Paul in the Kitchen

Paul, who is 42 years old, did something today that he's never done before. He made homemade cookies. Kind folks from church have been bringing us a dessert with our dinner, but three of the four nights they brought something chocolate (ex. brownies). The other night it was vanilla wafers with frosting. I have been craving something sweet, but chocolate gives me horrible heartburn when I'm pregnant. I asked him if he would make cookies with Nadia, and he graciously agreed. They made some absolutely delicious oatmeal butterscotch cookies. It was so funny listening to his commentary as I gave him step by step directions from the couch. At one point he was comparing the batter to concrete, ha ha! The poor guy has been so busy doing things I usually do: laundry, grocery shopping, mowing, the dishes, giving the kids a bath, putting them to bed, etc. I asked him to pick me up some ice cream at the grocery store as I keep craving some. He got me the most delicious flavor called Southern Lemon Pie. YUMMY! I told the woman from church yesterday that we didn't need any food delivered this weekend because we have plenty of leftovers. I am so grateful for their help. At least Paul hasn't had to do any cooking (aside from the cookies).

Home Alone

Today was a very strange day for me. The kids were gone from the house for about 10 hours. They spent the morning with Gabby (over at her house) and then spent 30 minutes with me so I could feed them lunch before they were on their way to Knoebels. They didn't get home until 7:00pm. Paul got home around 6:00pm. When I was single it was common to have a day by myself at home alone on a Saturday, and even when I was married it would happen from time to time, especially when I was teaching at the university as I didn't usually have a 5 day a week work schedule. It's never happened since June 24, 2008. The house seemed so very quiet. The upside is that I definitely got more true bed rest today than I had since I left the hospital. I finished one book and got half-way through another book. I watched two movies (a DVD from the library and one movie on Netflix). I purposefully watched chick flicks that Paul wouldn't enjoy. I took a nap, and I spent some time on my laptop. Although reading and watching movies and such is relaxing, I would have given just about anything to be at Knoebels with the kids instead. Watching them ride rides is one of my most favorite things to do. It was hard for them too. They protested at leaving without me. I am sure they had a blast. I'm glad they were able to have a fun day with our neighbors before they move to Oklahoma. You're probably tired of me saying this, but we are really, really, really going to miss them. The woman from church who brought us dinner last night called me today and said if we ever need help in the middle of the night we can call her. That's good to know. She lives less than one mile from our house.

I haven't found a ride to my appointment yet (next Thursday), but I have lined up childcare for Monday-Thursday. Meagan will be back on Monday (she was here on Tuesday this week), Paul's parents will help out on Tuesday and Wednesday, and the neighbors will watch the kids on Thursday. I'm planning on asking at my appointment on Thursday if they have already decided that I must be on bedrest until I give birth OR if there's a chance the bedrest orders might be lifted at some point. I am definitely going to get cabin fever as I'm only allowed to leave the house to go to a doctor's appoinment. The kids and I have already missed church the last 3 weeks because we were in Grand Cayman 3 Sundays ago, I was having horrible contractions 2 Sundays ago, and last Sunday I was in the hospital. I was supposed to resume teaching my Sunday School class on June 3, but they've had to find substitutes for me. I feel badly that my kids won't be going to church until I'm allowed to drive again. I'm hoping not to be on bedrest for 3 months, but if it means he'll wait until at least the end of August to be born, it will be worth it.

Shorter Cervix

Ian got out of bed when he wasn't supposed to for the first time yesterday. My mom put him down for his nap, and a couple of minutes later we could hear him laughing in Nadia's bedroom. My mom went back up and put him down again. He cried for a few minutes and then took a really short nap. He made up for that short nap by sleeping 12.5 hours last night (7:45pm-8:15am). Two times over the past four nights he had a crying spell in the middle of the night. It took awhile for Paul to get him back to sleep both times. We aren't sure if those were due to the new bed or the fact that I wasn't around. We didn't realize that I'd be in the hospital for 6 days shortly after we made that switch. We didn't have any trouble when Paul put him to bed last night, but tonight he also had to be taken back to bed many times.

