Missing My Girl

I had been doing well the last few days in terms of not crying regarding Nadia. I was so happy to be in the demo room that I even put my contacts in again today. When the doctors did their rounds this morning, I asked the question that had been on my mind since day one - when might he be discharged? It was the first time I had asked although others have asked me about it. The doctor who did his exam this morning said they were thinking he'd be discharged before Christmas. I could tell she thought I'd be encouraged by that statement. I actually wanted to break into tears as that made the possibility of being discharged this weekend seem very slight. I know that the demo room is used as a transition to going home, so I falsely assumed that the fact they suggested I could come over here yesterday meant his discharge was right around the corner. The doctor replied that they were thinking the early part of next week. I said that I really, really was missing my 17 month old daughter and that I would agree to daily weight and bloodwork checks (bilirubin) at the pediatrician's office if that would mean we could go home sooner. I said I also would agree to supplement with a bottle if necessary.

The doctor said that he's not concerned about the jaundice or feeding. Ian's bilirubin dropped a little bit, and he gained a little bit of weight. He said his main concern is Ian's ability to maintain his temperature without assistance. They are lowering the temp in his isolette today and by tomorrow it should be at 26 degrees. If he maintains a good body temperature at that temp, he'll be switched into a bassinette. The doctor didn't 100% rule out him being discharged on Sunday, but he scheduled Ian's first pediatrician appointment for Tuesday, which implies a Monday discharge. So please pray for me emotionally as I struggle with being apart from my girl for ten days (Monday will be the 10th day). I've accepted the fact we aren't going home until Monday, but it will be VERY hard for me if it ends up being longer than that.

My mom left early this morning to return to MD. Paul's parents stopped in and visited with Ian & I for about 20 minutes on their way to our house. Paul asked them to take care of Nadia while he paints Ian's room. Paul called me this morning to ask me what I wanted him to do today - go grocery shopping (hasn't been done in over a week now), go to my office to get the exams, or paint Ian's room. I figured it was best that he paint today since his parents are there. He can take Nadia to the grocery store tomorrow or Sunday. I emailed a couple of people in my department who live in the town where the hospital is to see if they could get the exams from my office and bring them to me today or tomorrow. Paul's parents could drop off the carseat at the hospital on their way home later today. I told the doctors the carseat would be here sometime today. Babies have to do this two hour carseat test if they are born prior to 37 weeks. Nadia HATED the test. My mom sat on the floor and held a pacifier in her mouth for 2 hours so I could get some sleep (it was done during the middle of the night). Hopefully Ian won't freak out like Nadia did since I'm here in the demo room alone this time around.

The nurse brought a sleeper for me to change Ian into prior to his 2am feeding (when he was weighed). I said I had brought some clothes. Ian is wearing the football sleeper that my friend, Sharon, gave us on Sunday. They stopped giving him IV fluids this morning so the board was taken off his arm. Slowly but surely he keeps having wires and other contraptions removed from his body! Changing his diaper and clothes is going to be a cinch for me when we get home since now I do it while he's in an isolette. He wears the Wallaby blanket inside his sleeper and has several other wires and probes attached to him which make getting him dressed a challenge. Yesterday Paul got to hold him for the first extended period of time, and today Paul's mom held him for about 15 minutes. His supplemental feedings were cut in half today. Hopefully he is getting enough from me while nursing that his weight will either stay the same or go up. His last supplemental feeding was 100% my milk so the quantity of formula he's getting has really gone down. I am nursing him 8 times a day and pumping 8 times a day. I admit that one time during the night I skipped the pumping.

Another change in the NICU is that now they use wipes (Pampers sensitive). When Nadia was in the NICU they were using these pink towels that you had to get wet before using. I am very glad they have switched to wipes. I change his diaper before every feeding in an attempt to wake him up. He was a sleepyhead for his 8am feeding today, but otherwise he's been doing pretty well. I was spoiled last time as my mom would help keep Nadia awake. It's hard to try to help him nurse and also help keep him awake at the same time. Thankfully though he's doing better at nursing than Nadia did. I'm sure part of that is due to me having experience this time around. He is able to latch on without the nipple guard, but sometimes he will only nurse for 5 minutes that way. Every feeding is partially with and partially without the guard. I was wanting to avoid using it, but if it means leaving the NICU sooner, I guess I'll deal with a battle later on of getting rid of these things. It's also possible that Ian won't mind ditching them. Nadia most certainly minded!!

Paul's parents brought me some snacks. There is a refrigerator and microwave in the demo room. We had dinner at 4pm yesterday at Wendy's so I was very hungry part way through the night and only had water at my disposal. Unfortunately there aren't any vending machines nearby, and the closest cafes were closed. The nurse told me there is a pizza place that delivers until midnight, but I wasn't in the mood for pizza. I made a REALLY long trek to a cafeteria I had never been to before in this hospital. I bought several snacks which also turned into most of my breakfast this morning (apple and a yogurt). I won't be making any more midnight runs now that Paul's parents brought me apples, bananas, granola bars, etc. Actually I ate a bag of popcorn as my lunch today so it will also save me trips for lunch and dinner. I am going to stop at a cafe prior to my 3:30 doctor appointment (because it closes at 4pm) so I can bring back something for dinner. At 3:30 I'm getting my staples removed. It turns out I probably could have done the Monday appointment. I had hoped to be out of here before then, but considering Nadia was here 8 days after coming at 36w3d, I guess it's not bad if Ian is here for 10 days since he came at 34w3d.

I guess it's sort of like infertility. Those of us who have to try for 5+ years to get pregnant really, really appreciate the miracle of being pregnant. Similarly, those of us whose babies go to the NICU celebrate all these tiny milestones that probably many new parents take for granted - the first time you get to hold your child, first time you get to nurse your child, first time your child wears clothing, etc. because for most parents all those things happen within the first hour or two of life whereas for babies in the NICU it takes days, weeks, and sometimes months for those milestones to occur.