Top 10 reasons I'm glad I'm at home

10. Our toilet paper is much softer, and I never need to use a bed pan or catheter.

9. I can take a nice hot shower (standing up) without needing permission or someone to put plastic and tape on my arm to cover an iv site. I'm never tethered to an iv or fetal monitor.

8. I can sleep in my own, far more comfortable bed (albeit I'm only in there about 3-5 hours a night due to Oliver).

7. I can shop online. There aren't any firewalls prohibiting me from visiting certain websites.

6. No adults are asking me about things related to going to the bathroom (these questions used to be asked multiple times a day).

5. I can be outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine!!!

4. I don't have restrictions on the amount of weight I lift or the work I do. Yes, it really is nice to be able to sweep the kitchen floor and mow the lawn. One might think it would be nice to have a break from doing things like that, but trust me it's sheer torture to see that things need to be done and not be allowed to do them.

3. I can drive a car and go places like the grocery store or church. It was hard to be dependent on finding people to take me places.

 

2. I can eat what I want, when I want. Little things like a peanut butter and honey sandwich are so special to me right now just because if I am craving something, I can have it!

 

1. I am with my family!!! This was by far the hardest part of being in the hospital. I felt like I was in solitary confinement. I missed reading to my kids, hugging them, kissing them, hearing them laugh, etc. I also really missed my husband. It is heavenly that we are all under the same roof again. Whew.

 

Of course my sweet little doll baby was worth all of this plus heartburn, a spinal headache, many bleeding episodes, etc. In the middle of it I was totally overwhelmed at the thought of ever being pregnant again. I kept wishing the new RE had allowed us to transfer 3 blastocysts in January like we had done in the past. Needing to have fetal transfusions done again didn't overwhelm me. There would be a 50% chance of that happening again. What scared me was the thought of being on hospital bedrest for many weeks again due to complete placenta previa. The risk of it happening again is MUCH less than 50%, but the risk does go up with age, with having had another c-section, with having had placenta previa again, etc.

 

When I was packing up the maternity clothes earlier this month, it hit me that I felt I could enjoy being pregnant again. Of course we have no idea what will happen when we transfer that final blastocyst. It may not even result in a pregnancy. If it does, maybe the pregnancy will go as smoothly as it did when I carried Nadia and Ian. Aside from them coming 4 and 6 weeks early, the pregnancies were extremely smooth compared to this last one. For now I am just very glad to be home, and I can definitely be very content if our family is complete as it was a very hard journey that led to Oliver joining us. For now I keep storing all of the things Nadia outgrows in case that next transfer results in a sister for Nadia. If that transfer doesn't result in a pregnancy (or if it results in another brother), I will be giving away most of her clothing and shoes. The things that Ian outgrows are being stored in Oliver's closet. I can't say for certain, but my thought is that if we got a bfn next time, it would be easier to handle than it was after our first embryo transfer in 2007 because #1 I already have 3 children and #2 this last pregnancy was very, very difficult. If we get another bfp, I'll be praying fervently for the placeta to be in a better location, but if the Lord's will is to go through this again, I'll just keep reminding myself that the baby is definitely worth it. We love Oliver very, very much!!!

Good News!

I intended to do a "thankful Thursday" post yesterday, but by about 6pm I had such a bad headache that I was also nauseous. I ached all over. I attributed this to #1 lack of sleep and #2 muscle soreness from walking to the park for the first time the previous day. I thought I was "over" the side effects from the 10+ weeks of bed rest, but I still am not quite back in the shape I was several months ago. I'm sure it won't take too many trips to the playground for my body to adjust.

 

1. Yesterday morning the company that provided the pump I rented in Harrisburg called to say they were running behind schedule. A driver was supposed to pick the pump up sometime before 1pm as we were leaving at that time for Oliver's appointment. She asked what time we'd be back. I said I wasn't sure because doctor appointments can be very unpredictable in their length. She said they don't come up our way very often so she'd send a fedex label instead. I was thrilled with this delay because it means I get to keep the pump a few more days. I have an appointment to get one at the WIC office on October 3, and if there is a cancellation next week I can get one sooner than that. If there is a gap in between when I ship this one and pick one up from WIC, I am planning to use a manual pump for a few days. Maybe there won't be a gap if I return this one on Tuesday and am able to borrow one from WIC that same day.

 

2. I lowered Oliver's oxygen to .025 yesterday morning, and his saturation levels were great when he was tested at 2:00pm yesterday. WOOHOO! It was an extremely short appointment. Walking to and from the van took far longer than the appointment. She said that on the morning of October 17 I am to take him off his oxygen completely and they will check his saturation levels that afternoon. If they are still good, then he'll stay on the apnea monitor for 2-3 more weeks (while not on oxygen), and if all goes well, then the monitor and oxygen tanks will be returned. She also told me that I only need to keep him connected to the monitor when he's sleeping in a crib. If he's awake or in my arms, he doesn't need to be connected. That was also good news!

 

3. Yesterday I got to spend time with two friends. I played in the handbell choir with them from 2004-2008. They watched Nadia and Ian while I went to take Oliver to his appointment. Since his appointment was so short, I was able to spend time visiting with them for awhile at Donna's house. I often go months between times when I sit and talk with a friend so it makes it very special when those opportunities arise. Donna has a granddaughter who is Nadia's age so she has lots of toys at her house. Nadia and Ian didn't want to leave her house!