In contrast to Ian, I got very little sleep last night. I slept soundly for the first two hours, but from midnight on I got very little sleep. I had some painful contractions yesterday around dinner time, and that scared me. The last time I had painful contractions I woke up in a pool of blood a couple of days later. Every time I went to sleep I'd have the dream that it was happening again. One time it was so real I almost woke Paul up because I thought it was really happening and not just a nightmare. I really didn't want to keep having that nightmare so I just rested in bed without going back to sleep. Paul gave me my shot around 6am. He left for school earlier than usual since my mom was here and he didn't need to help me get the kids dressed when they woke up. Paul certainly has had many responsibilities added to his shoulders with me being on bedrest. He has to put the kids to bed, do the grocery shopping, clean up the dishes in the kitchen, etc. I feel badly, but there's nothing I can do about it.

This morning my mom took the kids for their 6 month dentist appointments. Ian just had a (free) quick exam. In December he'll have his first "real" appointment. Nadia had her third "real" appointment (cleaning, flouride, etc.). It was no big deal! Ian loves playing with the train table in the waiting room while Nadia is having her appointment. The hygenist said I need to start flossing their teeth. It feels so weird to be missing out on these events (their haircuts yesterday and dentist appointments today). I know these seem like very mundane activities, but I am accustomed to being there with them for these events. I'm hoping the bedrest won't last too long, but given how little it takes for me to start having contractions, I have a feeling the bedrest might not end until I give birth. It's a bit overwhelming to think I might be on bedrest for months, but if that's what it takes to keep him inside a reasonable amount of time, it's worth it.

Around 11am I received a panicked call from the woman who had volunteered to drive me to my appointment today. It turns out she thought I was asking for help for an appointment next Thursday. She wasn't available to take me today. At 11:45am the four of us piled into my car, and my mom drove us to my appointment. We arrived a few minutes late, but that didn't seem to matter as we were in the waiting room for about 45 minutes before they took us back for my ultrasound. My cervix shortened from 2.6cm (Monday) to 2.3cm (today). I had some painful contractions yesterday around 5pm, which were probably the culprit. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor for awhile after the ultrasound because I mentioned the contractions I had yesterday. As a frame of reference, the cervix is supposed to be about 4.0-4.5cm long at 23 weeks. They usually stitch it together if it's less than 2.5cm at this stage, but it would be too risky in light of my placenta previa. Needless to say I am still on bedrest until the next appointment. I need to start making childcare arrangements for next week. Beth is going to help out tomorrow morning, and then she's taking my 2 kids plus her 2 kids to Knoebels in the afternoon. I had originally planned to take them, but she's going to take them since I can't.

The appointment was chaotic because the kids were NOT on their best behavior (particularly Ian). He screamed quite a few times (one time for 15 minutes straight). We were in the doctor's office for almost 2 hours. From the time we left our house until the time we returned home, six hours had passed. My mom ate a little spaghetti and then got back in the car to drive to Maryland. By the time she gets home, she will have spent almost 8 hours in the car today. That's true love!

I didn't get much information on his anemia, but the doctor didn't seem concerned so I am guessing it either stayed the same or improved. Next Thursday I'll be sure to ask for specifics. The kids hopefully won't be at that appointment. I meant to ask her if I should continue on all the supplements they had me on in the hospital (calcium, iron, and colace in addition to the prenatal vitamins). I also meant to ask why they decided against putting me on Procardia when they took me off the Indocen (both help prevent contractions). I did remember to ask what I should do if I start hemmorhaging again. I wasn't sure if I should go to the same hospital I went to last week (no NICU) or drive straight to Harrisburg. She said I should drive straight to the closest hospital, but I know that a micropreemie's chance of survival goes down a lot if he has to be lifelighted to a NICU. My thinking is that if something happens between 24w0d and 26w3d, I'll go to Geisinger and ask for him to be transferred to Harrisburg as soon as that can be done without jeopardizing his life (we'll pay a fortune for the time spent at Geisinger, but if it saves his life, it's worth it). If something happens between 26w4d and 34w6d, I'll go to Geisinger and just stay there (because we'll be on Blue Shield that whole time). If I don't need to be hospitalized again until at least 35w0d, I'll go to the hospital I went to last week (that doesn't have a NICU). What I was unsure about is what to do if something happens between now and next Wednesday. I asked the doctor that today, and she said go to the nearest hospital. I said, but they don't have a NICU. She said you could die on the way here if you are bleeding that badly again. So I did a little research online this evening, and I read one thing that makes me think Geisinger might accept a baby as young as 23 weeks. Since they don't want me to drive to Harrisburg if I'm hemmoraghing, I think the compromise would be to go to Geisinger and pray they'll try to save his life. It seems I won't be making any more emergency trips to the hospital I went to last week unless I made it to 35w0d. I'm still praying I'll make it until 35w, but if that can't happen, I really hope I make it until at least 26w4d.

