here. I will miss that also. Plus it takes awhile (for me anyhow) to make friends at a new church. It touches my heart sooo much to see how much everyone there loves Nadia. I will miss that. I'm such a wimp; I still have only told two people (the senior pastor and one friend) that I'm leaving. I plan to tell the handbell choir at our Christmas party on Saturday night. Pray I actually have the guts to do so. I know it wouldn't be right just to fade away without saying anything. Since the church has 2 services, it is possible to stop going and most people not realize it. No one has asked me where I've been lately, but I know the handbell choir would notice my absence although even if I kept going to that church I couldn't be in the bell choir starting in January as I'm teaching on the night we rehearse. I plan to join the choir at the new church. At least I get to keep singing in a choir. Not every church has a choir.

Visiting other churches has reminded me again of all the little ways churches vary from each other such as how dressed up they do or don't get, what style of music (choruses or hymns, praise band or piano/organ, etc.), do they sing the doxology after collecting the offering each week, how often do they take communion in a year, do they clap during the service, do families take babies into the service or put them in the nursery, etc. Sometimes it hasn't been really emotionally hard to leave a church, but this time it is hard. I think the preaching is excellent, love the music, and have made friends. However, there is only one person in the church whom I really have contact with outside of the church walls, and she says we'll still keep in touch even though we won't be in handbell choir together any more. I am grateful for that. She's a dear friend. :-)

Yesterday afternoon I finished grading papers. YAHOO! Tomorrow I am going to focus on cleaning the house - something I have been neglecting lately. Another goal for tomorrow is to start pumping after every feeding. I am going to try that for a few days to see if I can get my milk supply up. I can tell it's going in the wrong direction right now. If I can't, I might switch 100% to formula as it's not worth the stress even though I start to feel like a failure which isn't a good feeling. I really would love to nurse her until she's 12 months old, but maybe 6 months is as far as we'll go. We shall see if I can turn things around this week or not.

Tomorrow I also need to figure out what schedule to request for fall 2009. I already put my request for the summer in last week. Our department chair is setting the summer and fall 2009 schedules on Tuesday. He asked me on Friday if I am going to be FT in the fall. I couldn't believe I need to make that decision already. Paul and I talked about it this weekend, and we're hoping I can stay PT. I want to be home with our "peanut" as much as possible!!!! However, it's not a guarantee that the President will approve my request for childrearing leave (when I ask for it - I won't ask for a few months); so I want to figure out what schedule would be best if I had to be FT. I know I want 2 night classes in case my request is approved and I continue to have a PT schedule. For the summer schedule I asked to teach two classes (6 credits). I said I preferred to teach one class each session (there are 2 summer sessions), and I preferred to teach classes that meet two nights a week (5-8pm). I think my chair will grant those requests.

Yesterday we got our Christmas tree. As soon as it's decorated, I'll take some photos. In our previous homes we had the tree in a room where we saw it frequently, but in this house it's in our living room which we aren't in that often. We were surprised how expensive the trees were around here given we are surounded by Christmas tree farms. We paid about twice as much as we paid the last few years for a tree. We might need to get an artificial one in the future. I don't think Paul has ever had an artificial tree. Hopefully Nadia will enjoy looking at the tree once we get the lights up on it

Christmas Luncheon

Yesterday was a two trip day to work again, but the second trip was with Nadia as it was just for a 2pm luncheon at an Italian restaurant. We were there for 1 hour and 45 minutes, and she was great. She slept on the way there, and then was awake most of the time at the restaurant. She slept in my arms the last few minutes and then eventually fell back asleep in the car on the way home (cried quite a bit first). I dressed her up in the same outfit she had her Christmas photo taken in, and she looked adorable! Her first two naps yesterday were again 90 minutes each, and due to the luncheon those were the only naps taken in a crib yesterday. So she went to bed a little earlier (6pm).

I let her cry the first few times she woke up last night (first was 11pm), and each time she fell back asleep after crying less than 5 minutes. I nursed her when she woke up at 2:45am (almost 9 hours since she had gone down). Again she nursed a very short while and fell back asleep so this confirms in my mind she could go 12 hours without being nursed. The next time she woke up was 6am, and I let her get up then since I had put her down at 6pm the night before. So last night was just a one feeding night!

This morning I am headed off to dress rehearsal at church which starts at 8:30am for our Christmas program tomorrow morning. Today I plan to finish grading papers - only a few left! I also think we'll get our Christmas tree today. I am not really in the mood, but if we don't get it soon it doesn't make sense to get one at all. I think Nadia will like looking at the pretty lights, and we don't have to worry about her taking down ornaments until next year.

Daddy's Little Girl

Yesterday Nadia's first and second naps were each 90 minutes long. AMAZING!!! I had gotten some grading done, and I figured Nadia didn't need 4 naps since the first 2 were twice as long as usual, so I decided we'd go shopping. In the first store she was fine with being pushed around in the stroller, but that wore off part way through the second store. I need to start taking the Snugli with me or find another sling. The sling I used at first she doesn't like any more as that one doesn't allow her to look out which is what she likes to do. My wrist was killing me by the end of my shopping trip, and it was a challenge to carry my purchases in one hand and her in the other (particularly at Borders). I went to 3 stores. After Borders I made a quick stop at Dairy Queen (also inside the mall) for a Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard - my favorite which I hadn't had in many months.

