Giving Thanks

Yesterday I felt much better than I had on Wednesday or Thursday - both physically and emotionally. The doctor commented yesterday afternoon on how much better I looked (the color in my face, etc.). I have to admit this morning I am feeling down again. I didn't sleep well (in part because the room is cold), I am really missing my hubby and kids, I'm going to miss Nadia's very first ballet recital this evening, and I had some pink spotting this morning. The best thing to do when one is feeling down is to count one's blessings. So that's what I'm trying to do.

1. I am very thankful I still feel our little boy kicking inside me. This has been my scariest pregnancy (not counting the ectopic). There have been three times thus far in the past 18 weeks that I thought I was losing him. The first was at 4w0d when I started bleeding (not just spotting). Thankfully it only lasted for a couple of hours. The second was when I learned of the antibody problem. The first websites I landed on when I was trying to figure out what I had just been diagnosed with scared the daylights out of me. The third scare was the biggest - at 1am on Wednesday morning when I was covered in blood, and that scare continued on when the doctors and nurses kept reminding me they might have to do a c-section to save my life (which would end his life). I know he's not out of the woods yet since we haven't even gotten to 23w yet (the soonest he could be admitted to the NICU), but I am back to being hopeful he's going to make it. I don't know if we'll be able to avoid the NICU like I hoped, but these scares have made me realize there are far worse things than a baby ending up in the NICU.

2. I had a delicious lunch and dinner yesterday (not hospital food either time). On Fridays they serve special meals in this unit. I hope I'm not here next Friday, but I did enjoy two delicious meals yesterday! Today it will be back to hospital food. It did hit me this morning that I probably should cut back on how much I'm eating now that my activity level has plummeted. I had been doing so well with not gaining much weight. I don't want to get on the wrong track.

3. My mom arrived at Evangelical Hospital around 5:30pm on Wednesday, and she stayed with me until about 3:30pm yesterday. I'm very grateful she came up, and I'm also thankful she made it back home safely although her drive took a lot longer than it should have because of heavy rainstorms in PA and tornadoes in MD. She's planning to return on Wednesday to take care of the kids for two days.

4. Paul was able to be with me on Wednesday and watch the kids on Thursday. I'm also thankful he was able to get back to school yesterday and hopefully will be able to go to school all week next week. He's trying to graduate in August (or at least by December).

5. Paul's parents took care of the kids on Wednesday and Friday, and they're planning to come back up on Monday and Tuesday. Pop Pop took Nadia to gymanstics on Wednesday morning, to her musical rehearsal on Wednesday evening, and to ballet yesterday evening.

6. Gabby watched the kids from 1:00-4:00am on Wednesday morning and that she and her sister watched the kids for a couple of hours Thursday afternoon so Paul could get some work done.  I'm also thankful Alexis will be doing Nadia's hair for the ballet recital this evening.
7. I have internet access on my laptop (although they block many sites such as Target, Amazon, and Netflix), five library books (by Beverly Lewis, Terri Blackstock, and John Grisham), and a tv to keep me occupied while I spend the day in bed. I haven't watched "I Love Lucy" in years. She still cracks me up!

8. The nurse stopped in while I was getting a shower (it was time for my medication that I have every 6 hours), and this was a blessing because I had not noticed there weren't any towels in the bathroom and also because I discovered the shampoo didn't actually make it into my suitcase. She brought me baby wash and towels. That's not exactly what I'm accustomed to, but it sure beats only being able to risne my hair. I would have packed very differently had I known what I know now. I need to make a list of what to ask Paul to bring down tomorrow.

9. I'm very glad I packed my glasses. Crying and contact lenses do NOT mix well. I so badly wish I could be there with Nadia this evening.

10. The flowers Paul's Aunt Debbie brought me on Thursday evening are just plain gorgeous. I am really enjoying them, especially now that I'm in a room where they can be placed right across from my bed. The view out my windows is also amazing. I'd rather be home, but if I have to be in a hospital, this room has to be one of the very nicest out there. It feels like a penthouse suite! I enjoyed seeing the lights on the bridges last night.

11. Although I miss Ian very, very much, having a break from feeding him isn't such an awful thing.