4. I am so grateful for the Weego. It was expensive but worth every penny. I used it again today. Last night I still opted to do my grocery shopping alone (after Paul got home), and this morning I asked Paul to watch Nadia and Ian while I took Oliver to his 8:35am doctor appointment. I am planning to use the Weego on Sundays when we go to church.

5. I really, really enjoyed our trips to the playground on Wednesday and again today. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous (it was 75 degrees when we went today). It's my favorite kind of weather!

 

6. I had been really dreading today's pediatrician appointment. I was so very relieved when Dr. C was actually pleased with Oliver's weight gain. They said he weighed 4lb 6.5oz on September 4, and they said he weighed 4lb 14.5oz today. Most doctors say babies need to gain 1 ounce a day, and this represented a gain of 8 ounces in 17 days. At this clinic you never know until the doctor walks into the exam room which pediatrician will be seeing your child that day. I am already hoping that Dr. C will be the one who does Oliver's next appointment, which takes place in 3 weeks. I have decided I'm not going to weigh Oliver again until Tuesday - a full week since the last time I weighed him. I don't want to be so stressed about his weight gain. The doctor's attitude was a HUGE relief. His only suggestion was to have Oliver wear a knitted cap so he won't use as many calories keeping himself warm. Oliver loves to remove the hat from his head and the cannula from his nose, but if it will help him gain weight, I will put more efforts into keeping the hat on his head!

 

7. Ian is doing SO much better with eating this week. Two weeks ago it was taking 1-2 hours to get him to feed himself a container of yogurt. He can do it in less than 30 minutes now. At dinner tonight I had put some applesauce and some pasta on his plate. He asked me where the grapes and carrots were. I asked him if he wanted these, and he said yes and specified he wanted green grapes (I have given him both green and red grapes this week). Ironically he doesn't actually seem to like carrots, but he does like grapes. I had tried to get him to eat a grape many other times, but he never had until this week.

 

It does a body good

Veggies - I tried to start following some of the goals I posted on Sunday. On Monday I made chicken enchiladas, green beans, and carrots. The vegetables went over like a lead balloon with Nadia. She didn't even eat much of her enchilada (I had given her one half of an enchilada) even though she has enjoyed them in the past. She chose to sit at the dinner table all the way until bed time and had to finish the meal for breakfast Tuesday morning. Last night I served cheese ravioli and corn. Again although she likes ravioli, she didn't eat much of it because there was corn on her plate. We experienced deja vu as she sat at the table until it was time for bed and then sat there another 3 hours this morning before she finally finished the ravioli and corn. Hopefully she will start eating her veggies a bit faster in the near future. I'm considering using the feeding clinic's "plate a/ plate b" strategy with her. It's not one that has been used with Ian, but I observed it being used with many other children.

Ironically, Ian is doing a better job of eating his veggies. At lunch he had a few bites of bologna, carrots, and green beans in addition to feeding himself an entire container of coconut milk yogurt. At dinner he ate a red grape (first time ever although I've tried to get him to eat them many times before), a couple of carrots, and a few bites of bologna in addition to a decent size helping of applesauce. I was very, very pleased with his feeding skills today. Every meal took at most 30 minutes for him to eat. Considering meals were taking 1-2 hours each when Oliver was first discharged from the hospital, this is a HUGE step forward. Tomorrow I'm hoping Karen (OT) will give some tips on how to help him improve his skills of feeding himself with a spoon. It's a very messy endeavor at the moment, which bothers him more than it bothers me.

Milk - Dr. Williams was amazed yesterday at how quickly Ian can drink the EleCare. He certainly has mastered the skill of drinking from an open cup! He still likes it to be served warm (actually the word "hot" would be more accurate). I realized over the last few days how much milk Nadia usually drinks because we aren't going through the gallon nearly as quickly as usual. She still hasn't gotten over her cold. She has thrown up once a day the last few days from the phlegm. Thus I've only given her water or apple juice to drink, and I've been giving her oatmeal for breakfast (on the days she hasn't been eating her dinner for breakfast). This has greatly reduced our milk consumption! As for Oliver, I don't know what will happen with him. I wish he didn't have lung disease for many reasons - one of which is that it's making it harder for him to gain weight and therefore is threatening the future of nursing him. The pump is being picked up tomorrow. I have to decide whether to buy one or to wait until I can borrow one from WIC. All I have right now is a manual pump that the NICU gave me. I'll give that a whirl tomorrow before I decide whether I'm going to buy one or not. I have to pump three times a day to get enough to fill his bottles for the day. I wish I hadn't sold my pump at a yard sale last year. Lately I've only been pumping twice a day so I've been dipping into the frozen supply a bit.

