Transfusion Postponed

I felt a bit like a bag lady today while I sat at the hospital with my plastic bag from Walmart that contained a water jug, a few pairs of underwear, razor, toothbrush, and deodorant. This morning while I was getting dressed one of my contacts fell out. I've never put a contact in before without using saline. I have definitely learned my lesson. I am going to keep a few things in a bag at all times, and I'll put a few other things in the bag (ex. the charger for my phone and my laptop) when I am leaving for any MFM appointment. Better safe than sorry. Paul's aunt dropped me off at 8am, and I was done with my appointment by 8:35, which was much faster than usual. I then spent 3 hours in the lobby of the hospital until Paul's parents arrived with the kids to take us home. Paul's mom had to squeeze in the back seat of their Corolla in between the two carseats. That couldn't have been very comfortable! We got home at 1pm.

The good news is that his anemia was a little better so the doctor decided not to do the transfusion today. I found out the reason they didn't do the transfusion yesterday was that only one of the three MFM doctors in this clinic does fetal blood transfusions, and he was at a sattelite location yesterday. He was fully expecting to do the transfusion today. He said it's very serious though as fetal anemia can quickly progress to heart failure. He told me to call asap if I sense a decrease in the baby's movements. The doctor I've seen the most at this clinic has a more laid back manner. This guy scared me. I need to go back Monday morning for another check. He says a transfusion WILL be necessary; it's a matter of "when" not "if." Once he starts having transfusions, they will take place every 2-3 weeks until he is born. He saw the record transfer form in my file, and he said that he would not do a transfusion unless he was going to be caring for this baby through delivery. I explained that we live 1.75 hours away but can't go to the closer hospital until July 1 due to our insurance. He said I either need to pay cash for a transfusion at Geisinger next week OR commit to driving to Harrisburg for the duration of the pregnancy. I didn't like either option. If they charge $850 for a 5 minute ultrasound, I am certain a transfusion costs thousands of dollars. It turned out to be a moot point because I called Geisinger this afternoon and found out they don't do fetal blood transfusions (even though it says they do on their website). I will have to continue my prenatal care in Harrisburg (which is a 3.5 hour drive round trip from our house). I am going to ask if I can deliver at GMC if it's an unplanned delivery. If the answer is "no," I'm going to ask if our son can be transferred to GMC's NICU at some point. It would be difficult if he was in the NICU in Harrisburg for 2-3 months given how far away that is from our house.

I felt completely overwhelmed at the end of my appointment today. I was fully expecting the cordocentesis. I expected I'd feel a sense of relief after finding out it wasn't necessary today, but I actually left the appointment feeling worse than when I arrived (emotionally). The last two pregnancies I said many times that emotionally it was a high but physically it was very uncomfortable (heartburn, difficulty sleeping at night, etc.). The physical side effects haven't bothered me as much this time around, but emotionally it has been quite the opposite. I know that once he's home and in my arms I won't care what happened during the pregnancy. I know he's worth it. I'm just totally drained emotionally. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel selfish for feeling so distraught over things like missing Nadia's birthday cake yesterday and having to make so many trips to Harrisburg. I remind myself of the six years of infertility we went through before conceiving Nadia, and this is easy in comparison to that. I keep telling myself this isn't going to last forever. It's highly unlikely it will last even 10 more weeks. I wish I could drive, as it makes the situation so much more complicated, but I can't. Monday we had planned to take Nadia and Ian to Walmart for their 4 year/2.5 year pictures. Instead we'll be heading to Harrisburg for another ultrasound.

I never dreamed I'd be having an average of two ultrasounds a week while pregnant. Yesterday we saw his hand. It looked like he was waving at us, which was cute. Three weeks ago my immediate response when they were talking about doing a c-secion was "don't take him to save my life", but then it hit me that if I died, we would both die so there was really no way for me to sacrifice my life for him at that point. It's amazing how as a parent you would be willing to give your life for your child, even one you haven't met yet. I don't think my reaction was unusual. The love most parents have for their children is very powerful and sacrificial. Children are a priceless gift from God!