Stressed out hubby

I'm glad I hadn't made tons of plans for this summer because I struggle a little emotionally with each thing that gets crossed off the calendar such as Nadia not being able to take her swimming lessons. She did make it to 6 nights of VBS this summer. Last summer she did 3 weeks of VBS (15 nights), and I had planned for her to do 2 weeks this summer. Last Saturday Paul and the kids were supposed to go to the "beach" (a state park that has a manmade lake) with several other families. It was an event planned by the church where Nadia is participating in the children's musical this summer. I had taken the kids to that state park the last two summers. Today I had planned on shopping at a HUGE used book sale sponsored by the library we've been going to lately. This Saturday we were all planning to go to a 50th wedding anniversary party for a couple I've been friends with since 1996. She was the principal of the school before me. Actually, I met her in 1993 as we took a graduate class together in Indiana. All four of us were planning to go to Maryland next week for the big family reunion. I haven't shed any tears over the fact I missed my 6 month dentist appointment or that we've cancelled Ian's OT appointments until I'm home from the hospital. The two that will be/were the hardest to miss include Nadia's first ballet recital (in June) and her first musical performances (August 11/12). I am very grateful I was able to attend her first gymnastics showcase, the Jonah production in Lancaster, and that I was home for her 4th birthday. I thought this summer we'd be heading to the playground most mornings and to the swimming pool most afternoons. I never dreamed I'd spend months on bedrest. As of today I'm 29 weeks along in the pregnancy and beginning my 8th week of bedrest.

The last 7 weeks have been challenging for me emotionally, mainly due to being separated from my husband and kids, and there have also been times when it's been very unpleasant physically. The last 7 weeks haven't been easy for Paul either. Three overlap of three different events have made for a stressed out hubby. First, I am in the hospital so he has had to take on many additional responsibilities (laundry, mowing, grocery shopping, cleaning, spending more time with the kids than usual, etc.), and second, our neighbors moved to Oklahoma a few weeks ago. If they were still around, I am sure they would be babysitting the kids quite a bit. Third, he has reached a crunch time for completing his doctorate. That alone would be enough to have him totally stressed out. In general Paul is a pretty laid back person. It's hard to recall times when I felt that he was stressed out the first several years I knew him. The times I can recall him being the most stressed out were when he was preparing for/ taking the entrance exams for both his master's and doctorate as well as any time he has had a deadline approaching (such as a paper to submit or a conference presentation). Because he is both a procrastinator and a perfectionist, he goes into this mode where he gets very little sleep and works practically around the clock for days or weeks right up until the deadline.

Even if I were at home, he would be stressed out right now as he has started writing his final article (the last one he has to write towards his dissertation), and then after he finishes that he needs to work on his dissertation, which he hopes to defend in 2-3 months. However since I am not at home, he is getting less time than usual to do his schoolwork. Yesterday he had to pick the kids up from the babysitter at 4:15pm. Today he needs to pick them up at 5:15pm. When I am at home, he doesn't usually get home until sometime between 6:00-6:30pm. When I am home he also does some work on the weekends, but now (since he doesn't multitask) he can only get work done on the weekends when the kids are in bed at night. Hopefully he can make a lot of progress next week while the kids are in Maryland. Aside from chatting on the phone with me a little, he won't have any family distractions next week. If his advisor's funding wasn't about to run out, there could be more flexibility as to when he finished his degree, but since her grant wasn't renewed, he absolutely has to graduate in December. We will all survive, but the stress level is going to be high the next few months for our family. Also, Paul can see the ways my absence is effecting the kids, and this adds to his stress level.

Paul keeps wanting me to come home from the hospital because even if I'm on bedrest he can get more work done when I'm at home compared to when I'm in the hospital. Of course part of me wants to be at home also!!! Sometimes I think what is the point of me being here. I am not receiving any medical treatment aside from medications that I could just as easily take at home. I'm here just in case something horrible would happen (out of control bleeding). It feels strange to be in the hospital because something bad *might* happen. Usually you're in the hospital because something has happened or is happening. Thus far the bleeding has always stopped on its own. The only thing they can do to stop it is deliver Oliver. Part of me thinks it's not so risky for me to go home as I could get to Geisinger within 30 minutes if I started hemmorhaging again. Then I think of how many hours I would be the only adult in the house, and I'm not allowed to drive. What would I do if I started hemmorhaging at a time when Paul wasn't home? In the end our opinion doesn't probably matter one iota because I think even if we asked again, the answer would still be the same from the doctors. They use a 3 strike policy with bleeding episodes from previa (after the 3rd you're in the hospital until you deliver), and even if you don't count the spotting incidents, I've had 4 bleeding episodes already.

Sometimes the days all seem to blur together, but there are four things that will make today unique. The best is that my mom and brother are coming for a visit. He's leaving for Brazil in two weeks so this will be the last time I'll see him for 1-2 years. The more mundane differences include that one Wednesday a month we are served a brunch and every Wednesday we have our weekly weigh-in and urine test. The weigh-in went well. I didn't gain any weight over the past seven days. I'm so hungry right now that I'm thinking next month I'll ask for my breakfast tray even on brunch day. It doesn't help that I've been up since 4am. Last night wasn't a good night for me. Hopefully I'll get a lot more sleep tonight.