Sleep - Nadia hasn't been napping this month. On Monday she surprised me and took a very long nap in her bedroom. This morning Ian kept talking about how he is scared of the dark - something he's never said before. It sounded like he had a nightmare last night as he kept talking about a "green woman." This turned into a disaster at naptime. I was on the phone with someone from SS regarding Oliver's Medical Assistance application, and he became hysterical. I left the door open (I usually close it) so it wouldn't be dark in his room, and he still screamed so much that he threw up in his bed. I had him nap downstairs on a couch instead (not in the same room where Oliver and I were). Some days (like on Monday) he still takes a short nap, but today he slept for more than an hour on the couch. I took down the room darkening shades off his window and put in a night light. Thankfully he didn't give Paul much trouble when he put him down tonight. Whew. Nadia never had a fear of the dark so this was a new situation.

I have been trying to help Oliver learn to put himself to sleep. During the night I don't care if I put him in his crib asleep, but during the day I put him down while he's awake so he can learn to put himself to sleep. He does much better sleeping during the day than he does at night. Every once in a while he has a good night, but many nights he is up much of the night. The good news is that I am handling the sleep deprivation FAR better this time than I did the last two times although I eagerly await the day when I can sleep through the night again. I don't change his diaper as often at night (during the night his diapers are almost always only wet whereas during the day almost every diaper is both wet and poopy), and the only light is a night light in his room.

Fresh air - This whole summer I spent only a few minutes outside. There were weeks in which I spent not even one minute outside. Today was the first time I went to the playground in four months. The weather was gorgeous. It was heavenly to be outside in the fresh air. I have had cabin fever this summer like I've never had it before. I carried Oliver in the Weego and pushed Nadia and Ian in the double stroller. We sang songs together and had such a great time. Bliss.

I have more I'd like to write, but as I said above, sleep does a body good and so I must sign off and go catch a few zzz's before the next feeding.

Six Weeks Old!

Sunday I would have been 36w4d, which is when I gave birth to Nadia - the farthest I've ever made it in a pregnancy. Tomorrow I would have been 38 weeks. This means it's time to start working on getting Oliver off the shield, especially since I received a letter from the insurance yesterday saying that they won't pay for the pump rental. I weighed him today, and he now weighs 4lb 10.5oz, which means he's gained 9 ounces since he was discharged, but they wanted him to gain 16 ounces in that time span. I am dreading what the pediatrician will say about that on Friday when they weigh him. I was hoping he'd weigh at least 5 lbs by Friday, but that seems very dubious right now. The Pediatrician will be wanting him to weigh about 5lb 7oz on Friday. There's no way that will happen no matter how wet his diaper is when they weigh him that morning. I wish he'd consume more milk when I nurse him. The boppy gets drenched with milk every time. He does now weigh a full pound more than he did at his lowest weight. It's hard to believe he's gained 16 ounces over the last few weeks because he still seems so very thin. I don't like seeing him without clothes on. I felt the same way with Ian when he was little.

The first time that Paul's mom held Oliver was on September 4, but I didn't get a picture. The first time Paul's dad held Oliver was on September 15 at Knoebels. My mom is the only grandparent who hasn't held Oliver yet. She's hoping to hold him next week. I did take pictures of both of Paul's parents holding Oliver today. Yesterday Sheri called and said she couldn't help out this week after all because she's having some health issues (blood sugar, blood pressure, etc.). I already thought Paul's parents deserved the "grandparents of the year" award for all their help during the time Oliver and I were hospitalized, but they have continued to come to our rescue the past 16 days. On 9/4 they came to help out when we realized the car bed wouldn't fit in our car, Paul's dad meet me at McDonald's last Wednesday when Sarah said two of the kids she was watching had had colds, and they helped out again today when we found out yesterday that Sheri couldn't help us out as planned. They watched Nadia while I took Ian (and Oliver) to an appointment with his psychologist today. I am very hopeful about the new feeding plan. Paul's dad also took Nadia to her ballet/tap class.

 

The Weego arrived in the mail today (after I left for Ian's appointment) so now I will be able to take all three kids out by myself. Being able to "wear" Oliver means I have my hands available for Nadia and Ian. I am still not sure I'll want to take all three kids to a doctor's appointment, but at least now I know I can go to the grocery store and church and such with the three kids. It will be much easier once Oliver is off the oxygen and apnea monitor, but I am getting better and dealing with that equipment.

2012 Goals Revisited

Although it's not a new calendar year yet, it's a new phase for me as a mom of three. I have been contemplating goals for myself and my three children, and here is what I have come up with for the next 3.5 months.

1. Get back to creating a monthly plan for dinner that includes new recipes and vegetables on a more regular basis. Work on getting Nadia and Ian to feed themselves a wider variety of foods without a fuss in a reasonable amount of time.

2. Help Oliver gain weight at a good pace. Hopefully he'll weigh at least 10 pounds by the end of 2012. Ideally, he will be nursing exclusiverly (without the shield or bottles), but if he has to have bottles hopefully we can at least avoid formula during this time span. Until that happens, I want to try to pump as much as he consumes by bottle each day.

3. Help Ian become potty trained at night.

4. Lose at least 15 pounds. To that end, I want to start regularly walking to the playground with the kids once the Weego arrives as well as watching what I eat.

5. Help Oliver develop good sleeping habits (day and night).

6. Continue to work with Ian on immediately following directions given by his parents and treating his sister nicely (no hitting, shoving, grabbing, etc.). I want him to be ready to join Nadia's gymnastics class in January.

