6 Random Musings

1. I was about to make chocolate chip cookies with Nadia yesterday afternoon, and Paul asked what I was making. I had made peanut butter cookies last week, and he said he wanted those again. So I quickly searched online to see if I could find one to combine both ingredients that might satiate both of our cravings, and I did! I have to tell you that these cookies are by far THE BEST cookies I have ever made (according to my taste buds anyhow). I thought 2 cups of chocolate chips plus 2 cups of chopped peanut butter cups sounded a bit much, so I only put in 1 cup of chopped PB cups. I didn't realize what a big batch of cookies it makes. Anyhow they are delicious! If you like peanut butter and chocolate, you should try these some time! Jo, I apologize as I don't think there's a way to make a "responsible" version of these cookies.

2. I called the Pediatrician today to see what he thought of Ian taking melatonin. He told me what dosage to give him and said it wouldn't interfere with any of the other medications Ian is taking. He was supportive of giving it a try. I guess I'll be buying some melatonin. It can't hurt to try. It's encouraging to hear from you, Lisa, that it's helped you so much!

3. I know we shouldn't wish for a drought, especially when we live in a farming region, but I have to say two perks to a drought are #1 being able to go swimming more and #2 not needing to mow the lawn as often. Yesterday I mowed part of the lawn, and the grass was really high even though it had only been 5 days since I had last mowed.

4. When we saw the Allergist on July 14, he assumed the next biopsy would take place within a couple of weeks. I did take Ian to see a GI in Hershey on July 21, but his endoscopy is scheduled for August 29. So I called today to see if we should decrease the Pulmicort to once a day even though he hasn't had his next biopsy yet. They said yes! The doctor said as long as he has been on it for at least 4 weeks at the current dosage, we can decrease his dosage. We switched on June 23 from 3 times a day to 2 times a day, so it's definitely been more than 4 weeks. It's not the cost of the medication that is the issue (now that we get it practically for free from PSU), but rather it makes me feel like we are still making progress towards "the plan" that the Allergist outlined on July 14th even though we are still waiting for the next biopsy.

5. I've always believed I would see the child we lost in July 2005 in heaven some day. The statement from David in 2 Samuel 12 was always the main basis for my belief. I've been less confident about seeing all the IVF embryos. Maybe it's because I wasn't declared "pregnant" those times? I believe life starts at conception, and I certainly felt grief over the 13 that didn't make it to the point of being able to be frozen (and then transferred) as well as the 5 who were transferred but didn't "stick," especially the first 3. I still have that ultrasound showing their movement within me as they were being transferred.

Yesterday's Sunday School lesson was on children in Heaven - about how those who die before they are able to understand what Jesus did for us, automatically go to Heaven. He also touched on babies who are never born (miscarriages and abortions). He was adamant that life begins at conception, and that all those babies (miscarried/aborted) are in Heaven. That wasn't a new thought to me, but what WAS a new thought to me was the possibility that maybe we'll still experience holding those little ones in Heaven some day. He said we can't say for certain whether they'll look like adults or children when we meet them in Heaven, but he (Dr. David Jeremiah) quoted from Dr. Vernon McGee who said "I believe with all my heart that God will raise the little ones such that the mother's arms who have ached for them will have the opportunity of holding them. The father's hand which never held the little hand will be given the privilege. I believe that little ones will grow up in the care of their earthly parents, if they are saved." I almost started crying right in Sunday School. I hadn't thought that maybe just maybe the babies we have never met on earth will still be little ones in Heaven. I know we can't be sure that's true, but I think that would be really wonderful if it is true. Heaven will be the most wonderful place even if that's not true, but wow it eases the disappointment of not being able to snuggle more children here on earth to think that I might possibly be snuggling with my 19 other little ones in Heaven some day. My arms would be rather full, eh? :-) It's a good thing I'll have my glorifed body because I couldn't handle anywhere near 19 babies here on earth! One of those lives began in 2005, six of them began in 2007, and twelve of them began in 2009. I'm in no rush to meet them, as I want to savor the time with my two here on earth, but I do look forward to meeting them some day in Heaven. Anyhow, the next time I feel a pang of sadness that we don't have any frozen embryos left to transfer and aren't doing IVF again, I'm going to think about the 19 little ones in Heaven that I hope to hold some day.

6. I am improving at saying "no." Still having that review from the University of Pittsburgh sitting on my dining room table is helping. I MUST do that this week as the deadline is quickly approaching. Today I declined having a graduate assistant for the fall semester. With teaching two online courses, I think it will be a struggle to come up with 10 hours of work that she can do for me each week since GAs can't help with grading. Also, I asked two professors who emailed me last week regarding peer observations to see if they can find someone else. I told them that if they are really in a pinch I will do it for them, but I'd rather they try to find someone else first. I let them know I'm only teaching part-time this semester. I got an email yesterday from a colleague saying she is resigning to move back to her home country (South Korea). I was surprised. She was tenure track (but not tenured yet). I felt badly for our department chair when I read her email, and my first instinct was to offer to help in some way (meaning agree to teach one or more of her classes). Prior to having kids I had taught overload in situations like this. Then it hit me that I am already overwhelmed with my current schedule, and I'd be nuts to offer to add more to my plate. Old habits die hard. I'm working on saying "no."