23 Weeks

I feel like I hit a big milestone today in that seven days ago they kept telling me they might have to do an emergency c-section (and wouldn't attempt to save his life), and now today if that happened (at least in Hershey or Harrisburg), they would whisk him to the NICU and attempt to save his life. I'm hoping he stays inside a lot longer. I know micropreemies have a very, very LONG road to normalcy, but at least now I know they'd attempt to save his life. He's very active these days. I feel his kicks all throughout the day. I woke up bright and early this morning (4:30am) and couldn't go back to sleep, but I was able to take a nice nap while my mom took the kids to gymnastics. My dear mother left her home VERY early this morning as she was on our front porch by 7:40am. She also stopped at the library to return the 6 books Paul got me last week and to pick up 6 more books plus one DVD. She'll be returning home tomorrow evening. I haven't had any contractions or bleeding. The spotting has all been brown, and they said I only needed to call if it was red.

I weighed myself this morning for the first time in three weeks, and I was relieved to see I had gained four pounds in that time span. This puts my total weight gain at 12 pounds, and I think that's pretty good considering I'm at 23w. I'm doing much better with weight gain this time than I did the last two pregnancies, although I realize weight gain is the least of my concerns right now. I want to check more regularly to make sure I don't need to cut back now that I'm on bedrest.

I'm very grateful for the help my mom and in-laws have provided over the past week because I paid for babysitters from 9am to 6pm yesterday, and that wasn't cheap (although thankfully babysitting around here costs a lot less than in places like Chicago, where my sister lives). Obviously it's far better to pay for babysitters than to go into labor at 23w. I'm just hoping I won't need to be on bedrest for too many weeks. I think it will depend on whether the placenta previa resolves or not as well as whether my cervix gets too short again or not. Hopefully I'll find out more tomorrow at my appointment. Someone from church offered to drive me to and from my appointment tomorrow (3.5 hours round trip not including the time spent in the doctor's office). I should only have to make one more trip to Harrisburg after this one because my other two appointments this month can be at the local hospital. The first week of July I can switch to Geisinger (where I had the IVF done).

The meal that was delivered to our house last night was delicious. Nancy brought baked ham, macaroni and cheese, grapes, green beans, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. Ham and grapes happen to be favorite foods for Nadia and I, and all three of us like macaroni and cheese. When I'm not pregnant I love chocolate chip cookies. I shared a few cookies with our neighbors last night, and my mom and Nadia have enjoyed them today (Paul, Ian, and I won't be eating any).

My mom also took the kids to the hairdresser today. I had noticed last month that Nadia's hair was naturally curly (beautiful ringlets) where her hair wasn't quite as long. Since she doesn't enjoy having her hair brushed and never likes to wear it up or have anything in it, I decided to get it cut shorter in the hopes we'll see the natural curls more. It was the second time in her life that her hair was cut (aside from the bangs), and the last time I just had them trim her hair. This was the first significant haircut she's ever had, and she'll be turning 4 years old in 18 days. I wish I could say I loved her haircut, but I don't. For one thing it's shorter than what I was wanting, but the bigger problem is that she cut the bottom in a really choppy way. I have no training in cutting hair, and I think I could have done a better job. After it grows a bit I may take her somewhere else to get it evened out. I'm going to try blowdrying it and curling it under to see if that helps. The good news is that hair grows back. I had hoped to love her hairstyle for her upcoming 4 year old pictures at Walmart. It went much better with Ian. His haircut was better than I can do at home, and he didn't cry at all (he cried so much that he threw up the last time I took him to the beauty salon). She had the clippers set at "four." I'm recording that in case I forget and need to look it up the next time I get his cut. I wanted it shorter but not a buzz cut. His hair is a definite improvement. Hopefully I'll feel better about Nadia's in the coming days and weeks. Of course since she's my daughter, I think she's beautiful even with a bad haircut.