7. Continue to work with Nadia on talking nicely (using manners, not whining, having a good attitude, etc.) and treating her brother nicely (not bossing him around, sharing, etc.).

8. Help Paul apply for jobs (an adjunct position starting in January and a tenure track position starting in August). Thus far the 2 tenure track possibilities include Lehigh and Lafayette.

9. Become more regular in having "preschool" with Nadia. Some parts (ex. calendar time and music) I want to do with Nadia and Ian together. In particular over the next 3 months I want to work on her cutting skills (scissors), begin the Handwriting without Tears curriculum with her so that she can learn to write her name, teach her to count to 100, and continue on the skills leading up to reading. I also want to get back to reading chapter books aloud to Nadia. I think Ian might be able to handle that as well because he can now sit through the 98 page Cinderella book being read in one sitting.

10. Follow the OT/PT suggestions to help Oliver achieve his developmental milestones. The NICU gave a referral for Early Intervention. For now, I have held off on that assessment. (Regina, do you know any reason why I should start that with him now?) He will still have OT/PT appointments at the hospital (not connected with EI).

11. Take extra precautions to try to keep Oliver healthy in light of his lung disease. I am going to ask the Pediatrician this week about Oliver having the Synagis shots starting in November to prevent RSV. I was told last week that he is eligible (they are very expensive).

12. Resume using the Motivated Moms weekly chore lists and stop using the cleaning service. Since Nadia has been resisting quiet time lately, I'm going to have her help me with a few chores during the week while her brothers nap. I also want to work with Nadia and Ian so that they can be primarily responsible for picking up their toys twice a day instead of me doing it myself.

 

13. Work on improving my photography skills when shooting in manual mode.

14. Have a regular time of Bible study and prayer even though I won't be joining a ladies Bible study group for a few more months.

As you can see from the pictures, we went to Knoebels yesterday. On our way home we stopped at OIP to have pizza for dinner. When the waitress was taking our drink orders, Nadia asked for milk. After the waitress told her that they didn't have any milk, she asked, "Do you have any water?". I smile every time I recall that verbal exchange. :-)

 

 

Lost and Found

I'm sure most people don't like to lose things. If you are a bit of a penny pincher by nature, I think this can make losing things a tad more painful. It was a GREAT relief to me when my sapphire bracelet that I lost in January was found a few weeks ago. In June we lost a Dunkin Donuts gift card that had about $35 left on it. We didn't actually pay for the card. I ordered it with thank you points from using my credit card, but it still felt like we threw away $35. Maybe it will show up some day as well. If I had registered it on Dunkin' Donuts website, they would have replaced it. I will certainly be registering all future gift cards on their site in case this happens again (although it's the first time I ever recall losing a gift card before). A few days ago I panicked when I went to put on my rings and watch. I take them off at night before I go to bed. My watch and wedding band were there, but my engagement ring and the ring I had been wearing on my right hand that week were missing. Ian was in the room at the time and spoke up quickly to let me know Nadia had them. I still was feeling panicked until Nadia handed the rings back to me. I talked with her about NEVER touching my rings again. She told me mine were much nicer than her rings. I told her I share many things with her, but I am not sharing my rings with her, especially my wedding rings!

When I came home from the hospital I discovered that she had claimed some coins while I was gone that used to be in a jar on the dryer. I decided to let her keep the coins as I had been intending for the past 14 months to start giving her an allowance. I helped her divide her coins into the three separate parts of her bank (tithe, spend, and save). This week she went into a goodie bag that she knew about (which I also thought was out of reach) and retrieved a few figurines that she hadn't earned yet (dwarfs and such). It seems we need to work on the concept of taking something that doesn't belong to her. I'm hoping that she's the one who took the money out of my wallet. I went to the bank on Wednesday, and when I went to put the money in my wallet from the check I cashed, I discovered there was not a single bill in my wallet. I hadn't used any cash for 8 days, but the last time I used cash (to pay the woman $10 for used baby clothes), I distinctly remember all I had were twenty dollar bills in my wallet because I had to get money from Paul to pay her $10. I can't say for certain the money was taken by Nadia, but I'm thinking if someone else had taken money from my wallet they also would have taken my credit cards. I'm hoping that the money will show up at some point in the future - in part because it feels uncomfortable to have things taken from my wallet without my knowledge (unless it was Paul taking some money from me and then I wouldn't care).

On Wednesday as I was in the elevator I realized I had left a bottle in the eye doctor's examination room. I decided not to go back for it even though it was filled with 30ml of "liquid gold" as they call it. I have a feeling the nurse or whomever discovered it probably wondered what it was because I had the daily dose of vitamins and iron mixed in so the milk was green. Yesterday as I was holding Oliver in one hand and trying to get Nadia a yogurt (the one she wanted was at the back of the shelf), I accidently knocked over a container and spilled 70ml of milk on my pants and the floor. Since I didn't pump as much as usual on Wednesday and spilled/lost 100ml of milk over the past two days and also have been giving Oliver more milk by bottle than I did before (I know offer him 30ml at each feeding instead of 20ml), I quickly went through the supply of fresh milk that I had in the refrigerator. I was feeling upset about this, and Paul reminded me we have LOTS of milk in the freezer. I thawed a little bit to use today in addition to what I am pumping. I'd like to get my body back to the point that I'm pumping out at least as much as he's consuming by bottle each day so that I know I'm producing enough once he goes off the bottle (I'm still hoping that will happen although I know there's no guarantee it will). It's really a challenge to pump  many times a day in addition to nursing 8+ times a day while taking care of three young children. I don't pump during the night because I need some sleep, especially as Oliver has been keeping me up quite a bit at night lately. Last night did go a little bit better although I was still up from 2:30-4:20am with him because he would cry every time I'd put him back in his crib. I did one test today to see how he'd do without the shield. It was very similar to what happened 3 weeks ago - he latched on but didn't last very long. The Pediatrician had suggested waiting until he's at least 38w (which he'll be next week) so we'll stick with the shield a bit longer.

