Happy Mother's Day!

Albeit this was the fourth Mother's Day I've enjoyed as a mom (I was in my 3rd trimester with Nadia in 2008), I have to admit that I still feel hesitant about this holiday. For many years it was anything but a happy day for me. My heart breaks for those who are still in that place. I called one such friend this morning. She's in her early 50's and aside from one ectopic pregnancy 20+ years ago, she has never had any children. She usually participates in the praise team at her church on Sunday mornings. She was able to use the excuse today that she was going to visit her mother this morning. Her mother is in rehab as she had a surgery recently. I remember avoiding church on Mother's Day for several years.

Ian and his Great Aunt Marlene

We did have a nice day today. The weather was again absolutely gorgeous although we didn't spend time outside aside from going to and from the car. We'll have to make up for that tomorrow. Maybe we'll go to the playground twice tomorrow to make up for the fact we didn't go yesterday or today. Although I would have loved to be with my mom today, it was very nice to spend the day with Paul's family. Ian gave me a WONDERFUL present this morning by sleeping in until 6:30. Actually it was Nadia who woke up first, and she's the one who woke him up! Thank you, Ian!!!

Nadia and her Great Gram



I cooked myself a special breakfast this morning. I love hot breakfasts, and I never make them. I do occasionally eat pancakes and such for lunch or dinner, but for whatever reason I never make them for breakfast. I either have a bagel, oatmeal, English muffin, or cold cereal for breakfast all the time. Well this morning I made myself eggs and chocolate chip pancakes to make the day seem special. I wanted some pictures of myself with the kids, but that didn't happen. I did take some pics though! The next time I take the kids to Sears I am going to try to get one pose of myself with each child individually and maybe one pose of myself with both kids. Paul stayed home and worked on his project all day. The kids and I joined Paul's family at their church, and 10 of us went out to lunch at 1pm. One of those was Paul's Aunt Marlene who lives in CA. It was special to introduce Nadia and Ian to her for the first time. After lunch we came back to Paul's parents house and visited with them for a few hours before we headed home.

I am very, very grateful that I've gone from the hardest Mother's Day ever for me in 2007 (when our arms were still empty despite 5 years of trying to conceive and 2.5 years of trying to adopt) to being able to celebrate being a mom of two wonderful blessings from the Lord. I think a small part of the reason that Mother's Day is still a bit sad for me is because I still haven't been able to quash the desire for one more baby. There were 2 babies born in our church last month and seeing wee little ones makes my desire even greater. I really am surprised that I want a third child so badly at the age of 39. Although I always wanted 3-4 kids, I truly thought while I was pregnant with Ian that I would feel our family was complete after he was born. It has surprised me how intense my desire is to do ivf one more time. I keep praying that desire will fade away, and I keep offering up many, many words of thanks to the Lord for giving me these two ever so precious bundles of joy. My life is soooo different than it was 4 years ago. Thank you, Lord!!!!!!!!

Since Nadia observed her Sunday School teacher's belly growing and now has seen her teacher's sweet little girl, we've had conversations lately about how Nadia used to be in my belly. She didn't really notice my belly growing when I was pregnant with Ian; she was just too young. This morning she lifted up her shirt at breakfast and looked at her belly and asked me if a baby was in there. I assured her that it would be a LONG time before a baby was in her belly - that she had to grow up and get married first. Her response to that was "maybe next week." LOL! Of course she can't grasp the idea of 20 years yet. She doesn't really understand "next week" aside from the fact she realizes it's in the future. I wanted to say Nadia you are already growing up WAY too fast. Let's savor the next at least 20 years before you become a Mommy! It will be fun to be a grandmother some day, but for a couple more decades I just want to enjoy being a Mom!