Bed rest at home

I knew that I couldn't follow the doctor's orders and take care of the kids by myself. Last night I called the youth pastor's daughter, and she said she could come over from 9-3 today. She just finished her first year at Baptist Bible College. I figured that Gabby or Alexis could help out after Meagan left (until Paul comes home). If Ian was able to get himself onto the toilet, I wouldn't need help for as many hours. I'd just need help with getting the kids down for nap/quiet time as that would involve another trip up the stairs. Ian wanted me to do everything for him. He screamed when Meagan took him to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, etc. He kept saying that he wanted me to do it, but I am not allowed to lift him up or go upstairs more than once a day. He's not normally like that, but he doesn't know Meagan very well (although she does help out in their Sunday School class sometimes), and I hadn't been around the past six days. I think it will go more smoothly tomorrow when my mom is here. Of course I've been reading to the kids, snuggling with them, etc. I have enjoyed that! Aside from being with my family, another perk of being home is eating better food. I hope I have a long break from hospital food.

I slept really well last night, which was greatly appreciated. When I came home I felt far more nervous than I did at the hospital. I wasn't expecting to feel nervous, but I feel like this walking time bomb of not knowing when (if) I'll start hemorrhaging again. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and worrying doesn't help one iota. Hopefully there won't be any more incidents! I do wish our berber carpet (that was here when we bought the house) wasn't white. Anyone have good tips on how to remove blood stains? The stats I've read say the survival rate is less than 25% at 23w, 50% at 24w, and over 90% once you get to at least 27w. So for now I'm praying to make it until at least 24w, but really I'm aiming for 35w. I'll be 23w in 2 days by the egg retrieval date. They are using lmp and so they say I won't hit 23w until Friday. I haven't had any contractions or bleeding since I came home. I'm praying it stays that way! I'm going to ask on Thursday how long they think I'll be under these restrictions. I haven't lined up babysitters for next week yet. A lady at church arranged for dinner to be delivered to us for four nights in a row starting tonight. That will be a big help. I think they'll be make arrangements for more meals to be delivered next week. I can''t cook while I'm on the couch or in bed, which is where I'm supposed to be aside from when I need to use the bathroom. I knew from my experience with Ian (and to a lesser degree with Nadia) that I am prone to preterm labor, but I honestly had zero expectation that my first trip to Labor and Delivery would be at 22w. I didn't go there until 33w with Ian. I'm hoping and praying that many, many weeks pass before I make another trip.

I read six books over the past six days. I put a few books on reserve for myself so it will be easy for my mom to swing into the library and pick them up for me on the way home from gymnastics tomorrow morning. That is one perk of bed rest. I can't remember the last time I read that many (adult) books in that short of a time span! Nadia's gymnastics showcase is next Saturday. I really hope I am able to attend that since I missed her ballet recital last week. After next week we'll take a break from gymnastics as the gym isn't air conditioned (and it gets brutally hot in there!). Hopefully the weather will get warmer soon, and we'll be able to start making frequent trips to the swimming pool.

Going Home!

I'ts 5:20pm, and I was just discharged a few minutes ago! PTL! The ultrasound today showed my cervix is lengthening (2.6 today compared to 2.7 at 18w and 2.3 last week) and his anemia isn't getting any worse. The Indocen I've been on to stop the contractions is causing a problem in his heart; at first they told me I'd be switching to Procardia, but then they decided to see how I'd do without any medications. I'll be on bedrest at home, but at least I'll be at home. They said I can go up the stairs in our house once every 24 hours. My discharge was contingent on my willingness to find someone who could drive me back here on Thursday afternoon for another ultrasound. I told them I will make those arrangements! I'm not allowed to drive. The doctor expects I will probably be hospitalized again some time prior to delivery, but I'd love to prove him wrong and not be readmitted for at least 12 more weeks (and 2 days). I have to be seen once a week from here on out, which means a trip to Harrisburg every other week. I'll switch to the other hospital for my MFM appointments starting the first week of July. My friend, Cheri, should be here shortly to take me home. I'm so grateful that what was predicted to be a 1-2 week stay ended up being a 4 day stay! PTL! The doctor today said her goal is for me to make it to 24 weeks. I'm still praying he'll make it to 35 weeks. Even 28 weeks would be far better than 23 or 24 weeks. Please keep praying as the placenta is still totally covering the cervix. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I get to see my kids tonight before they go to bed!!!!