At times my frugality clashes with another motivation, and I have to decide which I care more about. Last week when I was cleaning out Oliver's bedroom closet, I was going through our gift wrapping supplies. I used to save little bits of unused wrapping paper because sometimes I give a gift that is small in size. As I looked at the saved pieces I realized that some of them have been stored for more than 10 years. I decided that my dislike of clutter was going to win out over my distaste for wasting things. I pitched all the wrapping paper that wasn't on a roll. Paul calls me "the chucker" because I dislike clutter, but I also dislike waste. This got on my nerves at the three hospitals this summer. Hospitals are extremely environmentally unfriendly. So many things are "one use" only. Actually it doesn't matter if they were actually used or not. If they enter the patient's room, they are pitched when the patient is discharged even if they were never used. I didn't realize this at first about the food. Once a hostess walks into the room, the food must be thrown away if the patient doesn't consume it. I thought it was ridiculous at times because the hostess would enter the doorway and I'd be able to tell from a distance it wasn't my tray. Even though the tray had never left her hands or come withint 5 feet of me, it had to be tossed. There were a few nurses who didn't follow this rule and would take things I didn't want (and hadn't touched or opened) and put them in the refrigerator (ex. I only drink water so if they put any milk, juice, iced tea, etc. on my tray I would try to give that back so it wouldn't all be thrown out). I've had to do a fair amount of pitching of food here at home over the past 2 weeks because things had been sitting in the refrigerator or pantry for months during my absence. I learned a couple of days ago that Rice Krispies taste awful if they are stale. I almost ruined the garbage disposal getting rid of that cereal. A 1/4 size measuring cup had fallen into the disposal. Paul extricated it yesterday morning. Whew.

Another time when my sense of frugality doesn't win out is when it comes to paying for ice cream. Turkey Hill half gallons of ice cream were on sale for $1.99 at the grocery store, and I didn't buy any when I went on Wednesday night. I bought LOTS of grapes (99 cents a pound), but I steered clear of the ice cream because a few days ago I wasn't happy with the number I saw on the scale when I weighed myself. My usual plan is to only eat ice cream elsewhere (never at home). This is the FAR more expensive way to go about it, but this way I don't eat ice cream nearly as often. I serve myself too large a portion when I have a half gallon at home. I am looking forward to having ice cream at Knoebels tomorrow. I'm not completely eliminating ice cream from my diet, but I won't be able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight if I have half gallons of ice cream in the freezer at home. When I felt discouraged, I reminded myself that I weigh 30+ pounds less than I did after giving birth to Ian. Yes, I have weight to lose, but not nearly as much as I did the last time.

Oliver's ROP Exam

On Sunday I asked Sarah if she would watch Nadia and Ian for me for a couple of hours today while I took Oliver to his eye doctor appointment. Early this morning she called to let me know that two of the children she babysits had colds today. I was thankful she warned me as I'm trying to keep these germs out of our house. I tried calling Sheri, but I couldn't get a hold of her. Paul called his dad who graciously agreed to meet me at a McD's near the hospital. He watched Nadia and Ian for 1.75 hours during Oliver's appointment. They put one set of drops in his eyes to dilate them, and then 5 minutes later they put in another set of drops. About 25 minutes later we were called back for his exam. It didn't last long, but Oliver screamed at the top of his lungs, which made it emotionally painful for me. They numbed his eyes and used clamps to keep his eyelids completely pulled back. The good news is they didn't see any scar tissue. He has to come back in six weeks, but there is little chance he will have ROP, which is very good news.

The bad news is that Oliver's day of lethargy on Monday seems to have goofed up his night time sleeping habits. He was awake most of the night the past two nights. On Tuesday I didn't cave until 6:15am as far as letting him sleep on me in our bed. This morning I caved at 4:30am since I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep until that point (the only decent stretch was from 10-11:30pm). I really don't want to start a habit of him sleeping on me during the night, but I need more than 2 hours of sleep at night. I made sure to keep him awake for longer stretches of time today. I am hoping that will translate to him sleeping more tonight as I am one very tired Momma. I didn't attempt a nap today, which was probably for the best as Ian only napped for 45 minutes today.

