I would say that "fragile" is a good way to describe how I feel both physically and emotionally. Yesterday they goofed up my breakfast and lunch menus. I had submitted a form, but they thought it was for 6-10 instead of 6-3. The food here in general is really awful and also is served in super small portions. Today I want to make a list of the foods that to me weren't edible in case I end up here again. I am not a picky person when it comes to food, but I have not been able to force myself to eat some of the things I've ordered here. Breakfast is the easiest meal to compensate for the small portions (ex. if you order french toast you get one small piece) because I can order things like a blueberry muffin and a cup of fresh fruit to make the meal more filling. I am not one to cry over something like food, but I have to say when they delivered my breakfast yesterday, I almost cried. I didn't get a muffin or fruit. Instead I received things I don't consume like bacon, orange juice, 2% milk, etc. I only drink water. I choked down the cheese omlette (and left the bacon on my plate). It wasn't good, but it was food. I felt badly about the waste because once it enters my room, it has to go in the garbage even if I don't touch it. Lunch went a little better because they did give me the entree I had requested (cheese tortellini), but the rest of the meal wasn't what I had asked for. Thankfully the tortellini was delicious, and the portion was big enough. They straightened out my menu situation in the afternoon, and I did receive what I had requested for dinner. Dinner was definitely the best meal I've had here (the best that came on a tray anyhow). I was full after eating it, and it was delicious (chicken, wild rice, sugar snap peas, pineapples, and lemon pudding).
The highlight of my day yesterday definitely was my 3 1/2 hour visit with Paul, Nadia, and Ian. I hadn't seen any of them since Thursday around 1pm, and I saw them ever so briefly that day (I was just home long enough to pack a suitcase). Really the last time I had spent more than a couple of minutes with my kids was Tuesday. Four days without much contact with my kids was very hard. I was feeling so sad that I couldn't attend Nadia's ballet recital, but I think it's also going to take Nadia a while to get over the fact I wasn't there. She keeps mentioning it and asking if I'll be at her next recital. I wish it wasn't a year until the next one because it really is bothering her that I wasn't there. I tried to explain that I would have been there if the doctor had let me. I was touched that it meant so much to her that I wasn't there. I thought that since Paul, Ian, Gabby, Alexis, Grandma, and Pop Pop were there that she wouldn't miss me much. After they left I had fun editing pictures from the recital.
(I added pictures to the previous four blog posts.) Even though I had described my room as a penthouse suite, Paul was shocked when he walked in to see how large the room is and the incredible views I have of seven bridges. It feels great to be wearing clean clothes, and I was able to sleep in my nightgown last night. I'm also looking forward to a shower later this morning with a towel from home (the ones here feel like sandpaper) and real shampoo (I used baby wash the last time).
The visit was difficult at times. Emotionally it was hard to say goodbye at the end without bursting into tears in front of the kids (I did succeed). I kept telling myself, you'll be home tomorrow night. I realize there's no guarantee I'll be home tomorrow night, but it helped me a lot. They were both delighted when they saw me. Ian gave me lots of hugs and kept saying "Momma" over and over again. Physically it was tough as my belly is a bit more sensitive at the moment and a jab with his elbow hurt A Lot. Without meaning to they also were not very kind to the arm that has the iv in it (the upside was the nurse took it out before I went to bed because it was bothering me so much). It was also confirmed in my mind that I am going to need help taking care of the kids once I'm home if I'm under the same restrictions I am under here, and frankly even if the doctor's don't put me under strict limits, I will put them on myself for at least another 10 days. The doctor said yesterday that he's expecting I'll have future hospitalizations between now and the time I deliver. I'd like to keep those as few as possible. I wish I was farther along. If I make it until at least 35w, I have 12w2d to go.
I slept well the first night here (the one night I spent in the L&D unit before being moved up a floor). That was out of sheer exhaustion from getting hardly any sleep the previous two nights. I keep waking up way too early lately. This morning I was awake by 3:30am. I haven't been taking any naps, and I went to bed at 10pm so going to bed too early isn't the problem. The first night here they offered me Ambien. I'll take it tonight if I'm still here. I contemplated asking for it at 4am, but then I thought that probably is the wrong time of day to take it. I am not sure if bed rest is the culprit. Maybe my body is confused from spending 5 days and nights in bed? Maybe I'm not active enough during the day to be tired enough to sleep more than 5 hours at night? Maybe I'm too keyed up wondering if I'm going home this afternoon or not? I decided to get up (instead of just lying in bed awake), but I haven't turned on the lights, and I'm going to try to go back to sleep in a little bit.