Fragile

I would say that "fragile" is a good way to describe how I feel both physically and emotionally. Yesterday they goofed up my breakfast and lunch menus. I had submitted a form, but they thought it was for 6-10 instead of 6-3. The food here in general is really awful and also is served in super small portions. Today I want to make a list of the foods that to me weren't edible in case I end up here again. I am not a picky person when it comes to food, but I have not been able to force myself to eat some of the things I've ordered here. Breakfast is the easiest meal to compensate for the small portions (ex. if you order french toast you get one small piece) because I can order things like a blueberry muffin and a cup of fresh fruit to make the meal more filling. I am not one to cry over something like food, but I have to say when they delivered my breakfast yesterday, I almost cried. I didn't get a muffin or fruit. Instead I received things I don't consume like bacon, orange juice, 2% milk, etc. I only drink water. I choked down the cheese omlette (and left the bacon on my plate). It wasn't good, but it was food. I felt badly about the waste because once it enters my room, it has to go in the garbage even if I don't touch it. Lunch went a little better because they did give me the entree I had requested (cheese tortellini), but the rest of the meal wasn't what I had asked for. Thankfully the tortellini was delicious, and the portion was big enough. They straightened out my menu situation in the afternoon, and I did receive what I had requested for dinner. Dinner was definitely the best meal I've had here (the best that came on a tray anyhow). I was full after eating it, and it was delicious (chicken, wild rice, sugar snap peas, pineapples, and lemon pudding).

The highlight of my day yesterday definitely was my 3 1/2 hour visit with Paul, Nadia, and Ian. I hadn't seen any of them since Thursday around 1pm, and I saw them ever so briefly that day (I was just home long enough to pack a suitcase). Really the last time I had spent more than a couple of minutes with my kids was Tuesday. Four days without much contact with my kids was very hard. I was feeling so sad that I couldn't attend Nadia's ballet recital, but I think it's also going to take Nadia a while to get over the fact I wasn't there. She keeps mentioning it and asking if I'll be at her next recital. I wish it wasn't a year until the next one because it really is bothering her that I wasn't there. I tried to explain that I would have been there if the doctor had let me. I was touched that it meant so much to her that I wasn't there. I thought that since Paul, Ian, Gabby, Alexis, Grandma, and Pop Pop were there that she wouldn't miss me much. After they left I had fun editing pictures from the recital. (I added pictures to the previous four blog posts.) Even though I had described my room as a penthouse suite, Paul was shocked when he walked in to see how large the room is and the incredible views I have of seven bridges. It feels great to be wearing clean clothes, and I was able to sleep in my nightgown last night. I'm also looking forward to a shower later this morning with a towel from home (the ones here feel like sandpaper) and real shampoo (I used baby wash the last time).

The visit was difficult at times. Emotionally it was hard to say goodbye at the end without bursting into tears in front of the kids (I did succeed). I kept telling myself, you'll be home tomorrow night. I realize there's no guarantee I'll be home tomorrow night, but it helped me a lot. They were both delighted when they saw me. Ian gave me lots of hugs and kept saying "Momma" over and over again. Physically it was tough as my belly is a bit more sensitive at the moment and a jab with his elbow hurt A Lot. Without meaning to they also were not very kind to the arm that has the iv in it (the upside was the nurse took it out before I went to bed because it was bothering me so much). It was also confirmed in my mind that I am going to need help taking care of the kids once I'm home if I'm under the same restrictions I am under here, and frankly even if the doctor's don't put me under strict limits, I will put them on myself for at least another 10 days. The doctor said yesterday that he's expecting I'll have future hospitalizations between now and the time I deliver. I'd like to keep those as few as possible. I wish I was farther along. If I make it until at least 35w, I have 12w2d to go.

I slept well the first night here (the one night I spent in the L&D unit before being moved up a floor). That was out of sheer exhaustion from getting hardly any sleep the previous two nights. I keep waking up way too early lately. This morning I was awake by 3:30am. I haven't been taking any naps, and I went to bed at 10pm so going to bed too early isn't the problem. The first night here they offered me Ambien. I'll take it tonight if I'm still here. I contemplated asking for it at 4am, but then I thought that probably is the wrong time of day to take it. I am not sure if bed rest is the culprit. Maybe my body is confused from spending 5 days and nights in bed? Maybe I'm not active enough during the day to be tired enough to sleep more than 5 hours at night? Maybe I'm too keyed up wondering if I'm going home this afternoon or not? I decided to get up (instead of just lying in bed awake), but I haven't turned on the lights, and I'm going to try to go back to sleep in a little bit.