 

After going 7 days without driving the van, I drove it 2 days in a row. The car doesn't have the keyless entry feature the Prius has. I miss that. I am getting reaccustomed to needing to use a key to both unlock and drive the vehicle. I have a ways to go in learning to park the minivan. I'm very grateful though to have a vehicle in which I can transport all three kids at the same time, even during this time when Oliver rides in a car bed. I'm getting much better at switching the oxygen regulator from the large tanks (we use at home) to the small tanks I use when we're not at home. I'm also getting better at moving the large tank around the house so that Oliver doesn't have to stay in one spot all day long. Next Thursday I'll be turning his oxygen down one notch (to .025). Hopefully he'll be totally off the oxygen sometime next month!

33 Months Old!

Ian will turn three years old three months from today. Wow. It doesn't seem possible. I'm still adjusting to the notion that he's no longer our youngest child. He's not my baby any more. :-( I didn't write a post like this for him in July or August as I spent so little time with him I didn't know what to write about. Pondering that fact still chokes me up. The good news is that I have been home for 10 days and am able to write this month's summary.

1. His favorite song is "Joshua fought the battle of Jericho." He and Nadia sing this song many times a day, and it's the most often requested song during our bedtime devotions.

2. His favorite foods are Ritz crackers, animal crackers, Froot Loops, Oreo cookies (vanilla or chocolate), and toast with jelly.

3. The easiest food to get him to feed himself with a spoon is maple brown sugar cream of wheat. He'd prefer to eat a slice of toast as his meal three times a day. We've set a goal that he needs to finish each meal in 30 minutes. When he's eating something with a spoon (ex. applesauce, yogurt, etc.) then we alternate bites. I feed him a bite and then he feeds himself a bite. This involves a LOT of fussing and objecting on his part. He'd greatly prefer to be fed all the time.

4. He still prefers his EleCare to be served warm. He can now drink it from an open cup of any size (even an "adult" size cup).

5. His favorite book to read before going to sleep is How do dinosaurs play with their friends?.

6. Many, many times a day I hear the questions "Nadia (or Ian), do you want to marry me?"or "Ian, do you want to dance with me?," and usually the sibling agrees to get married or to dance. Their dancing involves a lot of falling down on the floor, which for whatever reason is great fun in their opinion. Nadia sometimes uses the "marriage" as a way of getting what she wants. For example she asked Ian, "If I am your wife, will you let me have the puppy" (a toy they both were wanting to play with).

7. They also frequently role play Moses and the Pharaoh. Several times a day I hear one of them saying "Let my people go" and the other child replies "No, I will NOT let your people go." If Nadia is playing the part of Moses then she follows this with a list of plagues.

8. Over the past 3 months there has been a dramatic increase in the amount of time the two spend playing constructively together. They still fight many times a day (over sharing toys, etc.), but now they really do seem to enjoy playing together more than they have in the past.

9. Ian will accept things from Nadia that he doesn't accept well from me. It's fine if Nadia pours water over his head to get the shampoo out. He doesn't cry if Nadia holds the banana for him to take bites of it. He loves it when she helps him in some way or another.

10. His naps have gotten much longer! I truly had given up hope this would ever happen, but it did! It's not a shocking thing for him to sleep for 90-120 minutes although  sometimes (like today) he still only naps for 45 minutes. It took a few days, but he's also pretty much gone back to not crying when we put him down for a nap or at bed time. We haven't had success yet with getting him to wake up in a good mood. He cries for an extended period of time after he wakes up from his nap.

11. He always wants Paul to put him to bed at night. Daddy is happy to oblige.

12. His favorite thing to watch on tv is the pirate treasure episode of Backyardigans. If we won't let him watch that (for the umpteenth time) then his next choices are usually either Cinderella or a Larry Boy dvd (particularly the Rumor Weed and Fib from Outer Space).

13. He loves pirates. He uses a wide variety of objects to role play a sword fight.

14. He sleeps for about 11 hours at night. Some days he wakes up dry. In the near future I want to try to train him to sleep in underwear at night. When he wakes up he often goes to Nadia's room first. I'm trying to get him to go to our room first because she's usually still asleep when he wakes up.

15. He loves to run and also tackle. We're trying to teach him to only tackle Daddy. In a couple of years hopefully Oliver and Ian will enjoy such activities together.

16. As seen in the picture above, Ian often has a small figurine (or two or three) in his hand. His favorites include Elmo and various characters from Winnie the Pooh (Tigger is his favorite).

17. He loves to wear costumes. If he was allowed, he'd wear a princess dress every day just like his big sister.

18. The five most often people/things for which he gives thanks in his bedtime prayers include: Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Maurice, cookies, and crackers.

19. Part of what has helped me speed up his meal time is the fact that he and Nadia are very competitive. They constantly yell "I win!" if one of them finishes eating first or gets up the stairs first, etc. They are equally excited about ties. They don't mind at all if they both win. Since both of them can be very slow at meal times, I have turned it into a race as to #1 whether they can beat the timer (take less than 30 minutes) and #2 whether they can finish before their sibling does.

20. He is obsessed with Knoebels. They haven't been there in 3 months. We're hoping to go one Saturday this month since we haven't been there as a family in 4 months.

21. He still loves crashing vehicles off the entertainment center.

22. He loves to hold Oliver.

23. He enjoys making roads and boats with Play-Doh.

24. He's getting a little better about not taking off his shoes in the car and in public places.

25. He loves blankets. He plays with a quilt my former handbell choir director made for Nadia all day long. He's also been known to take the comforter off our bed and drag it somewhere else in the house. I'm trying to break that habit as I don't like making my bed more than once a day.

