The Dean told me today that I cannot bring Nadia to campus any more and must let her know by Friday what my decision will be. I emailed her back to let her know I emailed HR on Saturday and the director told me yesterday she'll call me Thursday (tomorrow) to explain how a parental leave affects health insurance, etc. I told the Dean my husband and I cannot make a decision until we get this information. I also asked her if we could continue this arrangement the rest of the semester presuming that Nadia does not disturb the other faculty since I had asked for permission many months ago. The babysitters have been lined up since April. I feel badly for them if they were counting on this income. I also feel badly for my students to leave them in the middle of the semester. She already responded to my email that I cannot continue this arrangement although she did state it would be a hardship to my department. If I hadn't asked permission, I would feel badly. I did ask permission so I don't feel it is my fault that this hardship has come about. So please pray for Paul and I to have wisdom. Thankfully I was able to talk with the mortgage guy on Monday to change our mortgage to 30 years and reduce how much cash we were investing in the new house so that our payments will be less and we'll have more savings on hand if needed. I have meetings today through 2:30pm. Please pray if you read this now as I feel like crying and need to keep myself together. Nadia is sleeping peacefully in my arms. She's not disturbing anyone and is as safe as can be in my opinion. Time spent with her is priceless to me. I wish I didn't feel so guilty for making this decision to go on leave. I can never get this time back with her. I have plenty of years I can work in the future.The picture is of Nadia sleeping on Grandma yesterday while I was packing. Last night she slept 4 hours and 45 minutes and then very little after that which wasn't good since she went down at 8:30pm. I guess that's why she's sleeping here so much in my office this morning.
6 comments:
Ruth, I am so sorry you are feeling sad and wish I could be there to comfort you and give you a hug. Not sure if this is an option at all for you: have you considered leaving her at home with a nanny? I know you don't want to bring her to a day care (and I totally agree with you) but maybe having a nanny at home could be a compromise you would accept? If this is not an option, I am not sure if this will make you feel any better, but I really think that it is best for Nadia if you can spend these first months with her, until you are ready to leave her for a longer time with a nanny at home or a daycare. I stayed at home with the kids until my last day of unpaid leave I could take without losing my job. They were 10.5 months old, and I went back to work part time (50%) once I knew they were staying at home with a nanny I trusted. I visited daycares and none was feeling right to leave my little ones, when they were so young. In our case DH was still working so I could afford to stay home, or pay a nanny for all the time I was away. I am not sure if this would be an affordable solution for you but I thought I would bring it up... (((((hugs)))))
Ruth, I am sorry to hear about the dean's decision. I'm not sure what her big beef is all about. I still don't understand how a young baby who is not even mobile can be that much of a liability. I think her decision stinks, but you should not feel guilty for taking a leave. I would take a leave if I were in your shoes too.
Hugs,
Erica
Ruth, I feel for you. I had the same exact problem when I went back to work. First work said I could bring her in since I am in sales an only in the office for a few hours each day. Then after 2 months of this (where E was an angel and did not bother anyone) I was told the same liability issue. I could not afford to stop work so I hired a "nanny". It was a retired woman who came to my house a few hours a couple times a week. I found her at my church and it worked out great! Maybe something like that would work for you as well. Hoping all works out for you.
Oh, I read your blog daily but never commented. We were on TTC together when we both started the TTC journey. Just in case you were wondering who I was. Did not want you to think I was just some crazy person!
Well that is just ridiculous. Especially since you'd asked permission WELL in advance to be able to do this. I'm so sorry all of a sudden things have changed. I hope you can come to an arrangement that works well for your family. good luck!!!
Ruth, I am sorry about your situation with the Dean. You will work something out. I will pray for you and Paul as you make your decision. You will know what is best for you, Nadia, and your whole family with God's guidance. Hang in there.
I can not believe she would give you permission then tell you no- hope things work out! and you are right the time with Nadia is priceless - I think you have such a positive attitude right now!
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