93 Hours

On Wednesday they mentioned I would need the Rhogam shot since I am Rh negative and had so much bleeding. I told them that the OB said I didn't need the shot since Paul is also O negative. Yesterday afternoon the MFM doctor called and asked that they check-in to that again. I said that Paul's bloodwork results are in my file. The nurse brought them to me and sure enough Paul is O positive. Oi vey. I know doctors and nurses are human and make mistakes, but it seems when it comes to OB matters mistakes always happen regarding my care. Yesterday the nurse asked if I had the shot after giving birth. I said yes I had it after both children. She said then your kids are Rh positive because they only give the mom the shot after birth if the baby is Rh positive. I went online and checked their medical records and indeed both Nadia and Ian are O positive (as is Paul). I know I'm O negative. So they started the process to order a Rhogam shot for me. I received it at 10:30pm last night, which was 93.5 hours after I started hemorrhaging. The shot is supposed to be given with 72 hours. I'm praying that the shot will do the trick even though it was given a bit late as the last thing he needs are more antibodies attacking his blood stream.

Since they woke me up to give me the shot, I was really glad I didn't need to take the Indocin at midnight last night. The nurse also graciously skipped the midnight check of my vitals and let me sleep. I thanked her this morning!!! I started on 50mg of Indocin (the medicine they're giving me to calm the uterus - stop contractions). Then I was on 25mg of Indocin every 6 hours. Yesterday the doctor said that today I'd switch to taking it every 12 hours (6am and 6pm).

There were some heartbreaking moments for me yesterday such as when Nadia asked me on the phone when I was coming home and also if I was coming to her ballet recital. I can say I honestly felt physical pain when she asked me that question. I wanted SO badly to be there. Alexis did Nadia's hair and posted two pics on Facebook for me. She did a GREAT job - much better than I could have done! Paul is bringing the memory cards from the cameras today. I can't wait to see the pictures and video. Paul bought tickets for Gabby and Alexis to attend. Paul's parents were also there. The ballet teacher had suggested giving flowers, but I bought Nadia the "Little Mermaid" dvd on eBay instead. At the age of 3, I know she'd greatly prefer that over a rose. I told Nadia she could watch the dvd in the car on the way to see me today. I thought Ian would miss me more than Nadia since he spends far more time in my arms than she does, but it seems that Nadia is missing me more or at least she's verbalizing it more than he is.

The doctor yesterday said there is a chance I could be discharged on Monday afternoon. That was exciting to hear since when I was admitted on Thursday he said I'd be here 1-2 weeks. They had said I had to have 7 days without bleeding, and they told me Thursday didn't count because I bled some that day. So I figured I wouldn't be discharged until Thursday or Friday at the earliest. He said if the ultrasound is good tomorrow (they'll be checking his anemia level and the length of my cervix), I can be discharged.

I told Paul maybe they shouldn't bother coming today in light of this news (since they'll be driving 3.5 hours round trip to see me), but Paul said since it's not a guaranteed thing that I'll be discharged, he thought they should still come. They're bringing me a towel (the towels here feel like sandpaper), clothes (I only brought two outfits and two pairs of underwear), shampoo, etc. I was hoping he could bring me more books (in case I end up being here another week), but the library is closed today so he can't stop there on the way here. Hopefully I get discharged before I run out of reading material. Since I was hospitalized I've read three books. I've started the fourth book. Paul had checked out six books. I've also watched several episodes of "I Love Lucy" and done some grading on my laptop. Yesterday I was listening to a Christian radio station online through my laptop while I was reading, which was nice.

Yesterday's highlight was a visit from two ladies from my church. Sue and her daughter, Talanya, both sing in the choir at church. I didn't expect anyone to visit me in light of the distance involved, but Talayna moved a year ago due to a job change, and she now only lives 30 minutes away. It was so very lovely to have someone to talk to, and they brought me the most thoughtful bag of goodies - snacks, toys for the kids, a puzzle, etc. How incredibly sweet!!! Today is "Choir Sunday" at my church. The choir sings several songs before taking off the rest of the summer. I am bummed to miss this (as well as the picnic at the choir director's house that will be taking place on Wednesday evening), but the little guy kicking inside me is definitely worth it!

