9. I can take a nice hot shower (standing up) without needing permission or someone to put plastic and tape on my arm to cover an iv site. I'm never tethered to an iv or fetal monitor.
8. I can sleep in my own, far more comfortable bed (albeit I'm only in there about 3-5 hours a night due to Oliver).
7. I can shop online. There aren't any firewalls prohibiting me from visiting certain websites.
6. No adults are asking me about things related to going to the bathroom (these questions used to be asked multiple times a day).
5. I can be outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine!!!
4. I don't have restrictions on the amount of weight I lift or the work I do. Yes, it really is nice to be able to sweep the kitchen floor and mow the lawn. One might think it would be nice to have a break from doing things like that, but trust me it's sheer torture to see that things need to be done and not be allowed to do them.
3. I can drive a car and go places like the grocery store or church. It was hard to be dependent on finding people to take me places.
2. I can eat what I want, when I want. Little things like a peanut butter and honey sandwich are so special to me right now just because if I am craving something, I can have it!
1. I am with my family!!! This was by far the hardest part of being in the hospital. I felt like I was in solitary confinement. I missed reading to my kids, hugging them, kissing them, hearing them laugh, etc. I also really missed my husband. It is heavenly that we are all under the same roof again. Whew.
Of course my sweet little doll baby was worth all of this plus heartburn, a spinal headache, many bleeding episodes, etc. In the middle of it I was totally overwhelmed at the thought of ever being pregnant again. I kept wishing the new RE had allowed us to transfer 3 blastocysts in January like we had done in the past. Needing to have fetal transfusions done again didn't overwhelm me. There would be a 50% chance of that happening again. What scared me was the thought of being on hospital bedrest for many weeks again due to complete placenta previa. The risk of it happening again is MUCH less than 50%, but the risk does go up with age, with having had another c-section, with having had placenta previa again, etc.
When I was packing up the maternity clothes earlier this month, it hit me that I felt I could enjoy being pregnant again. Of course we have no idea what will happen when we transfer that final blastocyst. It may not even result in a pregnancy. If it does, maybe the pregnancy will go as smoothly as it did when I carried Nadia and Ian. Aside from them coming 4 and 6 weeks early, the pregnancies were extremely smooth compared to this last one. For now I am just very glad to be home, and I can definitely be very content if our family is complete as it was a very hard journey that led to Oliver joining us. For now I keep storing all of the things Nadia outgrows in case that next transfer results in a sister for Nadia. If that transfer doesn't result in a pregnancy (or if it results in another brother), I will be giving away most of her clothing and shoes. The things that Ian outgrows are being stored in Oliver's closet. I can't say for certain, but my thought is that if we got a bfn next time, it would be easier to handle than it was after our first embryo transfer in 2007 because #1 I already have 3 children and #2 this last pregnancy was very, very difficult. If we get another bfp, I'll be praying fervently for the placeta to be in a better location, but if the Lord's will is to go through this again, I'll just keep reminding myself that the baby is definitely worth it. We love Oliver very, very much!!!
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