Happy 39th Birthday, Paul!!!

Well today Paul celebrates his first birthday as a Daddy. Yes, it really is his 39th. I know many people once they reach 39 have many "'39th" bdays so I wanted to clarify that he really is turning 39 today. His last year in his 30's. When I met him, he had just turned 27 and hadn't been to college (except for a couple of months when he was 18). Since I met him he has earned a bachelor's degree in math, a master's degree in chemistry, and is now working on his doctorate in chemistry. His life has changed so much since Nadia was born a little over 6 months ago.

Prior to her arrival he had never changed a diaper and now it's something he's happy to do as long as the diaper is only wet. He has learned quite a few songs in the past few months. I've never heard him sing so much before! He told me when he woke up this morning that during the night the song "Skip to my Lou" and the words of the book Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? by Dr. Seuss kept going through his head. He's a wonderful daddy. It means so much to me to see how much he loves his little peanut. A couple of weeks ago he missed a step (while holding her) and fell so that his knees hit the tile floor. He said he would break a leg before he'd let her get hurt. Aww... When he comes home the first thing he wants to do is hold his little cutie pie. I could go on and on, but you can tell I think he's a wonderful dad!

Nadia has had a hard time getting back into her usual routine since recovering from her shots. She went down at 6pm last night but thankfully didn't get up until 7am. She woke up a couple of times during the night. I tried to nurse her, but she refused (and I won't give her a bottle at night -it's me or nothing). The first time I changed her diaper and clothes and sheets. I do NOT like Target diapers. I will never buy them again. We are going to Applebee's tonight for Paul's birthday and will stop at the Walmart and get their diapers. The Walmart is right next to the Applebee's. Walmart's diapers are cheaper and in my opinion MUCH better than Target's. Anyhow we are having big trouble nursing. Thursday night around midnight she nursed really well. Better than she had in a long time. She got enough from just one side that she fell asleep on me and didn't nurse from the other side. Well that was the end of it. Friday morning she wouldn't nurse at all even though I was very full, and she hasn't nursed since.

I was saying that I regretted that I didn't pump more when I was working, but in actuality I don't think that was the problem. Up until about 5 months old she was still only getting at most 8 ounces a day of formula. The problem was that right about the time I was trying to nurse her more to get her off of formula she started to reject me and we skyrocketed from 8 to 20 ounces a day while I was at home with her. Since then she has nursed less and less to the point that she has been getting on average 24 ounces of formula (some days as much as 28 ounces and one day 32). My milk supply has definitely increased the last few days, but she is now totally refusing me. I was in tears this morning. The upside is that so far today she's had 8 ounces of formula and 6 1/2 ounces of my milk - all in bottle form. I am not going to keep pumping though if she won't nurse. Frustrated is a very mild word to describe how I feel right now about this.