Giving Thanks

Yesterday I felt much better than I had on Wednesday or Thursday - both physically and emotionally. The doctor commented yesterday afternoon on how much better I looked (the color in my face, etc.). I have to admit this morning I am feeling down again. I didn't sleep well (in part because the room is cold), I am really missing my hubby and kids, I'm going to miss Nadia's very first ballet recital this evening, and I had some pink spotting this morning. The best thing to do when one is feeling down is to count one's blessings. So that's what I'm trying to do.

1. I am very thankful I still feel our little boy kicking inside me. This has been my scariest pregnancy (not counting the ectopic). There have been three times thus far in the past 18 weeks that I thought I was losing him. The first was at 4w0d when I started bleeding (not just spotting). Thankfully it only lasted for a couple of hours. The second was when I learned of the antibody problem. The first websites I landed on when I was trying to figure out what I had just been diagnosed with scared the daylights out of me. The third scare was the biggest - at 1am on Wednesday morning when I was covered in blood, and that scare continued on when the doctors and nurses kept reminding me they might have to do a c-section to save my life (which would end his life). I know he's not out of the woods yet since we haven't even gotten to 23w yet (the soonest he could be admitted to the NICU), but I am back to being hopeful he's going to make it. I don't know if we'll be able to avoid the NICU like I hoped, but these scares have made me realize there are far worse things than a baby ending up in the NICU.

2. I had a delicious lunch and dinner yesterday (not hospital food either time). On Fridays they serve special meals in this unit. I hope I'm not here next Friday, but I did enjoy two delicious meals yesterday! Today it will be back to hospital food. It did hit me this morning that I probably should cut back on how much I'm eating now that my activity level has plummeted. I had been doing so well with not gaining much weight. I don't want to get on the wrong track.

3. My mom arrived at Evangelical Hospital around 5:30pm on Wednesday, and she stayed with me until about 3:30pm yesterday. I'm very grateful she came up, and I'm also thankful she made it back home safely although her drive took a lot longer than it should have because of heavy rainstorms in PA and tornadoes in MD. She's planning to return on Wednesday to take care of the kids for two days.

4. Paul was able to be with me on Wednesday and watch the kids on Thursday. I'm also thankful he was able to get back to school yesterday and hopefully will be able to go to school all week next week. He's trying to graduate in August (or at least by December).

5. Paul's parents took care of the kids on Wednesday and Friday, and they're planning to come back up on Monday and Tuesday. Pop Pop took Nadia to gymanstics on Wednesday morning, to her musical rehearsal on Wednesday evening, and to ballet yesterday evening.

6. Gabby watched the kids from 1:00-4:00am on Wednesday morning and that she and her sister watched the kids for a couple of hours Thursday afternoon so Paul could get some work done.  I'm also thankful Alexis will be doing Nadia's hair for the ballet recital this evening.
7. I have internet access on my laptop (although they block many sites such as Target, Amazon, and Netflix), five library books (by Beverly Lewis, Terri Blackstock, and John Grisham), and a tv to keep me occupied while I spend the day in bed. I haven't watched "I Love Lucy" in years. She still cracks me up!

8. The nurse stopped in while I was getting a shower (it was time for my medication that I have every 6 hours), and this was a blessing because I had not noticed there weren't any towels in the bathroom and also because I discovered the shampoo didn't actually make it into my suitcase. She brought me baby wash and towels. That's not exactly what I'm accustomed to, but it sure beats only being able to risne my hair. I would have packed very differently had I known what I know now. I need to make a list of what to ask Paul to bring down tomorrow.

9. I'm very glad I packed my glasses. Crying and contact lenses do NOT mix well. I so badly wish I could be there with Nadia this evening.

10. The flowers Paul's Aunt Debbie brought me on Thursday evening are just plain gorgeous. I am really enjoying them, especially now that I'm in a room where they can be placed right across from my bed. The view out my windows is also amazing. I'd rather be home, but if I have to be in a hospital, this room has to be one of the very nicest out there. It feels like a penthouse suite! I enjoyed seeing the lights on the bridges last night.

