I can't believe I'm doing this

Rosalie and Bob showed up at 6:40am at Paul's parents' house to take me to my 8am appointment. Oliver has stayed out of the moderate/severe category of anemia the past 5 days. Since I had been discharged, Dr. Tressler told the nurse to hook me up to the monitor for 30 minutes after the ultrasound to make sure I wasn't having any contractions. When she hooked me up she told me that Dr. Tressler was shocked that I had been discharged, and he wasn't very happy about it in light of the placenta previa. It turns out Dr. Martinez was the only one of the three doctors in favor of me being discharged prior to delivery. When he came in to talk with me, he was very stern about how serious placenta previa is, and he told me he is 100% certain I will bleed again. That caught me off guard because I am not accustomed to a doctor referring to anything as 100% certain. He said the only questions were when it would happen and how much blood I would lose. I thought he was going to tell me I needed to be readmitted, but he said he'd let me go back home if I promised "the only time my feet would hit the floor would be when I was getting up to go to the bathroom." He said I needed to be just as inactive at home as I had been in the hospital. I agreed to those terms and made an appointment for 2:30 on Monday for the next ultrasound.

By the afternoon I was feeling very overwhelmed as several people (most with medical backgrounds of some sort) were telling me via email and Facebook how worried they were, and they were questioning the safety of this decision because of the threat of bleeding to death. One friend works at the blood bank and Geisinger, and she let me know that it would likely take about 2 hours for them to get matched blood for me (unlike at Harrisburg where they know what I need and have been keeping some on hand when I've been staying there). If I really needed a transfusion asap, this would obviously be a big problem. If I had started bleeding at home this weekend, I would have asked Paul to take me to Geisinger. Additionally, Paul's mom is going to be without a car tomorrrow, which didn't seem like the best situation for me if some emergency came abut. As glad as I was to be discharged on Monday, I started to think the wisest choice might be to go back to the hospital. I called Paul first, and he wasn't sure what I should do. I called my mom next, and she felt (in light of the emails/messages) I should go back to the hospital. I then called the hospital around 5pm when I knew a doctor would be doing rounds. I spoke with Dr. Taboada, who agreed the safest place for me to be, especially considering how  far away I live, was the hospital. She said she'd admit me tonight, but I'd have to start on the 8th floor. She said if I waited until tomorrow morning I would go straight to the 9th or 11th floor.

Since Paul's mom wasn't going to have access to a car tomorrow, we worked it out with her sister that I would spent the night at her house, which is where I am now. She met us half-way at a McDonald's, which helped get the kids back to Paul's parents' house at a more reasonable time. At first I felt a big sense of relief that I had made the right decision, and then it hit me a few minutes later that I'd be saying goodbye to the kids again, and I was in tears. I know this time they won't discharge me until I deliver, which means it will be about 4-5 weeks before I go home again. Nadia was in tears at one point, and this helped me get myself together. I was completely caught off guard though when Ian started bawling in the parking lot at McD's. He kept saying over and over, "I want to go home." Out of the past 14 nights (including tonight) he will have only spent one night in his own bedroom. He will have spent 6 nights at my parents' house and 7 nights at Paul's parents' house during that time span. Many times over the past two days I was with him he kept asking for Daddy. Paul will come get them on Friday night. I know this is the right thing to do, but I'm again struggling emotionally and can't believe I am willingly choosing to be readmitted even though I could have stayed with the kids until at least Monday.