Hard to wait

Well I admit I am having a very hard time waiting for my next OB appointment. When I first got the BFP I only had to wait 2 days for the repeat Beta and then 1 week for the 3rd Beta and then one week for the first u/s. It was an adjustment to go 2 weeks w/o being seen for the 2nd u/s. Then I waited 2 more weeks for the 3rd u/s. My first OB appt would have been 2 weeks after my last RE appt except we were on vacation. So I went 3w2d in between appointments at that time which was really hard, but the nausea and such were reassuring. Well the wait this time will be 4w3d in between appts. I am super close to calling the OB's office today or tomorrow and asking that my appt be moved up one week. I am supposed to go 4 weeks in between at this stage, but it's really nerve wracking not to have any proof that baby is still doing ok. I keep telling myself that baby has a 99% chance of doing just fine so there's no reason to worry, and I haven't had any spotting or bleeding at any time the whole pgcy. I still do get cramps now and then, but I know that can just be from the uterus growing, etc. I think in the future it will be much, much easier to go 4 weeks in between appts because I will be feeling the baby move and I am sure that will be just as reassuring as hearing a h/b at the OB's office to know baby is still alive and well. So I think this would be the only time I'd ask for an appt to be rescheduled a little earlier as hopefully in the next few weeks I'll start feeling baby move (others have said they've felt baby as soon as 16w for their 1st pgcy and I'll be at 16w tomorrow). Then another part of me says you waited 5+ years for a sticky bfp - you can wait 2 more weeks for your next OB appt. Patience is a virtue, right? :-) I also need patience to wait for THE ultrasound. A woman who had her FET exactly 7 days before mine had her BIG u/s yesterday. I wish mine was next week!!! But right now I'd settle for listening to a h/b. I had toyed with buying or renting one of those fetal dopplers that you can use at home, and right now I wish I had gotten one, but I am not going to pay for one at this point when hopefully soon I'll be able to feel baby move.

In terms of adoption, I started working on our taxes last night and this morning as I was going back over the adoption tax credit form, I happened to notice something I hadn't seen before. We paid about $2K towards adoption in 2006. When an adoption hasn't been finalized you have to wait an additional year before you can claim any expenses. In other words had we actually adopted in the US or Ukraine in 2007 we could claim even our 2007 adoption expenses this year, but since we haven't finalized any adoption, we can only claim expenses up until 2006. The last two years I have already claimed some expenses from 2004 and 2005. I already knew that everything we paid towards adopting from Ukraine (about $4,200 in 2006-07) was not at all deductible as you can't claim any int'l adoption expenses unless an adoption actually takes place. I admit I tried to get creative this morning and see if something like "apostilles" which we paid over $700 for to the state gov't could somehow count as "other taxes" on schedule A, but nope I don't think any of those expenses are deductible in any way shape or form. But here is what I just learned for the first time this morning. I knew that you can claim expenses for a failed adoption. If you pay $$ trying to adopt in the US but are unsuccessful you can still claim some of those expenses (this was a relief when I learned this last year as I started to panic that I'd have to pay back the $$ I had claimed towards adopting through Lifetime if we never actually adopted through them). But what I didn't realize until this morning is that the adoption tax credit is cumulative. ALL domestic failed attempts plus a first successful attempt all can only be counted towards one tax credit. I had always thought that if we ended up adopting through Cathy or Mark that it would be a fresh new tax credit - separate from the one claimed through our attempts with Lifetime. If I had known this last June, I would have waited until the IVF was over to contract with Cathy (and since we got a BFP from the FET we woudn't have contracted with her). I figured though eventually we could claim that as a tax credit. I was wrong. We've spent about $23K on adoption. If I subtract the part that was a "charitable donation" to Lifetime and what we paid for Ukraine, that brings it down to about $17K. The current tax credit is a little less than $12K so this means everything we paid Cathy ($4,900) is not deductible whether we do or don't adopt through her. However what is more upsetting to me is the thought that if we complete an adoption we will still need to pay probably at least $15K and none of that can count towards a tax credit either!! If we adopt one child in the future, we will likely have spent $38K on adoption and only be able to claim about $12K of that. Back in 2004 when exploring adoption options, Russia was high on our list - Paul's first choice after domestic newborn. The reason we crossed Russia (and other countries like Kazhakstan and Guatemala) off the list was bc the costs were over $30K. Ironically it might have been cheaper to adopt from those countries particularly if we had adopted 2 children at once (as then we would have received a double tax credit). I am in shock. We tried to save money by choosing the cheaper options (domestic facilitator, Ukraine) and yet ironically probably would spend more than the options we viewed as too expensive (although there is truth to this in that we couldn't have come up with $30K in 2004-05). I wish we could get some of the money we paid to Lifetime back. That would really help, but I can't see that ever happening.

I had been thinking that if we adopted in the future through Mark or Cathy that we'd likely spend about $15K and eventually get about $7K back so in the end the domestic adoption would cost $8K. Now I realize that unless we adopt twins, we won't be able to claim any future adoption expenses towards a tax credit. I have to say IVF is looking far more appealing for #2. IVF would be cheaper (although it will probably cost more than it did this time since our insurance did pay for the meds, b/w, and u/s) and medical expenses are tax deductible once you go over 7.5% of your income (which IVF certainly does). Of course there is no guarantee with IVF, but we have learned the hard way that there is also no guarantee with adoption (like I used to think there was). The biggest concern I have about IVF again is the fact I would be 37 years old before we could possibly start that again and so my "chances" would be lower although having been pg actually raises your "chances" so maybe those two factors cancel out?

I apologize for such a long post but one other thought I had this morning about the whole "should we adopt or do ivf for #2" is that I think our chances of being picked for domestic adoption will be very slim after we have a baby. First of all, no one has picked us the last 38 months while we were childless which is supposedly when it's easier to be picked. In addition to the fact we'll have a young (bio) child which will likely be a "turn-off" for many birthmothers, our income will be VERY low. I am sure income level factors into a birthmother's decision - or why would we be asked to reveal that info to them? I can imagine it would be a HUGE turn-off if they see our annual income listed as say $23K a year!! If Paul goes to PSU and I keep working part-time then our annual income will be higher than that, but it still will be considerably lower than what it's been the last few years with me working FT. It probably doesn't sound very stable to say - your child's mom will be a SAHM (although many bmoms seems to prefer that in a mom) and your child's dad will be a doctoral student making less than $30K a year. I am sure they'd rather pick a family where the husband is FT employed making a decent wage. So the tax credit info plus these thoughts are making me think we'll probaby try IVF again in 2009. And if it doesn't work then I think we'll either need to adopt through the "system" (which is free) or we'll end up only having one child. I had always dreamed of having at least 3-4 children. Since we'll be 36 & 38 when our first is born I figure at this point 2 is probably the maximum, but maybe God's will is for us to only have one? Time will tell. So now back to my question of the day. Do I call the OB and ask to move my appt up or not? :-)