I would say that "fragile" is a good way to describe how I feel both physically and emotionally. Yesterday they goofed up my breakfast and lunch menus. I had submitted a form, but they thought it was for 6-10 instead of 6-3. The food here in general is really awful and also is served in super small portions. Today I want to make a list of the foods that to me weren't edible in case I end up here again. I am not a picky person when it comes to food, but I have not been able to force myself to eat some of the things I've ordered here. Breakfast is the easiest meal to compensate for the small portions (ex. if you order french toast you get one small piece) because I can order things like a blueberry muffin and a cup of fresh fruit to make the meal more filling. I am not one to cry over something like food, but I have to say when they delivered my breakfast yesterday, I almost cried. I didn't get a muffin or fruit. Instead I received things I don't consume like bacon, orange juice, 2% milk, etc. I only drink water. I choked down the cheese omlette (and left the bacon on my plate). It wasn't good, but it was food. I felt badly about the waste because once it enters my room, it has to go in the garbage even if I don't touch it. Lunch went a little better because they did give me the entree I had requested (cheese tortellini), but the rest of the meal wasn't what I had asked for. Thankfully the tortellini was delicious, and the portion was big enough. They straightened out my menu situation in the afternoon, and I did receive what I had requested for dinner. Dinner was definitely the best meal I've had here (the best that came on a tray anyhow). I was full after eating it, and it was delicious (chicken, wild rice, sugar snap peas, pineapples, and lemon pudding). 
The highlight of my day yesterday definitely was my 3 1/2 hour visit with Paul, Nadia, and Ian. I hadn't seen any of them since Thursday around 1pm, and I saw them ever so briefly that day (I was just home long enough to pack a suitcase). Really the last time I had spent more than a couple of minutes with my kids was Tuesday. Four days without much contact with my kids was very hard. I was feeling so sad that I couldn't attend Nadia's ballet recital, but I think it's also going to take Nadia a while to get over the fact I wasn't there. She keeps mentioning it and asking if I'll be at her next recital. I wish it wasn't a year until the next one because it really is bothering her that I wasn't there. I tried to explain that I would have been there if the doctor had let me. I was touched that it meant so much to her that I wasn't there. I thought that since Paul, Ian, Gabby, Alexis, Grandma, and Pop Pop were there that she wouldn't miss me much. After they left I had fun editing pictures from the recital. (I added pictures to the previous four blog posts.) Even though I had described my room as a penthouse suite, Paul was shocked when he walked in to see how large the room is and the incredible views I have of seven bridges. It feels great to be wearing clean clothes, and I was able to sleep in my nightgown last night. I'm also looking forward to a shower later this morning with a towel from home (the ones here feel like sandpaper) and real shampoo (I used baby wash the last time).
The visit was difficult at times. Emotionally it was hard to say goodbye at the end without bursting into tears in front of the kids (I did succeed). I kept telling myself, you'll be home tomorrow night. I realize there's no guarantee I'll be home tomorrow night, but it helped me a lot. They were both delighted when they saw me. Ian gave me lots of hugs and kept saying "Momma" over and over again. Physically it was tough as my belly is a bit more sensitive at the moment and a jab with his elbow hurt A Lot. Without meaning to they also were not very kind to the arm that has the iv in it (the upside was the nurse took it out before I went to bed because it was bothering me so much). It was also confirmed in my mind that I am going to need help taking care of the kids once I'm home if I'm under the same restrictions I am under here, and frankly even if the doctor's don't put me under strict limits, I will put them on myself for at least another 10 days. The doctor said yesterday that he's expecting I'll have future hospitalizations between now and the time I deliver. I'd like to keep those as few as possible. I wish I was farther along. If I make it until at least 35w, I have 12w2d to go.
I slept well the first night here (the one night I spent in the L&D unit before being moved up a floor). That was out of sheer exhaustion from getting hardly any sleep the previous two nights. I keep waking up way too early lately. This morning I was awake by 3:30am. I haven't been taking any naps, and I went to bed at 10pm so going to bed too early isn't the problem. The first night here they offered me Ambien. I'll take it tonight if I'm still here. I contemplated asking for it at 4am, but then I thought that probably is the wrong time of day to take it. I am not sure if bed rest is the culprit. Maybe my body is confused from spending 5 days and nights in bed? Maybe I'm not active enough during the day to be tired enough to sleep more than 5 hours at night? Maybe I'm too keyed up wondering if I'm going home this afternoon or not? I decided to get up (instead of just lying in bed awake), but I haven't turned on the lights, and I'm going to try to go back to sleep in a little bit.
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