Hard to leave

This morning we had our Christmas program at church at 8:00 and 10:45. Paul & Nadia were there at the 8:00 service. My mom was going to come (from MD), but she's been sick and of course didn't want to pass the bug on to Nadia. I played my flute for two songs and with the handbells for four songs. It was very emotional for me as who knows when I'll play handbells again. I had played in high school and then again after I graduated from college, but I didn't play them from 1994-2004. Who knows when I might play them again. I did play my flute a lot at this church also. I used to do flute solos at other churches, but at this church the senior choir and handbell choir directors picked songs that had flute solos quite a few times a year, so I have played my flute a lot more here. I will miss that also. Plus it takes awhile (for me anyhow) to make friends at a new church. It touches my heart sooo much to see how much everyone there loves Nadia. I will miss that. I'm such a wimp; I still have only told two people (the senior pastor and one friend) that I'm leaving. I plan to tell the handbell choir at our Christmas party on Saturday night. Pray I actually have the guts to do so. I know it wouldn't be right just to fade away without saying anything. Since the church has 2 services, it is possible to stop going and most people not realize it. No one has asked me where I've been lately, but I know the handbell choir would notice my absence although even if I kept going to that church I couldn't be in the bell choir starting in January as I'm teaching on the night we rehearse. I plan to join the choir at the new church. At least I get to keep singing in a choir. Not every church has a choir.

Visiting other churches has reminded me again of all the little ways churches vary from each other such as how dressed up they do or don't get, what style of music (choruses or hymns, praise band or piano/organ, etc.), do they sing the doxology after collecting the offering each week, how often do they take communion in a year, do they clap during the service, do families take babies into the service or put them in the nursery, etc. Sometimes it hasn't been really emotionally hard to leave a church, but this time it is hard. I think the preaching is excellent, love the music, and have made friends. However, there is only one person in the church whom I really have contact with outside of the church walls, and she says we'll still keep in touch even though we won't be in handbell choir together any more. I am grateful for that. She's a dear friend. :-)

Yesterday afternoon I finished grading papers. YAHOO! Tomorrow I am going to focus on cleaning the house - something I have been neglecting lately. Another goal for tomorrow is to start pumping after every feeding. I am going to try that for a few days to see if I can get my milk supply up. I can tell it's going in the wrong direction right now. If I can't, I might switch 100% to formula as it's not worth the stress even though I start to feel like a failure which isn't a good feeling. I really would love to nurse her until she's 12 months old, but maybe 6 months is as far as we'll go. We shall see if I can turn things around this week or not.

Tomorrow I also need to figure out what schedule to request for fall 2009. I already put my request for the summer in last week. Our department chair is setting the summer and fall 2009 schedules on Tuesday. He asked me on Friday if I am going to be FT in the fall. I couldn't believe I need to make that decision already. Paul and I talked about it this weekend, and we're hoping I can stay PT. I want to be home with our "peanut" as much as possible!!!! However, it's not a guarantee that the President will approve my request for childrearing leave (when I ask for it - I won't ask for a few months); so I want to figure out what schedule would be best if I had to be FT. I know I want 2 night classes in case my request is approved and I continue to have a PT schedule. For the summer schedule I asked to teach two classes (6 credits). I said I preferred to teach one class each session (there are 2 summer sessions), and I preferred to teach classes that meet two nights a week (5-8pm). I think my chair will grant those requests.

Yesterday we got our Christmas tree. As soon as it's decorated, I'll take some photos. In our previous homes we had the tree in a room where we saw it frequently, but in this house it's in our living room which we aren't in that often. We were surprised how expensive the trees were around here given we are surounded by Christmas tree farms. We paid about twice as much as we paid the last few years for a tree. We might need to get an artificial one in the future. I don't think Paul has ever had an artificial tree. Hopefully Nadia will enjoy looking at the tree once we get the lights up on it