Almost passed out

Yesterday I gave very serious consideration to breaking out a hpt this morning (11dpo) because the symptoms have been getting stronger, and I think since my Prometrium dosage hasn't increased, I wouldn't think that alone could cause the upsurge in symptoms. What started as the typical progesterone induced tenderness has gotten so strong that when Ian is sitting in my lap, I feel like I must nurse him right now. It's an extremely strong sensation, and it keeps catching me off guard since he was weaned about 11 months ago. I didn't test this morning because Paul talked me into waiting until Monday morning as planned.

At church this morning I had a new symptom pop up out of the blue. After Sunday School the choir meets in a rehearsal room to go over the anthem a couple of times before going out to the choir loft in the sanctuary. We were singing an arrangement of "Jesus Loves Me" in honor of today being Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I was singing away when all of a sudden the room started spinning, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I fell back into a chair and a woman, who is a nurse, was standing beside me pointed out to others around me that my face had lost all color.

They quickly got me horizontal, opened windows to cool me off, etc. There are a couple of nurses and a physician assistant in the choir so I was very well attended. Eventually I was able to sit up and then stand up without feeling like I was going to faint. Someone also brought me some grape juice to help my blood sugar level. Needless to say I just sat in a pew during the service rather than going up to the choir loft. I felt much better by the end of the service, and I felt even better after we had lunch. Nadia had her first fluffernutter sandwich, and I thoroughly enjoyed a piece of pecan pie at the church luncheon. I hadn't had any pecan pie in quite awhile, and it's one of my most favorite foods. Anyhow, although I didn't enjoy almost fainting this morning, I'm now pretty certain I'm pregnant. Singing and pregnancy haven't gone well for me in the past. At our church we stand and sing for quite a long time as we sing both hymns and praise and worship songs. When I was pregnant with Ian I had to sit in church when almost everyone was standing to avoid passing out.

I've tried really hard to keep my hopes in check. I don't want to come crashing down emotionally. Two things that are helping with that are #1 the fact that I have two beautiful children. That bfn in August 2007 was so incredibly hard (after my first ivf transfer) because my arms were still empty. If that's what happens this time, it will be totally different. Secondly, we have one frozen blastocyst. All our eggs (blastocysts) aren't in one basket (uterus). All that to say, yesterday and today I've been pretty certain that I'm pregnant. If it's negative tomorrow, I won't totally give up hope yet as it *could* still be too early. We shall see. Hopefully I'll be seeing two lines tomorrow. Part of me just can't believe that might happen. It took 5.5 years to have our first sticky pregnancy. It seemed so easy (in comparison) with Ian, and if I am pregnant again right now, this time was even easier due to the new ivf protocol. Since they say at this clinic that the odds of getting pregnant are about 25% per ivf cycle, it seems crazy to think we could be 3 of 4 with ivf transfers resulting in a pregnancy, especially now when I'm almost 40 years old. Of course "easy" still involved thousands of dollars, shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork, etc. It's not easy compared to the way most folks get pregnant, but compared to what we went through for Nadia, it's been easy (if I really am pregnant right now). If I am pregnant, I will view this as our fourth miracle baby. I still view our first baby as a miracle, even though we never held that little one in our arms. We had been trying for 3 years when I finally saw 2 lines. I still have the hps from that pregnancy which took place in 2005. That felt like a miracle. Here's to praying there's another little miracle growing within me. Nothing is impossible with God!

P.S. As you can see from today's pics, the kids were out in the snow again this afternoon!