26. Previously the only candy he had ever eaten was a lollipop. Now he has tried a few other types as well as fruit snacks. He also ate a strawberry cereal bar recently for the first time. Sometimes he asks to eat foods that he can't eat due to his allergies.

5 Weeks Old!

Last night Oliver perked back up. He started crying when he was hungry (hadn't done that for more than 24 hours), which meant all the feedings were no longer initiated by me. I got very little sleep last night because he either wanted to be held or be fed. He went back to nursing well, which was a HUGE relief. I finally fell asleep at 6:15am (after having been up for hours), and then Ian came in my room at 6:45 so I got very little sleep last night. Paul left for PSU around 4am. I stayed in bed until 7:45am with Ian and Oliver as I figured a little time being horizontal (even though I was awake) was better than nothing since Nadia was still asleep. I was very exhausted physically, but emotionally I felt a million times better than I did yesterday. I was so worried about Oliver ending up back in the hospital, of having to make more frequent trips to the Pediatrician for weight checks, of Oliver not wanting to nurse any more, etc. This morning I called the Pediatrician and cancelled Oliver's appointment since I could tell he was back to normal. Yesterday I hardly ever saw his eye balls. Today he had times of being awake. Yesterday he never pulled out his cannula. Today I had to put it back in many times. Yesterday he slept no matter what he was wearing or where he was placed. Today I had to work harder to get him to sleep in the pack 'n play (swaddle him and such). I continued with my plan though to get him to try to consume a bit more by bottle even though he nursed better today. I am really trying to get his weight up to 5 lbs by his next Pediatrician appointment. I weighed him today, and he weighed 5lb 7oz, which means he gained one ounce since I weighed him yesterday. YAY! I won't weigh him again for a few days as I don't want to stress myself out. I'm hoping that once he gets bigger and stronger (and his lungs are healthy) that he'll be able to nurse well enough that I won't need to also give him bottles, but the good news is that at least he's only drinking my milk all day as that's the only thing going in the bottles (aside from medicine and vitamins).

A woman from church who is retired (a great grandmother) and lives very close to us told me on Sunday that she'd help me out whenever I needed some help with any of the kids. I called her today to see if she'd go with me when I was taking Nadia to ballet/tap. She rode with us which enabled me to run into the hospital while she was in the car with the kids so I could sign a form to have my records sent to the insurance (still trying to get the insurance to pay some bills), and it also meant I was able to take Oliver and Ian to the playground while she took Nadia to her dance class. I have hardly spent ANY time outside over the past 3 1/2 months. It was heavenly to be outside for 45 minutes. The only tricky part was when Ian said he had to go to the bathroom, but the Lord provided and another mother helped lift Ian on to the porta potty as I wasn't sure how I could do that while holding Oliver and his oxygen tank, etc. Sheri said she really enjoyed watching Nadia's dance class. She is going to watch Nadia at her house when I take Oliver and Ian to Ian's feeding appointment next Tuesday. I am so grateful for her help! She said it's also a blessing for her as otherwise she's at home by herself most of the time.

The bottom line was that today was a MUCH better day than yesterday. Ian napped for 90 minutes, and I was able to sleep for one hour during his nap (until Nadia woke me up to tell me that the phone was ringing). Yesterday had many rough moments. I thought the tv was broken (thankfully last night Paul figured out it was a problem with the strip it was plugged into). When I went to the mailbox, Nadia gave Ian a cracker that had peanut butter and jelly on it. I almost had a stroke when I came back in the kitchen and realized what he was eating. It was his first time ever consuming any peanut butter. I don't have an epi-pen. I was immediately searching for Benadryl in case we needed that and was wondering if we were about to take a trip to the ER. He has a cold so he was coughing, and I wasn't sure if it was due to eating the peanut butter or not. Thankfully he stopped coughing a few minutes later and never showed any reaction to the peanut butter. Whew. I never used to worry about him eating something he was allergic to since he didn't want to eat ANYthing. Now that he's eating more foods I need to be more diligent in making sure he doesn't get his hands on something he shouldn't eat. Those are just a couple of examples of what made yesterday a rather stressful day for me. Thankfully today was a much better day!