11. Although I miss Ian very, very much, having a break from feeding him isn't such an awful thing.

A tale of 2 hospitals

I have hospital bills at home waiting to be paid (still hoping the insurance will cover some of them) from three different hospitals (Hershey, Geisinger, and Evangelical). Last year the PSU insurance paid for all of Ian's medical bills (after we paid the $75 deductible) aside from not paying much toward his prescriptions. They paid everything for his surgeries at CHOP and Hershey. So I thought we were safe in choosing that option for 6 months this year. Hopefully it will turn out okay, but I admit I am now so nervous about accruing more large bills to pay due to these two hospital stays although I have made sure to stay at hospitals that are "in the network," which is why I'm now almost 2 hours away from my hubby and kids. I miss Paul and Nadia, but I will admit I miss Ian the most simply because he spends far more time in my arms. Every time they draw blood I am worried that I might be looking at a $1,000 bill coming in the mail for the bloodwork. Please pray that the insurance will cover whatever charges I am accruing this week and next week. I was trying to save $3K by going with PSU's insurance. I realize that was a mistake, but I just hope it wasn't a BIG mistake. It's another reason I'm praying our son isn't born until at least July 1, because that's when we go back on Blue Shield. Paul and Nadia haven't seen any doctors since we've been on PSU's insurance, and Ian is covered with Medical Assistance. If I wasn't pregnant (or even if I was just having an uncomplicated pregnancy), it would have been the right choice. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I feel like I should be declining more tests, but usually I just let doctors and nurses do whatever they think is best. For example, they said I need to do the glucose test again. I do think I'm going to refuse that as I know my insurance won't pay for it a second time, and I'm certain I don't have GD right now. It's hard to know what else I should decline as I don't know how expensive each test is, and I don't know what my insurance will cover.

I slept MUCH better last night. They don't check vitals nearly as often at this hospital, which is so nice. I didn't like being awakened to have my temperature and blood pressure taken when neither have been an issue. I also greatly prefer the compression stockings over the machine. These stockings don't keep me awake at night, and I don't have to unplug each leg to be able to pee. At the other hospital I had to unplug each leg and also my iv to be able to go to the bathroom. In this room I only have to unplug the baby's monitor (which is around my belly). The iv cord is long enough (and plugged in close enough to the bathroom) that I don't have to unplug it to use the bathroom. This makes going to the bathroom a much simpler task. Also, the iv bags are MUCH bigger at this hospital. They last 8 hours! My machine kept beeping because I needed a new bag at the previous hospital.

Around 10am this morning I became completely untethered! They capped my iv and unhooked the fetal monitor. I was moved up one floor to a small unit that's just for women like me (pregnant but trying to delay delivery). All the rooms in the unit are private; I have an absolutely gorgeous view out of three large windows of the river. Paul's Aunt Debbie (who lives near Harrisburg) surprised me with a visit yesterday, and she brought some beautiful flowers that I am enjoying (daisies, lilies, one rose, etc.). I'll be hooked up to the fetal monitor twice a day instead of 24 hours a day. As far as the countdown goes, they are not counting yesterday since I had some bleeding and contractions yesterday. Hopefully today will be day number one. I need seven days in a row to be discharged, and that's just for the placenta previa. I haven't seen the doctor yet today, but I had an ultrasound around 1pm, and she said that he went from "anemia" yesterday to "mild anemia" today.

I searched through my blog and found that with Nadia I had complete previa at first, but by 24w it was partial previa, and by 30w it was completely resolved. I didn't have any ultrasound during weeks 25-29 that time so I am not sure exactly when it resolved.

The meals here are tiny compared to what they served at the hospital I was at earlier this week. Thank goodness I got lunch at Long John Silver's on the way down here because they fed me later than usual (they wouldn't let me eat until I went awhile without contractions), and it was a very tiny meal. On Fridays they have a special lunch in the lounge for the women in my unit so I had a hearty lunch. Many of the women are here for months. Two that were at the lunch today are being discharged today because they gave birth on Tuesday (their babies are in the NICU). I was the only one at the lunch who didn't have a name picked out (most of the lunch conversation revolved around baby names). I was the oldest one. The next oldest is 38 years old. She's pregnant with her sixth child. She's 28 weeks along and is here due to preeclampsia. If I have to leave the room (such as to go to the luncheon), I have to be taken by wheelchair.