Speaking of my wrist, I am wondering if I should go to a doctor. I am really glad I went to the dentist regarding my mouth pain. I really am convinced this tooth has been a problem in the past (such as in the spring). Although the root canal wasn't fun, I am very glad I had it done (well it's not complete but I already am free of pain). So I wonder if it would be the same about my wrist - that I'd be glad I went to a doctor. There are many nights it keeps me up as it hurts so much and I can't find a position where it's comfortable. In the morning (or when I get up to nurse in the middle of the night), I cannot even move any of my fingers in that hand at first.

Before we left on the shopping trip, I put the Giants hoodie on Nadia for the first time. It actually fit quite well which surprised me as it is size 12 months. So of course I had to pose her with her Daddy. The lady who rang up our purchases at Borders was very pleased to see Nadia's jacket as she is also a Giants fan. :-)

During the shopping trip Nadia got very tired as usually I put her down after she's been awake for 90-120 minutes. She did sleep on the way home but that was for only 15 minutes. So when we got home I thought she'd go down for a third and final (45 minute) nap as she had been up for 3 hours at that point. She woke up when I got her out of the car so I nursed her and then put her down but she cried. I nursed her some more and put her down again and she cried some more. So I figured she didn't need a nap. Surprisingly she was in a good mood and played nicely until almost 7pm when I put her down. That means aside from a 15 minute nap in the car she had been up for almost 6 hours straight. Yikes that's never happened! I am thinking that the norm for the next while will be that she'll have two long naps and one short one, but today she just had two long ones (as 15 minutes doesn't count as a nap in my book). It is SUCH a relief to me that now she is getting so good at taking naps. I'll be able to get more done (or get a decent nap myself) if I have 90 minutes rather than just 45. Hopefully she'll take a good nap for Paul this morning so he can get more studying done while I'm teaching my last class of the semester.

Last night her first stretch was almost 7 hours. She didn't cry At All when she went down a little before 7pm and didn't cry at all until she woke up a little before 2am. Yay! She cried a little(maybe 2 minutes) when I put her down after nursing her. Unfortunately the next stretch was only a little more than 3 hours and letting her cry didn't work so eventually I went and nursed her at 5:40, and she was WIDE awake and not ready to go back to bed so her day started earlier than I'd like it to, but we'll keep working on that. Yesterday she did better in that regard. However the fact she slept 7 hours the first stretch was very good! Go Nadia! :-)

Make that Two

Yesterday I do believe is the first day Nadia ever took two naps in her crib that were both greater than an hour long. The 2nd nap of the day was 90 minutes, and the 3rd nap of the day was 75 minutes long. WOOHOO! The 1st and 4th naps were 45 minutes or less as expected. I think two longer naps a day is the most she'll ever have. I would like to say I used the extra time I had to make a lot of progress with my grading, but I ended up working on our Christmas cards/letters instead. They are now in the mail! I wish I had ordered a few more cards. Also, I probably should have ordered 40 of the one with the photo Paul picked instead of 20 of two different designs as everyone seems to favor his choice. I'll just go with whatever he picks next year. :-)
Last night I made sure Nadia's belly was really full before she went to bed. I nursed her and offered her a bottle in case I didn't have enough milk to fill her belly which proved to be true as she drank several ounces of formula. She woke up as expected 4 hours after I put her down, but I let her cry and she cried only about 5 minutes and went back to sleep. YAY! She woke up again 2 hours later, and I decided to nurse her because I wasn't sleeping anyhow as I was too full of milk. The next time she woke up was after 6am. I let her coo in bed for awhile, and then decided to go get her at 6:40 even though it wasn't quite 7:00 as again I was very ready to nurse her as it had been about 5 hours since I had finished nursing her the last time. So I am very glad we only had one feeding (1:05-1:25am), and I am quite certain in the near future we can get her down to zero feedings. I want to make the transition a bit gradual in part for my body's sake. I honestly think she doesn't need the milk as she falls asleep after only nursing a couple of minutes. I think she's just getting up out of habit; so that's a habit I'd like to break over the next maybe week or so. For now I am going to stick with that the first feeding can be no sooner than 6 hours after she goes down. This is very exciting progress to me!

As I was looking through older pictures of Nadia yesterday, I realized that some changes happen in such a way that if you are seeing a child every day you don't really notice them. My mom noticed when they were up here for Thanksgiving that Nadia's belly button is no where near as noticeable as before (although it's still an outie). Another example would be her hair. Looking at photos I was amazed at how much hair she used to have. I didn't notice it falling out. She didn't lose all of it as the part in the very back at the bottom is still dark and long (what would go over the collar of a dress). I think part of why she still seems to have less hair than she did at birth is the new hair that has been coming in is much lighter in color.

Nadia's morning nap has already been 75 minutes long, and she's still asleep! Well I'd better get back to grading papers. I did get some done already this morning. I am determined to make significant headway today!