Only Half an Ounce

When I told the doctor (on Sunday) that I had a scale at home that measured to half an ounce (10 grams), he said not to weigh Oliver more often than twice a week. It surprised me at first because they weigh the babies every day in the NICU. I wish I had weighed him last Sunday (the day he was discharged) so I would know how similar my scale is to their scales, but I didn't weigh him until Friday (the day he turned one month old). He was weighed last Monday by the home health nurse and last Tuesday at the Pediatrician's office so he was weighed 4 out of 7 days last week. I weighed him again this morning since it had been 3 days since I had weighed him. I was very discouraged when I saw that he had only gained 1/2 ounce over those three days (weighed 4lb 6oz today). In the late evening hours last night (meaning about 9-11:30pm) he didn't nurse very well although he didn't want to sleep. I would go to bed and about 20-30 minutes later Paul would come and get me (even though the Steelers were playing I viewed sleep as more important than football). The next surprising thing was that he went almost 4 hours without being fed, and I was the one who woke up and realized he had gone too long. Usually he wakes up on his own for his 3am feeding. I woke him up, and it took about 10 minutes to get him nursing (much longer than usual). Similarly, the next feeding was also at my initiative. He nursed pretty well at that feeding, but since then it's been a challenge to get him to nurse. He just wants to sleep. Usually he will only sleep in the pack n play if he's swaddled. Today he can sleep no matter what he's wearing (could just be a onesie). I have been wondering if I am being overly paranoid or if he's not feeling well. He's had plenty of wet and poopy diapers. He's not dehydrated. He has been taking his bottle just fine so this last time I gave him 40ml by bottle. They had said to give 20ml after nursing him, but 40ml would be his full amount if he wasn't nursing. The good news is that he took all 40ml, and of course I have plenty of milk in the refrigerator and freezer. We haven't used any of the frozen milk yet as I've still been pumping at least 3 times a day although today I probably should be pumping more than that since he's not nursing well today.

His lack of weight gain plus his lethargy with nursing today have me very discouraged. It feels like deja vu to my experience with Ian. Nadia didn't gain quite enough the first couple of days we were home, but from age 2 weeks to one month old she gained a full pound in that 2 week time span. Of course she also got off the shield during that time, and she wasn't nearly as premature (born at 36w4d). She chubbed up just fine on my milk. Since I feel confident the entire placenta was removed this time and I have been more diligent to keep pumping than I was with Ian, I had hoped that Oliver would gain weight a good pace, especially since we're giving him bottles throughout the day in addition to nursing. My goal has been that over the next few weeks we'd get him off the shield and off the bottles. As badly as I want to nurse him exclusively for many more months, obviously his well being is more important than my strong desire to nurse. If I have to switch to just giving him bottles I will do so, but it will involve a lot of tears on my part to make that choice. I'm hoping today was a fluke of some sort and that tomorrow he'll go back to nursing like he did over the past week. If you look at the week as a whole, he gained 4 ounces in 8 days. The doctors like to see babies gain one ounce a day, but the minimum they'll accept is half an ounce a day, which is the pace he's been at if you look at the week as a whole. As much as I enjoy getting a little extra sleep, I'm going to make sure he doesn't go more than 3 hours from start of a feeding to start of a feeding at night. Considering how hard it was to get Ian to sleep, it feels ironic to be waking Oliver up. Hopefully it won't be hard to get him back to sleeping longer stretches once he's gained enough weight that he can sleep longer.

I called the pediatrician's office as part of me was wondering if his sleepiness was due to not feeling well. He doesn't have any other symptoms, but I've of course been worried about him possibly getting sick since the rest of us had had a little bug over the past week. Nadia's was bad enough that she threw up ALL over her bed on Saturday night. It's been quite the week for laundry as I've had to do Ian's comforter and sheets twice (due to accidents while napping) and Nadia's once (due to vomiting). One time it was Daddy's fault (he forgot to take Ian to the bathroom before putting Ian down for his nap yesterday). I think his longer than usual naps have also been a contributing factor. I let him sleep for two hours on Friday and Saturday (I had woken him up after 90 imnutes on Thursday). He woke up earlier than usual (6:30am) yesterday so I decided maybe two hours was too long. Yesterday I asked Paul to wake Ian up after 90 minutes, and that seems to have been the right decision as he didn't wake up early this morning. He only napped for 45 minutes today. Nadia has been giving me a hard time about having a quiet time. This never happened (with me anyhow) until last week. I am not sure what all happened this summer. I know she actually napped every day the last week of July at my parents' house. I am pretty sure that some of the babysitters didn't have her have a quiet time or nap. I had thought about maybe having Nadia's "school" time during Oliver and Ian's afternoon nap, but Ian catches on to things very quickly so I think it would be good to do school at a time when he's awake as he'll probably learn some of what I am trying to teach Nadia. Yesterday he corrected her when she got one of her sight words wrong. I had no idea he had been learning some of the sight words. I've been working on 10 sight words with Nadia the last couple of days as well as also working on her rhyming skills. I had decided to use their nap time as my time to get housework, cooking, pumping, etc. done, but I can't get much done in just 45 minutes. I'm hoping today was a fluke as far as Ian's nap as I was really enjoying him taking a longer nap (especially when I also really wanted a nap). A Pediatrician called me back this evening and said I could bring him in tonight or tomorrow. I opted for tomorrow morning. I'm hoping to be able to cancel the appointment, but if he doesn't seem more himself between now and then, I think I should take him in even though I was hoping not to return there until the 21st, especially if they're going to be concerned that he didn't gain much weight since he was there last.

It's amazing how much a scale can stress me out. I can get depressed by how high the number is when I step on the scale, but it's 50 zillion times more upsetting to see the number hasn't gone up enough with a preemie. Today was the first day since our discharge that I struggled emotionally with the whole "why couldn't I have one full-term baby?" question, but I know that God is in control and for some reason totally beyond my comprehension, His plan was for me to have three preemies and for each baby to come earlier rather than later than the previous one. Some day down the road it won't bother me. Right now it's really stressful.