WOW!

Well the word "WOW" is the best way I can summarize a few things that happened today at ladies Bible study. First, Heather (the leader) came up to me and said that she is going to ask some ladies to meet together at church on Nov 1 to pray during the time the embryo is being thawed and cultured. She asked if I would send a detailed list of things they can pray for. That blew me away -a group of women taking the time to make a trip to church to pray for an hour for our little tiny baby.

Then later as I was walking to my small group a woman (who is not in my small group) said that she had been thinking of sharing an idea with me but had needed to talk to her husband first. She said she had talked to her husband, and he had agreed. She asked if we had considered surrogacy and said she would be willing to do that for us. Wow. I was stunned. We have never considered that since conception has seemed to be our roadblock (due to only 3% normal sperm). The RE said he usually suggests couples 35 or older use donor eggs, but he said in light of the high quality of our embyros he doesn't even suggest donor eggs. And they've never found anything wrong with my uterus, so I don't think it's that I can't carry a baby (at least that hasn't been indicated thus far). Anyhow that was such an incredible offer to make. What a huge thing to be willing to carry someone else's baby for them!!!!

Then I went into small group and before we got started some of the ladies started asking me more information about the FET. I had written it down on the prayer list every week, but I hadn't ever talked about it. ALL of them started crying. I do mean ALL the ladies in the room. I said - wait a minute, I am the one on hormone shots - not you, LOL! Then one lady said let's pray for her NOW and so before we started the study we all held hands and one woman prayed and everyone was crying. I was so moved. I actually cried the least of anyone in the room. I think I am trying so hard to keep my emotions in check. Anyhow it just blew me away - the compassion was extremely evident. And the comments some made were so insightful about how wow it must be hard for you when people complain about their kids, etc. I could tell they were seeing things in a new light. All of them are mothers (and some also grandmothers). They kept saying they had no idea all that was involved in this process. I tell you if this little embryo grows into a little baby we can hold in our arms - I know of several women who will love this little one and recognize what a miracle he or she is.

Finally, one woman shared at how amazed she is at how I handle this. Several said that from the outside it's not obvious what I've been going through and they can't believe how happy I am. One talked about how she can sense God's presence through my music at church. Their main point was that they feel that God is using this infertility so that I can be a testimony for others. Although I was getting extremely embarassed at all the attention being given in my direction and was really wanting the conversation to switch to a new topic, I have to say it did help me to remember that God can work all things out for good. He is in control, and there's a reason I've been waiting so many years to become a mom.

So again I say WOW. Wow that a woman I don't know very well at all and rarely ever talk to would be willing to be a surrogate if we wanted to pursue that. Wow that the ladies in my small group care so much about me, Paul, and our little tiny embryo that they were all moved to tears. Wow that several of them are going to gather at church for an hour on Nov 1 to pray for a successful thawing and transfer of our little tiny baby. Heather always refers to the embryo as a boy. Who knows? Maybe she's right. I hope we find out in a few months on a ultrasound.

On another note, as many of you know I have at times been wrestling with whether we made the right decision this summer about not redoing our dossier for Ukraine. Now honestly I should just rest in the knowledge that Paul was 100% adamant that we not redo the dossier so really there was no decision to make on my part, but I have had the "what if..." moments along the way particularly when our translator was able to submit 3 other dossiers in Aug/Sept that were sent in April/May (ours was sent the first week of April). When one couple who sent theirs in May was submitted in August and they got an appt for Dec, I thought oh that would have been perfect to travel over at that time of year in between semesters. But then last week I found out that Kathy's (who sent hers the same day as we did (in April) but hers was tied up in customs so Valentina got ours one week before she got Kathy's) appointment is for late January. I had a huge sense of relief as that would NOT have worked for us. So I have peace about that now. I must keep trusting that God has a good plan, and I am hoping the wait is almost over whether it means we'll soon find out I'm pg or it means we'll be matched with a birthmother.