23 Years

In a few weeks I will be unemployed for the first time in 23 years. Even though it has always been a dream of mine to be a stay-at-home mom, it does feel unsettling to think of myself as being unemployed, as I've had a job now for 23 years (although the first 3 years I only worked during the summers and when I was home for holidays while I was in college). My career in the field of education has lasted 20 years - four years teaching grades 5-8, seven years as a principal, and nine years as a professor. Every time I have left a job it has been hard for me (with the exception of McDonald's - it was very easy to leave that one). I hate goodbyes. Even though this one was so that I could have my dream job (staying home with my three precious children), it was very hard to sever the ties because this was the first job that involved earning tenure and a promotion (to Associate Professor) and because Paul doesn't have a job yet in his field, and when he does get a job, it will most likely be for less money than I have been making. Staying home with my kids is worth far more to me than the extra money I would be able to make if I kept working. We don't need two incomes to meet our needs, especially when we're not trying to pay for adoption or ivf (except for the FET which is much cheaper).

Maybe at some point in time I will receive a paycheck again. I am not opposed to teaching an evening class or an online class as an adjunct in the future, but for now I am plenty busy taking care of our three kids. Being a stay-at-home mom is far more physically and emotionally exhausting than being a professor! It would have been easier to make this decision after Paul had received a job offer, but I didn't feel it was fair to keep my university hanging any longer. The spring semester starts on January 28, and I wanted them to have time to find replacements to teach the courses I was scheduled to teach next semester. A student had asked me to hood her at the graduate commencement this Friday night. I told her "yes" at first, but then yesterday I emailed her and asked her to ask another professor because I hate goodbyes. I told her I was resigning. Thankfully she was very understanding. I was honored at her request, and if I wasn't resigning I would have followed through, but I really would rather fade off into the sunset quietly than to have to say goodbye in person.

Last night I emailed my department chair and the Provost. The Provost wrote me back late last night (I read her message this morning). She wrote a very nice message. One sentence talked about how my "expertise and commitment to early childhood are well regarded throughout the system" and another spoke of how my work was "genuinely appreciated" by the Office of the Chancellor in Harrisburg. We have a state system of higher education in PA, and my university is one of those schools. That's what she means by "the system." The Chancellor is over the whole system not at our university. Our current Provost used to work in the Chancellor's office before she became our Provost.

 

My department chair wrote me a nice note this morning and offered to write me a letter of reference if I ever need one. One sentence from that was "I want to take this opportunity to share with you how fortunate I feel to have had you as one of my colleagues." He also forwarded the email from the Provost to my colleagues, and several of them have written me messages of congratulations and best wishes. One said "I will miss your work ethic. You were a team player." It's been an emotional day for me.

I am very grateful that Paul supports my desire to stay at home with our children, even though he hasn't yet been offered a job in his field. I am also very thankful to Paul's dad who has agreed to hire Paul and provide us with health insurance until Paul gets a job at a university. I am praying for the Lord to provide Paul with a job. He knows what would be best for Paul and for us as a family. I am trying to be patient as we wait to find out where that will be. Twice we have gotten our hopes up, but thus far he hasn't been asked to interview. First, a school in VA called him on the phone the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. He missed the call and returned their call the next day, and they never called back. Last Thursday a school in WV emailed to tell him the salary and asked if he was still interested. I thought that since he said "yes" that would lead to an interview, but thus far they haven't called for an interview, and it's for a position that starts on January 14. I have to keep repeating to myself 1,000 times a day - "God is in control" as the suspense is really getting to me.

I am ever so grateful that the Lord has blessed us with three precious children (plus one frozen embryo), and I am ever so grateful I get to stay home and spend my days with them.

Speaking of goodbyes, today was Ian's last day of OT. Karen has been coming to our home for 23 months. Nadia has been upset that Karen's visits are coming to an end. She had been doing SO well with eating lately (even carrots, peas, and green beans), and now the past few days have been awful again. Last night I served her a casserole that has macaroni and cheese, tuna, and peas. She didn't eat it last night. She went to bed without having eaten dinner. She was served the same plate for breakfast. She sat at the table for almost 5 hours today before she finally ate her food. Hearing Karen playing with Ian was what finally motivated her to eat. I really hope this was a temporary setback and not that we're starting back at square one. She has to be hungry as it took her three meals to eat what would have been one meal's worth of food, and I only let her drink water. Hopefully dinner will go more smoothly tonight.