Here we go again

We started trying to have a baby in May 2002, and the following summer I had my first medicated cycle with an OB/GYN. In the fall of 2003 I saw an RE for the first time. I never would have thought that 10 years later I'd still be working with an RE. It's very different trying for #4 than it was trying for #1, especially considering how difficult Oliver's pregnancy was for the whole family. This will be our fifth ivf cycle. The first one did not result in a pregnancy, and the next three did. If this one doesn't result in a pregnancy, it won't be devastating like it was after we found out we lost our first three embryos. My arms are no longer empty. I would be thrilled to have a fourth baby, but I can definitely be content with "just" three if this last transfer does not result in a pregnancy. Part of me wishes we could just hit a fast forward button until we got to the point where we found out what the result was. I really don't enjoy riding the emotional rollercoaster and all the suspense that is involved until one week past the transfer when I break out the pregnancy test. On Friday I called the women at the hospital who processes the payments for the fertility clinic and paid the $3,450 required up front for a FET cycle. In the end we should get about $2,000 of that back as the insurance should pay for the ultrasounds, bloodwork, and sonohysterogram. If this FET does not result in a pregnancy, it's going to be hard not to feel a bit of angst toward the RE because I wanted to transfer all three blastocysts in January 2012, but he only let us transfer two even though I was three months away from turning 40 years old and had transferred three two other times without ever having a pregnancy involving more than one baby. If this does result in a pregnancy, then it will be clearer to me why only two were transferred that time, and if it doesn't, I'll need to trust that God was in control and there was a reason (unknown to me) why I had to go through the emotional, physical, and financial expense involved with an additional FET (not counting what we're paying now, in 2012 we had to pay $750 for it to be frozen).

This morning I had an appointment with the RE. The REs I saw at this clinic from 2004-2009 were very efficient. I usually was in and out of the office in a very short amount of time (often less than 15 minutes). I had forgotten that this RE (whom I saw for Oliver's cycle) often is running behind schedule. My appointment was at 9:15am. I had planned to leave the house at 8:40 and thought I'd be back by 10:15am. I actually didn't get back until 11:15am, which held Paul up with going in to school. He doesn't teach on Mondays, but he's still frantically preparing for his first week of classes. From 2004-2012 when I had appointments at this hospital I would have bloodwork done in the women's center (for the OB/GYN/RE/MFM patients). It was VERY close to the fertility clinic, and I rarely had to wait even 5 minutes to have my bloodwork drawn. I found out today they closed that lab. Now they only have one lab for the entire hospital, which means you have to walk much farther and wait for easily one hour to have your bloodwork drawn. Oi vey. I made the trek down to that lab, pulled my number, and after sitting there for 5 minutes seeing that no numbers had been called (and there were 11 people in line ahead of me), I called the fertility clinic back and asked if I could have this bloodwork done on Sunday when I had to come back for bloodwork anyhow. She said that would be fine so I only wasted 15 minutes attempting to get my bloodwork done instead of an hour or more.

I then went to the pharmacy to fill the Rx for Lupron because I might be starting that on Sunday if the bloodwork that day shows I've already ovulated (I'd appreciate prayers that I will ovulate between now and then so that I won't need to make an extra trip for bloodwork). The pharmacy was out of Lupron so Paul will stop by later this week to pick up the prescription on his way to or from work, which will only cost us a $15 copay. The RE said that lately he's been using Lupron plus the pill. I said I had asked two weeks ago if I should start the pill and the nurse told me no. He said we can just do Lupron without the pill. The other three times I was on Lupron (twice in 2007 and once in 2009) I was on the pill. He didn't have me on Lupron in 2012 with Oliver's cycle. If I do ovulate before Sunday, I think I'll only need three more appointments related to this FET - the third being the actual embryo transfer. He told me that he's going to put me on an oral form of estrogen that I'll take twice a day instead of the shots I had with Nadia's FET cycle, and I'll be on progesterone suppositories instead of shots. The only shots I'll have this cycle will be the Lupron ones. I keep telling myself this is definitely the last time I will be stabbing my belly on a daily basis. I'm very grateful for the help the REs have provided in helping our family grow, but I'm also definitely ready to be done going to a fertility clinic. The end is in sight! Maybe just maybe this frozen blastocyst will be a sister for Nadia, and if so I'll be praying fervently for the placenta to be in the proper place so that I can experience a much smoother pregnancy.